Hi again!

If you've actually read this far, thank you. I think I'm warming up to the idea of having people peeking into my life every day like neighbors through a window.

I'm still pretty awkward though.

Well then, my pillars of morality, how fare thee? Seriously, feel free to let me know. I think I'm doing well today. Any thoughts of self-eradication have been successfully tucked away in the very back of my mind, and nothing seems like a glaring blight on my existence at the moment. It's a nice day.

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Well, as you can tell from the title, I thought I would talk a bit about motivation, or more accurately, my lack thereof. I guess I could be considered something of a gifted kid, but the title itself has never made much sense to me. Why am I gifted, because I grasp concepts at school a little better, because I can read books a little faster? That doesn't mean I'm a genius, or special because I see these people around me, who are so dedicated and vibrant and beautiful, and I wonder, am I the gifted one, or is it everyone around me who is special.

That aside, I was always considered a gifted kid. But gifted kids tend to burn out, especially once they get older and moody. I don't have any kind of motivation outside of not wanting to slip up. So I don't try anymore.

It's funny that academic success is a measure of whether someone's life is going well. I've found that when you do well in school, people tend not to ask if your life is going well. I've had friends joke about getting such low grades that they were told to stay after class to discuss their home lives, and each and every time it made me feel bitter. My life is something I can't complain about, I'm given so much, but in exchange I'm expected to do so much.

I wish I knew what to do.