If anyone reads this, just know, I am just like any of you.

Maybe not exactly, but comparable considering our shared biology and the fact that we all inhabit this planet. Point is, I know logically that I am a person too. But when I think about what makes me a person, what really ties me to this species, I'm at a loss.

I sound like I'm coming down with a horrible case of chuunibyou behavior.

So I don't know who's on the other side of this screen, if anyone is there, and I don't know what you're like, or who you really are. For all I know, you could be my teacher, my doctor, or maybe a prostitute living a few streets down. Regardless of who you are, I'd like you to know who I am.

Kind of.

So anonymity is something pretty big for me. I've always liked the feeling of being able to say anything, do anything, and not have to care about my image as I move through life. As I'm writing this, it's dawning on me that it probably has something to do with the carefully curated image I'm supposed to have according to my family. This is heavy stuff, let's leave that for later.

A few things about me: I'm in high school, a pretty decent student. I love to read, anything and everything so anyone reading this, feel free to drop some recommendations. I have a few other things I like to do, not that I'm any good at them. Oh, and obviously, as per the title, I am an older sister.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Now you may be asking, why did I describe myself as an older sister? Even if you weren't thinking that, great question! I call myself an older sister because firstly, I don't know how to define myself without it being in relation to someone else, and secondly, if I had to go down as something, it would be as an older sister to my little sister.

I am a daughter, and a granddaughter, and a friend, but out of all of these relationships, the one I think is the most sacred is the one I have with my younger sister. She's only three and half years younger than me, barely a teenager, and the biggest pain in my life. Sometimes, I genuinely cannot tell if I love her with every fiber of my meager existence, or if I loathe her so much I wish I disappeared to be free of her. But out of everyone, despite her terrible, terrifying personality, she is the only one I would die for.

Super long segway aside: I'm writing this as a form of betterment. I've lost all direction in my life, which sounds really cringe when I write it. I don't know where I'm headed. I want to die, but know I can't, because honestly, what's wrong with me anyways to even think about it? I'm an old soul, just waiting to fizzle out, in a young body. I'm not remarkable in any way. I'm not particularly pretty, nor am I some kind of genius. The one thing I'm known for is for being much more mature than my age calls for. I used to think having a reputation like that was cause for celebration. I guess you can hate your past self even more, because I certainly did when I realized that excessive maturity makes you an outcast, a pariah if you will. I feel like I'm in a state of limbo, caught between adulthood and childhood. I'm not a kid, but I'm not an adult. I don't fit in, so I kill myself trying, only for my pride to stop me before I can commit.

Maybe this is me looking for solace, in the eyes of strangers across electrical signals and bright screens and changes in time and setting and mood and every single stupid difference in all of our small pathetic lives.

I've challenged myself: Write something, anything, every day until you feel ready to let it all go. So every day (I'll try?) henceforth, I'll bare a bit of my soul out into the world, regardless of who sees it, or who doesn't see it. Maybe I'll go years and years without a single view, which is honestly likely because who wants to read a glorified journal?

To anyone who sees this, to you, my pillars of morality.

I hope that by the end of this, you can call me Human.