You there, sitting behind the computer screen reading this. You clicked on this page expecting a ritual, right? It's all in the title of course. Well, I've got an interesting one for you. A ritual that I myself created, and am willing to share with you. Now, imagine this. Babies within a room, screaming and crying at the top of their lungs. A busy subway train where nobody seems to know how to keep their damn mouths shut. Perhaps your apartment neighbor is too busy playing his loud, obnoxious music upstairs to realize that people like you need their beauty sleep.

Seeing a common trend here? The world is so full of noise these days that it seems like there's never a place on Earth where one can relax. But, what if there was?

What if there was a place you could retreat to any time you like, and escape from reality? Well, perhaps I could offer a solution to your problem. There are no catches or drawbacks, you'll be getting exactly what you desire, and if you follow my instructions, you should be relatively safe. Ready to try it? Well, here goes!

Firstly, you'll want to set up your preparations. You shouldn't need much to practice this ritual, and you can set it up with common household items. You'll want to make sure you have a decent pair of soundproof headphones, a rose, a blindfold (or any material that can cover your sight), and a bag of ice. Also, although not required, I recommend you bring some duct tape.

See? I told you that it didn't take much to perform this ritual. Now, it doesn't matter when or where you perform this ritual, but it is imperative that you go alone. If you go in groups, believe it or not, the trials will become harder and more dangerous for reasons which will become more obvious as you go on.

Now, in order to make this whole wacky ritual work, you're going to need to start performing it as soon as I read off the procedures. As soon as you have completely read the procedures, you have officially begun the ritual. That's right, this is where the first official instruction comes into play. By continuing to read past this point, you have agreed to continue on with this ritual, for as soon as you start reading the procedures, you are locked in for good.

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Warning: Do not skip reading the procedures and look at the paragraphs below them. If you do so, it is a sign to the higher powers that you do not wish to respect this sacred "art", if you will, and they will forever steal your five senses and leave you helpless. Yes, this ritual has dangers such as this if you do not follow my directions, and yes, being eternally robbed of your senses is as torturous as it sounds.

Procedures:

Cover the windows and lock the doors. You and the optional (although not recommended) group of people you are practicing this ritual with would rather not be disturbed after this ritual commences.

Find a bed or seat to lay or sit on. Make this place of rest comfortable, as your physical body will possibly be in that position for prolonged periods of time, and you wouldn't want to find yourself covered in aches and pains, now would you?

Set the items and materials collected before the ritual in a square formation around you. Now, think of the moments in your life which made you want to try this ritual in the first place. Perhaps a dinner date with a special someone was ruined because of a loud and obnoxious restaurant patron seated beside you. Maybe a small child crying in a movie theatre, ruining your experience for you. Whatever the case may be, try to ingrain that memory into your head. Picture the moment, and imagine the sounds, smells, and emotions within the memory.

After you have done this, try to recreate the way you felt in that moment. Perhaps you were sad, or maybe anxiety or aggravation overcame you and swept all sense of joy away. Finally, open your eyes and look around you. Cup the ice in on of your hands, place the duct tape over your mouth, place the headphones over your ears, place the blindfold over your eyes, and give the rose a whiff. It is important you do these steps in order, for that is the order in which the trials await you. With that, you will have finished the steps to begin the ritual.