Chapter 5: Riddles and Tricks
DM doubted he had very long to make preparations before his next challenge walked through the front door of his dungeon. He restructured the dungeon to accomplish two tasks. The first was to dissuade intruders from trying to penetrate his sanctuary in the boss chamber. The second was to physically block the more motivated adventurers who made it past the other distractions.
He shrunk his floor, floor 2, as much as possible. Basically, if you came down the stairs from floor 1 there was one door leading to the boss, and nothing else. This way, he could maximize the size and complexity of floor 1.
He narrowed all the hallways, added corners and forking paths throughout, and made the stairs to floor 2 difficult to spot. Then, he dismissed all of his current minions and replaced them with 12 LVL 1 jackalopes. They were provided very specific instructions for when and how to use their special ability on intruders.
“An alert!” DM was given his usual warning. Shortly thereafter, one LVL 4 human entered the dungeon. Sensing magic implied to DM the guy wasn’t anything special. “I wonder why just one person came in… Let’s invite him downstairs.”
Contrary to the original plan, DM did everything he could to guide the intruder to the stairs. When the intruder arrived at the bottom, he found the boss chamber door already open. A bit surprised by this, he walked into the final room.
“This place is strange!” he noted. “I’m glad I got here first! Hey there big fella!” The man drew his sword and approached DM, confident in his victory over a likely LVL 2 non-hostile Dungeon Master. As he swung his blade down, an appendage wrapped around his wrist, stopping the strike with overwhelming strength. “What the!?”
DM lifted the man into the air by his arm. His strength at LVL 3 actually exceeded the LVL 4 warrior by a few points, thanks to all the noshing on melee weapons. After a few more moments, the charm touch was successful and the man was lowered. “Why did you enter this dungeon?”
“The Guild’s putting together a buncha groups to challenge the dungeon soon. Said they’re gonna dispel the strange rumors and show this is just a normal dungeon, safe for beginner parties and all.”
“Okay, but why are you here?”
“I was curious. Figured there must be something special here to start those rumors to begin with, you know?”
“What types of groups will be coming here?”
“Should be like three or four beginner parties led by a guild employee.”
“Do you know who the guild employee will be?”
“Probably the busty one. She’s the one who’s always looking out for the beginners. Can’t imagine how many young men she ensnared into this profession, ya know?”
“I’ll take your word for it. What level is she?”
“I dunno. Can’t be too high.”
“Very well. Leave your sword here and go home.”
“Aye.”
DM was too lost in thought to notice the sword sizzling away on the floor right in front of him. The dungeon ended up absorbing that one.
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“Before we go in, let me double-check. Are you all ready? Group 1?”
“We’re ready.”
“Group 2?”
“Ready!”
Group 3?”
“Yes.”
Group 4?”
“H-Hang on a moment…”
“What is it, Group 4?”
“R-Ready! Was just retying my shoe!”
The assembled groups of fledgling adventurers laughed at him.
“I see… Anyway, this assembly represents the last of the beginner parties who haven’t conquered a dungeon yet. As new adventurers register in the coming weeks, we’ll need them to follow in your footsteps and conquer this dungeon. Let’s work together to defeat the Dungeon Master!”
Some attendees cheered while others looked like they’d rather be somewhere else.
“Let’s go!” Led by the Guild employee, they filed into the dungeon.
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“It got my staff!”
“Hey, that’s my wand!”
“Shit, my sword!”
“What is with these jackalopes?”
The Guild employee shouted to everyone in range. “Don’t panic! These LVL 1 monsters are weaker than you! Work together with those who still have their equipment to recover your own!”
As the group got impossibly split up in the web of confusing hallways, jackalopes were assaulting them from all directions, grabbing whatever equipment they could in their mouths and then escaping. The adventurers had yet to find any evidence of where the stolen equipment was ending up.
“Ma’am, we’re literally running out of weapons! What will we do when the whole group is unarmed!?”
“Grrr…” She hesitated to give the command. She knew that jackalopes occasionally steal a piece of gear from adventurers with their mug ability, but it was generally a rare and isolated event where recovering the equipment was easy. She wasn’t aware of cases where jackalopes mugged en mass like this, spiriting the gear away to a hidden location.
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Looking around, everyone was starting to panic. It was now or never. “Retreat! Be smart about it! If we’re careful, everyone will be fine! Go!”
The dungeon layout was pretty confusing, so it was no surprise that the retreat hit a few snags. “M-My breastplate!”
“What? How the hell did they get your—GAH!” One jackalope bit at the mechanism from behind the adventurer while another one yanked on the armor from the front. They managed to wrestle the armor free. By now, most adventurers had found their way to the exit, and the remaining few were desperately trying to get out themselves.
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“Muster over here! Everyone, join up for a headcount! Group 1!”
“All here!”
“Group 2!”
“All accounted for!”
“Group 3!”
“Missing some armor, but we’re all here…”
“Group 4!”
“We’re missing someone…” One of the adventurers had apparently collapsed, either in panic or exhaustion, and couldn’t make it to the exit.
“All right, who still has their weapons?”
Every adventurer present looked down in embarrassment.
“Really? Well, I won’t let some jackalopes stop me. I’m going in to rescue her. On my honor as an employee of the Guild, I’ll find her!” The Guild employee re-entered the dungeon alone.
The first thing she saw at the bottom of the stairs were 12 jackalopes all standing in a semi-circle, blocking her path. Her eyes widened at this uncharacteristic display of intelligence from such monsters. Then again, stealing their weapons and armor like that was nothing she’d seen before either.
The jackalopes suddenly changed their positioning to form two columns, as though they were inviting her into the dungeon. Now she was really creeped out.
“N-Nice jackalopes…” She cautiously continued into the dungeon. The jackalopes turned to face her as she walked but didn’t move from their current positions. Frankly, if all 12 surrounded her right now, she’d probably be in trouble.
As she traversed the corridors, searching for the missing adventurer, or perhaps a staircase down, she noticed the 12 jackalopes were all quietly following her. Low-level as they were, their glowing red eyes were currently nightmare-inducing. “Just what is going on here…?”
Although the jackalopes didn’t help guide her, she eventually found the stairs. Glad to be rid of that dreadful floor, she descended into a small room with only one door. “What a strange layout this is…”
The door had writing on it. Was it… a puzzle? Some type of challenge the adventurers would need to complete before they could proceed through the door to the boss chamber? She had heard of such setups in legendary dungeons in the past, but certainly not in a run-of-the-mill, everyday dungeon like this one. Perhaps her lost lamb was behind this door.
“Let’s see. It says… Find the area of a 4-13-15 triangle, rounded to the nearest hundredth. What?”
While she thought about what the heck the deal with that puzzle was, the door suddenly opened on its own. “I’m… being invited in?” She thought about running up the stairs, but decided to proceed. She would return to the Guild with all adventurers accounted for. “Maybe there really is some dark wizard here…”
As she entered the room, the Guild employee saw a 3-meter tall tentacle monster holding a mage’s arm with one of its appendages. She didn’t seem hurt, at least.
“I will speak on behalf of the Dungeon Master,” the hostage announced.
“Why would you do that? How would you do that? Anyway, I’m here to save you!”
The response was delayed. “…I’ve been charmed. I’m being forced to serve as his translator.”
“…What?”
After a pause, “…Just to be clear, he did not forcefully capture me. I failed to escape on my own accord.”
“I see…”
“…My words are now his.” The hostage cleared her throat. “…I don’t like it when you send adventurers into my dungeon to kill me.”
“Am I really speaking to the… tentacle monster?”
“…You are.”
“How is this possible? Tentacle monsters aren’t intelligent! Especially low-level ones!”
“…Did you solve that puzzle of mine on the door?”
“That? I could barely understand what it was asking!”
“…I would posit you are the less intelligent one.”
“What!?”
“…We will be here all day if you keep failing to put two and two together, you know.”
“What do you want me to do!?”
“…Like I said. I don’t like it when you send adventurers into my dungeon to kill me.” The hostage spoke again after a short pause, likely to receive the instructions for what to say. “…How would you like it if I sent creatures into your city to kill people?”
“No, please don’t do that! I understand, since you’re intelligent, you don’t want to be, uh, mistreated, but adventurers or heroes killing monsters has occurred since ancient times! If that’s how it’s always been, you can’t expect me to stop it by myself!”
“…I believe tentacle monsters have a reputation for what they do to captive women, right? Is that… how it’s always been? Am I… powerless to stop it right now?”
“How about this! Let her go and take me!”
“…It won’t work. Without her, I can’t communicate with you.”
“Then, is there anything else I can do, short of change everything in society?”
DM decided to go for the hard sell.
“…I don’t want to kill. But if you make me choose between killing or getting slaughtered repeatedly, I will choose to kill. And I will not stop until your city is empty.”
The woman fainted and collapsed to the floor.
“…That could have gone better.”
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As the waves of defeated rookie adventurers finished their return to the Guild, several staff raised questions about what sort of rescue party to send for their colleague and the one missing mage. They felt sorry for the mage but were kind of hoping the colleague would never come back. It seemed help would be delayed.
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The woman woke up in a simple bed. Looking around, she was still inside the boss chamber. The Dungeon Master was sitting with its apparent back leaning against a wall. One of its appendages was hooked around the ankle of the mage girl who was sleeping in a similar bed. The Dungeon Master stroked a cat with another appendage.
“I—I can’t believe there’s a bed inside a dungeon…” She looked at the tentacle monster as she said this, but he didn’t react in any particular way. “Are you still willing to talk?” In response, the Dungeon Master pointed at the sleeping girl with yet another tentacle. “Oh, right.” She guessed she’d have to wait until the girl woke up to play translator again.
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“I will speak in his voice again. Ahem. …It’s hard to negotiate when the other party faints at the drop of a hat.”
“Drop of a hat!? You threatened to exterminate the entire population of my city!”
“…I was just joking.”
“Joking!?” She looked around. “How is there a bed here?”
“…The dungeon allows for the addition of furniture, although normally there’s no need for it.”
“Really!? I had no idea about that.”
“…That gives me an idea.” The translator waited for instructions. “…How about I allow the Guild to study the dungeon mechanisms, and in exchange, this dungeon is exempt from attack?”
“Intriguing… Normally something like that wouldn’t be possible, but… As I understand, adventurers are not able to directly interface with the dungeon controls, but you can, right?”
“…Yes. I use that console to do almost everything.”
“If we could study the console, it could help adventurers everywhere… How would communication work, though? You don’t plan to keep that girl with you forever, right?”
“…This poor girl has suffered enough. …Once we come to terms, I just want her to go home. …I can use just about anyone as a mouthpiece, and it won’t hurt them.”
“Can I take her and return to the city? I’ll explain directly to the Guild Master that you’re willing to let us study the dungeon controls in exchange for your own safety.”
“…I’m not optimistic this will work but it’s worth a shot. …Here.” He removed an appendage from the mage and instructed her to travel with the other woman. “…I simply call myself DM. What is your name?”
“You can speak through her even after letting her go? How long will that last? Oh, I’m Olivia. The black mage is Emma, I believe.”
“…I can maintain this link and continue giving her instructions for 1-2 hours… It will wear off after that.”
“Wow, okay. I’ll bring her home and then get to work on what we discussed.”
“…Okay. I have one other request.”
“What is it?”
“…Let me see your hand for just a moment. I won’t charm or harm you.”
“My hand!?” Olivia looked at the girl who had already been in contact with the monster for a while. “Okay.” She stuck her hand out.
DM reached out with an appendage and gently pressed it against her hand for a few moments. It was a bit slimy but didn’t feel particularly gross. He pulled it away.
“…Thank you.”
“We’ll be going now.”
“…Follow the goblin.” Sure enough, a goblin entered the chamber and gestured for the two women to follow. That may have been the strangest part of all.