“In other news, minor flooding along the Arakawa River has been reported following an electrical failure in the Iwabuchi Watergate which has prevented its sluice gate from reopening after being shut due to fears of flooding along the much lower Sumida River. The electrical failure, believed to have been a result of Typhoon No.11, has caused the water level in some parts of the Arakawa to exceed the dangerous 7-metre mark…”
It was a rainy Wednesday afternoon, the radio spitting out the latest report of Typhoon No.11, the most recent and hopefully last typhoon in the winding down of Japan's typhoon season.
We were currently in the Jonpexi Electrical Manufacturing factory, Emiko and I. She had discovered an office-like room on the second storey of the building, fully insulated and protected from the rainfall outside. It was quite a large area, and in almost perfect condition compared to the rest of the factory, and that includes its active energy supply that was currently powering the radio and the charger for Emiko’s laptop.
It was likely that this part of the building stayed in use for a few months after the shutdown of the production lines, maybe to continue managing the stored inventory, or because they needed a department to deal with the closing. I suppose the reasons are irrelevant, as now this place will serve as our meetup and practice spot until the play is finished.
“However, with the worst of Typhoon No.11 now behind us, officials claim that the current rainfall is not sufficient enough for the Arakawa River level to surpass the 7.7-metre threshold, which is the maximum safe height for all flood defences along the river. As of now, repairs to the Iwabuchi Watergate are estimated to be completed by tomorrow morning, and it is expected that the flooding issues will be resolved by mid-afternoon that day.”
The room was half covered in white sheets when we first discovered it, with a bunch of random machines hidden under them. Emiko had moved all the machines to one of the tables by the windows, the same windows covered 3/4s of the walls, the only wall spared was the one with the door in it that connected to the factory.
It meant we had a nice view of the factory courtyard and the surrounding areas, but it also meant that we couldn’t turn on the lights as all it’d take is one report to the police and we’d lose this spot. We attempted to rectify the problem as best as we could by hanging up the sheets scattered around the room over the windows to block them out, but thin white sheets are nearly useless at keeping light in.
Thanks to that we were working in the near dark, the only light available coming in from the outside, either from the remaining natural sunlight, or the nearby street lights. It was… actually quite nice, at least it was better than huddling in Emiko’s bedroom with her noise-conscious parents; especially as the night crept in and they went to sleep.
It did mean that Emiko was becoming more sneaky by the day, but she seemed to be enjoying the freedom that came with having a space like this. And I wasn’t opposed to being able to practise in a private area with only us.
“And that’s all the news we have at this moment. We’ll be keeping you updated as further developments come in, and if you have any reports feel free to call us on this number…” The news anchor droned on as he ended tonight's report, the informative broadcast changing to music as we settled in for this wet afternoon.
Emiko sat under one of the tables with a sheet over it, using it like a makeshift tent as she typed away at her laptop. She’s been quite busy all afternoon, only stopping briefly to check on my progress. The whole thing reminded me of a classroom teacher handing out worksheets to complete and doing little else.
However, it had its benefits. She had chosen a few emotional scenes from her favourite movies for me to review on my own laptop, studying how they moved, the telling signs of distress in their eyes, the pitches of their voices, how they broke and rose as the scene fluctuated toward its climax.
A lot of what I was seeing I could directly relate to my time at Ha:Yami. The similarities were clear to see, but instead of relaxed and alluring movement, it was quick and clumsy, jittery as their hands shook and they turned away in shame or fear. There was no distress in Ha:Yami, but contentment, that spark of lust or satisfaction of power. And in the same manner, voices were not weighted down with stress, or sorrow, but held up in pride, with a trace of pleasure or a combination of authority and confidence.
In theory, all I’d have to do is hit a switch and reverse Seina, turning her from the confident, domineering, and perfect woman that she is, to the opposite. It should be easy, like playing a vinyl record backwards, and I can ignore the fact that doing that would destroy the grooves and make the record unplayable.
In other words, no, that isn’t possible. Seina isn’t someone that can be… edited, per se. She’s the embodiment of perfection, someone I am not nor could ever be. To change her would imply that there is something to be changed, and perfection cannot be improved, it's in the name.
Except… I am wrong.
Everything can change, even her, especially her.
I just have to try.
“How are you doing?” Emiko called out, her hazel eyes still on her laptop as she scrolled through pages unbothered by the multi-tasking.
And I will.
“Good.” I replied.
“Great,” She called out, readjusting her position and crawling out from under the table. “I’ve been looking into Hatsuko, I haven’t found much, but-”
“Why?” I cut her off, Hatsuko wasn’t really a topic I wanted to talk about, nor was she someone I wanted Emiko to investigate. In an ideal world, Emiko would forget all about her and that lie, and just focus on improving my acting.
“W-well, it's just that after that day,” She began, referring to Monday when I convinced her not to reveal Hatsuko’s lie until after the play, “I realised that I know nothing about her. She’s our manager, but other than the basic stuff online, she’s an enigma, kinda? Look-”
She stood up and practically ran over to me. I had to reposition myself and get off my stomach to sit up straight, all while still keeping the white sheet I had been using as a blanket wrapped around me.
This room might have been insulated, but that didn’t mean it was warm, mostly because the heating didn’t work; no surprise there.
“Hatsuko’s not famous enough to have tons written about her, but she pops up in a few trivia questions. As you probably know, she acted throughout her 20s, before becoming a talent manager at 29, from there her career was pretty standard up until 33, when she discovered Amii Kaiko, who was 15 at the time…”
That name again, Amii Kaiko was last generation’s superstar actress, she’s beautiful, pleasant, and her acting career is one of the top in Japan. If she stars in a movie, then that movie means something.
She’s 27 now and has consistently dominated Japan’s movie industry since she was 18, which coincidentally was when she parted ways with Hatsuko and struck out with a talent agency. That’s not to say Amii Kaiko’s debut years with Hatsuko weren’t impressive, she shook the creative industry to its core even as a teen, but it was only after she’d broken away from Hatsuko that she reached the height she holds today.
However, it's hard to attribute Amii Kaiko’s rise to leaving Hatsuko, as the more likely answer is that her becoming 18 opened up her career choices and expanded her horizons, something that would have happened with or without Hatsuko.
In other words, Hatsuko wasn’t holding Amii Kaiko back, it was her age.
The most obvious answer is probably the correct one, even if it is a little boring.
Yet what isn’t boring, is why Amii Kaiko suddenly decided to leave Hatsuko. That was the question I wanted answered, but if even the media was only able to speculate about the reason, then I’d only get an answer from the source.
This meant asking Hatsuko, and I doubted she’d tell me anything useful, assuming she even wanted to talk about it.
“We already know about her acting and the Amii Kaiko stuff, but if we go past that we can find a few interesting articles that claim she is ‘cursed’. I’m not saying she’s cursed, that’s stupid, but… well, there is no tender way of putting this… In the 10 years since Amii Kaiko left her management, she’s only debuted two other actresses who… died.”
Oh, so that’s why Hatsuko was called cursed by Isamu Nakahara’s father after he passed away from a drug overdose.
And… that’s why she almost agreed with him.
Because Isamu Nakahara brings the death total from two to three.
Guilt is a cruel emotion, even if a person wasn’t at fault, they’re likely to blame themselves. Always the same cries of, I could have done more, or if I had just done this, none of this would have happened. Completely forgetting that death is a constant in one’s life, preventing it once, does not mean it is prevented forever.
If you’re going to die, you will die. Nothing can stop that.
“They were accidents, a car crash and a… ermm… suicide. So I’m not claiming that Hatsuko is a murderer or anything crazy, it's just… really bad fucking luck.” She finished, her voice sombre and awkward.
“And a drug overdose.” I added.
“A drug overdose?” Emiko asked, lost.
“Isamu Nakahara died last week- drug overdose. But he had already left Hatsuko by that time, so maybe it doesn’t count.”
Silence.
Or shock?
Emiko just sat still, her head staring at the ground, the black strands of her fringe waving over her eyes.
“Nakahara is dead? She- she never told me. I barely knew him… but… she didn’t say a thing, why?” Emiko asked, only slightly shaken up over the death, but focused more on just why Hatsuko never told her. “How did you find out? Did she tell you?”
“Yes.” I replied, a tad softer than usual, understanding exactly where this was going.
More questions, more answers, yet not resulting in fewer questions, only more.
The difference between how Hatsuko treats us. Emiko left in the dark on everything, yet Hatsuko has always been more honest with me. She’s still a liar, I cannot deny that, but when I’ve asked about something, she’s told me, perhaps the reasons why she’s been upfront with me were dubious, but at least she told me.
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
No matter what I say, you’ll always do as you’re told.
That feeling still persists, that even if Hatsuko were cursed, evil, or a liar equal to the devil himself, I wouldn’t care.
But she hasn’t been, she bought me into her lie, showed me her home, the trick of her office, the masquerade of her car, the deception of my experience, and the charade of her reputation.
Hatsuko is a liar, but she’s the most truthful liar I’ve met.
“Why? She’s always kept me out of the loop, left me in the dark about everything. I found out from the Director that Nakahara left, and even everything about you came from him. I… tell me what else you know, all of it. I want to know who Hatsuko really is.” She asked, demanded, forced, perhaps this was the first time I’d seen Emiko be serious about something, to not take no for an answer.
So I didn’t give her a no, I gave her everything.
I told her about the clothes, the reinforcement to the lie of my experience. I briefed her on the trick in her front room, the false office and its greenscreen. She didn’t take that well, Hatsuko had used that trick directly on her, but Emiko recovered quickly, with more anger fueling her as she interrogated me further.
So I continued, I informed her about the car, the house, on the fire in her eyes as she told me the reason behind them all. And then I continued, I told Emiko about my collapse, about how Hatsuko showed me kindness, let me sleep in her bed while she took the crouch, ordered me food for when I recovered, yet didn’t complain as I rejected it. Offered her shower to me, gave me expensive clothes suited more for a runway than my degraded body, and even took me out in the middle of the night for dinner at a fancy restaurant to sate my hunger and selfish need for air.
And as I spoke, I watched her anger turn to confusion.
Yes, Hatsuko was a liar, but she had also shown me affection, and even I did not fully understand why.
I suppose I owe her, in a way. If she hadn’t picked me up off that street, I never would have been given this chance to act. Why she chose me, I do not know, but I am… in a way, glad she did.
“I don’t understand!” Emiko shouted, “She- she actually sounds like she was… nice to you? But I’ve just been treated like a background character by her all this time. Why… why does she care for you? Why does she lie for you? Why do you get everything, and I don’t? How is that fair, with all the work I’ve put into acting? With everything I’ve done? Why am I never given anything!” She finished, a tear threatening to roll down her cheek that she caught with the back of her hand and wiped it away.
I- Yes, how is that fair? It isn’t… I’m sorry, Emiko.
But I’ll crush anyone to become an actress, Seina will take that stage even if it is nothing but ashes once the performance is over.
I like you, Emiko, you’ve been kind to me, helpful. Yet I cannot allow you to resent me for having Hatsuko’s favour, I do not know why I have it, but so far it has been a boon.
So… Emiko, you must let go of this resentment, because I need you. To become an actress, I need you to teach me, and support Seina in her war against a goddess.
I’ve always been disgusting, ruined, tainted, and ugly. And I’ll remain that way if it allows Seina to thrive.
Lying means nothing to me, another weapon in the arsenal to ensure she crosses the finish line every time.
And it means even less to her.
“Emiko,” She began, lovely, refined, comforting and kind, “You’re the best teacher I could have asked for. You’re knowledgeable and amazing, and you’ve helped me so much. Pointed out my weaknesses, showed me examples of what to improve upon, taught me the behind-the-scenes of how a play functions, what acting styles there are, and so much more. Hatsuko might not recognise your talent, but I do. And you deserve a thousand times more than what she can give you.” Seina lied-
No, she didn’t lie. That was… the truth?
Of course, I almost forgot, Seina can’t lie, she’s perfect and a perfect person cannot lie.
But I can lie, yet if I were to say the exact same thing as Seina just did… it’d still be the truth.
“I- thank you, Seina.” She whispered, looking up from the ground and peering into my eyes, “That… that means a lot. You’re right, I- I don’t need her, she doesn’t deserve me. Once this play is over, I’ll find a new manager, I’m done with Hatsuko.” Emiko stated, the resentment towards me vanishing in an instant and being redirected towards Hatsuko just like that.
And all it took was the truth.
“That’s enough about Hatsuko, let's focus on your acting.” She began, standing up and stretching, her hands roaming over a stack of papers on the nearby table before picking out the one she needed.
“Alright.” I responded
“Oh,” She paused, quickly switching topics, “And next week can we go shopping? I want to furnish this place a bit. Get some blackout curtains, maybe some pillows, and a writing area? Oh, and a TV would be nice. We’d probably need satellite too, for the connection and stuff, but what do you think? I have a bit of money saved, so I can buy most of it.” She added, her eyes looking at me, hopeful that I'll agree to go shopping with her.
“I can pay.”
Ha:Yami had always been a high-paying job, and after four years working there I had gathered up enough money to be set for a long while, especially since I had no outstanding expenses. Honestly, I rarely spend money as it is, it just collects itself in my bank account. I have no need for luxuries, for quality items, or desires, and once my house was paid off in full, the little money I did spend went towards food, clothes and the few bills remaining.
Money was always a means to escape, the method of freedom. But once Seina died and shattered in pursuit of that freedom, it all became useless. And even now, in the few times that she comes alive within me; takes hold and graciously offers me purpose for a brief moment, there is still no reason to spend money.
People spend money on Seina, not the other way around.
“Are you sure?” She asked, to which I hummed my confirmation, “Alright then, so next Wednesday?”
“Okay.” I answered, prompting her to flash a smile.
“Thanks. Now, back to acting lessons, we’re going to be focusing on perfecting those scenes I had you watch. The first step for any actor is understanding how emotions look, and then the next step is embodying them, any questions, or are you ready?” Emiko continued with a bounce, another enjoyable explanation from her, she truly did have a passion for this.
“I’m ready.”
A second smile answered my words, but this one was mixed in with a challenge. She wanted to see how far I’d come, to see if I really had improved and where I now stood on the podium of acting.
“Great, stand up, we’ll go with scene one. A woman has found evidence of her husband cheating, and she’s confronted him as he’s come home.” She stood confidently in her stance, facing me as if this were a one-on-one fighting match.
The arena had been set up, I threw my makeshift blanket off and took my position before her, and in a split second, a click of a watch timer, or maybe the shift of a car’s gear.
A change happened.
It was an explosion, then a reversal as the bomb put itself back together again. There was no mirror here, nor did there ever need to be. Shattered remains scattered around, perfection leapt from the reflection, and embodied anger, and created betrayal, and became unyielding.
Seina slipped through the mirror within me, blanketing my body in her consuming presence, a black hole to my void, devour and devour until nothing remains, for nothing has ever remained; and nothing has always been me, but never her.
For she is everything.
The Seina of the Ha:Yami Club is a representation of a client's wants and needs and desires, but here? This Seina of acting? There is no client, no one to please, or be loved by.
But there is still purpose, purpose not tailored towards a person, but an idea. Become Seina, not to appease an individual, but to appease me.
Yes, do not just become Seina. That will not open the pathway towards acting, to do that, Seina must become someone else…
This is true perfection, a person so capable, so intelligent, so pure, and clean, and beautiful, and talented, that they can become anyone.
Is this ability matchable? Of course not, Seina is too large, uncontainable, if she were the raging typhoon outside then the whole planet would be plunged into water and storm, let the swirling tide rise up and swallow the earth.
I was Seina Kanemoto.
A long time ago, but now she is dead.
I am what remains, in the same way that Seina was once herself.
But now she is reborn, not dead, never dead, but new again as she takes upon a brand new face.
A brand new character.
She was Seina, now she is an actress.
And an actress is everything.
“You- you bastard, you fucked that woman, cheated on me! Scum, you don’t deserve to call yourself a man!” An actress screamed, not Seina, nor me, but a character ripped straight out of the pages of a drama script.
This was anger, uncontained and let loose. The husband has returned home, he believes his lie is safe, that the passion he has for another woman is still secret behind the veil of falsehoods.
What a fool, his actions sloppy, the woman’s tongue so vile in her insults that the man knows the evidence is irrefutable, yet that does not stop him from trying.
But it does stop her from listening, but not from caring… at least not so soon into the scene.
“I trusted you, I loved you! Why would you do this, throw it all away for another woman? Was I not good enough for you? Or were you always like this, cruel and thoughtless, unaware of what I feel, that I am a person too!” Seina was relentless in her act, her anger morphing into betrayal, for she had been wronged, and that cut deep into her skin, no knives were necessary as actions were effective all the same.
The husband was pushed back, untouched yet moved regardless. He felt guilty, and plastered the recognisable emotion across his face, but was it guilt over his actions, or over being caught?
It mattered not, for the final act was beginning, anger had been displayed, fiery and hot it burnt down the stage, engulfed the room in flames. Betrayal followed after, cold and consuming, it latched on and ripped the skin bare with its guilty thorns, transforming the heat into a frost that turned this habitable marriage into a wasteland of radiation.
Unyielding was the final to arrive, slow and steady it entered the ring, it did not buckle nor bend before the begging of the husband. No, it only hardened, further reinforced its resolve, inflexible and uncompromising.
The decision had been made, Seina, no, the actress- No… the wife; would leave the husband.
“We’re done, it's over. We’re getting a divorce. I don’t want to see you anymore, get out of this house. I do not know you.”
Cold, heartless, cruel, all words that apply to the husband, not the wife. She is innocent, completely and utterly, and the finality of the marriage has been declared, the proceedings may now begin without delay.
The black hole has consumed another.
Emiko clapped, her role as the husband coming to an end as she beamed a bright smile, “Well done, Seina. You managed to show emotion, and it was a lot better than I expected.” She congratulated, a cheerful pitch in her voice, yet also the understanding that this was only the beginning.
Creation in destruction, take hold of what you can become and rip it apart. Its emotions, its personality, its memories, dissect them all and reform them inside yourself.
“There are still some improvements that could be made, mainly around your body language. You had the words down well enough, so good memorisation, but you were a little off in conveying the emotions you were supposed to convey. However, it was the correct emotions, they simply lack a bit of depth. All fixable, and you’re proving to be a fast learner, still a long way to go before you can match Kaede Esumi, but you’re getting there.” Emiko continued, every bit the teacher Director Ttio made her out to be.
It matters not where the road leads, ride along it regardless of destination. The change is necessary, cast out what holds you back, what needs do you have of emotions, of love and hate, they’re all dust before the powers of an actor.
“Anyways, enough evaluations, are you ready for scene two?” She continued, a slight taunt wrapped around her words.
To become anyone in a single moment, to be free of the pains of your life. How can your past hurt you if you’re no longer yourself? Is that not true bliss? To become nothing is to become everything.
“Yeah, let’s go.” Seina replied, cheery and untroubled.
Has this not always been the sole purpose of her?
I am a void, because only a void has the potential to be greater than a person.
To be Seina.
To be greater than… everyone.