Jacob continued to wander the earth, his crushing chains dragging behind him. Dragging the chains and holding Daniel’s book was impossible, but Jacob found if he let go of the book it would hover in front of him, allowing him to read as he labored on his endless journey. As if it read his thoughts the pages would turn at Jacob’s will, even if he wanted to go back and read something he had already read.

It was very difficult to read with the exhaustion dragging at his eyes, eyes that when closed did not bring sleep. He started reading out loud so he could better focus on the words instead of his fatigue. On he traveled, pulling his chains and reading the words of the New Testament in the hope to gain a better understanding of ‘unknown things’.

It was an odd sensation for Jacob, to labor at an optional task with nothing tangible to gain from it. He knew he could read this book a thousand times a thousand times, and his torment would not be abated by it. Yet still, he read, pondering the meaning of the words. He read day in and day out, blindingly devouring the word of God without guidance as to what he was searching for.

He found the verses referencing eternal damnation and the punishments of the unrepentant to be especially harrowing. Even still; it seemed to Jacob that these verses did not do nearly enough to convince the reader how terrible damnation truly is. In contrast; the verses on salvation and eternal life were dull descriptions compared to what Jacob had witnessed on the bottom of the sea. The sailor’s joy had been indescribable. His peace insurmountable. Jacob longed for it as he longed for nothing else.

His chains grew heavy as he thought of the sailor and the peace he had found, bringing his eyes back to the words of Daniel’s book. Jacob thought of a specific scripture he had read, and the pages turned to that scripture. The location he had thought of was highlighted on the page and he read.

“But now when Timotheus came from you unto us, and brought us good tidings of your faith and charity, and that ye have good remembrance of us always, desiring greatly to see us, as we also to see you”

It may have been the reference of good tidings that had captured his attention, being a familiar greeting heralded within the season of Christmas. In life, he had used the season of Christmas as a means to coax people into borrowing money, often with higher interest rates. When they left his and Ebenezer’s office they would often shout such greetings. In the spirit of good business, Jacob would return the greeting, if only with his lips and fictitious smile. Ebenezer would ignore the greetings, or simply say “good afternoon”.

This verse of scripture weighed heavily on his mind. He had no memory of a time when he had a great desire to see … anyone, especially for the singular purpose of their company. Nor did he know what it was like to have that feeling mutually returned.

He found himself wondering about charity, and how it was related to faith as the scripture passage indicated. This made him think of other passages he had read that referenced charity, and as to their meaning as well. As he thought of the references, the book would open to those passages and highlight the scripture he had thought of. As he read he learned that charity was often associated with faith, yet he wanted to know more about the connection.

He had already read the entirety of the book several times when he began his research on the topic of charity, which was made easier through the mental connection he held with the book. He continued in this way for an unknown period of time, selecting topics he had read and finding keywords to latch onto and explore.

His reading was made especially difficult because of his burden. The fatigue was a distraction, the weight of his chains an endless struggle, and both tempting him to surrender himself to endless torment. Even though there was no respite through the reading, Jacob stubbornly continued to read the book. He could control nothing of his damnation, but at least he could control the reading of this book.

Through his reading, he found he could connect “charity” to the concept of “faith” in several scriptures, and he could connect faith to almost every holy concept referenced in the book. It seemed the simple concept of faith needed the most references in order to truly sink in. He found over two hundred references to faith in the new testament alone, and anything referenced that many times in a single book had to be important.

His study was interrupted often by his burden since he was not allowed to become too distracted from his torment by the book floating beside him. The balance of being able to study without enjoyment so his burden was satisfied, and studying to the point of retaining the information was difficult. However, the alternative was continual torment so Jacob elected to continue to study the book.

Jacob continued his research by dissecting the word of God, breaking it into primary and secondary importance based on focus and content. He connected faith to additional concepts, building a list of words and their definitions that he could reference at will. There was little of the book that he could not recite or find if pressed.

Then one-day Jacob stopped reading the book, feeling that he had learned all that he could from its pages. The moment he had that thought the book disappeared as quickly as a lamp is extinguished. Jacob did not know what to think of the book disappearing, but he had little time to think on its absence as he was instantly urged to travel to a location. Jacob could not resist the urge and found himself dragging his chains behind him as the land whipped passed, moving much faster than even a horse could travel. Jacob’s burden felt somehow compounded to make up for the momentum. It was not long before his urge to travel abated, and the land ceased to blur in his vision.

He found himself floating in the streets of a large city with heavy rain falling from the sky. At one point this had been a cobbled road, but over time the poor had taken many of the stone blocks for their fire pits and housing, leaving a patchy road with multiple mud pits and water puddles dotting its length. Against the wall of the closest building was a woman holding a baby in her arms, and two smaller children sitting at her side. The lip of the roof extended enough to stop the rain from falling on the family as they huddled together for warmth.

Jacob did not recognize the woman or her children, and he continued to look around trying to determine why he had been pulled to this location. The owner of the building came out of the main entrance and shouted at the woman to leave, not caring that they were only seeking shelter from the rain. The woman ignored the man, and it was only then that Jacob realized she was in distress. She looked to have been crying for some time, to the point that she had lost the will to even look up at the man shouting at her. She stared blankly at nothing.

Jacob came closer to the woman and it was only then that he realized the babe in her arms was dead. Its skin was ashen, its innocent face at peace, leaving the trials of this world to the rest of its family. The man continued to shout at the woman, unconscious or uncaring of the state of the babe or the woman’s struggle with grief.

The last time Jacob had been drawn to a location with a recent death he had seen a specter appear and cut the threads of life tying the deceased to this earth. Jacob found himself looking around for the dark specter, expecting it to arrive to cut the thread of life which tied this babe to the earth, yet he saw no sign of it.

The two younger children began to pull at their mother, dragging her from the irate man who had started to threaten bodily harm upon the family if they did not leave. Numbingly the woman walked, half dragged down the muddy street by her living children.

Jacob saw the expected chain briefly appear and attach itself to a small chain which appeared behind the shop owner as he spat in the dirt and walked into the building to sit beside a warm fire. His chain was short, not even as long as the length of the chain wrapped around Jacob’s person, let alone the yards and yards which stretched behind him.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Jacob was urged to follow the family down the street, and he found himself puzzling at the purpose behind it. He had always been urged to go to specific locations or people for a purpose, to either be reminded of his sins, and his torment, or taught a lesson in some way. He puzzled it out as he walked behind the family, pulling his chains behind him.

Hours passed as the family walked. It was clear the children were exhausted, the mother beyond her strength, stumbling as she clung to the child in her arms. Still, there was no heavenly messenger, no specter, nothing to show him why he was dragging his chains behind this poor family.

He soon forgot about trying to figure out why he was there, and instead, he found himself focusing on the family. One of the children was a boy around eight years of age, and the other was a girl of about ten. They were both far thinner than they should have been, with gaunt faces and sunken eyes. The mother was in a similar state, in addition to the sorrow of her grief. Jacob found himself drawing closer to the woman, studying her face as familiarity began to stir memories long forgotten.

Then Jacob gasped in horror as he realized whom he was looking upon. He did not recognize her from the other times he had seen her face when confronted with his sins because her malnutrition and poverty had altered her appearance. She was barely recognizable as the woman who had claimed to carry his child, the woman he had publicly shamed in order to rob credence of her claims, protecting his reputation.

He sobbed as his eyes turned to the little girl at her side, realizing that this must have been the child he had denounced, that he had abandoned to the streets to live in poverty. Jacob had more than enough money to provide for this girl and her family and to leave them in comfort after his death. In sorrow, he realized the only inheritance he had left his child was to watch her sibling die of starvation, and to see her mother following the same path.

Jacob collapsed in sobs as he could no longer look at their faces, no longer able to endure the death he saw slowly creeping over the family, death felt before it was even upon them.

“Why do you weep?” a small voice said to him.

Jacob looked up to see the family continuing down the street away from him, their journey on this globe not yet at an end. He looked around for the source of the quite voice he had heard but could see no one else on the abandoned street.

His attention turned back to the family, watching them walk away from him, the urge to follow them completely gone. Then the two living children seemed to duplicate before his eyes. One set of children continued walking with their mother, clutching her deceased child, the other set turned to face Jacob. Jacob had the distinct impression that the pair walking away from him with their mother were the real children, yet he did not know the purpose of the other two who had turned to face him.

Darkness closed in around the two children and Jacob, until the street and the family faded into nothing, leaving the three of them in a world of black. Despite the darkness, they could see each other clearly as if they were in a well-lit room.

“Why do you weep?” the girl asked again, looking up at him without fear or surprise at his appearance.

“I weep because I could have provided for you, I could have saved you from this fate, yet I did nothing. Worse, in fact, I created the situation that has befallen you by disparaging your mother’s reputation.”

“So, you weep for yourself?” the child asked.

“No, I weep for you.”

“It sounds as if you are weeping for yourself, for your deeds and mistakes, and for your absolution” the child responded plainly, lacking the angry emotions that should have accompanied such a statement.

Jacob did not know what to say, and he stared at her in silence for some time, pondering her words. Then he had a thought.

“Are you, or the girl that walked down the street, truly my child?” Jacob asked her.

“Does it matter?” Her brother asked, speaking for the first time since his appearance.

“Well, of course, it matters if she is my daughter-”

“If she is your daughter … then what? Will you be more powerfully grieved at yourself? Feel more sorrowful than before? Wish harder than ever that you could set things right?” the boy asked with the same natural tone of voice.

Again, Jacob did not know how to respond, and found himself in silence, pondering the boy’s words.

“You are grieved because of the assumption of kinship you believe we possess, but what of him?” The girl asked Jacob, pointing at the boy standing beside her. “You know for a surety that he is not your blood, yet you do not mourn over his shattered existence as you do mine.”

The boy smiled at Jacob, a genuine smile of the innocence of youth that tugged at Jacob’s wounded heart. In life he would have ignored such a lad, even scorned him for smiling at him, yet he saw things differently now, deeper somehow.

“Or him?” the girl asked as the boy’s image began to alter, changing to that of another child.

“Or her?” the boy said as the girl standing before him began to alter as well, shifting and changing to another girl.

This pattern continued until the words and images became a shifting blur with thousands of children’s faces shifting before his eyes. In time the images stopped shifting and returned to the boy and girl.

“Are you saying my anguish over your struggles in life is disproportionate because of our relation?” Jacob asked.

“… Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons” the boy responded with a pitying smile on his face.

Jacob felt the sting of his own words, words spoken to Jared on the first anniversary of his death about the sailor. He recognized the irony immediately and knew he deserved the reprimand.

He felt that he was beginning to understand what the children were trying to say to him. He knew now that his sorrow had been for himself. His grief, his torment, his laments, and his howling had all been for himself. He had believed he was reaching out to those he had wronged when in reality he was extending his own sorrows to them. Even his apologies had been for himself, apologizing for the wrongs he had committed because those wrongs were a burden to him.

He had done the same thing when he realized the little girl was most likely his child, decrying his crimes against her. Yet what of the boy? The boy had no relation to him, but he was suffering the same trials as his sister. Why were Jacob’s laments for her … not shared with her brother? What of all the children’s faces seen flashing before his eyes?

Between the lessons of these children and the scriptures he had studied, Jacob finally gained an understanding of some small things. He understood that all mankind mattered, that all mankind was connected, and that the welfare of any soul was welfare unto God.

Jacob smiled as a verse came to his lips, a verse he said with renewed understanding.

“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

The boy and the girl both altered their appearances until Daniel and Andrew were standing before Jacob, smiling at him. Daniel held his book in his hand again.

“Jacob, what have you learned in the past year?” Daniel asked.

The standard amazement that a year had transpired within his torment still came to Jacob, yet he quickly asserted himself and responded.

“I read the New Testament in its entirety several times, and learned much of the concepts the book holds …”

“You sound as if something else is on your mind,” Andrew said.

“Even with all of that studying and reading, I feel as if I learned more in the last few minutes talking to the two of you than I have the entire rest of the year” Jacob explained.

“I do see that you have an understanding of some things, an understanding that you lacked from the last time we met. This is a great start, yet there is much we wish to teach you still” Daniel said enthusiastically.

“I am eager to learn,” Jacob said and was surprised that he meant it.

He did wish to learn, and not just to read and study on his own. He wished to form a greater understanding of all things and to stop holding himself back with his own self-loathing.

“Tell me what you have learned from your study of the Fulfilled Testament?” Daniel said as his book floated into the air in front of Jacob as it had before.

Jacob proceeded to tell the twins what he had studied, of how he had discovered concepts such as faith, hope, charity, benevolence, and love, and had categorized them into topics based on their strength and meaning. As he spoke the book would flip from one location to another, highlighting the scripture Jacob was thinking of.

When he was finished Andrew spoke. “What have you learned from the children you met this night?”

Jacob struggled with his answer, feeling emotion in his voice as he spoke.

“I have learned … that when I see those I have wronged … I am sorrowful towards myself. My tears are for my own suffering, and I have yet to look past my punishment to see their suffering.”

There was a tear on Andrew’s face when he responded.

“Very good Jacob. There is more you need to learn … but it pleases me greatly to hear what you have learned about your fellow man. Daniel, I think he is ready.”

“Perhaps, but I would counsel that his understanding of the word is limited. He has studied the book as he would run a business, weighing and calculating worth based on his perception of content and merit” Daniel replied gravely.

“I see what you mean, perhaps he is not quite ready then” Andrew replied, heading the counsel of his brother.

“Ready for what?” Jacob asked.

Andrew and Daniel looked at him for some time, weighing and calculating the response. Andrew was the one who spoke, being the senior of the two.

“Judgement.”

Daniel smiled at his brother as if he had said something clever, and the two of them vanished. The darkness around Jacob receded until he was standing in the familiar church, the same church in which he had been confronted with those whom he had wronged in life. The minister of the church had his back toward Jacob and was placing hymnals on the pews.