“Are you sure people won’t chase us down there?”

Jake was excited about the dungeon, but as the adrenaline from their chase wore off, nervousness overtook him. Going into a dungeon under-leveled was a bad idea, and even more so if you were likely to be attacked at any time by unfriendly humans.

“They will,” said Emily. That wasn’t reassuring at all, but then again, she never made any effort at making him comfortable. “However, up here, everyone will be attacking us, and more Guards can be called quickly. Down there, the monsters are neutral, and the Dungeon Masters will provide saferooms where we will be hidden. Even if we are discovered, it will take time for reinforcements to arrive.”

“Except every single diver down there will want the reward for himself,” said Clawdia. “Soon it will be the entire dungeon against us.”

“So you’re saying we should make a different plan?” asked Jake.

“No, this is our best choice. We should go down as quickly as we can, to get past the crowds, and then hole up in a dungeon suite during the day when most people are traversing the dungeon.”

“We can make it, Master,” said Ayla encouragingly. “With your leadership we are strong, and we’ll only get stronger while fighting. The dungeon is our best chance to level up without being hurt too badly, and when we’re at the dungeon suites we can raise our Connection Rating.”

“Phoebe, what level did you say this dungeon was?”

“The monsters at the first floor are level 5, but they go up to level 25 at the lower levels.”

They’d just had to run from a single level 13 enemy, and in dungeons enemies often clumped together… not to mention that there would be bosses on the lower floors. Some of them guarded treasures, others guarded the entrances to the floor below, while others roamed the floor, catching unsuspecting adventurers off guard.

Dungeons were meant to be the hardest part of the game, and here they were using them as an escape.

If this were a videogame, most people would throw down their controller and go complain online about the broken difficulty curve.

Hell, that was kind of what Jake had done with his real life. He’d thrown down his controller, done the bare minimum to keep from being homeless, and retreated into FTO where everything was fair.

Except now he was in FTO, or a real-life version of it, and it wasn’t fair.

Then again, he had four beautiful women around him, two of which he could have wild sex with whenever he wanted, so screw fair. He’d take an unfair world with these companions over a dull, bland equality.

Assuming they didn’t die, of course.

They could very easily die.

He wanted to talk to Todd, let him know all these crazy things that were happening. Get his advice. Besides, he wanted to tell his friend why he’d been gone for so long. He didn’t give a shit about a two week’s notice at the gas station, but he felt bad about leaving Todd hanging outside the bathroom door. Alas, that would all have to wait until they scrounged up enough money to charge the teleportation stone again… surely it wouldn’t actually require taking over an empire.

They finally reached the dungeon. He had Emily use Stealth and sneak inside, and when she found that it was only the Dungeon Master in the lobby, they all joined her and she unstealthed.

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“Greetings, travelers,” he said. He looked like a human mixed with a naked mole rat. His skin was pale, a near-translucent pink, and had strange folds like he’d recently lost a large amount of fat. His teeth were misshapen, his body was thin and frail, and he wore an oversized black robe as if to hide all of that.

FTO lore said they grew to thousands of years old and had access to powerful but inexplicable magics that only worked underground.

Jake tried to look at the Dungeon Master as if the thing was a normal person.

It was hard.

Especially when he saw the Dungeon Master’s eyes flick to a poster on the wall.

It had their faces on it.

He jumped to Emily’s head.

I thought you said it was clear.

** The Dungeon Masters are as neutral as they can afford to be. They won’t turn us in. They won’t even mention our presence.

They put up the poster.

** I said they were as neutral as they can afford to be, not that they were neutral.

He jumped back to his own head.

“Are you ready to converse?” asked the Dungeon Master.

What?

“He can tell when you head-jump,” whispered Ayla.

Ah. Inexplicable magics.

“No, and he can’t tell by the absence of thought like I can. He notices that you’re silent and your eyes have a vacant look.”

That made sense.

“I’m ready to converse,” said Jake.

“Excellent. The entrance fee for this dungeon is fifty copper. You may buy anonymous rooms in the floors below, and you may trade with our merchants. I would like to remind you than any attacks on players will result in harsh penalties — all your gold and items will be confiscated by us upon exiting the dungeons. There are only two exceptions. The first is if you are attacked first. You may retaliate against that Master and their allies. The second is if you are wanted by the kingdom in which the dungeon resides. If these exceptions are not met, a player-killer tag will be applied, showing others that you are fair game and marking you for punishment from the Dungeon Masters.”

The Dungeon Master’s eyes flicked to the Wanted poster again, and Jake nodded. “Understood. Clawdia, the entrance fee?”

She brought out the money purse — why was he letting the only one he couldn’t control have their money purse, again? — and paid fifty coppers. “We have fourty-five left,” she reported.

“Thank you,” said the Dungeon Master. His eyes rested briefly flicked on Clawdia’s neck, which was bare and uncollared, before returning to business.

Everyone noticed.

“Cover that up,” whispered Emily. She handed Clawdia a collar.

Clawdia scowled, but put it on while shooting a don’t-even-come-close stare at Jake. He shrugged.

The dungeon master coughed, then handed Jake a map, which covered down to floor 5 in detail… then had the label ‘6 - 20’ followed by a big question mark and a couple of blank pages. “The Dungeon is yours. Stay as you long as you like.”

They started to head towards the entrance, but the Dungeon Master stopped them. “One more thing,” he said. “That poster was placed a few hours ago, so only a few adventurers have seen it. That will not stay true for long. Dive as deep as you dare.”