Kalie Rana

Although my mind was still floating in the darkness and miasma of unconsciousness, I felt myself slowly being pulled back to reality by the sound of an argument.

“Mother! You cannot be serious! How in the world could she have had her awakening? She’s only seen eight winters for Leona’s sake.” The man’s voice was almost familiar, and for some reason just hearing it was enough to spark a little pain in my chest.

“There is no doubt in my mind that this is the correct course of action. The girl was able to manipulate her mana while in the grips of extreme pain. And, she unconsciously communicated with the spirits of the fjord. She is ready, despite your reticence, she has the potential for greatness beyond our fathoming. She could truly be the first in four hundred years to hold even a candle to the first Petrel. The second coming of Roar of the Tide.” My eyes, like the rest of my body, were paralyzed but I recognized the voice of my grandmother. “The world beyond Cerith is not friendly to the kind of woman that she is destined to be. If you allow me to train her to become as great as I know she can be, then she may just be ready for it.”

“Becoming a majin is more dangerous than anything else! You should know this better than anyone else.”

“Do you wish for her to die then?”

“Of course not! I just…” The man’s vigor faded with every word.

“Are you afraid of what she’ll become?”

“She’s my daughter for Leona’s sake!”

Oh, now the heartache makes sense. It’s Kalie’s father. How is it that the first thought that comes to mind hearing that isn’t oh, he’s a king. No, rather, the first thing that came to mind was my own father.

“The only thing that I’m afraid of is losing her. More importantly, I’m afraid of her future!” He sounded so different from my own father.

Maybe this time around will be a little different. That being said, I’ve been here for two weeks already and this is the first time he came to visit me.

“Who will take her if it becomes common knowledge that she’s a majin? She’ll be shunned by every noble house on the mainland!”

“Then let me teach her how to protect herself. Powerful or not, taught or not, she is a majin.”

A majin? What in the world is a majin? Is that whatever the Petrel is? Does that mean I’m magic?

“She has had her awakening—the tear in my temple is there to prove it—and that alone is enough for that bastard emperor on the mainland. If she doesn’t become the next Petrel, then Cerith’s days are numbered.”

“But you’re still here Mother. There’s still time, the next Petrel will reveal themselves soon, I’m sure of it. Then, they’ll carry on their protection of the isles. There’s no need for her to be revealed as a majin.”

“The next Petrel has revealed herself you fool! She’s laying there pretending to be asleep as we speak!”

“Pretending?”

Oh great, she knows.

“Kalie?” Kalie’s father’s voice was a lot meeker now that he was talking to my sleeping form, an odd fact considering the woman he was arguing with was some sort of magic god. While I was conscious, it seemed that my body wasn’t quite there, and waking up became a three step process. However, the king was taken aback as I finally was sitting up in my bed. Rather than a regal looking man, I was instead faced with a man in shambles. There was nothing about the thin, meek man in front of me that said “king” and yet, I knew better. It was easy to see where Kalie got some of her good looks from, as the king held most of the same features as this body did. The only difference was that his swollen and red eyes were the same deep brown as my own from my past life.

However that was where the similarities ended in the family, because his stooped figure stood in direct opposition to his mother, the Petrel. The woman shared even less physical similarities to either of us, but somehow, I felt that just by looking at her that I had seen a ghost. But, the ghost was more my own than of anyone else.

The light streaming in through my window illuminated her fully, and in its illumination, I recognized the thin papery form that her skin had taken. While obviously strong, and beautiful, I felt like I could imagine running my fingers through her. While she shared most of the same sepia brown skin tone as both I and the king did, it was clear that age, or illness had sapped most of the life from her, leaving her more familiar than I really imagined was possible. Whether this was another world, another universe, or only another life, looking at this woman clearly for the first time, showed me nothing much more than a mirror of myself. My old self. The same semi-cleft chin sat partially deflated on her face, beneath her slightly downturned lips. But, worst of all, was her deep, sunken dark brown eyes.

Callous. Sullen. Calculating.

My own. Once again.

“I’m glad you are awake. How do you feel?” And yet, the moment that she spoke, her eyes changed in a flash, ruining the entire illusion.

“I’m alright. Thank you for saving me from that monster.”

“The fact that you survived your fall and the leviathan was nothing more than your own doing.”

“You’re saying that I was the one who defeated that monster?”

“Now, now Little Bird, I never said that, did I?” Finally moving from her statuesque position, the Petrel crossed into the shadow of my bedside. She placed a pallid hand on my cheek, but where I expected the cool clamminess of age, I was instead met with heat and vigor. “I said that your survival was your own doing. Driving off a leviathan takes a trained hand. And, if you’re willing, I think that I can give you that sort of training.”

“Mother.” While I was pretending to be asleep the king was quick to argue back with the Petrel, but now that I was awake, it was like he was worried to even raise his voice. “Our discussion isn’t over yet. Do not fill her ears with false promises.”

“There are no lies in my words. Only decisions made with her in mind. Kalie, I believe you are the person in question, and you heard both of our arguments, did you not? What say you?”

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“I—”

“Mother she—”

“Silence.” While the word was spoken as nothing more than a simple, quiet command. The power it held boomed in my chest. Yielding to her power, the room fell silent. The air itself seemed to stop. “Allow the girl to speak.” I looked to the king whose eyes were quickly averted.

“I don’t quite understand everything that you spoke about, but I do remember one thing. Will I really die if I don’t learn from you?” I asked.

“You may, or you may not. I will not lie to you, there is peril regardless of which you choose. Your mana sickness is far from normal, and the outcome is far from any sort certainty.”

“If I chose not to, is there any way that I will be able to shake this sickness?”

“I will teach you a technique that may work, yes. But, if I am right, then you will be haunted by this mana sickness for the rest of your life if you chose not to be trained. Then again, you may still face this particular demon until the end of your days.” Again, I glanced at the king as the Petrel spoke. This time however, he did not hide away from my eyes. Instead, he finally allowed me to see the tears in his own.

“If you learn from her, if you do become a majin, then the dangers that you will be put in could be worse than any sickness.” The King’s words were tear soaked but heartfelt. It was then, as he spoke, that I realized where I had heard his voice once before. The night when I had first awoken, he was there with the Petrel, looking over me. He had been crying then as well.

Tears come easy to a man whose heart is on his sleeve. Not exactly the best feature for a King, but an admirable quality of a father.

“How Father? I’m sorry if the question is silly, but I’ve felt so terrible these last few weeks that I can’t possibly see beyond them.”

“The world is not a safe place, Little Bird. But it is much harder for a majin than for others. While the power we few receive is ordained by Leona above, it is not something that those unblessed will willing abide.” The Petrel’s warm hand fell from my cheek, resting lifelessly at her side. “But your father is correct, right now, there will be pain and suffering regardless of your choice. As a noble woman, or as a majin, you will forever be pulled toward your own doom.”

“How is that fair? What am I to do? Just let this whole rotten world fall in on me then?” The pain of my old life came around once again to rear its ugliest head. I had lived a life full of disappointment capped off with a death excruciatingly long, and alone. Only to be reborn. A thief in a princess’s body, hurdling toward the same fate. Maybe, the true problem is me. My soul is cursed, tainted to ruin whatever life it touches. What was it that Ashreal said this mana sickness was like? Like a jar becoming over filled? Then I am the water that has no right to inhabit this jar. This fate is the result of my sheer inability to fit isn’t it?

“You can. Many have in fact. It’s human nature to wallow in the filth that we assume we deserve. Like a beast of burden, you willingly take the lashes that are given, if you yourself to believe that you deserve them. Do we not? You would not be the first, nor would you be the last to allow life to trample over them so thoroughly if you decided not to move from that spot.”

“Then I’ll do nothing. If there’s nothing that’ll help, then why bother. If fighting will do nothing, then why bother to fight. If all that I can expect is pain, why should I be the one to put myself through any more.” As I spoke, the king approached my bedside. Across from the Petrel, he was lit by the stark white light streaming through the window. It did nothing to hide his tears, and did even less to hide the wrinkles of worry along his brow. “I’ve had enough of this pain Father. I’ve had enough of this life.”

“Enough!” Regal and commanding, far removed from the image he had been projecting less than a moment prior, the King’s word was final and resolute. “Never again will you speak like that, in my presence nor any other!” I anticipated a slap as he raised his hand, wincing and preparing for the waves of pain it would no doubt cause. But rather than more pain, I was enveloped in warmth. With great care and finesse, he had crawled onto my bed beside me, and wrapped my small body in his arms. “You will not speak like that again. You will never think like that again. Promise me.”

“I…”

“Promise me Kalie. For your mother’s sake, promise me.”

My mother’s?

“I… will then.”

“Never again. Say it!”

“I promise. Never again. For Mother.” While I didn’t know Kalie’s mother, I knew my own. And as I thought of the harsh old woman that she had become, I still felt embarrassed. While we agreed on few things, the one thing that we always agreed on was that giving up was not an option. No matter how hard life pressed us down.

Despite my honest promise, the king didn’t move from our embrace for longer than I would’ve expected.

In spite of everything else, he was still a Father. And a good man.

Finally, he broke away, and the moment after ensuring I didn’t crumble to dust under the pressure of his love, he looked to the Petrel. “I cannot agree that having her train as a majin will be the best thing for her. I know too well what she faces if she goes down that path. The divergence is stark; if she becomes a majin, then the world of nobility will become out of reach. With that, her future, and the future of Cerith will be in jeopardy.”

Calm and serene, the Petrel met the king’s subdued passion. “Then we are at an impasse, because there is no way that I will silently allow for her to shrug off the destiny I see so clearly for her now. As a majin she will become the greatest protector that Cerith has ever seen, of that I am sure. Diplomacy with the mainland may be strained, but with the absolute power that I’m sure she will wield then that will be another weight on the scales in our favor.” As she finished speaking, both the Petrel and the king bore down on me. Their eyes a crushing weight all too familiar in its intensity. After a deafening silence, I finally came to my decision.

“What about both? Is there really no way that I cannot be both? A lady and a majin? A leader without abandoning a portion of myself?”

“I’ve said this before, if you choose to become a majin, then you will not be accepted within the high society of the mainland. Tensions are already high enough considering the nature of how the Great Petrel is seen.” The king’s demeanor had shifted so readily through the conversation, that he finally was speaking before me the way he spoke with his mother.

“I think there has been a misunderstanding here that maybe Grandmother would be willing to clear up for me. But, I’m fairly certain that at this point, there is no choice in the matter, I am a majin, am I not?” I asked, turning to the Petrel.

“You are, yes. At this point, you’ve had both your awakening, as well as your first communion with spirits. To an experienced Majin’s eye, it is simple to see that you are one of us. And, all a mundane would need do is use a Crystal of Devotion, and they’d know it in a moment.”

Communion with spirits? When the hell did that happen exactly? I feel like that should’ve been something that would’ve stood out more, wouldn’t it?

“Then, the way I see it, the only thing left to decide is whether or not I am to become a majin who is in control of her power, or not. The decision of whether or not I’m to be a majin was made by fate it seems.”

“It would seem that way, yes.” The king was quick to agree, thankfully, despite his emotional transparency, he was not completely ruled by them.

“However, it seems that fate has decided that I am to be an ambassador of Cerith as well, is that not correct? A princess is nothing if not a diplomat.”

“You would be correct.” This time, it was the Petrel’s turn to acquiesce to my logic.

“Then, if given no other choice but to sit and allow the world to fall in on me, or take the impossible challenge of being both lady and majin, I guess, at the very least, I will meet fate’s challenge head on.” Neither the king nor the Petrel seemed particularly happy but neither of them were willing to argue with me. Why would they afterall, they both were getting what they wanted. The king, a daughter who will serve his kingdom, and one who has the ability to keep herself safe. And the Petrel, a possible heir, as well as a student.

While the two of them may be happy to settle with this lot for my life. I’m sure that there will be plenty of reasons for me to strive for something better. But, in the meantime, I think that Kalie would be happy with this outcome. At least, I hope she will be.