I awake feeling refreshed, but also trapped. Why do my legs feel so heavy? I look down at my legs and see that there are two cats laying on me.
One across my thighs, which caused the heavy feeling, and the other was snuggled on my chest, almost right underneath my chin. I am not normally able to sleep when I feel confined or trapped, so I am rather impressed with this whole situation.
"Stop moving" says Anubis. Stretching out my legs had jostled him a bit. "Want to sleep more. So warm." he starts needing the blankets.
"Hey, be careful with your claws or you will no longer be allowed to sleep in here." I say.
His paws move up and down on the blanket and I see that he has retracted his claws. “Good kitty”.
I reach out both of my hands and the kitties rub against them. What a nice morning. I had heard that animals can have a soothing effect and in my experience this is so.
"Okay both of you go on out. I'm gonna get cleaned up before I make breakfast." I tell them.
They were very compliant and left the room. Such good kitties. I walk into the bathroom and wonder if I want to take a shower or a bath.
I think about a hot shower and standing under the water, but my body feels like moving, I guess a shower will have to wait. I feel a little embarrassed to have kicked them out after deciding that I wasn’t going to bathe yet.
Instead, I put on some exercise clothes, throw my hair up into a ponytail and get ready to work up a good appetite. I didn't expect that the cats would want to wait until I am done exercising to eat so I make sure that I feed them before I do any exercise.
"Okay". I say to myself. "Start with a run then do some stretches and a few dance routines?" I ask myself.
"Yes self, that seems good." I say and laugh.
I take out my music player, thankful I had one besides my phone, slip the headphones over my ears and make my way outside. "You can join me if you wish Noah."
I make it to the door and realize that I don't know my way around the outside. "Okay, let's just do two laps around the cabin."
I used to be able to run a lot more, but my body wasn't in the best condition at the moment. I start easy and up the speed just a little. I end up doing an extra lap, just walking it to let my heart slow a bit and give me a chance to catch my breath. I push down the frustration at being so winded, but I want to keep going until I collapse.
When I get back inside, I chug down some water a little too fast. "Gah, brain freeze, stomach cramp!"
I press my tongue hard against the roof of my mouth and grab my stomach. This used to be something that I would complain about but now it's refreshing. "Woo okay, now to stretch and dance.”
I walk into the dance studio and begin to stretch out. Touch my toes, stretch my legs side to side, loosen my hips, roll my neck around, do a backbend, and then a slow back walk over.
"Okay then, let's dance. Noah if you are in here watch close so that you can be my dance partner, eh?"
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I plug my music player into the sound system, grin and turn it on nice and loud. "Okay here we go!" I smile and close my eyes and do a quick spin with my arms out.
I’m surprised as I lose myself in the music, particularly after yesterday, but it all fades away. I danced: for the broken child that I was, for the person I had been becoming, the wreck of a person that I was now, and the woman I hoped to be.
I didn't have a set that I was dancing to, I just let my music go on shuffle and challenged myself to dance to whatever came on next. It was pure bliss.
I lose the feelings of not being good enough or being scared and alone. Dance never asked me to be something I wasn't or someone I wasn't. It was just a time and way that I could feel free.
My home life sucked, school wasn't great, and friendships ended up being empty. Growing up I didn't even really think about dating as I never knew how long we would end up living somewhere. Dance never abandoned me, turned its back on me. It was my escape, my sanctuary.
"Hi sweety, what are you doing in here?" Momma asks me, with Daddy standing right next to her.
"I am a ballerina!" I tell them proudly. I had a couple of my skirts put on, one on top of the other, to try to make a poofy skirt. "Want to see me dance?" I asked them excitedly.
"We would love to watch you dance sweetie. Just wait one moment." Daddy says, and runs off somewhere. While he is gone Momma walks over to me.
"While Daddy is gone, want me to put your hair up like a ballerina?"
"Yes!" I say, bouncing on the balls of my feet.
Ballerinas were so pretty and I wanted to be just as pretty. Momma has me sit on the bed facing the wall so she could do my hair. She grabs all of my wavy hair and pulls it up into a bun on the top of my head.
Not long after Momma finishes Daddy enters the room with a CD and a tape recorder. He walks over and puts the CD in and hits play. It was music from the nutcracker! Momma loves that movie and plays it a lot in the winter.
"Let's see how pretty you can dance!" says Daddy as he starts recording.
I spin, and hop and try to do the moves that I saw them do on the movie I had just watched.
"Our little girl is so talented." says Momma. "Do you want to take some dance classes?"
"Yes!"
"It sure is a good thing they signed me up for a lot of different dance types. I really hate ballet." I say, and give a good natured laugh.
A few times in my life I almost became jaded towards it because of everything that my parents demanded of me, and the way they looked at me. It was hard. But even when I wanted to be angry when the music started that was all it took. It took me away from my thoughts, my feelings... My everything.
All too soon the music stops, and my body gives out. "Ugh I wanted to dance longer but I guess that this is where I must stop for today. Well, nothing for it.”
I slowly get back onto my feet and make my way into the kitchen. "At least I worked up an appetite. That's always a good feeling."
I whip up some eggs and bacon and end up feeding a good portion of the bacon to the cats. I didn't mind sharing. I knew I was going to have a bit of trouble keeping food down after exercising so much.
After eating I stay sitting for a little bit and just let my mind wander. I wonder what it would be like to be a ghost. Is it lonely? Do you feel cold? Do you get tired? After pondering for a little while I go back into the library and snuggle into the nook.
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Noah follows along with Aurora's day as best he could. He can’t remember the last time someone had asked him to run.
He wasn't able to run much when he was alive as he was too weak from all of his medical conditions. It's a little hard to run when you are attached to an IV, and that frustrated him.
He had always enjoyed having his character's run around in games when the game allowed it. He could now do his best to join and that thought got his ghostly heart beating with excitement.
It felt easy to run along with Aurora. Noah thought to himself that it was probably because he didn't have a body and he laughed at that thought.
He saw that Aurora was pushing herself and became a little worried. He didn’t know what happened, but he was familiar enough with rehabilitation to tell that she had recently needed some. All he could do though is stay by her and hope she could somewhat feel his presence.
When she went into the dance studio, he worried a little more, last time had not ended so well. Maybe she would be a little better today? He hoped so.
When Aurora spoke to Noah and asked him to watch and learn so that he could dance with her he felt a familiar heat in his cheeks. That shouldn't be possible as he didn't have cheeks or even blood for that matter.
Even though he felt embarrassed he did watch her dance. He watched very closely indeed. He had no idea how to join, but he wanted to learn. He wanted to dance with her, to join in as she looked so beautiful and to be part of that would be wonderful.
When she stopped dancing, he felt disappointed. If he had been able to, he would have gone on ThouTube to look up partner dances.
But alas he was unable to do more than pick up a pen to leave notes. And even that took a lot of energy. He thought about all of this while she ate and mentally rehearsed the dance moves he remembered.
When Aurora went to read, he sat as well and thought about things. He remembered the books that she was reading and all of the emotions that he had felt while reading them. Being able to be there for someone, to help them heal emotionally. And to fall in love… Oh there is that heat again, how very strange.
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