FADE IN:

INT. COUCH CAFE - DAY

We see a cafe, one couch in the middle of it, a love seat on either side. Several other couches lining the walls. Sitting on these love seats and couch are two men and two women. Their names are GREG, ROBERT, CHANTELLE, ANNE.

ALL

laughing

A third man walks towards the couch. Carrying a clipboard it's RALPH. Wearing his usual apron.

RALPH

What can I get for you guys today?

All

Cappuccino

RALPH

I Don't know why I bother to ask.

(Laugh track)

ROBERT

Why do you bother?

(Laugh track)

RALPH

I don't know

(Laugh track)

GREG

Could it be cause you've got the hots for Chantelle?

CHANTELLE

Oh he does not.

Ralph puts his head down as if studying his notepad and walks away.

ANNE

He's so into you.

CHANTELLE

Well he can keep dreaming. I'm saving myself for [upcoming celebrity cameo]

ROBERT

As if [upcoming celebrity cameo] would ever come in here. And even if he did. He wouldn't even notice you. Probably dating a whole line of super models.

GREG

Do you think all those models would come here with him? I bet I could sneak away with one or two without him noticing.

(Laugh track)

JOSH comes in through the cafe door and jump onto the arm of the couch.

JOSH (YELLING OVER HIS SHOULDER)

Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

Grab another cappuccino for me Ralph

JOSH

You guys will never believe what I saw.

GREG

You're shadow. (DRAMATICALLY) Why won't you let this winter end?

(Laugh track)

ANNE

A UFO come to take you back to whatever planet you came from?

(Laugh track)

CHANTELLE

A mirror? Sorry we didn't warn you.

(Raising a finger to her brow to mimic Joshes uni-brow.)

(Laugh track)

JOSH

Very funny guys. But this is serious. I was walking by Frank's coffee cart.

RALPH (O.S)

Hey

JOSH

I wasn't ordering anything. Just walking by.

ROBERT

Frank doesn't even have cappuccinos. I asked him once. And he gave me a face like this.

(Making a face like that.)

(Laugh track)

JOSH

So I was walking by, And it exploded.

ANNE

Well good for Frank. He works hard.

(Laugh track)

JOSH

Not in popularity. Like it actually exploded. There one second gone the next. I don't know what happened. It was just poof. Gone in a ball of smoke.

ROBERT

I use to go there with Jenny.

ANNE

Do you still speak to her at all?

ROBERT

Not since that time when we were all suppose to go to my mom's funeral. But I had to run to the office first. So you guys all rode up together. And I got stuck in the elevator. So I was really late, and didn't get there until after they lowered the casket. And you were all about to leave. And Jenny was so mad. She said "I told you a million times. If you're late for one more date were done. I can't keep doing this." And I told her.

ALL

It's not a date. It's a funeral!

(Laugh track)

RALPH walks towards the couch and love seats carrying six cappuccinos. He beings passing them out.

ROBERT

Whose the extra one for?

GREG

Could it be, you were hoping to join us?

CHANTELLE

Oh he does not want to sit with us.

RALPH (STAMMERING)

Oh...I...um... must have miscounted.

RALPH walks away. Head down as if he's studying his notepad.

ANNE

He so wanted to sit with us.

RALPH walks back to the group carrying a receipt. He hands it to ROBERT as he taps GREG on the shoulder.

RALPH

Isn't that Claire over there at the bus stop.

GREG

Claire? Anyone got any change?

ANNE

Are you ever going to talk to this girl. Or just keep riding the same buses as her?

GREG

I'll talk to her. I just need to find an opening first.

JOSH

How about. "Hi, I'm not actually going anywhere I just keep getting on the bus whenever I see you getting on. Maybe next time we can split a cab instead?"

(Laugh track)

CHANTELLE

Well you gotta say something before she ends up getting a car.

ROBERT

Or worse. A bike.

(Laugh track)

Everybody reaches into their pockets and empties the contents into GREG'S cupped hands.

GREG

Thanks guy.

GREG jumps off the couch and runs out the front door of the cafe. Only one step out the doorway. still holding the door open. A piano falls from above. Crushing GREG. All that can be seen is a shattered piano and a growing pool of blood seeping out from underneath it.

CHANTELLE

Damn. Another funeral and I'm still single.

(Laugh track)

CHANTELLE

Ralph, would you like to come to Greg's funeral as my guest.

RALPH (EXCITED)

It's a date.

ROBERT, JOSH, CHANTELLE, ANNE

It's not a date. It's a funeral!

(Laugh track)

FADE OUT: