In a small office on the 25th floor on the Central Codes and Conducts works a very overworked Planto who helps with the editing of integration manuals used for all-starships, multi-species outpost and is so highly regarded that it has become the standard of even civilian enterprises. But one day, this would change all that was known about dealing with a new race called humans.
“Stop! Do not publish the next report Stop!” rushing into my office of manuals and standards. This Draxion stood dripping with sweat. A common reaction of Draxions is the fear reaction of this semi-aquatic species. “Do not post the next edition on humans integration manual, Director Mau.”
Mau: Please, Chum, we must update humans at least ten times per standard year. It can wait till the next update. Nothing they do seems to startle me anymore. Furthermore, the fleets expect this to be out with the routine update.
Chum: This is not an update, but the manual is entirely in the wrong direction. We will update forever and never get it right.
Mau: We all know that humans have caused an uprise by adding new rules and new info, but eventually, we will finish.
Chum: No, you do not understand; it is not like other species; it will never be done. They already have tripled the rules than any other species.
Mau: Yes, I know that something changes every time we classify part of the humans. If we make a rule, they break it. There are even reports that some humans purposely violate what we know for the “Just Because.” We have put together a section to start dealing with this phenomenon.
Chum: It is worthless to do this. I have been analyzing all the data and with what the humans are sharing.
Mau: Yes, I have seen the data. They were very open about what they needed physically, and they were very hardy and were open to sharing a lot about their DNA.
Chum: Yes, that is where I started, but I realized something after cross-referencing several accounts. Do you know why they can not be teleported?
Mau: The why? No, I am not a xenobiologist. They suffer and die when it happens.
Chum: Yes, it kills only them. But not immediately but very soon afterward.
Mau: We know this. Why am I now listening and smelling you in my office?
Chum: It is in their package there-
Mau: We know, so there is quirk!
Chum: They are 43% human cells in a human!
Mau: What…
Chum: So when teleported in purifies. IT-
Mau: Yes, I went to primary school. I know that it keeps viruses and bacteria from being teleported.
Chum: That is what the rest of the human is made of.
Mau: Ok, I can see why this needed to be added. This explains why humans avoid particular purification processes. Good Job. I will delay the report. At the same time, we add this information to their biology section.
Chum: You are not getting it. That is where I started. It gets even worse for us defining humans.
Mau: Ok, walk me through this; what can be more shocking than finding out that humans are not even the majority of themselves.
Chum: IT is SO much!!
Mau: Hold on a moment, take a seat. Let me get you a drink.
Mau had got up and got some water for his very frantic subordinate. As he handed the cup, he could see that the stress was cracking Chum. Then noticed that his flight instincts had started to rise. Mau sat down on the desk, taking out a small cracker to consume. These crackers were known to have the salt needed to help relieve his stress.
Mau: Ok, tell me what else is going on.
Chum: Milk
Mau: Milk, the stuff that mammals make. What about it?
Chum: We have under food requirements section 4.b that milk should not be given to humans.
Mau: Ok, many species start with milk then no longer consume them after a weaning period.
Chum: Yes, but the milk is many of their foods. Milk is turned into something called cheese, yogurt, ice cream, and a plethora of more foods plus each of these items comes in a variety of different types.
Mau: So they can consume it. We have an error.
Chum: Yes and no
Mau: Explain
Chum: Some can not consume it at all, and some have no problem, and there is a range in between. The initial entry was based on one human that I have found out is lactose intolerant. Also, it is defined by what animal or plant it comes from.
Mau felt the muscles around eye stocks start to strain. Chum began to look green, not just green but a rarely explained yellow-green.
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Mau: Are you okay?
Chum: I will make it, but I need to explain why it is all wrong.
Mau: You have made your point, and I am delaying the update.
Chum: I can continue; I need to continue.
Mau: Ok, Go on.
Chum: As many newborns do take milk from mothers. Except for a percentage that can not consume it. Also, a portion of the mothers cannot make milk or have enough nutritional value. That is not the most significant portion of where milk comes from.
Mau: I do not understand.
Chum: It comes from other animals.
Mau: Wait, they drink other animals’ milk.
Chum: Yes, and also from plants and some wholly engineered.
Mau: Ok, I understand the engineered milk, but plants do not have milk.
Chum: You are correct on the plants, but it is a lie they all agree upon. Well, at least many humans accept that it is a lie.
Mau: So they accept their deception.
Chum: Yes and No again.
Mau: What?
Chum: That is what I am talking about; there is no consensus on anything.
Mau started eating more of his crackers. Unknown to Mau, he had already gone past the recommended amount of sodium. He stood up and walked over to the window where he stood, looking out to the passing transports below. His mind turned over and over. He was letting out a loud sigh then heading back to his seat.
Mau: Give me a moment…
Chum: It gets worse, but we will stick with milk for now and see the issue from there. It alone sent several of my cohorts into taking time off from work.
Mau: Okay, continue.
Chum: There seem to be arguments on plant-based milk, but that appears to be based on feeling vs. science. Although it is minor, there have been cases of fights breaking out on both sides, believing the other is wrong or hurting another. It is pretty complex. Also, the milk comes in several treatment options. Whole, Raw, low fat, some fat, flavored, and many more. It is just how diverse and complicated a straightforward concept is.
Mau: So… Milk is a varied subject.
Chum: Not just milk. To show you how complicated humans are, milk is mainly used to make cheese—most of the time, a cured milk that mixes cultivated bacteria.
Mau: That does not seem so bad.
Chum: Ok, how many types of cheese do you think there are?
Mau: With their diversity, which seems extraordinarily high, I guess 100 types.
Chum: Try closer to 2000 types
Mau: What… ok, that is a bit extreme.
Chum: Oh, and cheese is not done with the defined parameters. Also, many humans will not accept some defined cheeses as cheeses.
Mau: So humans have to work on their definition of what is what.
Chum: Not really as a big enough portion agree, but it gets more complicated once you ask for details. Also, factors in regions, religion, and personal beliefs affect this.
Mau: So cheese even alludes to their grasp. It must be a new technology. I personally never have heard of it.
Chum: Wrong, it is one of their oldest achievements.
Mau felt the pain grow in his eye stalks and was losing his balance. Through his blurry vision, he stared at Chum; as he stared, he noticed Chum had seemed to sway.
Chum: Also, many humans can eat cheese can not drink milk or only certain ones.
Mau: Ok, food and biology are weird, but we can not pin them down; we need to help them.
Chum: No, you are not getting it. Have you ever wondered why humans act irrationally at times? We found an unusual statement through a series of interviews; they all have a version of a saying “Rules are meant to be broken.”
Mau: So they just like to be defiant.
Chum: No, it is more than that. While that is the standard translation but also has two other significant variations. One is to bend the rules, and the different directions are meant to be followed. Also, several minor variations, but they all agree that they are all right.
Mau: So they all agree that they are all right but disagree with what it is.
Chum: Yes, you are seeing it.
Mau: Where is the team that did these interviews.
Chum: Well, most of them have taken medical leave, and their governments have detained a few due to mental instability.
Mau: Humans typically cause issues but are excellent in their fields. Why are we not getting reports of humans causing madness?
Chum: I think it is because the human trait to bond with others helps crews adapt. Also, no humans en masse have worked in the fleets, always in small groups or individuals.
Mau closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. This was supposed to be to classify the humans to smooth out relations. As he opened his eyes slowly, he saw Chum slumped over. Quickly Mau called for medical and security to come quickly.
Once the medical team had left his office with Chum going in a medical pod, he walked over to the window. Staring out to the mass transit below, he just let his head rest on the transparent wall. Closing his eyes, he breathed.
Mau: What should we do… What shall we do…
At this very moment, his mind swirled, thinking about what to do. This was hard for this mid-level editor stuck in this office. He did never had such a task. To define the undefinable, to classify a species that seemed to be indefinable. This poor creature thought about going to the roof for a moment as he decided to take the spiral ramp up to the top floor. As he trudged and groaned, his head hurt more in more as he reached the top level.
He opens the hatch and walks towards the edge. Just gazing out 75 levels above the ground level, he tore up. The air felt so good. He never wanted to leave. Then a thought that would change the galaxy as he would know it formed in his mind. For a brief moment, so much clarity to his mind just hit him. He laughed a full laugh that hurt from his toes to his fingers. He began to run back to his office. He was almost knocking over another worker. He said he was sorry. The office worker asked where the danger was, seeming quite scared.
Mau: Ah Ha, see you get it!
Worker: Get what! What is attacking?
Mau: Exactly, that is it!
Worker: Have you gone mad. Did you get affected by something?
Mau: Yes, No, Maybe
Worker: How can it be-
Mau: Shhhh, I need to work!
Then he continued back down the hallway, almost sliding past his office. He rushed to his desk. He was deleting all the updates about humans. Then made the last Update to humans that have ever been made to the Human Section of the Galaxy Xeno Integration Manual.
Update:
Humans, if you work with humans, they are not one species. Each Human is its species. Treat each one as its own. They think of themselves as their species, but it is now concluded that everyone should be treated in the work environment like their own species. Just like two species can be similar but different, that is what humans are to themselves. So before employment, talk to said humans to see if this species of one is best for your tasks. Do not use a standard matrix; just post the job with requirements and talk to the humans that come forward. Each one is their own ecology, nation, and species.
This technique has created one of the largest booms for the galaxy as the method was no longer just based on scores. Whole enterprises started to apply to every sapient species and brought on a golden age of prosperity of individuality while advancing the who galactic community.
We studied this point in our history when our ability to see humans and ourselves as something more came from one mid-level editor who glimpsed in a single moment who they were and not who their species was. To apply it to humans then to all. Mau went on to create great works of understanding of the individual and was awarded the highest of marks. In his twilight years, he traveled to earth and was the first non-human to write a guide to all the cheeses of humans. His monument in the Xeno Integration Building states, “I AM.”