Electric 2.3: Gods and Kings
Genesis
[-28:07:15]
There are two types of museums: the ones filled with dangerous lies spoken into the world by Yveltal and presented as fact, and the ones that actually present facts. The true ones are wonderful! This one has a bunch of pictures of the power plant under construction and a room with a really overly complicated steam-powered device that rings a bell.
The museum says that the Blush Mountain Geothermal Plant is the largest of its kind in the country and third largest in the world. There’s a giant hole in the ground and very hot air comes out and turns water into steam. That spins a rod which… produces electricity somehow. You really tried to understand that part but half the words didn’t make sense. Doesn’t matter. This place makes most of Alola’s energy. It’s weird to think that when you turn a light on steam comes up in Blush Mountain and spins a wheel and then sends electricity down a wire on the ocean floor to another island where it goes into the room and makes... How did lightbulbs work? Internet time! Okay, the internet says that it makes some metal so hot that it starts glowing. Like a metal candle. Ugh. Such a better name. Metal candles and horseless carriages.
Annoying that you had to come alone. Sure, Cuicatl can’t read signs so she might not have liked it. But it’s all renewable power and save the earth and everything so Allana would think it’s cool. She’s not talking to you and you aren’t sure you’d want her here anyways. She did hit you a few days ago. Hard. Just for your beliefs. Honestly, she’s lucky that it stopped hurting by the time you got back to civilization.
It doesn’t matter. Really. Yveltal makes sure that the true believers will be persecuted. If you’re getting attacked, you’re doing something right. Not that it feels good. And then Cuicatl pretty much took his side! Even though he attacked you. Ooh, measured from the seafloor to peak Mt. Hokulani is the tallest mountain on earth. Wait if all of Ula’Ula spreads out from Hokulani does that mean that the entire thing is a mountain? Even the flat parts? Are all of the islands actually mountains? And why is Lanakila the one capped in snow year-round if its shorter? Internet time. Oh. It’s already noon. Lunch time.
Then dedenne hunting.
Here’s hoping that Cuicatl’s in a good mood.
*
“Hello, Genesis.” You start and glance at Cuicatl. She’s awake and sitting awkwardly on her bed, half-crouching with Coco leaning on her side and Pixie lying beneath her back so that she can’t move. “You’re back early.”
“Yeah. I, um, wanted to see if you wanted to get lunch? And then maybe we could go dedenne hunting together.” Allana isn’t present. Where is she? You shouldn’t ask that. Not when you’re trying to get Cuicatl to like you for a few hours.
She twitches her leg and Pix moves to the side. Coco starts slipping and her trainer barely catches her in time. After pushing the dinosaur upright Cuicatl slips over the side of the bed and stands up. “Sure. Let me just…” Her hand slips to her belt and Coco disappears in a flash of red. A sheepish grin creeps onto Cuicatl’s face. “I don’t trust her table manners.”
*
The shrill cry of a kricketune sounds off beside you. Cuicatl wipes the sweat off of her brow and brings her phone to her ear. You can hear a woman’s voice come through for almost a minute. Despite the call she never asks you to stop and you keep on going closer to the grassland. Closer to dedenne.
There are three pokémon out to help you find one. Coco keeps bolting ahead, thumping her tail on the ground to tell her trainer to catch up, realizing that it won’t happen, running back to you, and then running ahead again. Right now she’s running back for the fourth time. Pixie and Inferno (better name TBD) keep pace with you, Pixie by Cuicatl’s side and Inferno by yours. The foxes have good dog noses and Cuicatl says that tyrunt’s are even better.
Cuicatl lowers the phone and tucks it into her pocket. “Who was it?” you ask.
“Miss Bell.”
Miss… Bell… Hmm. You’re not the best with names but. Wait. You remember her. “The VStar person?”
She nods. “Yes.” Coco rushes off again. “She gave me Pixie.” The fox perks up at the mention of her name but keeps quiet. Right. You vaguely remember that. It got buried in the memories of your first meeting. In fairness a lot of stuff came up and you were very nervous. “What do you think about VStar?” Cuicatl asks you.
“Um.” To be honest you haven’t thought much about them. “It’s cool that they let people like you” and Allana “go on journeys. And give pokémon to people who want one. Like you and Pixie.”
“Hmm.” Her face stays even and her voice is neutral. You still get the impression she disagrees. “We get three hundred dollars for a dedenne. They sell for $1500. VStar gets most of the money. None of the danger.”
“Yeah, well, that’s just how companies work. They need to make a profit so they can exist and pay us at all.”
For a second a flash of… something flashes across her face. Anger? Disappointment? It’s gone in less than a second. “My father was a merchant. Traded with the States. He gave money to the schools. The library. The doctors. When business was bad he’d keep giving. Sometimes wasn’t enough food in the house but he helped everyone else. That was his duty. Your merchants aren’t like that.”
That’s insane. Actually insane. People look out for themselves because no one else will. Like life vests on planes. “So he starved himself to buy a few books?”
Cuicatl gently shakes his head. “I don’t think he ever starved,” she says softly. “Or my brother. I took care of them. That was my duty.”
Your eyes narrow automatically. “So he starved his daughter to make himself look good to everyone else?” Inferno yips beside you. He’s stopped moving, planted his butt down, and is staring at you with wide eyes. Why? Is he scared? …how loud were you just then? A glance at Cuicatl shows that she’s lowered her head. There’s hair over her face but you’re pretty sure you can see a scowl.
“Let’s talk about something else,” she says. Her voice is still quiet. It somehow feels violent. Threatening. Like the tiny blind girl is going to murder you with words. You’re not good with people. At all. But you’re pretty sure that if you keep pressing her she’ll hate you for trying to help her. Like Allana. Then you’d have no one to talk to. Except maybe Exodus.
You know that if you say anything you might say something wrong, so you don’t say anything at all.
*
“Well, we’ve made it to the tall grass,” you announce. The plain stretches out in front of you with brown and yellow grasses covering a rugged plain bounded by cliffs on both sides. More grass stretches out below the cliff. Something like, oh, what’s the word… terraces? The things they use for farming in South America? Sounds right. Cuicatl reaches for her pokéball and withdraws Tyrunt. “Uh, weren’t you going to use her to find dedenne?”
She shakes her head as she curls the leash up.. “I was. But she’s never smelled one. And she’d probably scare them away.” As soon as the leash is in her pack and the pack is back on her back she nods with a look of quiet determination. “Hike on.”
Sometimes you can hear stuff rustle around you. Inferno or Pixie lets out a growl once or twice. Never bark to signal that an dedenne’s close. The grass rubs against your arms and it’s starting to get really irritating. Cuicatl’s wearing her poncho and a long skirt and you’re envious. And she gets to trail behind you after you press all the grass out of the way.
“Water break,” she calls. That’s rare. She almost never calls for a break. You stop in acknowledgment and glance back at her as she slowly lowers herself to the ground and sits criss-cross applesauce. She still keeps a hand tightly gripping her dinosaur’s tether. Pixie just curls up beside her.
You slowly lower yourself and pull out a water bottle. Looks like you could be here a while. She doesn’t drink. “You read about primarina?” she asks.
Primarina? The water starters. You’ve definitely heard of them. Seen a few. Can’t say you’ve read that much about them. You shake your head and then catch yourself. “Not really.”
“I thought about getting one,” she says. “They like to sing. Live in groups called ‘choirs.’ I thought it would be fun to sing with a pokémon.” She reaches out and rubs a finger over Pix’s ear. “Didn’t. Glad I didn’t.”
That would’ve been cute. And would’ve meant that Sir Bubbles could have a friend in the pools at night. But this way she has a guide fox so things worked out the way they were supposed to. But why does she want to talk about the seals?
She presses on as if to answer your question. “Now, there’s something else interesting. Every choir has one girl and a lot of guys. The primarina’s the girl. When she dies or leaves a brionne evolves.”
“So then there’s a male primarina?” That is kind of weird. They look very feminine. Wait. She said that every choir has a female primarina. How does that…
“No. The brionne becomes a girl when it evolves. Organs change and everything.”
“You’re joking.” She has to be. That’s impossible. How would it even work?
Cuicatl just shrugs. “Look it up if you want.” On the internet. Full of lies. “Bunch of other ‘mons do it. Basculin, axlawful…” You can see a faint smile form under her hair. “You watched Jurassic Park, right?”
“Sort of. I was asleep where a lot of it.”
She waves her hand through the air. “Your loss. Anyway. In the movie they put poliwag DNA in the tyrantrum. Let it change sex and lay eggs. Because, y’know, poliwag can do that if they want.”
They can what. You reach down and let Sir Bubbles out. He looks up curiously and—oh thank goodness you can’t see eggs. Still a he. Cuicatl goes on, “There was a zoo with a psychic working there. Had him ask some delibird what their sex was because they’d need surgery to tell. Found out that the delibird themselves didn’t know. Just kind of guessed.” That’s an obvious lie. Way too ridiculous to be true. “Then there’s the Aztec gods. We have four big gods. One takes whatever form he wants. Male, female, pokémon, human—doesn’t matter.”
“Well, they aren’t even real,” you insist. Lies from Yveltal. Myths to lead her people astray. Drive them to murder.
You just earn a slow head shake in response. “They don’t care if you believe in them.” Of course they don’t. They aren’t real. That’s incredibly selfish, too. She gets to go to Aztec Heaven but doesn’t want anyone else to go with her. “You think Xerneas created everything right?”
“Yeah…” Yveltal made evil. You don’t think he actually made anything real though. No. Evil is real. Ugh. Doesn’t matter. You know what it means.
“Then if Xerneas made primarina and axlawful and poliwag and delibird, why’d He give humans the tools to do it and then tell them not to? Can’t be wrong or He wouldn’t have done it for pokémon.”
“That’s…” Wrong. Right? “People aren’t animals. Pokémon. Whatever. We aren’t supposed to… do a lot of things that pokémon do. Even if we can.”
“Yeah, yeah.” For a second you can see her bite her lip. “Although there is some Galarian who thinks humans should drink their piss like desert pokémon do.” You regret eating lunch before having this conversation. Has she really… “I’m not convinced,” she says. Your worst fears dissolve. Well. Not your literal worst fears. Figurative worst fears. She sighs and uncrosses her legs. “Just think on it, okay?
“Okay.” You can do that much. Will do that much. If nothing else you have to find an unbiased source to figure out if she’s lying or not. Which she is. Probably. Not that it would matter if she wasn’t. She’s still wrong morally.
Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.
“Want to catch some dedenne?”
Ugh. You really don’t want to go back to walking through the grass. “Do you think our pokémon will get the scent soon?”
“Probably already have. Just don’t know what it is.” She grins and glances away. “My fault. Tried to find one in the city. Ran out of time.” Huh. Well, not as if you were trying to find an dedenne. Honestly you were basking in the joys of indoor plumbing and air conditioning as long as you could before it was time to go back on the trail. “But,” she dramatically flips a finger up and raises her voice, “I do have an idea.” Cuicatl brings the finger back down and unlocks her phone before holding it out to you. “Go to the videos. I have thunderstorm sounds saved.”
“Why?” You still do as she asks, flicking into her stored videos. There are a surprising amount. Just from the blurry thumbnails of random objects you’re pretty sure that she took them. “And what are you filming so much?”
“One: dedenne love thunderstorms. Maybe it’ll draw one out.” She pauses and purses her lips. “Or a togedemaru. Or elekid. Or golem. Electabuzz if we’re super unlucky.” Cuicatl starts petting Pixie like she isn’t about to throw herself and the fox into danger. “Two: I like having voices recorded. In case, um,” the darkness slips back onto her face and she turns away from you, “in case something happens.”
You don’t know exactly what happened in her past. From what you’ve heard about Anahuac you don’t even want to imagine. Something bad. Whatever it was. “Hey,” you nudge her shoulder, “you want a hug?”
“Yeah, sure.” You lean in and wrap your arms around her and she gently leans her shoulder into you. Wait, how long should you hold a hug? If it was just a greeting hug you definitely would have let go by now. But this is a ‘friend feels sad and I do not trust myself to say un-sad things’ hug. Clearly longer. Is this good? She isn’t leaning out. Okay. So. Still doing this. She’s using the travel shampoo you recommended. Well, the same one you use. Saving space and all. You like it. Of course you do. It’s yours. Uhhhhhhhh. She leans away and places her arms behind her. Smiling. Faintly but it still counts. Good job! “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” You stop yourself there before you can ruin it. In the distance a bird starts chirping. You have no idea what kind it is.
Cuicatl turns to her ice fox. “Tell me if anything gets close? Flick my ankle if it’s a dedenne, hiss for other stuff.” He huffs in response and slowly gets up on all fours to stare intently into the grass. Cuicatl reaches into her skirt’s pocket (it has pockets!) and pulls out a bag of seeds and nuts. She scatters them into the wind before sitting down. Then she turns to you and tilts her head. “Play whenever.”
“I, uh, this is safe, right?”
She shrugs. That really helps your nerves. “We’ve got Inferno for geodude, Count Cloudy and Sir Bubbles for togedemaru, Pix for dedenne and elekid.” Ah. So she’s assigning everything but the tiny mouse and the actual baby to you. In fairness both of the bigger pokémon have a type advantage against her. And Pixie has all kinds of tricks for the capture. Okay, fine. it’s fair enough. And she doesn’t sound concerned. But—
“Why Sir Bubbles? He’s a water type.” However brave and strong he is he won’t like dodging lightning.
“’cause Count Cloudy will be using ember in dry grass. I want the whole thing watered down.”
That makes a lot of sense. The Count’s embers are still tiny in comparison to Sir Bubbles’ bubbles so it should work out. You steel yourself and let the thunder roll.
*
The thunder keeps rolling. At some point the sun came out from behind the clouds and you really want to curl up and take a nice nap in the sun on an impromptu grass bad. Cuicatl’s already half there, sprawled out with her head on her backpack and her eyes closed. Not that the eye thing actually matters to her. Why does she ever open them, anyway? It’s weird.
Something big moves the grass in front of you. Heavy, too, from the footsteps. Pixie starts a low hiss and Cuicatl bolts upright. “Graveler or golem. Pixie, use baby doll eyes when it gets closer. Genesis, pelt it with razor leaf, bubble, and water gun once it’s distracted. Be prepared to throw a ball and run.”
“Right.” You turn around to see Inferno already moving into position. You relay orders to Count Cloudy and Sir Bubbles—Sir Bubbles start to run away. You withdraw him for now. Don’t want to deal with that and a battle at the same time. The graveler stops moving just as you can get a good look at it. Mostly gray. Little black and yellow stones jut out from the surface here and there. You can’t see the face but you get the impression that it’s really ugly.
“Any time,” Cuicatl whispers. Right. Dramatic shout or quiet whisper order.
It comes out as a shout.
Inferno flicks her head leaf and begins her assault. Water streams out from the sky, admittedly at a rate closer to a trickle than a torrent. How is this supposed to hurt a solid rock that comes up to your hips? It shouldn’t. It seems to. The graveler makes a cry of pain that sounds like, that is, rocks grinding against each other before awkwardly turning around and lumbering away.
Slowly.
Doesn’t look like its coming back.
Victory!
*
When you wake up there’s another battle going. Cuicatl’s crouched down behind Pixie while the fox wrestles with a small yellow, with a dedenne! An adorable dedenne! You know you can’t keep everything VStar sends you to get but you wish they didn’t pick such tempting cuties. Inferno and Count Cloudy are currently watching the brawl. Just as you start to move the dedenne jerks and tosses Pixie out of the way. The pupper lands on her feet and starts prepping ice… no. Her eyes are… the dedenne halts and uneasily glances around. Confuse ray.
A ball rolls into your knee. “Can you toss it for me?”
She would have troubles with that. Not that you have too much experience with this. You did it underhanded last time so let’s try that. Just a gentle toss. The dedenne starts turning around and sparks fly around its hand as it sees the pokéball. Then they fade. It all fades to red. The ball shakes. Pixie raises her tails up and prepares an ice shard, probably for real this time. Another shake. You’re holding your breath. Know you’re holding your breath but can’t bring yourself to exhale. Another ball rolls into your foot as Cuicatl prepares for. Click. Capture.
You let out the breath you knew you were holding. The breath and the small shift in posture that comes with it calms you. Not to sleep. All exhaustion was driven out in the, what, forty seconds since you woke up?
“You’re a really deep sleeper,” Cuicatl says, irritation and amusement mixed in her voice. “We’d been going for ages before you noticed.”
“Well, I did wake up when I was needed.”
She rolls her eyes. You think she rolls her eyes? The frosted pattern moves. “That was my third ball.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Thought your snoring might scare off the ‘mons.” Her shoulders roll and she leans back on her hands. “Worked out fine thanks to Pix.” The ice fox puffs up her fur and sits down, tails curled around her. Cuicatl’s smile sinks a little. “If you’re tired we don’t have to stay out. Always tomorrow.”
Tomorrow… Tuesday. Right. “Sorry, it’s a holiday.”
“Well, it’s about to rain…”
Is it? There are a lot more clouds. And the sound of thunder. From beside you. Wait. You reach down and turn the phone off. The battery’s almost dead. Looks like you’re going back one way or another.
“Okay. Day after tomorrow? We’ll still be here right?”
“Yeah. Heading out on the… twenty-ninth? Sorry. Hard to remember three calendars.”
“Three… The American one... The Aztec one…”
“We have two calendars. One for gods. One for farming and business and stuff.”
“Yeah, but, couldn’t you just… adopt the one everyone else uses?”
She sits up and starts getting her things together. “Ours are better. Months have the same number of days.” That’s actually pretty reasonable. You can never remember what days have 30 and which have 31. “What’s the holiday tomorrow?”
“Thanksgiving.” You mirror her and get your pack around. Thankfully there’s not much. “We get together with family and think about what we’re thankful for. Then there’s a parade in Castelia.”
Cuicatl stands up and makes a broad sweeping motion around your impromptu clearing. “Can you get the ball?” You pick it up and slip it into her hand as you stand. “And that’s the genocide one, right?”
“No. It’s more about being thankful for the natives helping us out.”
She gestures towards the rough direction of the Pokémon Center and you set out. Cuicatl follows behind. “Right, then you killed all you could and stole half their land.”
“I think you’ve read a lot of propaganda.” Well, not read. Heard? You did manage to keep your voice very neutral. Good job. She’s wrong but you don’t have to be mean. If you are you might be actually alone on Thanksgiving. And then you’d probably burn down some grass while fighting a togedemaru.
“Just because it’s propaganda doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” You glance back at her. What was that supposed to mean? Of course it’s all lies. That’s what propaganda means. Doesn’t matter if it’s Anahuac or Yveltal herself saying it, all of it’s lies. Well. Okay. The natives did give away a lot of land. And some of it was stolen. But that’s not your fault. And you like being thankful for stuff. Can’t you just do that without making everything political?
*
[-27:11:49]
What do you have to be thankful for last year?
In hindsight, way less. Should’ve been thankful for a lot more in 2018. Your family, Lyra, good food, a place to stay every night. Sure you were thankful for all of that but… not as much as you should’ve been. You’ll be better at that in 2020. But now you have pokémon to be thankful for! Sir Bubbles, Count Cloudy and Inferno. One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong.
The Green Knight! Yes! You’ll tell her later. She will be ecstatic.
Sir Bubbles, Count Cloudy, and The Green Knight. Then Cuicatl. She is away from her terrible father and has enough food now. For some reason she still seems sad. Sometimes. Other times she seems really energetic. She’s confusing but you’re thankful for her. Then… well, Allana is a ministry opportunity. The silver lining in your bad situation. And your family’s still alive so you should be thankful for that!
Lyra… no. Not this year. She is on a journey of her own. Maybe you’ll cross paths and she’ll apologize for what she did.
Apologies. Family. You glance at the window and watch the water run down the glass. Another rainstorm. Even if it wasn’t a holiday you couldn’t go dedenne hunting. You turn back to the room. Well, not a room. The small area between sets of doors. Some volleyball courts and outdoor pools past one set, a hallway connecting the pools and lobby down the other. Allana’s in your room and you don’t want to do this with other people around.
You take a deep breath and call your only relative who might listen.
First ring. You can do this. Second ring. You need to do this. It’s the point of the holiday. Third ring. What if they aren’t taking calls today? Someone picks up. “Pine Pass Programs. What can I do for you today?”
Another deep breath. “Hi, I was calling to see if Exodus Gage can talk. I’m her sister, Genesis.”
“Alright, please hold.” Gentle piano and… harp(?) music starts to play. You lean back on the wall and exhale. Exodus. Exodus, Exodus, Exodus. You visited on her birthday five months ago. Haven’t called her since. It’s fine. She’s better now. Much better. You still tense up. Even though she’s across the Pacific and younger than you.
“Hey, Gen.” Her voice comes through. Well, close enough to her voice. You don’t have it memorized. But you still sort of recognize it. Puberty. Changing. Or maybe you just forgot. Bleh. “What’s up?”
You’re alone in a cramped corner of a Pokémon Center because your mom kicked you out for something that isn’t your fault. “Nothing much. How are you?”
“Eh. Have the day off from classes. Decent lunch a while ago.” A while ago?
“What time is it on the mainland?”
“Two-thirty.” Right. Weren’t sure exactly how many hours ahead they were. “So, this a friendly family call or do you want something from me?”
What help could she even give. You shake your head. Focus. Not the issue. “I just wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving.”
“Aww, thanks.” You can sort of make out a quiet chuckle on the other end. “’course, probably helps that you got kicked out. What’s the deal with that, by the way? No one’s telling me.”
Do you tell her the truth? Would it matter? There’s nothing she could even do about it, right? Right? Nothing comes to mind. You try again. Darn it, you’re doing this. “Lyra kissed me. I didn’t ask. I didn’t like it. Mom still got mad. Didn’t want Levi to get corrupted.”
“Hmm. That all there is?” She sounds smug. Definitely not supportive. And what’s she getting at.
“Yes. That’s it. I don’t really get it either. Okay, like, I did for a few days but it’s been over two months now.” You aren’t crying. Your voice is breaking for other reasons. You will not cry in front of Exodus. You will not. “Maybe they just think I want to journey or something?” You don’t. It’s sometimes not bad. You’d rather be home.
“Oh, sweetie.” Somehow she sounds even smugger. Yeah. This sounds like Exodus again. “You still don’t get it, do you? It’s almost sad.” She definitely does not sound sad.
You can hang up at any time.
“Get what?”
“Well, for one… no. That’s not mine to tell you. But I don’t think I’ve told you why…”
“No. You haven’t.” The voice cracks stop. You think you sound really cold. Good. She deserves it.
“Yeah, well, if Mom and Dad ever loved us they stopped when Levi was born. They had their heir. We’re just decorations now. And if we don’t act the part they’ll throw us in the trash.”
Delusional. Absolutely delusional. “Exodus, they sent you to therapy for trying to choke their son. You can’t justify that.”
“Heh, you didn’t say I was wrong…”
“And you’re wrong.” Your thumb drifts to the red button that will end the call. It stops just over it. “They still love you. Why else would Mom go all the way to the mainland to visit you?”
“Love, first of all this ain’t therapy. At best it’s discount juvie. Second, it’s been years, okay? I’ve changed.” She sighs into the phone. “I was eight. I made a mistake. I’m sorry. Really. If they loved me, they’d let me out. Give me a chance to make things better.” You can practically see her shaking her head through the phone, crocodile tears in her eyes. “I was like you once. Thought they were just scaring me, heh, scaring me straight.” You don’t get what the joke is. Wait. Ugh. Terrible joke. “They weren’t. I wasn’t the decoration they wanted and they tossed me out of sight.”
“They visit.” Often. At least once a month. More than you’re getting. Plus they call. “Trust me, they do love you. They’re just worried about…” Levi, mostly. Pets too. She probably killed a glameow and an ariados. Probably. You only really put it together after she was sent off. She’s clever. Knows how to hide things. If the housekeeper hadn’t overheard the struggle…
She butts in before you can finish the thought. “That doesn’t mean anything. They only come because they think they’re good parents and that’s what good parents should do. When I talk they don’t listen. Ever. Then they path themselves on the back and leave.” You don’t know how to answer that. So you don’t. “Just be glad they didn’t send you to conversion therapy, okay? A few kids here have been to that. Fucked them up something good.”
“Language.” There’s somebody listening to her conversation, right? And she’s only thirteen. She has no business talking like that.
You fidget and your thumb presses the last quarter inch down onto the end call button. You could call back. You don’t want to.
Instead you slowly slouch down and sit on the radiator. So many lies. Primarina are transvestites. Blood sacrifices keep the sun moving. Your parents don’t love you. Exodus was ever justified.
You put the phone down next to you and lower your head into your hands. You don’t scream. A convenient crack of lightning does it for you. As a kid you heard about temptation. You thought you’d be strong enough to resist. That you would earn your afterlife.
You still will.
It’ll just be harder than you’d anticipated.