Mira
Mira hurried through the palace, a letter in her hand. She was breathing heavily, but she kept going as fast as possible. How could this have happened, she thought and cut around a corner. She reached her brother’s study and Sir Strom’s gaze met hers.
The older knight had an expression of contained dread on his face as she approached. He knew the news already which meant that Zen also did.
“The king is currently in a meeting, your Highness. He doesn’t want to be disturbed,” the silver knight said but made no effort to physically stop her.
“I don’t care,” Mira said and brushed past him.
“Your Highness, please,” Sir Strom said with little force in his voice, but Mira ignored him.
She pushed open the door and stormed into the room. She was greeted by her brother’s unsurprised expression and Duke Wulfen and Duke Greeich turning toward her to see who was disturbing their meeting.
“Mira why are you disturbing us,” Zen asked her with a sigh.
“You know exactly why I am here,” she snapped and held up the letter.
Zen sighed again and thought for a moment before he spoke again, “Can we talk about this later?”
“No, we are gonna talk now,” Mira insisted and held her brother’s gaze.
Zen shook his head and turned to the two dukes, “Would you please give us a moment?”
The two men rose from their seats and bowed to the young king before leaving the room. Lord Greeich gave Mira a comforting smile as he walked past her; he was a warm man, and his white hair and mustache gave him the feeling of a caring grandfather which mirrored his personality rather well.
Duke Wulfen didn’t seem to care much about the situation, at least he didn’t show any emotion as he bowed in Mira’s direction before exiting the room.
She didn’t like the man, but she had other things to think about than the duke. “Why are we not making ready to leave for Reen, Zen?”
“Because we can’t, Mira. We have things to do here and the Ambassador of the Perios Kingdom will arrive next week,” Zen answered with a calm and collected voice.
“Who cares? Michael needs us!”
“What we need to do right now is take care of the kingdom and not insult our largest ally.”
Mira stared at her brother in disbelief; how could he be like this in a situation this horrible?
“What the hells is wrong with you? Michael’s whole family is dead! And you sit here talking about not upsetting some ambassador? Michael came running the moment he heard about our father, and you sit here sipping tea like you don’t care at all!”
Zen frowned, anger forming on his face. “I would love nothing more than to drop everything and ride through the night until my horse collapses and then keep running until I reach Reen! I would love nothing more than to take my friend into my arms, comfort him, and be there for him until every sorrow is a memory long past! But I can’t!”
“Great to see your priorities, brother,” Mira sneered, not hampered in the slightest by her brother's anger or remarks. “I for my part will leave immediately, you may join me if you find it in your heart to be there for a friend as he has been for you.”
“Mira, do you have any idea what kind of situation we are sliding into right now? Lord Rowan’s death will have far more consequences than Michael’s and our grief. Our neighbors have been watching for the last months since Father died, calculating and weighing their chances. What do you think they will do now that our Master of War and greatest commander is dead?”
His eyes were focused on hers, his face red from anger and pain, she didn’t relent and stared back in defiance.
He continued when she didn’t answer, “Keeping this alliance with the Perios Kingdoms is what will keep the other kingdom's calculations negative and will keep our people and those we love safe! We can’t insult them because we need them to stand with us. This alliance was because of the friendship and respect between our father and their king and now it is not as solid as it once was.”
“Alright, then you stay, and I will leave alone,” Mira relented, she was not that emotional to throw reason into the wind when it was presented clearly to her.
“I am sorry Mira, but you should stay as well,” Zen said with a pained expression his anger having died down considerably.
“What? You can’t expect this from me!”
“We need to show them the proper respect and the ambassador has clearly stated that he wants to meet you as well. If you just leave right before he arrives, it could be seen as insulting.”
“Zen, we can’t just leave Michael all alone,” Mira said, her strength having faded and tears running down her face.
The young king gritted his teeth, but Mira could see tears forming in his eyes as well. “I asked Theodore to go and bring him our love and you can leave as soon as the ambassador had ample time to meet you. This is everything we can do.”
“I don’t want to, Zen,” she whimpered.
Zen pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair, “I know. I hate it too and I will not force you to stay if you don’t want to but we both know this is what Michael would want.”
She knew he was right. Michael was the epitome of his house's words and would want them to do what is best for the kingdom. She hated herself nonetheless for what she had to do or rather what she wouldn’t do.
Michael
Michael sat in his barely lit room, scribbling instructions on a piece of paper. He was surrounded by the chaos of his rage. His bed frame was smashed in a corner. His table had lost three of its legs and was toppled over and his wardrobe had its doors smashed in and laid on its side. A few meters to his right were the bend-out-of-shape remains of the sword that had served him as a tool of his destruction until even it couldn’t hold up anymore.
It was day five of him not sleeping. The only thing keeping him awake anymore was his constant use of mana which he had to ration more and more to last after his rampage.
He was a pitiful sight; dirty, with rings around his eyes, and wooden splinters covering his arms and legs.
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No one had entered this room for the same amount of time, and he hadn’t spoken to anyone. He just worked with the reports he was given to distract himself from the pain he felt every time he allowed his mind to wander.
“Is this what we are gonna be now?” The voice didn’t startle Michael, his mind even took a moment to recognize that someone had spoken to him. He raised his head and looked around in the dark room, the shadows from the fading moon and his candles throwing strange shadows.
He nearly missed the eyes that stared at him from a dark corner of his room. He didn’t move, he knew the voice and he knew that he was in no danger.
“Hallucinations now, great,” he said and looked back to the stack of paper on his legs.
“Hallucinations? No, we are not going crazy yet,” the voice sounded again.
Michael rolled his eyes; the voice was an ethereal sound with a hint of age in it. He had heard it multiple times before but most importantly it was the voice that had told him to not kill the dark mage in the brigand camp over half a year ago.
He had successfully avoided thinking about this part of his life for months after it had happened, with enough to distract him but his mind had gone back to it repeatedly for the last days. He had wondered if he would be still alive if his father hadn’t forced him to face this part of life then and there. Then he normally thought about his father and broke down.
“What do you want?”
“I was just wondering if the rest of my existence will be watching you bury yourself into work in hopes of an early grave?” The voice didn’t sound accusatory, and a heavy tone of compassion rang behind the confrontational words.
Michael shrugged, “Why do you care? If it was up to you, I would have died half a year ago in that forest.”
“Well,” the uncomfortable tone of the voice made Michael chuckle dryly before it continued. “I admit that my values don’t seem to work well in this environment, but I assure you I never wanted you to suffer or even die.”
“Overwhelming my mind and contending with another part of it was definitely a strange way of protecting me.”
The voice was silent for a few moments; Michael raised his head and saw the eye look out of the window into the night. “I apologize. I … I am not used to violence, and I had hoped you wouldn’t need it.”
“Of course, you aren’t. We are the same person, I am talking to myself for Idas’s sake,” Michael shook his head at the absurdity of the situation.
After another moment of awkward silence, the voice spoke up again. “You haven’t answered my question yet.”
Michael huffed annoyed into the darkness. “What is left to make me keep on going? What is my purpose anymore?”
“You think there is nothing left anymore?”
“My family is dead,” he yelled at the eyes, he could hear a knock and Geron's voice but ignored it. “My father is dead, my mother is dead, my sisters are dead, most of my brothers are dead. Oh right, Oska is still alive, where is he though? That reunion will be great. ‘Hey Oska, you have bullied me my entire life and also tried to kill me. By the way, our whole family is dead, and you are the next in line let me help you. He will finish what he started four years ago! There is nothing, NOTHING LEFT OF MY HOUSE TO CARE ABOUT!”
“I thought you learned that lesson already,” the voice spoke, still calm and collected. “Hasn’t Sola taken care of you like her own child? Hasn’t Geron protected you with his life because he wanted to? Didn’t Solon teach you the values of everything? Hasn’t Kiran opened your eyes to a world beyond the normal? Wasn’t Eydis there for you when you needed her most? What about Zen, Mira, Theodore, Uncle Duncan, Aunt Helena, and Tara? What about the knights, the guards, the citizens of these lands? Is there really nothing you can think of that would be worth living for?”
Michael stayed quiet, of course, he had thought about all that but why should he go on just to lose them as well someday?
The voice picked up this thought and continued, “You have two choices here Michael: Either you drown in your grief and that will be the end of the short-lived House Rowan; your brother will not carry it on, and you know this. Or you can grieve - as you should - but in an appropriate amount and use this grief as motivation to build something that can prevent something like this from happening ever again. You can build something that can protect those you care about.”
Michael still stayed silent, his mind trying to wrap itself around what the voice had said but the long time without sleep was taking a toll on him.
“Think about what I have told you, Michael.” The voice was weakening. “I will make you a gift now. Rest and decide once you wake up.”
“Wait, what?” Before Michael could react, a weight laid down onto his thoughts and disrupted them, he lost control over his mana, and it died down. The moment it did the weight of his emotions and exhaustion crashed down on him and everything faded to black.
Michael awoke from the midday sun falling on his face. His body ached and he still felt terrible even though it was better than the last couple of days. He sat up and noticed that he had been lying on his mattress. His eyes wandered to the door, but it was still locked as far as he could tell. He smiled a little and looked out of the window. “Still taking care of me huh?”
He took a look around his destroyed room and thought about what had happened the night before. That was really strange, who is this voice? Is it just a part of my mind or is it something else? Well, maybe I am just going crazy, and my mind makes that voice up in stressful situations.
Real or not, what it had said was true. He was at a turning point in his life, and he needed to decide what he would do. The haze on his mind had lifted substantially from his long rest and he could look clearer on the events of the past days. Tears came to his eyes, but he gritted his teeth and punched the wall, pain from the punch and the wooden splinters in his arm shot through his body.
I should be ashamed of myself. Is this what my parents wanted me to become? Huh, don’t be ridiculous. This is still salvageable, if I get up now, I can still make my family proud.
He put his hands on the mattress and pushed himself up. His arms were straining, he used no mana to reduce the pain. He needed to overcome this himself, with his own strength. With a deep growl, he pushed himself onto his legs. It was more of a mental blockade to overcome than a physical one as he took one step after another toward the door. Pictures of his family paining him with every step, thoughts of doubt trying to get him back into a corner hassling him, but each step was stronger.
“I will do what I must,” he said to himself, shook away his thoughts, and unlocked the door.
He pushed the door open and was greeted by the surprised expressions of Geron, Eydis, and four guardsmen. “Milord,” Geron exclaimed but didn’t manage to articulate any more words.
Their gazes made Michael insecure again, but he pushed that feeling to the side. Be like your father would want you to be!
“You there,” Michael said and pointed at one of the guardsmen, who instantly stood straighter. “Tell the servants to prepare me a bath and fresh clothing.” The man bowed and hurried away. Michael turned to the next. “You, get Sola to come to the bath as well to fix me up. And you,” – pointing at the third – “get someone to clear out my room and refurnish it as soon as possible.”
The last guard stood in attention waiting for his order, Michael thought for a moment. “Gather the nobles in an hour in the great hall.”
“They are already there, milord,” Geron interjected, his face was that of a professional, but Michael could see a happy glint in his eyes. “Your Uncle arrived late last night, he came visiting this morning with your aunt and cousin, but you didn’t react. Now he has gathered the nobles in the great hall to discuss matters of succession and the funeral.
“I was sleeping,” Michael said, “Well, then get the servants to get me something proper to eat, I am starving.” The guard bowed deep and hurried after his colleagues. Michael hadn’t touched much of the food he had received in the past days and his stomach felt like it was about to absorb itself.
Michael made his way to his washing room with Geron and Eydis on his heels. He could basically feel them eyeing each other with hope. “How are you feeling, milord,” Geron carefully started the conversation.
“I am better. I am not good yet, but I am better,” Michael said and gave the knight a smile that nearly made him stumble.
“That is good. If I may ask, was there a reason? Did someone visit you last night, I heard your voice, but no one answered.” He was careful but Michael guessed that he had been pretty concerned about the mental state of his lord.
“I had a hallucination. I was talking to myself because of the lack of sleep. Got a kick in my ass from me and now I am better,” Michael answered truthfully, this would be the only time he would ever admit to the voices as he had a reasonable excuse for having them.
“Yeah, lack of sleep can do that. I am happy that you are better, truly.” Michael stopped and turned around to the knight. “Thank you,” he looked at Eydis as well, “Thank you both of you for everything.”
They smiled and Eydis ruffled his hair. “You look gross by the way,” she signed, and they laughed as Geron shook his head.
They arrived at the washroom and shortly after a flurry of servants fell upon it, bringing water, clothing, and food. The door opened a few minutes later, and Sola, Solon, and Kiran entered the room.
“Didn’t expect all of you to want to watch me bathe,” Michael said with a tired smile. He was still sitting on a stool waiting to be patched up by Sola.
He got happy reactions to his bad joke and the priestess sat down in front of him. “You look absolutely horrible.
“It’s good to see you too,” Michael replied with a warm expression.