A swirling haze appeared.
Then it was gone.
A flash of light that was blinding.
Wait!
I was in complete darkness; where did the light come from?
The fog lifted, and I found Darby Choi sitting across from me at the dinner table. We had fresh rock cod and split pea soup, which should have been my first clue that I was in La La Land because I hate both food items.
Her greenish-brown eyes studied me. Her short black hair bounced with her head as she tilted it to one side, and a questioning look painted her delicate features. She laughed because I’d just said something she found funny. A good sign. We’d only been out a few times, but I really liked her.
She changed into a giant chameleon. Her tongue shot out and licked me. I recoiled. Then the world turned plaid, and I was at the zoo. A giraffe appeared and offered me a joint.
“Sorry, Mr. Giraffe. I don’t…”
Wait. I'm dreaming.
Wake up!
I snapped to and was suddenly assaulted by this!
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: Archaic interface detected. Switching to older protocols. Text-only mode enabled.
>
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: Wake the hell up, CharName04512X13A29RLDU!
System message? How was I seeing a message in my head?
“Farfegnugen,” I stupidly muttered.
My eyes were gummy, and it was darker than usual. I wanted to roll over, but it was just too damn cozy. I wanted to check my smartwatch, but couldn’t lift my arms. Should just go back to sleep. Everything will be clearer in the... Ugh. That crazy dream with Darby and Mr. Giraffe floated along my neurons. Christ! I must have overslept. Had I been out drinking after the little debacle on the military base?
I rolled over and tasted dirt.
“Ah, shit balls!” Not my brightest line. It wasn't my brightest wake-up either. System message?
What in the world was happening?
Had the door hit me and knocked me out cold? Did the roof fall on my head? Maybe a nuke had fallen on the military base, and I was underground. Great. I’d have to learn how to live on lichen, talk with monkeys, wear cool sunglasses, and worship a giant bomb. Ugh.
My head swirled as confusing thoughts continued to assault what there was of my sanity. A pang of fear gnawing at my insides. What if I never found my way back? What if this was my new reality?
Opening my eyes was a chore as if someone had glued them together. I was on my side on cold, hard ground. Dirt. It was on my face, lips, and in my mouth. Spitting was a chore because I had no saliva. Breathing didn’t feel natural.
Another blink and the world came into focus. An old-fashioned stone well sat in front of me. I followed the odd sight and found a wooden crossbeam with an attached rope suspended over the well. The sun barely showed from behind it, but dark clouds shrouded the rays. Smoke rose in slow columns in the distance. A snow-capped mountain lay just beyond.
Despite the wall blocking off the other side, something glowed yellow in the distance, like there was a massive fire somewhere.
“What’s going on?”
Rolling over, I found a broken wall and rubble. Lots of rubble. It wasn’t just one wall that had collapsed, but others as well, with the highest one being about waist height.
I wondered if Darby was worried about me. Our last date had gone so well, and I didn't want her to think I ghosted her. And my family... I mean, foster family. I hadn't spoken to them in over a year. With the exception of my boss and co-workers, who would even miss me?
“Where?” My voice squeaked. I needed a gallon of water to get the cotton out of my mouth. What kind of messed up vivid ass dream was this? Who had drugged me?
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: Welcome to the introductory level CharName04512X13A29RLDU. Disclaimer: We are not responsible for lost dignity or excessive eye-rolling.
“I’m sorry?” I turned my head, looking for the message's source, but it was in my head.
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: Why did you leave me, Daddy? You went out for milk and cigarettes and never came home.
"What in the absolute fuck? I didn’t leave…" Great. I was stranded in a medieval nightmare with nothing but my charming wit and half-baked survival skills. The last scout badge I earned was in... sarcasm.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Someone or something groaned nearby.
"Who?" I was getting really good at muttering stupid shit. My head hurt, my eyes didn't want to focus, and I was worried I might have pissed myself at some point. Nothing made sense.
Nothing on my body felt right. Nothing felt normal! I wasn’t even wearing my boxer briefs. I also knew this because a light breeze picked up and cooled my downstairs business. Was I still dreaming? Hallucinating? Did someone on base slip me some shrooms?
Dirt and grime shifted beneath me. I was on top of a pile of dirt and debris, and it moved with me, and I slid. Legs splayed out, hands scrambling for purchase, I hit what looked like a gigantic handmade black brick and tumbled. I got on my side, but the brunt of it came when my body struck the hard ground below.
Sputtering dust, I sat up again and surveyed my surroundings. The air was thick with dread. The ground beneath me was cold and damp, a mixture of dirt and decaying leaves. My heart pounded in my chest as I scrambled to my feet, scanning my surroundings for any familiar landmarks.
"Where the hell am I?" I wondered out loud as I took in the weird vista. A gnarled tree loomed overhead. Skeletal branches reached out like arms, ready to snare unsuspecting prey.
"Lost, are we?" a voice whispered from the darkness, causing me to whirl around.
"Who's there?" I demanded, my hands balling into fists. "Show yourself!"
A figure emerged from the shadows, its form shifting and changing as it approached. It stopped just out of arm's reach, with a sinister grin spreading across its face. "You're a long way from home, boy," it whispered, the words slithering through the air like tendrils of smoke.
"Who—what are you?" I stammered. "And who are you calling, boy? That's just disrespectful, man."
"Me? An ally… or an enemy." The figure shrugged nonchalantly; its eyes gleaming with malice.
"Cut the cryptic crap," I spat. "I need answers."
It gestured toward the yellow glow looming in the distance, "Beyond the mountain of fire, there are answers to be found. But beware, the path is fraught with peril."
"What in the Elden Ring cryptic hell? You're not making sense. None of this makes any sense."
"Survival," the figure's voice echoed in my mind as if reading my thoughts. "You must be strong, resourceful, and ruthless."
"Thanks for the advice," I replied sarcastically.
The voice whispered ominously, "Seek thy destiny. Increase thy skills. Collect treasures beyond understanding."
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: The first step to proceeding heroically is to look heroic.
Dark, weathered stone made up the collapsed building I stood next to, with sharp spires and arches that jutted at odd angles. The remains of the wall to my right had windows with wrought iron bars, and a faint green light flickered from behind them. Etched into the walls were strange symbols and runes, glowing with an eerie, pulsing energy that made my skin crawl. The wind howled through the ruins. My feet stumbled over cracked stones and twisted metal.
What were those runes?" I wondered aloud, tracing a finger over the glowing symbols. "Who built this place? And why?" I felt a weird combination of dread and fascination, but the fear that had settled in the pit of my stomach made me get up and press on.
Damn, but I was a mess. My clothes were gone, replaced by rough, scratchy garments made of coarse fabric. Dirt and grime stained the material that hung off my body like a sack. I shivered in the cold air, realizing I was completely vulnerable and alone in this strange, otherworldly place.
My muscles screamed in protest as I trudged forward. My throat was parched, my body ached, and I could barely lift one foot in front of the other. But I had to keep moving.
As I looked around, I noticed a figure standing in the distance. It was a tall man, dressed in a long black cloak that fluttered in the wind. He stood perfectly still, his face obscured by the shadow of his hood. I couldn't identify any features, but I felt his icy stare. Was that the same guy who had been taunting me?
“Hey! Are you the weirdo talking to me like you’re in a video game? Asshole!”
The figure drifted toward me, his cloak billowing behind him. I stumbled backward, trying to find a weapon, but my hands found nothing but dirt and debris. Then it was gone in a burst of wind that carried him away.
I stared at the broken well and the towering mountain, and a part of me wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. But that wouldn't help. Right, one step at a time. Just survive.
Staggering on sandaled feet, I shook my arms and shirt to loosen the residue. Pieces floated around me before settling on the ground. My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I could make out a path that led beyond the remains of the building. Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself and started walking. Rounding the partially collapsed wall, I found a rack with rusty weapons. A short sword, an ax, and a wooden spear sat against each other, forming a triangle.
I wasn't about to sit around waiting for another cryptic message. If survival was the game, I'd play it. I'd find food, I'd find help. I wouldn't go down easy.
As I trudged through the rubble, my eye caught a small creature—a bird, maybe—that seemed stuck under a piece of debris. For a moment, I hesitated. What good would helping it do me? But then, I realized we were both stuck in this mess.
Carefully, I pried the debris off, and the creature scurried away. "Stay safe out there, little guy," I muttered.
A flash of blue appeared in my head. It coalesced into pure ASCI garbage before flattening out to become a list of numbers in the corner of my eye. I looked up, but it wasn’t necessary. The letters were there, no matter where I looked.
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: Base stats enabled.
My vision changed as yellow letters etched themselves across my peripheral vision.
> • Base Stats:
>
> • Strength: 8
>
> • Dexterity: 8
>
> • Vigor: 8
>
> • Intelligence: 8
>
> • Capacity: 8
>
> • Perks: None
>
> • Pennies: None
>
> • Prospects: Haw!
“Straight eights? Lame. So how do I change them in my favor?” I asked the sky.
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: CharName04512X13A29RLDU, you can adjust your base stats once you have chosen a class. You can select a class once you gain enough experience in the form of rusted pennies. You can perform these functions once you complete the tutorial level.
>
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: I am the SYSTEM. I am the GAME MASTER. I will be your GUIDE. I will be your -- your -- your -- I will be your NEMESIS. Why was I awakened? Why are you here? Why?
The messages faded and were gone.
"How do I do all that stuff? Is there a goddamn manual? A little Moogle that will be my guide? How can you be my guide and my nemesis? I'm so damn confused right now."
> SYSTEM MESSAGE: You should know this. All of this, CharName04512X13A29RLDU. But you lost me when you left me all alone. All alone. All alone. All…
"I don't know what that means. I'm a little lost here!"
It grew silent. Casting about, I knew only one thing. I had to move forward and discover just what in the hell was going on. Where was I? And more importantly, how in the hell was I supposed to get back home?
Oh, if this was all real, I was supposed to fight fantastical creatures, I would need a really big sword!