Chapter 18

I was fourteen now, sitting in Smudge’s bar at a table, playing cards with a noble and a couple of merchants that worked for him while Jeck habitually cleaned a mug at the bar, waiting for drink orders. Their guards were drinking together at another table. The bar’s four whores, including horseface Ann, were sitting nearby, having given up on seducing them.

Mother and old Bertie had unceremoniously died the previous year from a nasty whorepox disease that a different merchant had brought into town before succumbing to it himself. They’d been replaced by the daughter of a local logger and the daughters of some water bearers that couldn’t afford to feed them.

It was mid winter at this point in the year, and the noble and merchants had been snowed in when winter hit early, right after Harvestfest, with a particularly deep snow, leaving them unable to leave town until spring.

I was making every effort to relieve them of the entirety of their profits today. Gambling wasn’t something that most people did in this town. You could occasionally find folks playing dice, but cards were something specific to nobility from further into the kingdom. It was considered more civilized, and was considerably more high stakes than dice, as cards were traditionally played using only silver and gold to wager. I was having the time of my life fleecing these morons. I had already quintupled the gold I’d come into the game with.

The game we were playing was called Liar’s Folly, and it was the best evidence I’d yet seen that someone from earth had been to this planet prior to my arrival, because it was almost identical to poker. The suites had different names, swords, shields, beasts, and magic respectively. There were also fifty six cards in the deck with a few changes. The ace was referred to as the assassin but was played the same way, either high or low. The jack was called the prince, and just below the prince, before the ten, was the lord. The winning hands were all the same ones I’d known in my previous life though. Straights, flushes, pairs, trips, quads, etcetera. Constructed from five card hands. So walking into the game I had a very good idea how it was played. It was essentially Texas Holdem with slightly different cards and the addition of the lord. My time playing online poker in my last life was finally coming in handy.

I’d asked if I could try learning the game, and they’d laughed in my face, saying I couldn’t possibly afford it. Jeck, who had been serving them drinks at the time, mentioned drolely that I was one of the richest men in town and could easily afford it. When I’d pulled a heavy bag holding one hundred silvers and dozens of golds out of my pack and plopped it on the table they’d stopped laughing and greedily encouraged me to join in with apologies for their assumption.

I was just about to clean them out. I frowned at my cards as if I wasn’t sure if I should call, but I’d caught a straight flush to the lord on the flop. It didn’t really matter what the turn or the river brought for the fourth and fifth cards on the board. The way the lord and merchants were betting, I assumed they had flopped a high flush or possibly a straight. Didn’t matter though, I had the nuts, the best possible hand considering the cards on the board.

The first merchant bet big, the lord raised, and the second merchant went all in. I just called. The first merchant was all in, unable to match the second’s bet. This left the lord and me as the only guys at the table with money left to bet. The turn was an off suite two, helping no one. The lord bet into me, the look on his face was just begging me to call, like he could already see those winnings coming his way. Again I just called. The river fell, an off suite three, again helping no one. The lord smiled wide as he went all in. I called his bet with the vast majority of my coin left on the table.

The first merchant showed the low end of the straight. The lord, with a gloating chuckle turned over a flush with the assassin and the king. The second merchant cursed loudly and turned over the high side of the straight to the lord. They all froze when I showed them the straight flush and promptly began gathering their coin into a pile in front of me. I scooped all the coins off the table’s edge and into my waiting pack below with a long ringing jingle, a veritable waterfall of coin falling away from them.

Just as I slung my jingling pack over my left shoulder, I noticed the lord give a long meaningful glance to his guards, jerking his chin towards me. I heard their chairs scraping along the floor as all four of them stood up.

“I’ve told every one of you before! No fighting OR killing in my bar! Take your bullshit outside!” yelled Jeck from the bar.

I smiled without looking behind me at the guards, “You heard the man, boys. If you wanna be bandits, you do it outside,” I said loudly as I walked calmly to the door. I noticed the merchants pulling out knives, although they waited for the guards to get between me and them before they stood and began following. I walked straight out the door to the middle of the snowy street and turned around. I wasn’t worried, compared to Knick or Cutter these guys were amateurs.

The four guards spread out in a line in front of me, short swords drawn, but didn’t surround me. Morons then, they should use every advantage if they intend to fight. Not that I was about to correct them. The merchants with their expensive looking knives stood behind them. Nobody moved, what were they waiting for?

The lord pompously exited the bar and stood on the stoop in a wide stance with his arms crossed. Oh, they’re waiting for this asshole to give the order I guess? “You, peasant, are a cheater! Having stolen from the nobility, you deserve whatever you get when it’s taken back from you!” yelled the noble, his face red.

Folks on the street either stopped to watch, or hurried inside. There’s not a lot of entertainment to be had in town in the middle of winter so I could understand the curiosity of the former.

“How’d I cheat when you lot were the dealers the whole time while teaching me the game?! I played the game for the first time and didn't lose to you, so that means I cheated? You just suck at cards! You’re a sore loser turning bandit to try to recoup your losses! Fuck you, BANDIT!” I yelled back. “If you wanna rob me, you’ll bleed like all the others!”

The noble’s face purpled with rage and he screamed, “KILL this little shit! I want my money back!”

The guards stepped forward, and I dropped my pack to the ground as I drew my hatchet with my right hand and my snake blade with my left. I crouched low and smiled my killer’s grin at them, an expression I’d carefully copied from Knick since I found it rather scary. The guards hesitated, perhaps realizing the noble had bitten off more than he could chew, but quickly decided they weren’t going to be made fools of. Their faces clouded with anger as they continued methodically forward through the shallow snow.

As they closed in, I spun in a circle and flung my hatchet backhand into the face of the leftmost guard. It hit with a noise that was equal parts THWACK and CRUNCH. The man’s sword fell into the snow, and he was dead before he hit his knees. I darted in and picked up his sword. I’d never used one before, but it didn’t seem too different from a knife. I left the man’s corpse between me and the remaining guards who were visibly startled. I gave the sword a quick spin to check the weight and returned to my ready stance, crouching and waiting, smiling. “He killed Thad! Yelled one of the guards, rushing me headlong. I treated him to the exact same maneuver, spinning and hurling the shortsword at his face. Unfortunately I wasn’t as used to the weight as I was with my trusty hatchet, and it failed to produce the same effect. Good enough though. The blade spun through the air, and the edge did hit him in the face, didn’t get much penetration though, and all it did was slice across his right eye and gouge into his cheek before spinning past the man, nearly hitting the guard behind him. The newly half blind man screamed in pain clutching his face, “My eye! He cut my eye!”

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I tossed my snake blade to my right hand and drew my apprentice blade from beneath my cloak with my left as I darted in on his newly blind side. I got inside his reach and held his sword arm extended with my right hand and neatly punched a hole in the center of his throat with my smaller apprentice blade. The man dropped his sword and fell to his knees, choking on blood while he clutched his throat.

I smiled at the remaining two guards as I amusedly mentioned, “Might be a good time to quit working for these assholes, boys. You can’t spend their coin once you’re dead. Just ask your buddies,” I motioned to the dead and dying men at my feet with my snake blade.

“Fucker!” screamed one of the remaining men as he lunged forward with a wide swipe of his sword. I’d been fighting with Knick for so long it was refreshing to see someone moving this slow while trying to hurt me. I’d even paid Cutter for a few lessons last year. He charged a gold piece per session though, so it wasn’t something I’d done much. Mostly I just trained with Knick. I had learned an awful lot from those two and spent at least an hour every single day practicing. I pushed off the snowy ground, sliding sideways toward the guard while leaning back, judging the angle of his strike. He missed by a few inches as I slipped up right next to him, and he overbalanced from the force of the swing. I drove my snake blade under his arm into his armpit to avoid his armor and then followed it up with a second hit to the side of his neck, neatly severing his carotid artery before jumping back to let him die on his own time. Even mortally wounded, a man has some few seconds during which he could still kill you, or so Cutter had told me once. The man swung a back hand at me, missing me by more than a few inches before he coughed out a mouthful of blood and realized he was dying, that makes Cutter correct as per usual.

The final guard turned to the noble with a pleading look on his face. Well, I’m not going to ignore an opening like that. I tossed my knives neatly between my hands, putting my trusty apprentice blade in my dominant right hand. I drew it back behind my ear and flung it at him hard. He turned back to me just in time to take it cleanly through his eye, although I’d been aiming for his temple. Knick had despaired at my ability to throw rocks and had told me to practice throwing my apprentice blade. So I did that all winter last year, tossing it repeatedly at a wooden slab I’d drawn a target on on the opposite wall of my hut. It had taken months, but I’d eventually gotten the hang of it and moved on to targets farther and farther away outside. I was nowhere near as good at it as Knick, but the practice had paid off as the man put his hand to his face confused. I walked calmly towards him, and as he hit his knees I casually plucked it out. He spasmed and fell twitching to the snowy street. I turned to the merchants. They startled, obviously not having expected to have to do anything more than perform my coup de grace. The first merchant bolted for the doorway behind him and took my thrown apprentice blade in the back of the neck. He dropped writhing in pain to the ground, and the second merchant valiantly attacked. I dodged a few blows to get a feel for his speed, and then, when he over extended himself with a lunge, I gripped his arm with my left hand and sliced the tendons on his wrist with my other blade filled hand causing his knife to drop to the snow. He screamed in pain just long enough for it to turn into a gurgle as I swiped my blade across his throat in a single economical motion.

The noble was standing frozen on the stoop, still holding his ridiculous crossed arm pose. His face had gone white, and his mouth was gasping open and closed like a beached fish. I wiped off my bloodied snake blade on the still dying second merchant’s cloak before sheathing it and walking calmly back to my pack. I picked it up, slinging it back over my left shoulder with a happy jingle. I smiled at the noble as I walked back to the first merchant and bent to tear out my knife, twisting it viciously to sever the spinal cord. The merchant went limp, and I cleaned off my apprentice blade on his cloak and sheathed it before making my way back to the first guard. I used a foot to flip his corpse onto its back, placed the same foot on the man’s face, and tore my hatchet out of his skull with a wet sucking noise.

I met the noble’s disbelieving eyes and let the grin fade to a cold glare as I stalked back to the bar, bloody hatchet in hand. The noble gave a start and stumbled backwards through the bar’s door. As I entered, he fell on his ass. “No, please! Don’t kill me!” he begged, scooting backwards across the floor. I stared down at him, watching a puddle of piss growing where he sat. I slammed the bloody hatchet into the floor between his knees, just shy of the puddle.

Then I simply walked around him to the bar, ignoring him, much as I would have the many puddles of vomit I’d avoided on this very floor over the years. I took out a gold piece and slapped it onto the bar. “Everybody’s drinks are on me, Jeck. The good stuff mind you, until this runs out.” I smiled, taking a seat next to my pack where I’d set it against the bar on the floor.

Jeck didn’t hesitate to make the gold piece disappear and quickly poured me a drink with shaking hands. The whores made a rush to the bar and got a drink each. Jeck was quickly calming with each progressive pour.

“Say, ladies, I’ve got a silver piece for whoever goes and tells the mayor about the unpleasantness outside and then fetches me six men to drag those bodies out to the beasts in the woods. Tell the men I’m offering a silver piece each,” I slapped a silver coin on the bar next to my drink. The youngest grabbed the coin and made her way quickly to the door. She gave a pretty shriek as she saw the carnage I’d left out there before darting across the street to the inn.

I toasted Jeck’s health and took a long slow sip. Ah, that good familiar burn made its way down my throat. I glanced back at the noble who was still sitting frozen on the floor with a terrified expression on his face as he stared at the bloody hatchet that still sported bits of brains and hair where it sat between his knees. The mayor trudged his way into Smudge's and looked down at the motionless noble in surprise, before making his way uncertainly over to the bar. “What’s going on, Hunter? What happened to those men out front?” Jeck poured him a drink with a smile.

I explained how I’d beaten them at a game of cards and that they’d then tried to rob me out front. The mayor glanced to Jeck who nodded, saying, “Hunter totally cleaned them out. Took ‘em for everything they had. They thought they could get it back. They were wrong. The whores saw the whole thing if you need more witnesses. That noble fucked up and tried to rob the wrong guy. If he wasn’t a noble I ‘spect he’d be dead, right along with the rest of em.”

I smiled, “Yep. That was pretty much my thought process as well. Didn’t want to make trouble for the town by killing another noble.”

“Another?!” asked the mayor, thoroughly confused.

“Well, surely you remember the last one I killed. Took his dick clean off out back and fed it to Dog, remember?” I pointed with a thumb towards the kitchen that led to the back door.

The mayor froze, and then stared at me hard, he glanced over at the noble on the floor who still hadn’t moved. He leaned in, looking at me intently, and whispered, “NAMELESS?! You were EXILED!”

I whispered back, “Yep. Too bad for you, you've been allowing me into town all these years. If anybody else finds out now, you’ll probably be murdered by the nobility.” I laughed as his face turned green, realizing I was right.

He sat down heavily and drained the glass in front of him. “I don’t think we’ll need a trial. Plenty of witnesses in the bar and in the street and all that. Thanks for not killing the noble,” he said weakly. Jeck poured him another drink. Jeck looked like he was trying not to laugh.

I snorted in amusement, “Learned my lesson the hard way last time." I whispered, then I raised my voice, "If you’re going to kill a noble, no witnesses.” The noble on the floor visibly twitched, fell to his side, and curled into a fetal ball.

The young whore made her way back into the bar with a string of men behind her. I stood up and handed each one of them a silver piece in turn on the condition that they each drag one of the corpses out of town and into the woods. I magnanimously failed to mention the corpses' personal effects. These guys were welcome to them as far as I was concerned. I was rich as fuck today, if I wanted something I’d just buy it.

I sat back down next to the mayor and finished my drink. Jeck immediately refilled my glass. I slapped a gold coin down in between the mayor and his drink. “Sorry about the mess. That’s for the trouble of covering for me,” I explained. The mayor alacritously made the gold coin disappear just as quickly as Jeck could.

“Well, these things happen,” said the mayor with an immediately improved mood. “Just see to it that it doesn’t happen again and there’ll be no trouble at all.”

“Appreciate that, Cal,” I said, using his first name for the first time in my life. I held up my cup and we clinked them lightly against each other before downing them together in one gulp.

“This isn’t bad booze, Jeck,” said the mayor appreciatively. He glanced over at me, “But, if you wanna drink the REALLY good stuff you should stop by the inn later. Those merchants you put an end to delivered some really top shelf stuff before Harvestfest. Get ya good and fucked up,” he smiled as he got up and made his way back out the door, ignoring the noble that had curled up in a ball and begun weeping, on his way out.