It felt weird being insecure about something so small.

I mean, This should be a shoo-in, we’ve been cool with each other basically this entire year. I’ve seen every inch of her, and vice versa. This shouldn’t be hard in the absolute slightest. But here I am, struggling to find what to wear. This is crossing that threshold we balanced for so long, from casual to…

This.

I already stressed this to Yuya, her response just being “Just go with your heart.”

Motherfucker I asked YOU. Ugh.

Anyway, I settled on a light blue turtleneck, my black winter coat, my least worn-out jeans, and nice-looking boots. I styled my hair and gave my stubble a proper trimming. I was ready for a date, my first in quite a while. I looked at myself in the mirror, wondering if I was really ready for a serious date. My last real relationship ended horribly. The boys in Britain were unforgiving, using me for cash or dick. I was a cocky young man, I didn’t care that the relationships were shallow, because I was using them too. And the one I finally wanted to keep did me wrong. I can’t say I didn’t deserve it. I was a scumbag.

I sighed as I craved a smoke. The stress was getting to me. I shook it. I needed to smell nice for the date. I sprayed my finest cologne and went out into the night, shuffling across the salted concrete to my car.

I drove over to her apartment complex, seeing the night sky slowly releasing snow. Setting a scene for the date. I parked in my usual spot, the streets quieter than usual due to the event going on. After a text saying I arrived, she stepped out, wearing a black hoodie, her long green coat, blue skinny jeans, and her usual winter boots. Her blonde hair was made into a ponytail, slick and straight, perfectly showing her glossy lipstick and hoop earrings. She was beautiful. I couldn’t help but smile, just in awe at how she looked. She got in the car, noticing my attire.

“Looking good, champ,” She remarked as she adjusted her seatbelt.

I shrugged off her compliment, attempting to hide my smile from her compliment. I was a sucker for affection, after all. “You look so much better.”

Carter laughed, then turned through the channels on the radio. “Whatever loverboy, what’s on the Christmas radio?”

She got her answer as she finally got to the station as they were in the middle of playing “This Christmas” by Donny Hathaway. We both knew the song by heart it seems, as we sang as loud as we could. The heat blasted in our faces, speeding past the greens and reds soaking the city. It’s a memory that will always stick to me. Seeing her face of pure joy. For one moment, every stress we had this week washed away. She was perfect. Was I really falling for her?

This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

And if I was, why was I so scared of it?

We eventually drove past the slight traffic to the park. The entrance was as you expected, the trees ripe with lights, flashing white. The entrance sign looked decades old but very warm. It gave me a strange nostalgia despite not growing up here. I never had a Christmas this cold before. I hardly remember the Osaka winters and Dad never took us on vacations on the holidays once we got to Oakland. He just liked staying home.

But I was here, breathing out cold air and smiling as I looked down at her, gripping my hand as we headed in the forest trail, feet softly planted against the hardened snow. Our first half of the trip was traveling through he bright tree showcase. Carter gave me a bit of a tour as she helped with some of it “Over there is the oldest tree we got. About 50 years old.”

“Shit, really?”

She shrugged. “That’s what people keep telling me. And over there is the Jesus tree.”

I looked at the holy tree, thick with cross ornaments and such. “Cool. I guess.”

“Well, that’s Hulwater for ya. And over there is the bitch tree.”

“You mean birch?”

Carter sucked her teeth as we approached the fabled bitch tree. “No. Fucking Amy Andrews brought this tree in at the last minute and got all entitled about it. So it’s the bitch tree.”

As a joke, I flipped off the tree. Carter laughed and weakly hit my arm, telling me to stop. We moved on to the rest station, sitting under an open tent to sit and drink hot chocolate. “I’m not built for this man,” I mumbled as I sipped my warm drink.

Carter giggled as she rested her head on my shoulder. “Can it, California. You gotta admit, it’s pretty nice.”

I conceded that point. “I always wondered what that felt like. I always see the snow on TV.”

“I find the cold endearing, ya know. My best memories happened in the cold.”

“Including this one?”

She laughed and hit my chest. “Shut up! I’m serious. I just can’t explain it but the snow just makes me forget. It was my escape before I found wrestling.”

I nodded, understanding the need to escape. We sat in silence, watching the snow pick up a bit, thick chunks slowly falling. She snuggled up to me, her face seemingly lost in thought. I let her do so, wrapping an arm around her. Then that tinge of fear came back…

We walked through the second half, which is more of a mood-lighting scenario. I took a few pictures for us to post on Instagram, and we just spent the rest of the time talking.

“Kris, why didn’t you tell me your dad has a YouTube channel?!”

“Oh god…” I groaned, keeping an embarrassed smile.

“Bro! Come on, that’s so cool he’s doing that!”

I shrugged, as I thought it was a pretty regular thing. The Artist is an indie darling, but to me, he’s just dad. “I helped with some tech shit last year before setting off. It’s good he’s still going.”

“Yeah, reacting to his old matches, analyzing new ones…”

“Uh-huh.”

“...He’s kinda hot too.”

“WHAT?!”

She bursted out laughing as I looked at her flabbergasted.

We eventually left the fest, with the stores being shut down for the pandemic. We hopped back in my car, shivering and shaking the snow off, smiles never leaving our faces. As I started the car, She caught me staring. I played it off terribly and spoke up.

“Hey…” I started.

“Need somebody to warm you up at home?” She finished.

I nodded.