As the raucous applause finally dies down, Mr. Arnaez concludes his speech.
“Alright, I have to go tell the other schools the good news. Go home, get some rest, and I'll see you all at the fane.”
He walked off stage to another standing ovation. Simon turns to Steven and says whuspers, “No matter what, get out of the trial as soon as possible.”
Steven turns to Simon with an incredulous look on his face. He opens his mouth to question Simon but seeing the seriousness in his eyes, he stops dead in his tracks.
“Okay. I understand. But I want an explanation later,” Steven says.
Simon nods his head. He turn to Lauren.
“Love, uh… you're not planning to stay in the trial for long are you?” Simon asks nonchalantly, in an attempt to mask his interest.
“I wasn't going to," she replied, especially since the prize is more tailored to others, but since my uncle wants us to, I probably will. But not long enough to beat out anyone gunning for the top five spots.
After a moment of thought, she asked, "Why do you ask?”
“No reason in particular, just wondering.”
I put my hand on her thigh, slowly inching my fingers up, and lean into her.
“And, you know, the faster we get out of the trials, the faster we get to the hotel.” Simon says suggestively.
She stops his hand and they laugh. By now most of the students have left the auditorium. The three of them get up and walk to the exit.
They reach the courtyard and walk, hand in hand in hand, towards the sidewalk. Scant few rays of sunlight have come from over the horizon hitting the dome and diffusing the light through the domain. Though mostly hidden the sun has managed to warm the air to a comfortable temperature and reveal the beauty of the landscape.
Keeping quiet really is the best course of action. If I tell her the truth, she might not believe me. She loves her uncle. And if I accuse him of this and I'm wrong, this might create friction between us. And the only way for her to find out is to ask him directly, and that opens a whole new set of issues.
However, if she does believe me, she will definitely insist on informing the entire class. Then they'll tell their friends in other schools and soon everyone will know.
If I don't tell her. She might get caught up in the attack. But, her uncle loves her just as much as she loves him. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. And if he isn't behind this, the DOT would never risk putting her in danger. Most likely they have or will inform her parents to make sure she doesn't stay in the trial too long. Probably the other noble’s parents as well.
Both options, she's safe. But only one gets me what I want.
A black car pulls up and positions the vehicle's passenger door directly before our path. A man in a black suit and sunglasses steps out of the driver side, walks around to the passenger side door and hold it open.
“I think this is you,” Simon jokes with Lauren. She stands in front of the open car door looking at Simon and Steven, pouting.
“We didn't even get to spend any quality time together,” she complains to Simon.
They both give her a hug and kiss her cheeks, “Sorry love, the three of us, we'll have some time tonight, at the party,” Simon replies.
“And after,” Steven chimes in.
“Alright, but I want to go for at least 2 hours.”
“It's our party love, we decide how long it lasts,” Simon informs her.
Steven smiles and chimes in, “I dont think she was talking about the party.”
Lauren smacks their asses and pushes them away while she steps towards the car. But she stops before she gets into the car.
She turns around and gives Simon a hug. “Wish Tao good luck for me,” she whispers into his ear.
Simon smiles and nods his head, "I will, love."
She before turning around and hopping into the car.
The driver closes her door and runs around to his seat. They drive off, leaving Simon and Steven standing there with grins on their faces.
Steven turns to Simon and asks, “Are you ready to talk now, babe?”
“Yeah,” Simon replies as begins to walk towards the parking lot, “but let's talk while you drive me home.”
----------------------------------------
During the drive, they sit in silence. Simon is running this thought through his head again and again.
Is there really no other way. The thinking is such a leap. All this just from a different orientation leader. No! I can't doubt myself now.
Completing his exercise in futility, he bites the bullet.
Simon tells Steven his theory of the real reason behind the sudden and unheard of before recompense for this year's trials.
“The only prize in winning the race after the trials are only bragging rights. Why so much, for so little a sacrifice?” Simon concludes rhetorically.
Afterwards, Steven, quietly has been mulling over the theory. Organizing his response.
“Have you ever considered,” Steven begins, “that they might be telling the truth? That they are just testing the boundaries of the trial system?”
Steven's face softens, “You're thinking about this too much. And hey, I know your thinking is usually solid, but this feels a bit like reaching. Like they say, the simplest answer is usually the right one. Just relax and enjoy the party. Not everything is some grand conspiracy."
“Ah…actually yes,” Simon answers, “I have considered it, but only briefly. But you bringing it up again... it is a good point. And it is plausible. And tour right, not everything is a grand conspiracy."
“See, look at that,” Steven replies, “you're worrying over nothing.”
“I'm not done yet.” Simon interjects, “While it does seem plausible, the credibility of that theory fails when you consider that you only need one person, just one, to test the limits of a system. You don't need upwards of ten thousand minds stretching something out to see how far it will go. That's not how you test something, that's how you break something.”
Simon gives it a minute to sink in.
“Shit... Fuck,” Steven whispers. The full realization doesn't always hit you immediately. “That's really fuckin’ messed up. I can't believe the government is risking our lives like that. Why didn't you say anything in the auditorium, before everyone left? It's gonna be damn near impossible to tell everyone now.”
Steven pulls the car over to the side of the road. He puts the car in park, pulls out his cell phone and starts typing. Simon puts his hand over Steven’s phone, “Stop.”
Steven looks to Simon. “What? Why?”
Simon look him his eyes, “You love me right?”
Steven answers, “Of course I love you babe. But what does that-
“If you love me,” Simon interrupts, “then I need you to keep calm and just hear me out.”
Steve sets his phone down, confusion still alive in his face.
Looking into his eyes, Simon can see the gears turning in Steven’s mind, driving him inexorably closer and closer to to Simon's intentions.
Then in a flash, confusion gives way to clarity, then back to confusion before finally settling on horrific disbelief.
Simon turns his face, straight forward, away from Simon. His neck seemingly locked in the position.
Oh dome, this is gonna be hard. I know where this was going and getting him to agree with me is gonna be like pulling teeth. The grief he's gonna have to go through because of this choice breaks my heart.
Simon resigns himself to stare at the floor of the car in silence.
Steven tries to turn his head toward Simon but once his eyes landed on Simon, his neck ratcheted his head back into place.
He can't even look at me. Oh dome.
He starts shaking his head. His grip on the steering wheel turns his knuckles white. The vein on his neck bulge.
“You're not serious.” Steven mutters, “You-you can not be fucking serious!”
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
Without lifting his head Simon says, “I have thought this through. And if you just listen for a minu-”
Steven violently turns to face Simon, the look on his face killing any words still lodged in his throat.
Simon looks up to see a true portrait of hurt and disbelief. And with hurt there is always the potential for rage. His face reddening, veins bulging along his neck and on his fists.
Stevens face, littered with signs of rage, bubbling, waiting to burst to the surface.
I have to reach him before that happens.
“I’ve known you,” Steven begins, “for twelve years. I’ve been in love with you for six years. I always knew you were different, but I loved that about you. You didn't need a lot of attention or interaction. You aren't afraid of awkward silence. You're smart but not nerdy about it. I have never meet anyone who loves like you do. You care so much about the people you love. You would do anything to make sure we were safe… anything...
“W-when you and Lauren asked me to be a triple with you guys, I was ecstatic. I only said yes because it was you two. Because I knew that if you were in it I would be happy. And I was. I was happy in a way I never thought existed.
“But I could never have imagined, I could never have conceived that you could have the capacity to knowingly allow ten thousand people, some of whom are my friends, to unwitting, at best, kill themselves, or at worse, who the fuck knows! And for what? Why? Why do you want this to happen? Was everyone right, Are you insane?” he screams, slamming his hand on the steering wheel.
He is reaching the boiling point. No more kid gloves.
“Insane, no.” Simon replies calmly. “But what I am is selfish. I want, what I want. And what I most want, is for all the people I love to have the greatest chance to live happy, full lives. No matter the cost.
“In the twelve years you've known me, have I ever been one to make decisions lightly? The possible effects of this unavoidable, and no matter how vile it makes us feel, ultimately necessary evil, has and will continue to weigh heavily on me for the rest of my life.
“I have mulled this over and over and over and over and over, again and again in my head and yes, this is honestly the most selfish course of action. But it's the one the that I choose. And if you would just calm down and let me explain, you'll see that beyond it being it's the right choice, it's the only choice for us.
“But first, let me ask you this, just how do you see your plan playing out? Do you see us telling the students, they all buying it and then refusing to test the limits in their trial and we all live happily everafter?”
“You know what, I do,” Steven said growing in confidence with every word. “And why shouldn't I? Your logic is sound, some people will believe it right off the bat. Those nerds would kill for your insights on anything. They'll buy it straight away. For the others, it might be hard but we have to try.
“I know kids in every one of those schools. I've played against them for years, they know me. They respect me. They will believe me. They can get the other students to believe us and put an end to this.
“And even if they don't, we have to, at the very least, give them the chance to make an informed decision.”
“Ok, alright, fine, let's go big,” Simon says. “Let's say everyone believes us. Do you think they'll stop trying tout use the students to crash the trials? What about next year when It's Tao’s turn. Or the year after that, when it's your little sister's turn. Or in twenty when it's our kids. Or our grandkids?
“The way I see it,” Simon opens the glove compartment and pull out a piece of paper and a pen, preparing to illustrate his points.
“I have two options. Either I keep my mouth shut or I tell everyone.
“If I keep my mouth shut that leaves me with four possibilities.” Simon draws two perpendicular lines, dividing the page in four.
“1. The attack works and something bad happen. Death, coma, paralysis etcetera, etcetera. As long as you are out quick enough, you're fine. Probably.”
“2. The attack works and nothing bad happens. Everyone is fine.
“3. The attack doesn't work and nothing happens. They try again next year and we keep the truth a family secret so Tao, your little sister Soren and the rest of our families are safe.
“4. Finally, the attack backfires and bad things happen. They blame the trials and after a while, they start forcing people to take the trials to try to break it. Or worse.”
I draw a check mark in each quadrant of the paper.
“In all of those scenarios, the people I care about has a chance to die a natural death.”
“However, if I were inclined to tell everyone, which I'm not.” Simon flips the page over and writes the word ‘Tell’ at the top. “There could only be one possible outcome worth talking about.” He begins to draw.
“5. Which entails them playing it down. Calling it off for this year, or a few years while having you and I killed during our community service. Then trying again.
Simon shows Steven a picture of two stick figures with their eyes crossed out.
“In that scenario you and I die then other people die doing the thing we were killed for trying to stop. And that is something I will not let happen.
Simon takes hold of Steven's hands.
“I understand you are thinking with your heart, it's commendable and why I love so damn much… but you are thinking to small. You need to think beyond the trials this year. You need to ask yourself why are they doing this. And what could possibly be their motive?”
“I don't know? I can't think of a reason to try and break the trials! The only thing that make sense is religion. They're trying to wipe out the religions. Tons of people consider the trials a part of their faith. Breaking it would crush those religions.
“Ok, maybe, but what do they gain from the destabilization of faith systems?” Simon asks.
“More control?” Steven says without conviction. “I don't know!”
“What I'm trying to get you to see,” Simon continues, “is that they won't stop. Not because they are evil, but because they can't. It isn't about ten thousand people taking the trial today. It's about the 240,000 that will be left.
“The way they are going about this just proves that they are getting desperate. The domain is only so big and there are only so many resources. Mr. Arnaez basically said so himself. It's been 1500 years. This long in a dome with finite resources. If it wasn't for our recycling policies this could have happened centuries ago.
We already have to ration food. Remember 4 years ago when we egged Mr. Murphy’s house? Can you imagine doing that today?
You can't, can you? Because eggs are too rare and expensive as all blight.
“I believe their goal, primarily, is breaking a part of the system keeping us here in the hopes that the entire system collapses with a secondary goal of population reduction if the primary goal backfires. But either way, more resources for everyone else.
“If the class dies, the population is reduced by a small fraction, but the overall population growth rate falls as well. Thus a reduction of the number of resources being used. Lessening the strain on the remaining resources.”
Steven places his forehead on the steering wheel, “I don't think I can do this man. They're my friends. The guys on the team, they're like my second family.” Steven looks at Simon, “My dome, their poor families.”
Simon raises his hand and put his finger on Steven’s temple, “You've got a gun to your head, and I say, ‘Either I kill you or I kill your family, what do you say?
“I'd tell them to kill me.”
“Don't you think they'd do the same?”
“Then let's tell them. Like I said, let's give them the opportunity to make an informed decision.”
“We can't risk it,” Simon shakes his head.
“What risk?” Steven yells
“Possibility 4. We can't risk them telling their families. Remember this is a risky call that no one would make unless the situation was dire. To literally sacrifice ten thousand lives, so publicly. It's risky for the Mayoral family. The families won't be able to be objective about it. All they'll see is their dead son or daughter forced into killing themselves.
“That's ten thousand families, angry at the loss of their children, blaming the Mayoral family. How long before riots start? If the attack fails and the students die, the family takes a hit that it may not be able to come back from. It will lose support across the domain. They may have to use a show of force. Won't be long before something as barbaric as a military is formed and martial law rules. Things will go real bad, real fast.
“Alright! I get it. I see your point,” Steven agrees. “It might be the right call but it still feels wrong. It feel like we are playing God with people's lives. It's not right.”
“I promise you, We aren't playing god. We're just playing ‘Let's stay alive’. And I am making sure you guys win.
“I'm telling you all of this because you are one of the few people I genuinely care about. But, that isn't the only reason I told you to about their plan. The fact that we are still arguing about this proves that you were the right choice. Because you care. You're smart, trustworthy, and love me the way I love you. And that's how I know you make sure my family is all right. You'll explain it to them and make them see reason.”
Confused, Steven asks, “What do you mean? Explain what?”
“Come on, you already know. You knew it the moment you said that I would do whatever it takes to make sure you're all safe. It's the reason you fought so hard against it. It's why you got so mad at me. You're smart enough to have figured it out, you just didn't want to hear it. Or at least wanted me to prove you wrong."
“I still don't want you to do this,” Steven says.
"I know you don't bae," Simon says, "I know. I don't want too either but someone has to."
"But why does it have to be you?" Stevens asks. "Even you aren't the equivalent of 10,000 people's creativity.
Simon answers “I don't have to equal 10,000 people, just 3. Me, you, and Lauren.
“And don't forget, there's still option 2 and 3. You don't need to worry so much. This could be a gross over estimation of the government's intelligence. Or of my own.
Steven sighed, “I can't help it. I just… I can't help but feel like this is a repeat of last summer. If this is just an attempt to give your suicide a purpose, then we-
“I told you already," Simon interupted, "last summer was a slip up. An accident. It was a small lapse of judgment. I regretted it immediately after. I know better now."
"Yeah, now you know what words to say to sound like you're better, but then you plan something like this. Risk-taking is a symptom-"
"I know, I know, but this isn't that," Simon explained. "This has nothing to do with wanting to die. And I know it doesn't because the thought of what could happen is scaring me shitless.
"I don't want to do this. I have to do this. This presumption, and it's only a presumption, it's too… important. I could not live with myself if I didn't do everything I could to stop it. And it goes beyond our families. There are a quarter of a million people living here. And if I do nothing to help them? If I resign them to this fate without even trying to stop it, do you know what kind of person does that make me? Not a person I want to be.
“I love you and I would never want to see you hurt. But I'm staying in the trials because it's the right thing to do. Whether or not it works. A plan like this would only be set in motion if we are in worse shape than it seems. This whole plan feels like a Hail Mary. I don't know what data they have gathered, or what they know, but they are willing to risk our lives, risk riots in the streets fueling a potential regime change. There is too much on the line. And if creativity is what is needed, then I might be the best chance they have at breaking the system. The best chance for you, Lauren, Tao, Soren… for our families to live better lives. My life for all of yours, it's not such a bad trade off if you ask me.
Tearfully Steven stampers out, “B-but w-we aren't asking you. For us, a happy, full life is a life, here, with you. Alive and brooding in a corner somewhere, over-thinking every detail of a conversation from 3 weeks ago.”
Simon takes hold of Steven's hands, looms him in the eyes and says, “That's exactly what I want too. But when has the world ever been fair. If you want to see the dome laugh, tell it your plans.”
“Is there anything I can say to talk you out of this?” Steven asks pleadingly.
Simon shakes his head.
“Then I'll stay too," he says resolutely.
“Oh bae. There's only one thing capable of giving me the strength to do this," Simon says. "That's knowing that you are here, making sure my family knows what happened. You being here for Tao. Being here for Lauren. We can't both leave her.”
Steven pleads, “But I can't just-"
Stopping him in just tracks, Simon says, “You can, and you will leave the trials early, for the same reason I'm staying. It's simply the right thing to do."
And if you don't this will have all been for naught, Simon adds cheekily.
Knowing when he's been defeated, Steven takes a deep breath and starts the car. He pulls back onto the road and continues on the way to Simon's house. The rest of the ride Simon sits quietly next to Steven, their fingers intertwined.