James

With the knight in tow, James and the others headed for their wagon. Got to get moving, before the blood knights send a whole army after us.

Alice, Rain, and the knight climbed inside, while James approached the horse. He placed a hand on its neck, using his magic to sense its fatigue, and passed energy into it.

“Sorry to keep pushing you like this,” he murmured. “We’ll get you a proper rest soon.”

James joined Rain and the knight in the back of the wagon. From the front, Alice tapped the horse and began to steer it back towards the road.

As they started to move, James turned to the knight. “Do you know anything about what they might have used to track you?”

The knight nodded. “There’s this huge magic crystal in the Crimson Temple, we have to connect with it to gain our full powers. That’s gotta be it.”

“The Crimson Temple… that’s the blood knight base in the north, right?” James asked.

“That’s the one,” the knight said. “I’ve been there a few times, I know the way.”

"We'll head in that direction, then," Alice said.

Rain drummed their fingers on the edge of the wagon, looking contemplative. “What about getting in? Anything the blood knights want to keep safe is bound to be well guarded.”

The knight frowned. “Won’t be easy, but… hmm. I have a couple of ideas, depending on how many more tricks you guys have.”

“We’ve got some options,” Rain said. “Speaking of which, you don’t have a disguise right now.”

“Uuuuugh,” the knight groaned. “Just use the same illusion as before.”

Rain gave the knight a careful look. “If you’re sure.”

James spoke up again. "If you leave the armor out of the illusion, I can try to repair it."

The knight glanced down, frowning. Rain's ice had punched through parts of the armor earlier, and Alice had cut away multiple sections of it. After a moment, the knight looked back at James. "You can do that?"

"I know a mending spell," James said. "Might not do a perfect job, but it should fix most of the damage."

The knight nodded, looking uncomfortable. "Okay. Um... thanks."

Still looking uneasy, the knight removed the armor. Rain restored the illusion, and James began putting the armor back together. James could still feel some tension in the group, but it was starting to fade. Everyone seemed to be getting used to the idea that working together would benefit all of them. Admittedly, we just saw the knight switch sides with little warning. Hopefully that won’t happen again.

He’d been right, it seemed, about the blood knights. Their methodology put no stock in emotional health, just in building deadly killers. Still, even for someone starved for kindness, that quick of a turnaround was… weird. James had some guesses for what else might have had the knight on edge, but kept them to himself. No sense in pushing things.

The group rode for a few hours, changing paths to head north and trying to keep their distance from any trouble. When they got far enough, they left the road and began to set up camp for the night.

Rain got out the wide basin they used for scrying. They conjured water into the basin, filling it to near the brim.

Alice turned to the knight. “We're going to check in with Karla. You want to join us?”

The knight shrugged. “Sure. Why not.”

Rain activated their scrying spell. The water shimmered, then changed to show Karla’s face. She looked the same as the last time James had seen her: a carefully neutral expression, and her long, straight hair an odd shade of bright green. He knew it had to be some sort of magic, but couldn’t tell if it was an illusion or some physical enchantment.

“Rain left our last call in a hurry,” Karla said. “What happened?”

“We got in a fight,” Rain said. “Another blood knight used a tracking spell to find us.”

Karla nodded. “That sounds like trouble. But you made it out, looks like.”

Alice took Rain’s place over the basin. “We did, with the help of the knight we captured. He turned on the pursuer and helped kill him, then we blocked the tracking and relocated.”

“Interesting,” Karla said. “Why did he do that?”

The knight joined Alice, leaning in to face Karla. “They told me I could get a good deal in exchange for helping out. Sounded better than the assholes I’ve been working with.”

Didn’t look like you put that much thought into it. But there's no reason to bother arguing.

Karla turned her gaze back to Alice. “I could arrange that, if he’s sincere. You believe you can trust him?”

“I do,” Alice said. “He’s burned his bridges with the blood knights, and he's helping us find a crystal they use to make more of them. It appears to be how they tracked him, so destroying it is in his interest as well."

“That does sound like a worthwhile target,” Karla said. She closed her eyes for a moment. “If his information is good and you’re sure he’ll stay out of trouble, we can release and compensate him. In the meantime, once you deliver the notes Rain mentioned earlier, I can give you a thousand gold for your work so far. If you take out that crystal, I'll add another five thousand.”

“I’ll need to confer with my teammates,” Alice replied.

Rain waved a hand over the basin. The water blurred, and the connection suspended. Alice looked up from the basin and back to the rest of the group.

“Any objections?” she asked.

A big payment, for a big job. And James knew that it was personal for Alice and Rain, they’d both lost people to the blood knights. Less personal for me, but still, a worthwhile goal.

Plus, alchemical components were expensive. With the nobles and military hoarding the good ones, too many people can’t access healing magic they need. That kind of money could go a long way towards researching cheaper methods to help do something about that.

James looked to the others. “I’m on board if you two are.”

“It’ll be dangerous,” Rain said, “but I want to see them hurt. I say we go for it.”

Alice nodded. “Then it’s settled. Bring her back in.”

Rain reactivated the spell, and Karla’s face came back into focus.

“Deal,” Alice said. “We won’t let you down.”

----------------------------------------

The Knight

We spent the next day back on the road. Accounting for some detours to avoid attention, it looked like we were about two weeks from the temple. Two weeks from getting me fully free from that fucking tracking spell.

“So much sitting around,” I complained. “Are all your missions like this?"

“Some of them,” Alice said. “If you want some more excitement, we could spar at the next stop.”

In the middle of the afternoon, we pulled back off the road to stop, and I took her up on the offer. Rain supplied the weapons, forming a pair of practice swords out of ice. Taking mine, I found it weirdly heavy for ice, and probably sturdier than it had any right to be. We stepped down from the wagon onto the field below, and took positions several paces apart. Felt weirdly reminiscent of my training.

“No face hits,” James said. “I don’t want to burn silver on fixing someone’s nose or eye or something.”

Alice nodded, then turned back to me. “You ready?”

I grinned. “Show me what you’ve got.”

Alice ran forward. She was slower than before – must not be using her magic. Guess it wouldn’t be much of a fight if she did. She swung down, towards my left shoulder, and I blocked with an odd thunk sound.

She tried again, for my side, my knee, my stomach. She wasn’t committing to the attacks, always pulling back as soon as I blocked. She’s trying to get a read on me. But I can do that, too.

When Alice struck again, I was ready. I ducked under her swing and stabbed up, towards her sternum… She turned at the last moment, and the sword’s dull edge grazed across her chest.

As I pulled my weapon back, Alice swung down, smashing her own sword into it. Mine shattered into shards of ice, leaving me holding little more than a handle. She stabbed forward again, faster than I could react to, and her blade stopped in front of my throat.

We stood there, frozen, eyes on each other. Despite the ice nearby, my face felt like it was getting surprisingly… warm.

“I’m not replacing that,” Rain said.

Alice shrugged. “Guess that’s it, then. Point for me.”

She lowered her sword, then tossed it to me. I remembered how to move just in time to catch it with my free hand.

Gathering myself, I looked back to Alice. “Not bad. Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

Alice paused a moment before replying. “My aunt – she was a squad commander, back in the day. Picked up more after leaving home.”

Squad commander wasn’t a rank in the Empire’s military. The closest title was sergeant, and I didn’t know of any woman sergeants. Neighboring nations we’d absorbed, on the other hand… Probably best not to ask anything about her parents.

“Were you always into this… sort of work?” I asked.

Alice chuckled. “James and I started out mostly above-board. Then Rain joined us and, well, the rest is history.”

I glanced over at Rain, standing off to the side with James. They flashed a mischievous grin.

Alice had the kind of strength I’d grown up admiring in the blood knights, but she wasn’t anything like them. It felt… incongruous, another blow to my old outlook. If I’d known someone like her earlier, would I have even joined the blood knights?

As we continued on, I tried to make sense out of things. We fell into routines, and I found myself gradually adjusting.

Karla checked in with us every few days. She had a lot of questions for me, mostly about the blood knights. It felt weird, sharing so much information, but I tried to think of it as just another strategy talk with a superior. No need to focus on how this superior is some sort of crime boss trying to undermine everything I used to fight for.

“So the knights have four of those captains,” Karla said. “And you said one of them is named Xavier?”

I nodded. “He was in the recruiting team that brought me in. I don’t think he does that much these days, though. He can grow these big, leathery wings, like a demon’s.”

The more I explained, the easier it was to keep going. It was like a dam, gradually eroding more and more.

“You know,” Karla said one day, “you still haven’t told me your name.”

My face tightened. Felt wrong to share it, somehow. Like knowing it would change how the others saw me.

“The mercenaries have been calling me the Knight,” I replied. “I’d rather leave the rest of my old life in the past.”

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“Very well,” Karla said. “If I turn out to need it, I’m sure I can find others to ask.”

Fair, but also, fuck you.

The crystal was a threat to me, and I was trying to destroy it to protect myself. But being around the mercenaries who had their own issues with the blood knights, and even Karla… it was hard not to take in some enthusiasm for sticking it to my old allies, as well. Which made it a bit unsettling to think about how recently I’d been one of them.

One evening, I wondered what I’d say if someone identified me, somehow. Confronted me about my… work.

They’d call me a monster, even now. I could try to explain why it felt like a good idea, but what would they care? What would any of them care?

I pushed the question away. One more thing to try not to think about.

Eventually, we came in sight of the temple, a huge structure of black and red stone. A tower rose out of its center – the same tower I’d climbed before my own ritual, years ago. There were no other buildings nearby, but the foliage kept us relatively hidden. We veered off the road and stopped the wagon a ways away.

As we disembarked, Alice addressed us. “It’s time. Everyone ready?”

I glanced at James. “You sure you can’t give me my powers back?”

He shook his head. “We can’t risk them detecting us before we get inside. And once we do, there won’t be time for me to safely lift the ward.”

I let out a sigh. “Guess I’m ready, then.”

We crept up to a side wall of the temple. It was… weird, returning this way. I thought back to my first visit, for Matthew’s initiation. Matthew had assured me that even though I hadn’t managed it yet, someday I’d learn to be a real man, like him.

At the time, I’d taken it as motivation. To keep training, until I could be as tough as he was. But now…

James’ eyes glowed gold with his life sense as he surveyed the area. He pointed out four guards, two of which I hadn’t seen. Rain fired off a volley of icicles, sinking into each of them before they could shout a warning.

With the area clear for the moment, Rain conjured a chain of sturdier icicles, driving them into the wall as a series of handholds. Rain scrambled up first, and the rest of us followed them to the temple’s main roof.

The tower loomed over us. We looked up, towards the highest accessible window, a couple of floors up. Past that, the walls jutted out in ways we wouldn’t be able to climb over. Rain sent another set of icicles into the wall below the window, and this time Alice went up first. Alice kicked in the window when she reached it, Rain and James followed her into the tower, and I went through last.

Inside the tower, soldiers surrounded us. One was already on the ground by the time I got in, while the mercenaries took on the others. A blood knight stood between us and the stairs leading further up. Not someone I recognized – and to my frustration, not someone I could fight now, either.

A soldier ran for the stairs leading back down. Going for help? Not a chance. I caught up, and stabbed him through the spine. He crumpled to the ground, and something felt… off. It was that I couldn’t absorb his power, I realized. This will take some getting used to.

By the time I turned back around, the floor was littered with the broken bodies of soldiers. It felt weird, having that be a sign of victory now. But then, we always treated them as expendable, anyway. Aside from us, the only one left standing was the blood knight.

The blood knight thrust a hand forward, and spikes of solid shadow flew towards the mercenaries. James flung out a wave of light, dissipating the ones headed for him and Rain, while Alice braced herself and shrugged off the hits. Rain countered with a spike of their own – bursting up from the floor, stabbing through the blood knight’s shoulder, pinning him to the wall. Before he could get free, Alice’s axe carved through his neck.

Shouting came from below, and the sounds of people moving up the tower. Rain ran back to the stairs to the lower levels and sent a wave of water down them, then froze it into a ramp of ice.

As we headed for the stairs upward, I spared a glance back at the dead soldiers. Wonder if any of them had a journal. Wonder if any of them ever killed anyone who’d had a journal.

We continued up the remaining floors, fighting our way through the guards. Rain froze more stairs behind us, and did the same to the doors we passed. As we approached the top, James took some silver powder and pressed it into Rain’s hand, casting a spell. Light coursed across Rain’s body, and they looked more energized, or at least less tired after using so much magic.

With that sorted out, we entered the crystal’s chamber. A familiar face stood before us. Matthew.

Matthew glared at us. No sign of him recognizing me through my illusion. “So you’re the ones who’ve been causing all this trouble, huh?”

“We are,” Alice said. “Stand down, unless you want to be the next blood knight we kill.”

“You think that’s how this goes?” Matthew jeered. “You’re out of your depth, you bitch!”

Matthew slammed his palm onto the crystal, and shadows rushed into him. My eyes went wide – the senior knights had warned us not to make direct contact. But rather than his head exploding or his skin melting or any other grisly fate I could think of, Matthew seemed to be taking it in just fine. They must have taught him how to harness it, when they stationed him here.

…Which is a problem.

James threw a ray of light towards Matthew. Rain joined in with a shower of icicles, while Alice and I charged in on foot. Before any of us could get to him, Matthew took his hand off the crystal, then swept both hands upward. A wall of liquid shadow burst up from the floor in front of him, blocking the projectiles and obscuring him from view.

The shadows crashed back down a moment later. They spread across the floor in a wave, almost knocking me off my feet. Black tendrils emerged from the liquid, dozens of them, more than I’d ever seen him make at once. I jumped back, hacking at them as they reached for my arms and legs.

The mercenaries turned their attention to the tendrils as well, there were too many to get past. Alice backed away from the crystal, joining James and Rain near the front of the room. I tried to follow, but there were too many fucking tendrils everywhere. Without my powers, it was enough trouble just staying put.

Matthew began to walk towards the mercenaries. As he passed, he looked towards me, with a disgusted expression. Like he was about to squash a bug. Is that how I looked, to the people I killed?

He waved a hand. Another tendril emerged from the ground between us, this one with a spearlike tip. It hurtled towards me, I dived to the side, and – something caught my leg. With an awful CRUNCH, the tendril pierced through my armor, through my stomach, out my back.

I fell to the ground, gasping as the tendril wrenched itself back out of me. I waited for the finishing blow… where is it?

Still on the floor, I looked around. Matthew had turned his attention back towards the mercenaries. The tendrils around me were withdrawing, changing course to head for them as well. He doesn’t think I’m worth finishing off. Just some trash that’s about to bleed to death.

The mercenaries were backed against a wall. They struck with light, with ice, with Alice’s axe, but the tendrils kept coming. Could I go for Matthew while he’s focused on them? No, the tendrils that weren’t surrounding the mercenaries were guarding his back.

But in that case…

I looked towards the crystal. He’d left it undefended.

I dragged myself forward, leaving a trail of blood and probably more. Not used to bleeding for this long. Just… had to get there in time.

Not how I hoped all this would go. But… still don’t feel like I made the wrong choice.

What if I told Matthew that it’s me? Would he save me? Could he save me?

Would it be worth it?

After what felt like ages, I reached the stone pedestal, the crystal stretching up from it. My vision blurred… I felt so tired. My eyes closed. GET UP, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

I forced my eyes back open and reached for the pedestal. This might kill me. But not doing it would definitely kill me.

I hauled myself up, almost back to standing, and slapped a hand down onto the crystal. A jolt went through me, like all the times I’d accidentally zapped myself. After the initial shock, power flowed into me like a wave, and I felt James’ ward crumble beneath the pressure.

I pulled my hand back as soon as I could. I’d already absorbed a staggering amount of energy, enough that I felt on the verge of ripping apart. Lucky that I was empty going in, I guess. Ichor flowed into the hole in my stomach, knitting it back together, forcing out any bits of cloth or metal that had been left behind.

Lightning filled me, roared inside me louder than ever. I pushed away from the pedestal and returned to my feet. Matthew finally turned back around, and this time, horror spread across his face.

“What the FUCK?” he shouted. “They told me you were dead!”

I glanced down. The illusion was gone, probably broken when I touched the crystal. Well, it doesn’t matter now.

A grin spread across my face, and I let out a harsh, deep laugh. “Guess again.”

Matthew’s face contorted with fury. A dozen tendrils reached out, stabbing towards me. I held out both hands and let out a torrent of lightning, ripping through the tendrils and flinging him into the wall behind him.

I leaped forward. Lightning exploded out of my feet as I moved, cracking the floor below me. Matthew got to his feet, drew his sword, and swung towards me. I sent lightning into my own sword as I struck, carving through his blade like paper.

You stomped on me, laughed at me, always told me I wasn’t good enough-

My fist collided with his jaw. With my left hand, I grabbed him by the face.

“Goodbye, Matthew,” I said.

Lightning surged out of me, pouring into him. He screamed, screamed louder, screamed until he ran out of breath. I could feel him burning through his magic just to stay alive. When I let him go, his face was a charred ruin, and he crumpled to the floor. I stabbed down at him, into his chest. His lifeforce flowed up the sword, into my body, and a laugh shook its way out of me.

How does it feel, Matthew? To end up as nothing more than the spoils of my victory?

The remaining tendrils crumbled into dust. Behind them, three figures appeared – Alice, James, and Rain. I’d forgotten they were even here. I gave them a triumphant grin, resting my sword on my shoulder.

They didn’t look relieved. Instead, all I could see in their eyes was fear.

Rain broke the silence. “You’re... still on our side, right?”

As their words sunk in, the magic coursing through my veins began to feel like inky death, staining me as it moved. How many people’s lifeforce did I just take in? From the crystal, from Matthew?

If this is what winning looks like, how the hell can I be good enough for them?

I blinked, a shudder going through me. “I… Of course. Let’s get this over with.”

I turned back towards the crystal. Lightning flowed into my sword – the sword the commander had given me – and for once, burning magic out of my system felt like a relief. I drove it into the crystal, pumped more and more energy into it, and cracks began to spread.

The crystal exploded. Purple shards scattered throughout the room, bouncing off me, spilling around the floor. Black smoke poured out of them. Some pieces started losing their color, turning clear.

Not far below us, I heard ice shatter and a door slam against a wall. Not much time left.

“We’re done here,” Alice said. “Let’s bail.”

The windows were a ways above our heads, reaching them would mean more climbing. No need for that. I sheathed my sword, poured lightning into my fist – don’t think about it, worry later – and punched the wall. A thunderclap boomed out and the stone shattered, leaving a hole several feet around. The others joined me.

“All together,” Alice said. “Ready… NOW!”

We jumped down, towards the roof below. As we fell, Alice spread her arms and cast a spell, and I felt her strength spread to me. When we landed, her magic absorbed the impact from each of us.

Guards were waiting on the roof, surrounding us. Not a problem. I stepped forward and let out a wave of lightning, knocking some off the roof, frying others where they stood. We ran to the edge, and jumped down to the ground the same way.

We headed for the wagon, climbed inside, and rode off. Alice took the front again, while I sat with James and Rain. Power ran through me, power that felt so much worse than the last time I’d held it. Should just rip myself open and drain out every drop of-

“Are you okay?” James asked, and for once I appreciated his concern.

“Just… get it out,” I muttered.

James turned to Rain. “Is there still a connection to block?”

Rain’s eyes glowed. For the second time, they traced invisible strings around me.

“Fuck,” Rain said. “Yeah, there is. Do it.”

James moved behind me and began to draw the same symbol as before. As he did, Rain spoke up again.

“The crystal was part of it, but not the whole thing,” Rain said. “With only one anchor left, I could see it more clearly.”

The ward burned through me again, expelling my magic in the form of a black cloud. Even though I’d been supercharged this time, it was easier, somehow. Maybe because I was more used to it. Maybe because this time, I really wanted it gone.

“It’s a person,” Rain continued. “A couple of days south of here, at the moment.”

A couple of days south… My eyes narrowed. “It’s General Silas.”

“Well then,” Alice said. “Let’s head that way. We’ll talk to Karla in the morning.”

We rode for hours past sundown, trying to get as much distance as we could. Eventually, we left the road to make camp for the night.

Once everything was ready, I found myself wandering off. Need to clear my head.

Exhaustion hit, and I sat down on a log. Before long, James showed up. “Mind if I join you?”

I scooted over a bit, making room. James sat down next to me.

“Why did you charge at that knight earlier?” he asked.

I looked away, fixing my gaze on an old oak tree. “I just… wanted to be useful.”

“You were already useful, helping us get there,” he said. “That was risky.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” I muttered. “Another dead blood knight?”

Silence hung between us. Shouldn’t have said that out loud.

After a pause, James spoke up again. “Is that still how you see yourself?”

“You know what I’ve done,” I growled. “Do you think I should just ignore that?”

“No,” he said. “But I don’t think you should try to punish yourself for it, either. Alice, Rain, and I, we’re all killers for hire. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. But… we’re also trying to make the best of things.”

I didn’t respond.

“To do that,” he continued, “we have to take care of ourselves. That goes for you, too. Give yourself a chance to do better. To be better.”

Not used to thinking of things that way. Spent so long trying to be the toughest guy around. But that didn’t work, did it?

“Speaking of which,” James said, “I’m gonna get some sleep. But if you need help with something, ask for it, okay? Either from me, or from Rain or Alice.”

I gave him a nod. He smiled, got up, and left.

I sat for a while longer, trying to process that exchange. When I came back, Alice and James were asleep, while Rain sat against a tree.

“You’ve got first watch, huh?” I asked.

Rain nodded. “James suggested it. Seemed to think you’d want to see me.”

I let out a sigh. “James is a fucking meddler.”

“I’m not gonna pry,” they said. “But I can tell you’ve got something on your mind.”

I sat down next to them, considering my options. Didn’t want to leave. But if I say too much, there’s no going back.

“Your name,” I said. “Rain. Did you choose it?”

Rain gave a fond smile, different from anything I’d seen from them. “I did. About six years ago, now. I was done with being seen as a girl, but wasn’t interested in being a guy, either. So, I settled on this.”

I nodded. If that’s something people can do…

“How did that, uh, go?” I asked.

Rain sighed. “My teacher didn’t like it. But I was already getting sick of him, and by then I knew enough magic that I didn’t need him anymore. So I went my own way. Found people who were cool about it, like Alice and James. And you, which was a surprise.”

I chuckled at that. “Been a lot of surprises, huh. I didn’t even know it was a thing, until I met you.”

“Lot of people don’t,” Rain said. “The blood knights sure wouldn’t tell you, they’re all built around their idea of what it means to be a guy.”

I nodded. “Guess if people questioned that, it could cause them a lot of trouble, huh.”

Rain grinned. They met my eyes, looking as if they expected me to say more. I flinched and turned away. I’m not really about to do this, am I? Now, of all times?

Last chance to turn around and go back to trying not to think about it. But I’m so tired of doing that. Isn’t this what I’ve wanted for the past two years? And I couldn’t ask for a better chance.

I took in a breath, steeling my nerves. “You, uh… said you could design a new illusion for me, right?”

“Absolutely.” Rain stood up, and turned towards me. “So, how do you really want to look?”

Sorting out the details took a while. By the time we finished, it was time for the next watch. Rain woke up Alice and James, while I hung back.

“Ugh,” Alice groaned. “Third watch already? Wait, no. What is it?”

I stepped into view. The biggest change was my hair – light pink, now, and far longer than before. We’d also worked on my face, softening the angles and covering any sign of facial hair.

James grinned, seeming to understand immediately. Alice still looked confused, or maybe just half-asleep.

“Gave the knight a new look,” Rain said. “She wanted you two to see.”

Realization finally crossed Alice’s face. I gave a nervous smile, and raised a hand in a wave.

“Hey,” I said. “I’m, uh… I’m Vivien.”