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BIte Me
Chapter 01 - Happily Ever After

Chapter 01 - Happily Ever After

Every happy ever after is just a story that isn't finished, my mother used to tell me that all the time. When I was younger it didn't really mean anything to me other than a smart assed comment made by my mum.

Nowadays it gets me thinking, it keeps the mentality “And then what happened?” and “What's next?” I wish it was something profound, that happens, but life just continues and one day ends.

Until I was turned into a Motherfucking Vampire. Oh Vampirism has changed a lot since it was ‘thirst’ discovered, it's got a lot more diluted. 

I live a little longer, pretty much all my senses are better, the worst part is the skin conditions of being a modern day vampire.

I burn easily in sunlight and my skin turns red and peels, holy water causes skin irritation like bleach does, garlic causes indigestion and general skin irritation if it gets on me.

That's never stopped me from eating it though, and for Christ's sake we do not sparkle. Speaking of weaknesses, a stake through the heart will kill me, like it would kill anyone else. As will guns, fire, drowning, knives, poison, vicious animals etc.

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Every now and then we drink some blood like a glass a week. Not that much, just a quick suck. Speaking of that, the government know we exist, and you're talking to an upstanding modern well adjusted Vampire that offers no sucky sucky. It wasn't too hard for me anyway, I'm fairly recent. Happened in my childhood, barely remember it happening. Want to hear the story? There's nothing tragic or upsetting about it.

I was around three or four, playing at the playground, and a girl about five or six is saying how she's a vampire and all her family are vampires, and she shows us her teeth what were in all honestly just little nubs, Nobody really cares or believed her, me being the little white knight I am was like “That's pretty cool.” cause it totally was cool. Then she bit me and turned me into a vampire as thanks.

My mother was not happy about that in the slightest, oh we went to all the doctors and petitioned the government for help. We moved several times to follow doctors or be close to a certain hospital. Now I got a stamp card and go to a blood bank to get something to drink when I'm parched.

It's not all bad being a vampire sometimes, we get free mental healthcare. We are often invited to conventions to socialise with people like us, a good friend of mine is a werewolf. But he just turns a little bit more hairy and pigs out at McDonalds. Everyone is calling it the great Phase Out, as in all the supernatural creatures are phasing out from existence. Mainly because of all the hunts hundreds of years ago has turned our population unsustainable through natural means and no one wants to start a war by forcefully changing a bunch of people.

Exciting stuff, of course the average person doesn't know we exist. Oh no mass panic, stock market collapse, people ousting others because they're just weird and not actually anything supernatural.

But anyway I live a pretty normal life, I’m a programmer for a freelance company, a client will say “We want something that does this!” and we ask a bunch of questions then try to kill ourselves with sleep deprivation.

The good shit.

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