28 - Billy the Bitsy Spider Turned Into the Water Spout.

AKA Billy Saves the Shitpost

Jessum Crowe sank to his knees again. Polymorphing the boy into a water elemental, even temporarily, took way too much out of him. Still, the little guide was taking to it like a natural. He unhesitatingly blasted wave after wave of water across the outpost, quenching fires and soaking wood to prevent new ones.

Billy roared with the sound of a hundred thousand bubbles. He decimated his foes, extinguishing light after light. He was darkness. He was vengeance. He would swallow the world and play no more bubbles with it until it submitted to his will.

He dual wielded water jets, blasting them at the few fires that were left. Wait, that one was smaller and moving. BLAM! Another? BLAM! He heard shouting, but it was distant, as if it came from a great distance away, off in the distance.

He kept it up, eliminating every source of light that he could. Light meant fire, and fire was the enemy. It was destruction. It ate away at his home. Speaking of, his home started to grow again. It grew larger and larger, the voices coming louder.

“Brllrlrrlelllelblebleblebleble,” Billy said angrily. He wasn’t done yet. He still saw a few flickering flames. He wasn’t ready to let them go, to let them keep hurting people.

Billy spat out a mouthful of salt water as he returned to his human form.

“Yooooo, did y’all see that?” Billy asked exhaustedly. “I just… I’ve been holding that within me for YEARS. I had no idea, honestly.”

“Billy,” a voice called.

“That’s me,” Billy replied. “Except for when I’m shape shifting. Then, it’s something like Blrlrlrlrlrlrlllllllyy. Wait, what if…” Billy’s face darkened, looking at the stranger in front of him. “Do I know you? I don’t. That means…” Billy unholstered his wand, brandishing it at the intruder.

The stranger froze in shock, no doubt confused as to how Billy saw through his deception.

“That’s right,” Billy warned. “Caleb and your other friend are dead. Drop your weapons and we can resolve this mostly non-violently.”

The intruder’s eyes went wide with fear. That’s it. He had struck a chord. Maybe Caleb and the other guy were more powerful than this one. The intruder slowly dropped his bag of sabotage supplies, sweat coating his entire body.

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“Do I know you? I don’t. That means…” Roland was supremely confused as Billy ranted incoherently before whipping out his wand and pointing it in his direction.

Roland stood very still as he registered the weapon pointed directly at his face. The guide has seemed oblivious at times, but never to this extent. Maybe it was the worst prank since the fracturing of the Planes?

“That’s right,” Billy snarled. “Caleb and your other friend are dead. Drop your weapons and we can resolve this mostly non-violently.”

Roland’s eyes went wide. There were other intruders? By the gods, he hoped they were actual intruders and not just civilians that were caught up in whatever Billy was going through. As he slowly set his dimensional bag to the ground, water dripped from his forehead. Billy really had done a number on everyone with his water blasts.

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Billy watched for any sudden movements as the infiltrator set his bag on the ground.

“Billy,” came a familiar squawk.

“Jessum, watch out,” Billy warned. “There are people setting fires. This wasn’t an accident.”

“I know, Billy. We have detained a few. Now, let me see this one.” Jessum walked up to the saboteur and put his hand on the man’s head. The man’s form seemed to ripple.

“There,” the birdman bard said. “You see? It was Roland. He was, err, disguised.”

Billy blinked. Wow, it really was Roland. “Roland!” Billy yelled in surprise, sheathing his wand. “Why didn’t you just tell me? Did Jessum disguise you to tick the invaders? Nice! I don't recall seeing… Recall. Recawwwww. Recawww. Eh? Eh? Jessum, did you catch that? Recawwww. Anyway, where were we?”

Roland took out a book and started scribbling furiously. He must have picked up some good info on the enemies during the battle.

“Billy,” Roland hesitated. “How many invaders were there and how did you find them?”

Billy scoffed. “My Gift, of course. That, and sheer intuition. Blast that sucker on 20 out of 20. Can’t keep it at 19, that’s uneven. 15 is the only good uneven number. And 18 seemed high enough to be too close to a perfect 20, so 20 it is!”

“Twenty invaders?” Roland gawked.

“Twenty? Wow! You sure were busy. I only took out two saboteurs before unleashing my inner splish splash monster smash. Really glad I had that card up my sleeve. Oh! Cards!” Billy bolted off to the alleyway as he remembered the conjured cannon. “Check on Scrappy, he might be hurt,” he called out as he ran away from a gawking Roland.

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When Billy reached the alley, his cannon was gone. Sighing, he picked up the sword that he had left behind and headed back to the burnt ship in the middle of the outpost at a more sedate speed. As he walked, he looked around at the charred buildings and crafting stalls. They really had made a mess of the place. By the time he made it to the center of the outpost, a crowd had gathered.

“Now, now, we mustn't be hasty,” Commander Firemane’s voice boomed over the assembled crowd. Music played softly as Jessum Crowe, bard extraordinaire, played songs of rest and healing. The crowd was antsy, but getting calmer by the second.

“We will send out a few scouting parties in the morning, both in the tunnels and around the outpost. We still do not know who was involved and if outside forces were a factor.”

“Oh, they were more than a factor,” Billy yelled out. The Commander’s eye twitched just barely. “I caught two of ‘em and Roland smashed the others,” Billy said confidently. “They were setting fires while we were busy putin’ em out.”

“Did you happen to apprehend any of these interlopers?” The Commander asked. When Billy shook his head, the man continued. “Well, then… In that case, we’re back to my previous point. We still haven’t confirmed the reason behind tonight’s events. We must investigate further before acting.”

“Any chance it’s related to the whole end-of-the-world prophecy dream thing where I’m pretty sure we all saw Oxfys get torn to shreds while we were in a nice cart ride with the three gods that we’re building a temple to?” Instead of the simple yes or no answer that Billy was expecting, he just got silence and a bunch of stares.

“Billy,” the voice that rang out wasn’t Commander Firemane’s. It was a man that looked like a blood serpent god’s cleric. “Maybe we should take this somewhere more private.” His voice was calm, but stern.

“Why?” Billy asked. “It’s not like a few doors are gonna stop the forces of evil or whatever from hearing us. If the world’s gonna end, shouldn’t we, I don’t know, panic?”

Murmurs broke out in the crowd and questions started flying.

“It seems like some people have gotten a little carried away with the night’s events,” Commander Firemane’s booming voice cut through the growing noise of the crowd. “We should all sleep on it and take a look in the morning. It’s been a long day.”

“Sleep on what? The enemies that are escaping and regrouping as we take nappies? And where? In our homes that don’t exist anymore? Anyone down to share an ash pile pillow? We should at least send some people down into the murder-beetle hole and have someone watch the walls. Well, what’s left of the walls.” Billy didn’t understand why everyone was so keen on just going to bed. Roland came up beside him and took his friend by the arm.

“Ok, Billy. Let’s go,” Roland said softly.

“Fight or sleep?” Billy asked skeptically.

“We need to talk,” the alchemist said.

“Ugh, talking. More talking. We should be actionning.” Billy reluctantly followed Roland, who stopped after a few steps.

“Billy,” Roland asked suspiciously. “What do you see over there?”

Billy looked over where two elves were in a standoff. “Twin reunion?” Billy asked. They were clearly elf twins. They looked absolutely identical in every way, from what he could see. They shuffled forwards a bit more.

One of the elves, a tall and lanky woman with long gray hair and pinched features raised her sheathed sword in front of herself. She drew about a foot’s length of her sword from her scabbard, waited a moment, then sheathed it again. She watched the other elf’s reaction with her icy gray eyes.

“Our mothers have fallen to the war, the taller one said. I didn’t recognise you until I saw the mark. Better hide it again, my dear Aelin.”

The other elf, apparently Aelin, widened her eyes, the green irises glinting with something akin to fear. She hastily moved her black hair to cover the exposed mark on her forehead.

“Ah,” Billy said. “The one on the right is threatening her sister with violence. Should we intervene?”

“What makes you think they’re sisters?” Roland asked.

“Well, for one,” Billy stated matter-of-factly, “they’re identical. Twins. For two, one of them just said they had the same mothers. So, they’re sisters. Keep up, Roland.”

The alchemist rubbed his temples. “No, Billy. They aren’t identical. They aren’t sisters, and they aren’t fighting.”

“Nahhh, only thing you’ve got right, there, is that I’m Billy,” the guide retorted.

“I don’t know how accurate that is, Billy. You aren’t being yourself.”

“Me?” Billy asked, affronted. “I’m just rearin’ to go avenge the shitpost.”

“Billy, You almost shot me.”

“You were disguised!”

“Jessum just pretended to undo an illusion, Billy.”

“I saw it happen!”

“It was water,” Roland said sternly. “He poured water on me and it tricked you.”

Billy went completely still for a moment. His wand finger twitched. “You… Aren’t… Roland?” He asked slowly.

Roland facepalmed. “No, I’m not a saboteur in disguise. How much did you use your Gift today?”

“All day.” Billy furrowed his brow. “Then I topped up my core, then I used it some more. Then I manifested my will and inner power into a water monster and saved this place, just for the people to be ungrateful and tired and start accusing me of stuff.”

Roland sighed. “Jessum used a spell on you to turn you into a water elemental. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think the use of your Gift clouds your judgment. You get oblivious when you use it too much.”

Billy shook his head. Roland raised his notebook. “I’ve been taking notes. It’s been happening more and more. As your core increases in size, you use your Gift for longer periods of time. You get to where you need to go, but you get reckless and oblivious. Tonight just solidified my suspicions.”

Billy shook his head vehemently. “No, no… I’m Billy the guide. I guide... I need to guide.”

“I’m not saying not to use your Gift,” Roland said. “I’m just telling you to take a breath and understand that you need to listen to us when you’re… In a mood?” He finished with a shrug.

Billy nodded slowly, his shoulders slumping.

Roland brought him in with a half hug. “We’ve got you.”

Billy let out a deep, sorrowful sight. “I just…”

“I know, Billy.”

“I’m not secretly the son of a water god, am I?”

“No, Billy. No you are not.”

“Damn.”