Daress had been so tired the last few days. She had hardly slept at all. Tossing and turning, she had woken up many times in the darkness. Even then in the Church she felt stiff and uncomfortable. She could hardly take it anymore. Her mind was too active, but it thought of nothing in particular. The insomnia made waking life feel almost like a dream itself. She could say a nightmare.

The bride’s tears during the ceremony were almost cathartic. A stirring of some hope had blossomed within her when the Bheorse went to fetch the runaways. But when the man in red came back, he'd only caught a boy.

Daress came down the spiral stairs from the balconies and met with them at the aisle. Leliana was already speaking with him. The boy removed a ribbon tied on his arm to reveal that it was in fact Arturri. No surprise there, Daress thought. Nadira was smart and quick, and so of course she got away.

Although she felt disappointed, she also felt a somewhat glad for her friend. She had always wanted freedom, after all. Now she had it. She never needed Daress, anyway. It was only because there were so few young people that friendship ever happened. But, sometimes, Daress had thought Nadira had been happy there with her. At least, she had fooled herself into thinking it.

“Nadira had found a charm to resist me,” the Bheorse was saying, “but it isn’t very strong. And I know where to find her.” His hood was down and his long brown hair fell in well-kept waves down his arms to his elbows. His voice was smooth and not at all rough like Daress heard from the Bheorse in the market.

“Where is that?” Leliana asked.

“She will go to the Sots. It’s the only place she knows. She made friends with a ‘Kro’, who gave her that charm,” he explained.

Arturri stood demure beside him. It seemed he wasn’t yet freed from his mental hold on him.

Leliana paused and crossed her arms. “Will they shelter her?”

“Doubtful. I’m sure it was pity, but pity turns sour the more it comes back,” the Bheorse said. His voice was warm in contrast with his words. Daress thought the remark a bit painful.

This man represented a changed world for Daress. She had to consider what her own future held now that Nadira was gone. It was an unfortunate fact that what had happened would change their friendship - If she was brought back. Daress could no longer pretend her friendship was enough. Nadira's failure to escape would always shadow any happiness they would share.

If she somehow evaded capture, then Daress would have to manage on her own. She had to think about her own future, and her own prospects. She still wanted to live in the Orphanage, and make a name for herself here. Nadira had not changed that. But with her gone, at least one opportunity showed itself. It could be that Daress' application may shine in a kinder light.

“Thank you, Rohchec,” Leliana said, sending the Bheorse on to do his job.

He turned his head, “What about Arturri?”

“Ah yes. Direct him to his chambers, and to not leave them for thirty days. I’ll have everything brought to him.”

Rohchec laughed, a pleasant sound, his grin wide and stretching out a few scars around his mouth. “Is that all?”

“He made a stupid and reckless decision based on youthful ignorance. Our security was the issue and it is being corrected. It is unfortunate, but I’m sure that he finds his circumstances punishment enough. There has, thankfully, been no real damage done.”

“Well.” Rohchec contained his amusement with a speed that surprised Daress. Not even a smirk lingered, and instead he gave a soft smile with every sign of sincerity. “I am here to serve. Whatever you wish, Diplomat, I stand by you.”

“And that is why the Bheorse have sent you to help me in this matter. Your loyalty to your clients is impeccable, they tell me.”

“I am grateful to hear such high praise,” Rohchec bowed to her.

They moved on to bring Arturri to his chambers, and Daress watched them go. She hadn’t a moment yet with Leliana on her own. She started immediately on cleaning the pews and sweeping the floors until they got back. When they did, she noticed Arturri was no longer with them.

She found herself gleeful at his absence. Although his story of innocence reminded her of her own past, he was the agent that left her all alone. Innocence didn’t mean goodness, after all, and intention counted for nothing. That lesson had been hammered into Daress, as surely as it would be hammered into Arturri. He had lost a possible friend in her. But who was she kidding? It was not him that forced her to go. Nadira had jumped at the chance.

Leliana did return, and Daress put down her cleaning things at once. “Excuse me,” she said, trotting up to her, “May I have a word?”

“Oh Daress. Yes. Of course.”

Daress straightened up and found her voice. “I was wondering if you had put any more thought into the applications for Diplomacy?”

“No, I’m afraid not,” she spoke all a rush, “I haven’t had the time with all this going on.”

“Well, now that Nadira is gone, I-“

“Yes, it’s very troubling. You were very close to her, I know. I was thinking - Daress,” Leliana paused. Her quick and dismissive tone shifted to a more careful one. “You must want her home, as much, if not more than anyone. If you wished to aid in the search, Nadira could find it more persuasive to return when a friendly face asks her.”

Daress would hate to actively oppose herself to Nadira’s wishes. Besides, that wasn’t at all the point she was trying to make with this conversation.

Leliana seemed to read it by her pause, “It might look very good to your application to help us in this way.”

Daress felt completely inconsequential. She grit her teeth. She ran her fingers over her rough palms from the work of upkeeping this Church, day after day. “I think my application can stand well enough on it’s own, ma’am.” As a fury built within her, Daress continued. Her words like hot iron poured from her tongue, “Has there been great interest in the position, matron? Where are my competitors?”

“I’m afraid I’m running late for a meeting,” Leliana replied with a sigh.

Daress felt that she couldn’t answer her. She felt a sense of victory.

Then Leliana spoke. “The applications will not be considered until Nadira has returned,” she stated.

Leliana said goodbye and left Daress in shock. The deep injustice was unbearable. It was worse than a ‘no’. At least a ‘no’ Daress could have recovered from and not been left in a limbo. Leliana didn’t want her to run off like Nadira and cause a scene, that was all it was. The tiny bit of hope Leliana had thought enough to keep her in line for now. It could be she was scared of what Daress might do.

But it meant ‘no’. Daress knew that it did. But what could she do about it? There was nothing.

She picked up her bucket and got back to work if only to silence her thoughts. And she didn’t yet know what else to do with herself.

It was Rohchec who approached her working there. He had walked up so quietly, and she had been so absorbed in the work that she hadn’t even noticed. She jumped when he spoke.

“So you would not come with me?” Rohchec asked.

Had he put Leliana up to the question, she wondered.

“No,” he said in her mind - a shocking sensation. Her thoughts raced with how to respond to it, even as the words continued. “Not put it up to her exactly, but I do think it would be a good idea."

There was a pause in her mind, a very strange feeling. “But you don’t want her back, do you. You know what she’s like. It would be too different now. How sad to not understand between people."

His thoughts had been so loud they nearly overcame her own, except that she loved thinking and had read so much on this telepathy. It wasn’t Nadira on her mind at that moment, but him, or rather his ability. Was it allowed that Bheorse speak to non-Bheorse in this way? She had thought it was an inner-pack dialogue from her readings. As soon as she thought it, he as quickly answered that it was rather a sign of equality or at least comradery. An offering at the prospect of working together. He was being cordial.

“Well, we won’t be working together. And this confuses me. I’d rather speak in sentences,” she told him. “It wouldn't be offensive to do so?”

“No,” he said, simply.

“Well, to be honest with you, it doesn’t matter to me if she comes back or not. But, please... When you find her, be kind to her. It will be hard for her. She won’t want to go.”

He smiled, “I will. I understand.” He started to walk on down the aisle towards the grand main doors, but paused, smile still on his face. “And I have to say, this is a personal pet peeve of mine, but it does matter to you. A great deal, it seems. How people don’t know themselves astounds me. At least be honest.”

The word stirred something in her. But he didn’t stay to examine it.

In her room later that night, she replayed her conversations from that day over and over again. As the lights went out and sleep did not come, she lit a candle with a match.

The strike of the match was a summoner of memories. As the wick caught flame and flickered against the dark, she was back Home. She felt the warmth of the growing fire against the front, wind cold at her back. The paralysis witnessing its power. She hadn’t meant it to be like that, of course not. But she had wanted the flames.

She imagined her room she sat in with the candle in the Orphanage. The dresser, all her clothes, all her books, smoldering golden white, licked by fire. Everything gone. Everything hot.

If the book on Banishments got one thing right, it was that there were indeed dark things in Entithea. This desire of hers was one of them. It was now only in daydreams, but she felt it writhe in her mind like a sick curiosity.

When she was a small girl, she had gone to a festival of the Forest burning with her mother and father and two siblings. Many Kopkin had come along.

The Forest ran towards the Sedralogue’s Home. It was a labyrinth of tall tunnels filled with large black trees reaching just as high. Twisted, gnarled wood tangled within the arteries of the underground. It was the Forest that fed into the wind. Now and then for the sake of the health of the forest, they would set it aflame by sections, and control the chaos. The wind would go quiet for a few days during the process, redirecting the smoke elsewhere. Things would grow better afterwards, they had told her.

It had been beautiful. The warmth on her skin, the bright against her face. She could hardly look at it, it was so piercing. The tunnel festival was to help turn what for most people was a fearful event into a joyous one. But Daress had never felt scared. She had felt alive.

She could not be honest with herself. She could never accept what she wanted. No. She didn’t want to be who she wanted to be.

Neither could she become what she wanted to become. The small candle in her bedroom was a mockery. She wanted to feel it. Let it punish her for her thoughts.

To be an Orphan. To accept mortality. Maybe it was all meant to be.

She glanced at Nadira’s note, only days old. It was crinkled and smudged from her tears and from rereading it. Beneath it was the book of Banishments. It had made her appreciate what her soul had now.

She knew that she wouldn’t sleep so she didn't bother lying down. There was a place she wanted to see, to clear her mind. The place that sparked all their joy and all their suffering. That place would have an answer for her. She stood up. Surely, It could do no harm to stretch her legs, she thought.