I looked beside me and Pas held my hand in Keiley’s. “Daughter, Berto will help Jos Keil, and Greg will help you share memories to this cylinder.” He put a purple cylinder in a man’s hand. He had blond hair and green eyes, wearing a plaid sweater vest over a sport shirt. Gap clothes. A professional, for sure.
He laughed. “I teach college chemistry at GSU, but now we will move to Alb. My wife, Deb, is a midwife.”
“Deb? She was in Rainbow—” I watched her with mothers and wished so badly that I had Keiley’s baby to remember him by. I didn’t get pregnant.
“We will live on Ye~. It’s only a four-minute port, but Deb has cloned sisters. One will go to Elshar Zheiea.”
“Really? How many people live there?”
“I’m not sure. Half of K’hasa Zha went there, all of the Elshar Mashai Zheien Colony, and the 5 worlds of Rahn Estar. No one will live in Rainbow, but it’s a city. They have an Earthan Colony. What’s your favorite scent and color?”
“I love yellow, and lavender.” He lifted a 5-fingered hand, and it turned that shade of yellow, golden with a slight orange tint. And, I smelled strong lavender as his hand came close to my nose.
It made me feel calm. And I watched my life.
Slowly, Mama came into focus. She was younger. Pale, blond waves with every curl just so, even in this hospital, and brown eyes watched me. “When can Margarite start? Every day I’m in here will cost—”
“Heather Candler, you have to rest for at least six weeks! Your baby will need you.” That doctor shook his head.
“You stay out of this, Roger! Matt, my boutique’s getting a shipment from Paris Monday. I have to be there!”
Daddy laughed. “Oh, Margarite is already in the house putting the final touches on the nursery. She’s the best the agency had! Our little Bedelia will have everything she needs to get off to a good start. Antoinette will take care of your boutique for a few days. I’d better go speak to Mrs. Rosseau before I do her tummy tuck. I’ll come back after.” He pecked Mama’s lips, then rushed off.
Roger, this is my uncle, stopped by her bed and made a few notes. “You really ought to slow down. Don’t be in a hurry to diet. Slow weight loss stays off.”
She shoved his arm. “I’m going to Dr. Fitzgerald Tuesday.”
He stared at her. “A weight-loss clinic? They’ll tell you, you can’t start until the 6th week. Nobody in my profession wants a lawsuit!”
“I signed a waiver. I want my slim figure back. My image is important.”
“If you look sick, your clients—”
“Don’t you have to make rounds or something?”
“You should try to feed your baby. That first milk has antibodies for the first year. I’ll send the nurse in.” He left.
Mama held me. Sighed. “You sure were a lot of trouble. My figure will never be what it was. You’re going to cost me business, young lady. At least I can have Margarite, once we leave.”
Margarite held me. “Oh, we will have lots of fun, you and I. I wish your mother would just take time to know you as I do. She misses the joy of motherhood, while I can enjoy it, without the work of carrying you. Though, I think I would not mind, for you, Bedelia. I called you Lia, and she fussed. ‘Don’t shorten her name! I don’t believe in pet names!’ Ah, she is just too formal. Maybe she will relax in a few days.”
We walked in the yard, and I touched a yellow rose. “Oh, we are not allowed to pull that. But, there is a dandelion. You pull it, then I will dig.”
I grabbed the yellow flower. “Rose.”
“No, this is a dandelion. Say, ‘Dandy Lion’, rawrr!”
I imitated her. I pulled it, but the stem broke off even with the broad green leaves. Margarite used a garden trowel to dig it up, then let me put it in my red wagon. We covered the hole, then planted some flower bulbs.
Mama got out of her car in the garage behind the house. The garage door went down, and shook at the bottom. “I have to get a repairman out for that.”
“Mrs. Candler, want to see Bedelia’s work? She planted bulbs with me.”
“I don’t pay you to teach her gardening, that’s what I pay Julio to do!”
“But, it is a science project. She will measure the plants as they grow—”
“You like science, but you need to teach her math and more practical things.”
“We will learn measures and how to predict growth—”
“You can do that without getting dirty. She has a computer.” I stayed quiet and watched Margarite. Mama won’t be here long, then we’ll do what Margarite wants. Mama never notices how long we spend at the computer, or that I made 100 on my last math test. She paced until the repairman came. We went inside to work on math while she was fussing at him, then she left and we measured bushes and trees.
At 13 I discovered Mama’s secret to all the ice cream and cakes in the freezer in the garage, that we never ate with meals. Mealtime was all healthy food, and Margarite was like a part-time dietician. But, I was looking in Daddy’s tools for the shelves I got at Walmart. The door opened and I stepped on the other side of his metal shelves.
Mama quietly went to our spare refrigerator. There were two. This was the older one Margarite didn’t use. She took out a chocolate cheescake. From the shelves I had a good view. Mama ate almost half of it, then wrapped it up carefully and put it back. Ran to the bathroom with its extra shower for when Daddy came home in his awful scrubs. She got sick. Then, came back to that refrigerator and polished off the rest of the cheesecake. Repeat. I heard water running for a while, then she came out in another dress, and quietly went out.
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That shocked me. But, I was sick of dieting. My room had its own bathroom and for my birthday, I had my own tiny refrigerator. That’s when I decided, it wasn’t killing her, so I tried it. I’d sneak my garbage out when everyone went to bed. Or get up before anyone was awake, to take my little bag to the can on trash day. That’s when Mama added a huge bag of empty cake containers. If it didn’t fit, she’d leave with it. I noticed that she used her car’s trunk to keep it in.
I sneaked little things in, mostly candy and one slice at a time from the deli. That’s when I told Margarite she didn’t have to clean my room. I did it myself and dared her to tell Mama.
All too soon, I had my 16th birthday party. Margarite cleaned up while I played with my new Barbie Boutique. Put away my new makeup bag and all the new lipsticks, eye-shadows and a bottle of Chanel No. 16 to go with my collection on my glass shelf.
When I came downstairs, Mama was with Margarite in the kitchen. “Now that Bedelia is 16, we do not need your services next month. You’ve been a good employee, so I’m giving you a $500 bonus. Your last day will be the 3oth.”
“I see. It may take me a little time to get another position. May I stay until I do?” There was a little waver in her voice. I didn’t know how long it took for a nanny to get a position.
“No. I need you to be out on the 30th. I plan to make an office of your room, and I already have a contractor to start on the 2nd. It’s a Monday, and I have guests coming that Sunday. June is a very busy month for us, you know that.”
“I know, Ma’am. Do you have a friend, perhaps, who needs a nanny?”
“No, all my friends have older children, if they have any. I’m sure your agency can get you another position. Excuse me. I have a lot to do today!”
“Ma’am, may I ask one more thing? Would you mind writing a recommendation for me?”
“I already did. It’s in your company’s email. Be sure all of your things are out the morning of the 30th, so you have time to clean it before 5 pm. Thank you.” She walked out.
I waited until her car left the driveway, then rushed to Margarite’s room. Poor Margarite was crying. I never saw her cry, not once in my life! “Margarite, what’s wrong? I wish I knew Mama planned to do this, but I’m sure someone will hire you very soon.”
“Your mother said she sent a recommendation to Nannies Unlimited, but I called my supervisor to tell her, and she was surprised to hear from me. The company went bankrupt. She still has the same email but there is nothing but spam in her inbox.”
Her brown eyes had a haunted look in them. “Did I do something wrong?”
I thought about the past few weeks. My parents are gone so much, there wasn’t anything that I saw. They don’t talk to me much, except to stress how hard I need to be working in school. Mama’s boutique hadn’t been doing well the past year, but it still keeps her busy. “I never know what my parents are thinking. I’ve been happy with you, Margarite. I guess I just got too old. It’s a shock to me, too. When you became Household Manager, I thought you’d be here forever.”
But, they signed a contract for a list of duties, that stayed on the refrigerator. Mama had been adding things. Errands to be at the boutique when deliveries came. Instead of catering her parties, she made Margarite cook and serve. Margarite was up for that. My parents’ guests told her her parties were a lot better than the caterer ever did, compliments about the food, the decor, her bartending skills. Even her way of handling the occasional guest who had too much. I shook my head. “I think they wanted too much from you. But they never said a word to me about you leaving.”
If Mama was going to fire someone, I heard about it at supper. Vocally. But she never said a word about Margarite.
“But, you’ll be able to get a job fast, won’t you?”
“In ten days? I don’t even know what agency to try!”
I took her in my room and shut the door. My laptop was already up. How many friends had I helped with how to find a job? I showed her all the major job sites and gave her tips. She’s been out of the job market for 16 years. That’s a long time. But, I made a list of all her skills. A lot of things she didn’t think mattered, do. I helped her create accounts on her phone. Thank goodness, she has one, that’s not provided by Mama. I’d hate to work at her boutique again. All her employees expected me to chew them out or time their breaks. She popped in several times a day to make sure things were going as she expected.
I lasted a month, then got a job at Pera as a secretary. I was still there when Mama let Margarite go. She did get another live-in job, and I got a friend with a pick-up truck to move her. She had to take her bed apart herself. I helped, because Mama wasn’t home. If she had been, both of us would get chewed out. Mama never treated Margarite like a human being. More like her personal slave.
She cooked supper and we ate together one last time. The leftovers were a lot. I wrapped them up for Margarite. “Take this with you. You won’t have to cook tonight.”
“If you do this, I won’t get my severance pay.” She transferred it all into regular dishes as Mama would expect, and took the paper plates and plastic wrap with her, in a grocery bag so Mama wouldn’t see it in the garbage. “Thank you, Bedelia.”
I hugged her and struggled not to cry. Sixteen years!
We took selfies on our phones and she promised to keep in touch.
Then, Mark came with his truck and we loaded it. I went with them to her new family. They seemed nice. We got her all settled in, and both the new parents helped. Three kids, 16, 14 and 9. She’d be helping Mom manage the house and tutor the kids. They asked me a lot of questions, and I told ‘em all my favorite things about Margarite.
“We called your parents, but neither one answered our phone calls. Are they mad at her or something?”
I didn’t know how to explain that! “My parents are just difficult. I’m sorry. I’ve really enjoyed having Margarite as my nanny, and I’m not happy they treated her this way. I’m very happy to have had her. She made my life happy.” I smiled at Marguerite, who was playing a game with the kids on the coffee table.
As I said that, as I noticed how warm and affectionate this family was, I realized what I’d been missing all along. Marguerite was my sunshine, and now, she won’t be there every morning to cheer me up! I let a tear slip, then I was crying and these complete strangers comforted me! All the kids came to give a group hug! Margarite cried, too.
From then on, they invited me to visit every weekend. My parents didn’t even ask whose house I was visiting. Or wonder why I was all of a sudden visiting friends overnight!
Dates were a different matter. Daddy wanted to know whose family the boy belonged to, and if I gave the wrong answer, it was off.
I didn’t date much, and he didn’t last long around my parents.
In high school, I became friends with Becky. We were both on the cheerleading squad, and inseparable off the court. She wanted to do art, but her father insisted she do business. I tried to help her, but she couldn’t pass algebra, despite my tutoring. When we went to GSU together, we met Elsie in my algebra class and decided to be roommates. But Elsie couldn’t pass algebra, either, and dropped out of college. All three of us suffered through terrible jobs. I worked for Atherton, but it helped us pay the rent.
I had my four-year business degree by 20.
But, my future went on. I didn’t want to see it.