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Bedelia's Dilemma
Failed Future

Failed Future

“Here is Pas, for you, Becky.” Tom put his twin-fingered hand in Becky’s. Kept her other hand in his. His hair’s not dark, but blond. He’s still young. All of us. Elsie stood there, staring at me like I’m crazy! Inside, I am. Tried just to smile. Don’t think. Nothing happened! It’s all in my head. Yeah.

Pas’ red-gold eyes studied her as he lifted both hands. “May I touch your head?”

Memories kept coming. I felt Keiley’s gentle thoughts near me, and clung to them. I love him, as if I lived it. I was on that ship with Nespa for two days. Healers saved him, but I wanted to see Keiley. When we landed, he got sick and we had to get married. But, they carried us to a room alone and—he—died again. The healer said his heart was too weak. How long were we there? Days just ran together. I’m too upset to concentrate!

Becky and Tom were there, but they couldn’t see me. Before long, they died, too. So it was like losing Becky twice. I lost Keiley twice. I couldn’t contact Elsie. If I tried, slavers would get her. They tried to send a diplomat to her and she was gone, too. The guilt just—I couldn’t handle it—and Wulai. I encouraged him to share one memory and cry with me, and it killed him!

Pas gently touched Becky’s head across her forehead, then back a bit, and further. Then, he sang her to sleep. She’s pale. Tom wept.

Keiley held his shoulder with his other hand. “Tom?”

Pas helped me sit down and I just felt despair. “Your friend is ne to die.”

“She d-died in Rainbow.” I held Keiley’s cold hand against my cheek. “Keiley died twice.” My lips trembled.

“Nobody’s dying, are they?” Elsie shook my shoulder. “You okay, and dey okay! Becky’ll be all right, won’t she?” Elsie smiled at me. I couldn’t. I felt all that weight of all that grief pushing down!

“I saw her well. She needs but rest. I gave her anti-virals for COVID. Is misery, but we have comforts. Ne fear for her.”

“She died of cancer.”

“Cancer? But she runs! She couldn’t run if she had cancer, could she?”

“Miss Stone, she has ne cancer. Ne unwell but for COVID, and her health is well. We have a gift for all of you, to prevent unwells such as COVID.” He explained aandats. They’re a colony of single-celled animals worn as a second skin. It covers like my T-shirt and a pair of shorts. I nodded. The old healer waved and I felt weight on my tennis shoes. I’d gotten dressed so I could run to the drugstore if Becky wanted something.

Elsie still had her bunny slippers. I waved and she had a soft brown dress to her ankles, with geometric patterns. We’d seen one like that at a corner market in a parking lot, and she didn’t have enough money to get it. I also got her a big necklace with black beads and black earrings with an African motif.

She smiled. “Oh, Bedelia! Thanks! Where’d this come from?”

Someone came to show her how to work her clothing former. Becky did the finances. We just paid her and she took care of the bills. Organized, responsible Becky. I barely kept my checkbook balanced. I’m great with other people’s finances and spreadsheets. Work keeps me too busy. Elsie was good with that. She almost had a basketball scholarship to GSU, but had to drop her classes after the first exam. Test anxiety got her. She’s very smart. But, she’s got awful social anxiety. Doesn’t show it, but being around hundreds of people drives her nuts. I don’t see how she hacked her first year of college up to now.

But, we’ll be leaving Earth, won’t we? I couldn’t ask. I couldn’t let go of Keiley. I can’t watch him die again! His fingers smoothed my hair, and pulled very gently down it’s length, a few strands, then started with another. I loved it when he did that. Why can’t I just relax and enjoy it? He’s different. Warmer. Body’s larger, more muscular. His arms are around me like a wall to protect me. His hands are stroking my hair, but his arms are bent around me, tightly, because he’s scared, too. I’m hugging him so hard, my arms shake.

Pas held his twin-fingered hands in front of me. My aandat’s oozing up my legs. “Miss Stone, may I touch you?”

“I’m okay.” I couldn’t look in those red-gold eyes. Like usual, I just put up my fake smile.

“You are pale.”

“How can you tell? I have an olive complexion.” Our neighbor always asks me for money, ‘cause she thinks I go to a tanning bed.

Elsie laughed. “Olive, my foot! You’re white as Becky!”

“Becky’s fair. I’m darker.”

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She put her arm next to mine. “That’s dark! Girl, you funny!” She laughed. Barely felt it.

I grinned. But, I kept seeing Keiley. Stasis snapped on when I tried to hug him. When I realized he wasn’t breathing. I tried to hug him anyway, and fell on the bed. A portal took him away. Wish I could unsee it! My arms got tighter. He’ll have bruises on him! His heartbeat is strong triples. Skips, often. Too upset. Sweat-powder’s making my arms slip.

“Eja fe ne! Maiden, please let me see you?” Pas held my head up. Those red-gold eyes were past wide. I felt like they were spotlights shining down into my soul. He heard it.

Keiley wept. “Bedelia, please, let him see you!” We’re like a personal earthquake!

The anguish in his voice got me! I hugged him even harder. “Keiley, please don’t leave me! I loved you! I always loved you! I should’ve told someone, I could’ve called Atlanta Zheien Embassy, but I was scared of that creep, and I didn’t, and it killed you!” I just rambled on.

Elsie looked at me like I must be a crazy person! Keiley held me as tightly as I did him, and our minds hugged! He hummed, and I felt his panic when I couldn’t calm down!

“Breathe this, Maiden.” Pas held a vial out to me.

I didn’t try to take it. My whole body quaked. I never got upset like this! But he held it there and I sniffed at it. Les nort, that I’d seen other people sniff to calm down. I never needed any. In Rainbow there’s plenty of Zheien to hold you if you need a good cry and someone to listen. I cried a lot. Nespa loved me, but I couldn’t court him. He died of a broken heart and I felt like the most cruel woman alive!

Pas apparently heard my memories because his orange skin went yellow! “Breathe more. Children, you must marry.”

“I don’t know enough!” Keiley sweated in my arms! My love’s poison! They die from getting too upset!

“Nae this fear, Maiden. Take more.”

“What if he gets sick? He’ll die again and I’ll be alone!” I need to let go and get by myself someplace--

Keiley shuddered and clung to me! “Ejis nae! Pas, give me umar seg that I nae frighten my—”

Pas’ gasp shocked me! “Eja fe ne, I shall ne give such an evil herb! My son, be calm.”

“Give me something that my sweat nae frightens my maiden!” He sobbed and got colder.

I gasped and held him tighter! I shouldn’t, I’m bruising him!

“My son, listen to me. Take of bis tia. In this shock, you need five. Breathe these.” He held five tiny green leaves in front of his mouth and he gasped at them.

His head fell on my shoulder. “I can nae calm, Pas!”

“Children, be calm. Ne is to die here. I can help you both. Miss Stone, calm, and he calms. He is upset, but ne to die. Fear is harm, but I have help for you. Miss Stone, breathe more. Ne fear to be intoxicated, but breathe.” He held that vial closer to my nose.

I was terrified that I’d breathe out and dust from it would hurt Keiley! I snuffed at it for all I was worth! Half the vial went in with my breath, and unnatural calm washed over me. My heart quit pounding and breathing satisfied me.

Pas waved and it vanished. “Better, ea? Jos Keil has less fear for you, and sweat is less. See him?” He smoothed my hand over his arm. There were sparkles, but yellow, not green. Not as much. I nodded.

Keiley stroked my dry hair. “Beautiful Bedelia. Be calm. I am nae to die. We are young, eae?” He kissed my forehead.

I nodded again, and I wasn’t nearly as upset.

“Wish you to hear my petition?”

His blue eyes wavered between dark and light. Never saw that! It must hurt. Their eyes hurt when they go dark suddenly, and his eyes went from medium blue to light. My mouth’s dry. Zheien are very emotional. This excitement's pushing him over the edge! I feel like I’m dying, too.

“Yes.”