After heaving my guts up for what felt like an eternity, I finally made my way back to the living area. I found Stryker and Malakar repairing the broken door. Lorién was nowhere in sight. I walked over to the couch and threw myself onto it with all the exasperation I could muster. Stryker glanced towards me but continued his task tending the door. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. My entire system feels like it will go into meltdown mode at any moment, but I keep myself together.
"Can someone," I spoke in a cold, fierce tone, "explain why the ever-loving fuck you all seem to think of me as property? You call me a princess and then speak of me as if I am not here. You continue to make decisions on my behalf though I have told you all on multiple occasions that I can make them myself. Please, fucking explain why no one seems to hear me or care what the fuck I think."
I kept my eyes closed and focused on my breathing as I spoke. Despite my efforts to concentrate, my anger flared, and my skin warmed beneath my fingertips. I quickly moved my hand from my face and sighed. This whole getting-my-power-under-control thing will be more complicated than I expected. I opened my eyes and looked to the two men near the now rehung door for an answer. Stryker and Malakar both stood gaping at me wide-eyed. A small splash of water fell behind me and soaked the back of the couch. I groaned and stood up, shaking the water from my hair. My anger was mainly at Lorién but both Malakar and Stryker had joined in speaking as if I wasn't even in the room at one point as well.
"We, at least Malakar and I, do not think of you as property, Kasia. I apologize if it appeared as such. I am here but to serve and protect you only, Banphrionsa. Please forgive my infractions,” Stryker said as he knelt before me.
“Idiot,” Malakar laughed and playfully shoved his shoulder, sending him off balance for a split second.
“What? It is the truth,” Stryker questioned, glaring upward at his friend.
“Look, Little Sister, things in our world are different than in the human world. Everyone, males especially, think of females in a certain way. Only the Faire Folk differ slightly in that respect. Females of royal blood are given more respect and freedoms, seeing as they literally run the courts, but they are still held to certain standards and abide by certain rules. You have to understand that not everything will work in a way in which you are accustomed to,” Malakar said ignorantly.
“A way in which I'm accustomed to? Hah, you're sadly mistaken if you think I'm used to anything less than being treated like garbage. I grew up in a fucking vampire court being treated as a servant. Or did you froget? I was beaten and abused most of my life. I have always been treated like property; I'm plenty fucking used to it, Bro. What I am not is: okay with it. I'm tired of it; Done with it. I don't want to be a part of your stupid world if it is no better than the one I'm already running away from. I don't care if you think I'm royalty or scum. I won't be put in that position again,” I spat at his feet and turned towards the stairs.
“Now who is the idiot, Mal? Banphrionsa, that is not what he meant. Please, give me a chance to truly show you what we mean. I swear on my life and loyalty you shall never again be treated like trash or with a shred of disrespect while I am by your side. Please, Kasia, just let me try,” Stryker pleaded as I stomped up the stairs towards the room where I had slept. I paused for only a brief moment.
“I will consider. However, I need some time to myself. Please, do not bother me for a while,” I stated before making my way to the sleeping chamber I had used the night before and closing the door behind me.
I waited a moment to make sure that no one had followed. Once fully satisfied that I had made my point, I took a seat in the middle of the floor. I've got some things to figure out. The first one is going to be how to control this stupid power. Selia, that intrusive voice, said she is supposed to be my guide. Well, it's time for her to do some guiding. I closed my eyes and crossed my legs 'Criss-cross-apple-sauce' before taking a deep breath. Once I felt like I had found my center I focused on my breathing again that way the intrusive voice wouldn't freak me out so badly this time.
“Selia,” I whispered into the room.
“Yes, Lady?” came an almost instant answer inside my head.
“I've got some questions. Do you think you can help me?” I asked.
“I will assist to the best of my knowledge, Lady Kasia,” She answered.
“This is uncomfortable to me. Can we start by getting back into the dream state where I can see you as we speak?” I asked.
I felt a spinning sensation as a blur of color began to surround me. After a moment I found myself sitting on a forest floor surrounded by wildflowers. Standing before me was the same woman as before. She smiled elegantly and offered her hand to me. I took her hand and stood up to greet her.
“I need you to teach me about this power. I need to control it,” I said looking her in the eye.
“Have you no training? Why would you need me to assist with this?” She questioned.
“I did not even know that the Faire Folk still existed until my birthday. I certainly did not know that I of all people was one,” I sighed.
“I cannot train you in weilding your power. I can only guide you towards the path to achieve your goals. I can teach you to shift forms, but that is the extent of my knowledge on High Faire powers,” She admitted.
“I guess let's start there then,” I huffed.
“You must simply clear your mind. Once you have a blank slate you will focus on your power, your flame, and pull it towards you with your mental focus. When it comes within your reach, simply take it. This will trigger your shift into your Faire appearance. Many Faire Folk do this only once and then simply use a glamour to cover their actual appearance... due to the pain typically associated with the transition back to human-like looks. If you wish to transition back though you'll repeat the same process but focus on pushing the flame away or dousing it if that's easier for you,” she explained.
“Oh sure that sounds easy,” I said sarcastically and rolled my eyes, “How am I supposed to focus on something that I don't even understand?”
“It is there inside you. Just try,” Selia said as I felt the world around me begin to tip and spin.
“Hey wait, I was not done speaking to you!” I called but Selia was already gone.
I took a deep breath and attempted to clear my mind. I focused on my intent: darkness, darkness, nothingness, darkness... I repeated this over and over until all that appeared was a black slate in my mind's eye. Then, I began to search for my power. I looked for warmth, light, crackles of flame, and I found nothing. I tried again and looked for fire and smoke. Still, I saw nothing. I grew irritated and tried one last time. I focused my irritation and searched my soul for anger and red-hot embers. Finally, a spark of light appeared before me. I latched on and pulled with all my might. The spark turned out to be a raging fireball that came barreling toward me at a high rate of speed. I waited until the very last moment before opening my arms and embracing the flames. I was thrown onto my back and my head cracked against the hardwood floor in the bedroom. Hurried footsteps echoed in the stairway outside the door.
“Kasia? Are you okay?” I heard a male voice that sounded gravely with worry.
“Little K? Kasia?” Malakar's voice came next as he rushed past someone and into the room to kneel beside me.
My head was lifted into Malakar's lap and my arm was being gently stroked by a roughly calloused hand. I opened my eyes and met my brother's identical set staring back at me. Maybe they aren't identical after all. Malakar's eyes have little flecks of black running throughout his otherwise blue orbs. My eyes do not have any black at all. I coughed and cleared my throat before attempting to sit up. Malakar placed his hand on my back to support me as I found my bearings. I finally looked towards the doorway and found Stryker staring at me with a darkened expression. He looked like a predator who had just found the perfect prey for just a split second before moving to my side and offering his hand so that he could help me stand. I hesitated but took it and found my feet. Something soft fluttered behind me causing me to spin around. I must have looked like a dog chasing its tail for a moment as I discovered that the fluttering sensation was a set of gorgeous black wings with amber and tangerine details edging each individual feather.
“Wow...” I said breathlessly.
“Wow indeed,” Malakar said rising from the floor.
“Well, now that I know you're okay, I have something to attend to,” Stryker said but his gaze remained locked on mine as if he could not bear to look away.
“Oh, right... the Alpha's called a summit because of that stunt with the wards. You better go clear things up,” Malakar said causing Stryker to rip his gaze from me finally.
“Right,” Stryker whispered to no one in particular and turned to leave the room.
“Summit? What do the wolf alphas have to do with you anyway?” I asked causing him to pause in the doorway.
“I run one of their packs. It became my responsibility when I killed the alpha. I am required to attend meetings and summits as part of my duties to that pack,” Stryker said without turning to face me.
“If you need back up, dont hesitate,” Malakar told him.
“I won't,” Stryker said as he disappeared from the doorway.
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“You guys are really into everything aren't you? Next you'll tell me that one of you runs the human military as well,” I said with a scoff.
“We are still working on getting a foot in the door with the humans but they are low on the priority list as of late,” Malakar said seriously.
“Of course you are,” I rolled my eyes and moved to sit on the chaise lounge across from where Malakar stood.
“It's very hard to keep an entire society of Faire Folk hidden if you don't have a hand in every facet of the world that they exist in,” Malakar said plainly.
“I suppose it would be. So, can you train me on how to use this stupid power that I'm forced to bear the burden of?” I asked.
“No, but a trainer should arrive soon. I've already sent for her,” Malakar informed me.
“And I'm just supposed to learn to wield some wild power thing, learn to act like some hoity-toity princess, rule a fucking kingdom of Fairys and just be okay with it?” I placed my head in my hands and grumbled.
“No Little K. You're just expected to be yourself and take over as the ruler of an entire kingdom of Faire Folk who need you. You don't have to master your power or be hoity-toity. You just have to stop setting places on fire and do your best not to run us all into the ground. Stryker and I have been taking care of things here on the island for a long time. We can help you,” He consoled me.
“I sure hope so, because I have no clue what I'm doing,” I admitted and stood up.
I paced over to the balcony door and opened it. A gust of fresh air slapped its way through the room. Malakar joined me as I walked out onto the balcony. It's nice here. The view of the sky is lovely. I understand why Stryker's girlfriend liked this spot to watch the sun. I can't really wrap my head around why no one warned me that she was here though. I braced my hands on the railing and looked over at my brother who was staring off into the forest below us. He looked so young and full of life standing there in the sunlight. He doesn't seem like some unstable maniac who wouldn't know me as family. Lorién must really have it out for us, to have fed me such lies. I can't believe I almost fell for that. If it hadn't been for Stryker, I could be held captive and prepping to become the wife of an actual psychopath right now. Speaking of Stryker...
“Was it safe for Stryker to go alone to this meeting in the wolf's territory given the circumstances with Lorién?” I asked.
“Not at all,” My father's voice answered from my left.
“Probably not but he is a big boy, he can handle himself,” Malakar told me.
“He's going to be ambushed by Lorién and Lisanna before he ever gets there,” My father said causing me to snap my head towards the sound of his voice.
“Can he take them both?” I asked which caused Malakar to tip his head in question.
“Can Stryker handle both Lorien and Lisana at once if they ambush him?” I asked Malakar in a clip of panic.
“Ambush? He won't be looking for it. The summit invitation came on formal grounds. He's expecting this to be a civil meeting to discuss the issues between the packs. If they are planning to attack him I need to go help,” Malakar said and disappeared into a cloud of smoke before I could respond.
“Can you guide me to them?” I asked my father's spirit.
“Get your shoes on,” he answered.
I ran through the house and slid into my shoes near the front door of the cabin. I don't remember leaving them there but I am thankful I found them nonetheless. I hurried into the forest and began to sprint towards the footpath straight out the front door. My father directed turns and curves into smaller and smaller paths until we were in the middle of the forest with no clear markings around. He continued directing me, using bushes and markings on trees as markers to get me where I needed to go. After about ten minutes of frantic running, I heard voices ahead. I slowed my pace and began to walk quietly through the brush. I approached a clearing where I could hear Stryker making demands of Lorién and paused within the shadow of a large tree. I watched in silence.
Lisana was to Stryker's left and her eyes were glowing. She appeared to be chanting some sort of strange melody. Stryker was standing still with one hand outstretched before him towards Lorién who was approaching with a long sharp looking blade in his right hand. Malakar was nowhere to be seen. Why isn't Stryker moving? Lorien is armed, he needs to move. I watched in frozen horror as Lorién slid the long blade down Stryker's outstretched arm drawing a line of blood that began to rapidly trickle onto the forest floor.
I felt heat flare in my chest as I started to become angry. A firm grip landed on my shoulder allowing me to divert my attention away from Stryker. Malakar held his finger to his lips in a shushing motion and pointed to Lisanna and then Stryker and made a hand motion. He was telling me that she was keeping him frozen in place. I nodded. I pointed to Lisanna and then to him and made a breaking motion with my hands. Can you break her off him? He nodded. I indicated Lorién and then me. I've got him. Malakar tilted his head but then nodded again and poofed into a cloud before reappearing in front of Lisanna.
I took the distraction and used it to my advantage. I focused on all of the rage and anger that I could muster towards Lorién and lunged at him with full force. When my left hand connected with the hilt of his blade it instantaneously became molten metal and he dropped it. My right hand connected with his jaw and the smell of burning flesh filled the air. To my left, Malakar had Lisana by the throat in a grip that said he could and would rip it right out of her neck at a moment's notice. She was silently staring at him with wide shocked eyes. I moved my left hand rapidly towards Lorien's chest. It connected with his jacket just above his heart causing the garment to erupt into flame. He attempted to move away but I grabbed him tightly by the shoulder with my right hand and hit him again with my left fist. This time a hole appeared in his flesh. My hand had burned right through his chest wall and cauterized the wound as it went. I looked him directly in the eyes as I ripped his heart from his chest. Lorién's body fell limp onto the ground and a pained shriek came from Lisanna. I glanced at her and then tossed his heart at her feet before approaching Stryker who was staring at me with wide eyes.
Stryker seemed to suddenly realize that he could move again and quickly pulled me into an embrace that felt both comforting and smothering at the same time. It took me a moment to realize that he had used his power to wrap us in a cocoon of water. Steam was now billowing in the wind around us as our powers met and intertwined. The flames that I had not realized were surrounding my entire body slowly dissipated.
I took a small step back and examined the wound on his arm. He was bleeding badly still. I quickly ripped the bottom of my shirt, grabbed a small stick, and tied it above his wound in a makeshift tourniquet like I had learned during my time under NZ military protection. He placed both hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes for a brief moment before letting go and moving over towards Malakar. Lisanna was now sobbing as she dangled from Malakar's deadly grip on her throat.
Stryker regarded the two of them for a moment and then nodded at Malakar. Malakar turned his head slightly to look at me and I innately understood the question in his eyes. He was asking if I wanted her dead.
“Do what you see fit,” I said coldly and reached for Stryker's hand.
“Please,” Lisanna squeaked as Stryker and I turned to walk away from the two of them.
There was a soft thud followed by an almost pained sob from Malakar a few moments before he caught up to us. His hands were covered in blood. I only looked back for a second. Lisanna's lifeless body lay limp on the forest floor behind us. Her vocal cords had been ripped from her throat and lay a few feet away in a fleshy mass. I took Malakar's hand in my free one and walked in silence back to the cottage with the two Faire Men on either side of me. No one spoke or even breathed too loud until we were safely behind the closed cabin door. Malakar broke into a hysterical crying fit the moment the lock clicked. I was slightly taken aback.
“Mal? Are you okay?” I asked but he did not answer me and instead walked to a doorway to the right of the living area and disappeared within that room.
“He will be okay. Ending a life is very hard on his mental state. He's never been one to do so without creating his own pain in the process,” Stryker explained and motioned for me to follow him to the kitchen.
In the kitchen, Stryker pulled out various herbs and bandage wraps from the cupboard. I helped him to grind the herbs into a paste with a mortar and pestle. He applied them to his wounded arm and I assisted in wrapping the bandages around it. Once his wounds were tended I removed the tourniquet and he sighed heavily. I sat down on a barstool and ran my bloodied hand through my hair creating a sticky mess. I had hardly noticed the blood from Lorién's heart coating my hand and forearm since the wound itself had not bled. Now, I grimaced at the mess I'd just made of my hair. I took a few deep breaths and then looked Stryker in the eyes.
“I don't mind killing to protect those who need it. I'd do it all over again if I had the choice,” I said far too calmly.
“I appreciate your careing, Banphrionsa. I would never ask such a thing, though. The choice you made today was reckless, reguardless of how greatful I may be,” He stated quietly and took a seat on another barstool next to me.
“I will not place my life above yours,” I stated firmly.
“I'm going to have to call her back here, to help clean up this mess,” he said, abruptly changing the subject.
“Her?” I asked before it clicked that he was talking about the woman whose shoes I had puked in, “Oh fucking lovely. Goddess above Stryker, as if your girlfriend will want to clean up another of my messes.”
“Another?” he questioned and then glanced at my feet and burst into a bought of laughter.
“I hardly think that laughing is the appropriate response to our current predicament. Do your werewolf buddies not have laws about murder? Couldn't we get in real trouble for this? They were not just random citizens either, Lorién was an Alpha. He has an entire pack. Won't they be seeking vengeance for their leader?” I half scolded but I really wasn't sure how the situation would be addressed at all.
“I will take care of everything, Kasia, don't worry yourself over it. Go check on Mal, I've got some calls to make,” Stryker said in a far more serious tone.
I made my way to the door that I assumed was Mal's private room in the cabin and knocked softly. I was answered by a muffled grunt and took that as I queue to enter. Upon inspection of the room, I found Mal hidden under a lump of covers atop a window seat. He did not turn to look as I approached. I sat on the seat next to him and forcefully burrowed into his blanket cocoon with him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and allowed me into his space. We sat in silence for what felt like a very long time. The blankets surrounding us were cool and the darkness that they created was peaceful. I leaned against my brother and let my mind go blank for a while.
“You smell like blood,” Malakar finally announced, breaking the peaceful silence.
“That happens when you rip out someone's heart and then run your hand through your hair,” I said as I gently pulled the cover down from around us so that I could see his face.
“Thank you for sitting with me,” Mal said quietly.
“I know how much I wanted someone to do the same the first time someone died because of me,” I admitted.
“I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you, little sis,” Mal sounded as if he would start sobbing again.
“Ya know, for a hard ass you sure do cry a lot,” I said playfully trying to lighten the mood.
“I'm no hardass. I just know what needs to be done and when. I do what I have to. I don't always like what I do, though,” he said shaking his head.
“No one always likes what they do,” I offered.
“We should be able to live life in peace and happiness. We shouldn't have to kill and fight just to keep ourselves from having to run away every time we turn around. We should be able to like the things we do, Lil K,” He said and tossed the covers to the floor behind us as he stood.
I spun around to look at him. My brother looked so much like me that it's uncanny but he's also so different. His frame is so covered in muscle, whereas I'm so thin and frail. He walks and stands in an authoritative way whereas I tend to hide or cower. He's tall and demands attention just by existing where I'm small and easily overlooked. I find it so hard to think that I'm the one meant to rule an entire kingdom of Faire Folk, which I didn't even know existed when there's a man of the royal line right here who would be more than capable. Mal feels remorse for killing, he does it out of necessity alone. I don't feel anything. Yes, I acted on necessity but honestly, I think I could kill anyone who made the mistake of threatening someone that I care about and I'd feel nothing. Gaining this power changed something in me. Or maybe it awakened something that has always been there. All I know is that Mal would be a fair and honorable ruler. I can see that clearly in his actions. I'm bound to burn the whole kingdom down in a rage and not even blink in the wake of my own destruction. Yet I'm the one they want?
My brother may share my hair and eyes, and maybe even my powers, but he doesn't share my angry mind, the huge hole in my heart, or my uncontrollable and unrelenting rage at the world for what I've been through. No one will see that though. They will just see what I let them see. The wallflower: running from the vampires who have wronged her for her entire life instead of fighting back. The quiet girl in the office with no friends but who is polite and punctual. The girl who wouldn't raise her voice at a grown man just a few weeks ago. No, I don't think they will see that anymore. I think I found myself by gaining this power. I think I'm done running and hiding from my enemies. Lorien's death showed me what I'm capable of and I fucking like it. I am powerful and once Mal's teacher arrives and shows me how to wield this power I'll show everyone just who I really am.
I am done running away. I'm done hiding behind stolen identities just to get by. I'm done cowering to the wishes of others. By the end of this, everyone will wish that they had given my brother the throne that he is so clearly suited to instead of forcing me into a place that I never wanted to be. Screw those stupid books Stryker read in that dusty old library and screw the crazy prophecies that every damned blessed creature but me seems to know about. I'm not going to be her. I'm going to take this throne that I'm apparently destined to set upon and I'm going to use it to my will. I'm going to make the entire fucking world into my playground and my brother... my kind-hearted, protective, and apparently loyal to a fault brother will have a life that he fucking enjoys living. I never got that growing up but I'll be damned if I can't make it into a reality for us now. If I'm stuck with this power and taking on this title of Crowned Princess, well, the world is about to be stuck with me.
“Ya know, Mal, I think you're absolutely right. We should be able to live the lives we want to live and enjoy doing it. I'm going to make this world into our playground, Big Brother. First though, let's watch it burn,” I said, standing and moving to his side.
Mal's eyes shined with an emotion that I couldn't quite read as he looked down at me. I think, and hope, part of that look was a realization that he may have misjudged me as someone soft and in need of protection. The reality of it is, that I'm just someone who has always run from conflict so that I didn't have to deal with what happens when I face it. I don't need anyone but myself, but I do like my newfound family. I haven't known them for long at all, true, but Malakar and Stryker are the only ones who have ever made me feel like I belong somewhere. They didn't try to walk all over me, use me, or hurt me. They've only tried to protect me, help me, and guide me, without force, onto what they believe to be my path. They are willing to put their lives on the line to make mine better and they have become precious to me. I'm going to make sure they don't regret it.
“Let's not light anything else on fire just yet, Kasia,” Mal said with a small laugh and pushed my shoulder playfully, “you gotta learn to use that power before you go unleashing it all willy-nilly.”
“Yes, I suppose I do,” I conceded as I stole a glance at my brother's hopeful face.
I'll make sure that hope never again has reason to fade.