She turned around, opening her fists to reveal his meth and paraphernalia.
Casey’s face sank.
“Oh shit.”
She started off low, controlled. But the air in the room became charged with an electrical force, and Casey knew it was just a matter of time before the lightning hit.
“Casey, do you know what the police do when they find drugs inside a business?”
Casey also knew he had to take it. He nodded.
“They shut the business down, Casey. They seize it as evidence. But there’s worse. Word gets out. Eventually the business might reopen, but by then its reputation is ruined. They whisper about the ‘drug’ business in the back. It’s doomed, Casey. You can’t recover from that.”
Casey opened his mouth, but Bea shook her head.
“Casey, my mom died over a year ago. My dad is okay at home, but when he comes into this shop, he goes mental. I took over this place because I had to. And I screwed stuff up a lot before I learned how to run a business. But I had to. And the medical bills. Casey, have you ever seen a bill that’s nearly 7 digits long? We had to sell the house. We had to move into that crappy apartment. But even with all that, the Ol’ Pickaxe is all that’s keeping us alive.”
Bea stepped out from behind the counter, walking up to where Casey stood. The look on his face almost broke through Bea’s anger. Almost. She knew she must look awful, but he had done this to her. He should see his handiwork close-up.
“Casey, you know what’s coming. But before I say the words… was it real? Did you love me?”
Casey’s eyes were glassy and his voice broke.
“I did, Bea. I really did. Still do.”
“Kiss me once more then, Casey. Before the storm has to come. I loved you too. I swear I did.”
She felt his shaking arms enfold her and he kissed her fiercely. Momentarily she broke and accepted his kiss and returned it sincerely. All too soon it was over, but for a brief moment, she was broken.
But then the walls came up again and she turned stiff. Casey released her, crying now without sound.
“I knew I would fuck it up.”
“Casey, not here. I could have forgiven a lot. I knew who I was dealing with. But not here. This is my life Casey! Do you understand? Not here.”
“I had to put it som…”
“You didn’t think, Casey. You didn’t think about me. You could have ruined my life and my father’s life. No. There is no excuse possible. Casey, I loved you. You are worthy of love. You are not a bad guy. But this…”
She brought up the evidence and slowly crushed it before his eyes. The glass broke and bit into her fist, but she didn’t stop. Her anger was focused now on the goddamned drug. It hurt, but she kept squeezing because it didn’t hurt nearly as much as her heart hurt.
“Bea! Your hand!!!” Casey cried.
“Fuck my hand Casey. Fuck this goddamn drug. I’ll heal. You won’t. Now get the hell out, Casey Hartley. Get out of my life and never come back. I never want to see you again. Do you understand? NEVER!”
Casey hesitated.
Bea held threw the bloodied crap to the floor and stomped on it. SHe thrust her bleeding hand out and pointed to the door.
“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY STORE!”
That got him moving. He took one look back, but she hadn’t moved.
“FUCK YOU CASEY HARTLEY! GET OUT!”
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He left her life, closing the door gently behind him.
Bea balled up her bleeding fist and dripped all the way to the bathroom where she rinsed her hand, not feeling the pain. She plucked shards of glass from her fist while barely able to see through her blurry eyes. Then she wrapped her hand up with paper towels.
“BEA?” called the voice of Germ. “Bea! Where are you?!”
“I’m in here Germ. I cut myself.”
Germ came into the bathroom, a panicked look on his face.
“Bea. You’ve got to get someone to look at that. You’re bleeding a lot! It’s all over the floor.”
“Can’t afford it,” Bea said weakly, then sat on the toilet, her hand still in the sink.
“Come on. One of my aunts is a nurse. She can fix you up.”
“Thanks Germ,” Bea said, feeling weak and spent. She looked at the trail of blood she’d left. There was quite a bit.
Germ grabbed a stack of brown paper towels and ushered Bea out the back.
“Lock the door,” Bea reminded him, and he left her to lock the front door of the Ol’ Pickaxe before helping her out the back way.
He got her into the passenger seat of her car and sat in the driver’s seat.
“You ever driven before, Germ?” she asked. The towels in her fist were red and she was starting to feel faint.
“Sure. In my driver’s ed class. I’ll manage Bea.”
And he did manage. It wasn’t pretty, but he got her to his house. Bea was barely conscious by then. She vaguely saw a bunch of birds clucking over her and something was pecking at her hand. Pecking HARD. But she had no strength to complain.
She woke up only an hour later, apparently in somebody’s bed. Germ was beside her.
“Oh hell Germ. Was it that bad? I fucking passed out?”
“Yeah. Sorry, but your car’s a mess.”
Bea looked at her hand. It was wrapped in gauze. A woman came in. Big woman.
“Hi Bea. I’m Margie. Looks like you cut yourself pretty bad. What happened?”
“Ah. Just stupid. I broke some glass in my fist.”
“Well, you should be alright. Pretty clean cut, but it’s going to hurt like hell. You got insurance? You should go to a doctor.”
Bea shook her head. Insurance was one of the first luxury items to go when the bills started to come in. Fat lot of good it had done for them.
“Thought so. Nobody around here has insurance. I’ve left some pain pills, an antibiotic treatment and replacement bandages in your bag. Leave the bandage in place till tomorrow, and keep it dry. Tomorrow change the bandage but continue to keep it out of water. By the third day, it should be healed enough to clean gently. Take the antibiotics once a day for 10 days. The pain pills, just take them as you need them.”
“Thanks Margie. But I need to get back.”
“You’re in no shape to drive, girl. Germ? You want to drive her back in town?”
“Sure! Gotta get my bike anyway.”
“Be careful today too, Bea. You’ve lost quite a bit of blood. You’re going to feel weak. Just sit or lie down as much as you can.”
“I will. Thanks Doc.”
“Pffft. I’m no doctor. RN. And that schooling was expensive enough!”
“You know how to fix things. You’re a doctor,” Bea smiled as she got up. “Come on, Germ. Let’s get back to the shop.
Her hand started throbbing on the way back, but she didn’t care. She didn’t even complain about Germ’s less-than-professional driving skills. She looked out the window as the rain began to fall. She thought about Casey. She worried about him, but she knew she shouldn’t. What was done had to be done. But people their age… they get bad ideas when things go wrong. Hopefully he wouldn’t be one of those, but you never could tell for sure. She didn’t want him dead. Just out of her life.
They spent a few minutes in the Pickaxe cleaning up the mess and throwing out Casey’s paraphernalia. Bea put the meth bag into the toilet. Then she sat and let nature take its course. She had to admit to a twinge of perverse justice as she flushed it all down. It had shit on both her and Casey’s lives. It was only fair.
“Okay Germ. That’ll do. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said when she emerged.
“You don’t want to take a day off or something?”
“Can’t. The paint is being delivered tomorrow.”
“You okay?”
“Okay enough, Germ. With your help.”
She let him out the front door, then locked it behind her and started the long walk back home. It wasn’t normally long, but the rain was starting to freeze on the car windows parked along Main Street, and it was getting slippery out - but she made it home alright.
She told her dad about the cut and Germ’s aunt. She didn’t mention Casey. FInally after dinner she retired to her room. She turned on the laptop, but found she didn’t want to talk to anyone, and shut it back off again.
Then she started to cry again. As usual. As typical. The only difference was what she was crying about this time. It never failed. The inertia always brought her back to this.
But then she reconsidered and the tears stopped. It actually had been worth it, she decided. She really knew what love was now. She knew how deep it went. Even if she’d only felt it for a few days, she understood now what she could never have understood before. Like Germ, she could have sympathized, but she could never really have known it before.
She thought about that guy from Math Camp. It wasn’t his fault. She wasn’t in love. How could it have been good? She’d dodged a bullet with Casey. It would have been good. She knew it would have. Could lightning strike her a second time? Would she ever feel that way again?
“Nobody knows,” she thought, “but only the dead feel no pain.”
She still felt the loss as keenly as that moment she’d looked at Casey’s heartbroken face. But already she was looking beyond Casey. Not for another love, but just looking forward to life. You never knew what the next day would bring. Boring sameness usually. But not always. Sometimes it brought something new. There would be something new for her. Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually.
She went to sleep on her wet pillow, hand throbbing and worried about Casey. But she went to sleep.