Sighing in contentment, Ashe sat back with a soft smile tugging at her lips. She wished she had another stomach to go back for seconds, but she would settle for the contentment of the moment. Crystal sat across from her, having collected their plates and rinsed them before placing everything into the dishwasher. Now, she was fidgeting, and Ashe knew that whatever was to come would scuttle her current mood.

At least Crystal didn’t seem eager for the coming conversation, which Ashe hoped meant it wasn’t going to be anything too severe. She didn’t think Crystal would let her share a bed then make her breakfast only to never want to see her again…

Wait.

Was she about to go back on the whole ‘no dating till eighteen’ thing? Ashe had to admit, the entire morning had been amazing, and she would love nothing more than for it to become a daily routine. Was she ready for that? Much as she looked forward to the day she could close the distance and kiss Crystal, the thought also scared her.

What if she was terrible at it? Would Crystal reject her the first time she saw that part of her? It was a lot to consider, so many ways that conversation could go. Glancing across the way, Crystal was watching her with trepidation, unsure of herself. It was so unlike her, which only served to heighten Ashe’s already fraying nerves.

The seconds stretched by, the tension becoming an almost physical thing.

“Ugh, fuck this,” Crystal muttered. “There’s no easy way to bring this up and no matter how I try to ease into it, I just can’t think of anything tactful, so to hell with tact.”

Ashe blinked at the outburst, but held her tongue.

“Ashe, why the flying fuck did you not only come up with using tainted drugs like that, but follow through with it yourself?” Ashe almost snapped on impulse, but the shimmer of barely unshed tears in Crystal’s eyes held her tongue. Crystal’s next words came out far softer. “You killed a man, Ashe. Worse, I think you did it out of some misguided sense that you needed to do it to prove yourself and fit in.”

Ashe wasn’t sure how to answer that, because she wasn’t wrong. She thought she would need to prove herself to the crew to fit in, to make a name for herself and get to the bottom of the kidnappings. That might even be true for Robbie and Keiko, but she didn’t care about their opinion nearly as much as she did Crystal’s.

“I like you Ashe, I don’t think that’s much of a secret,” Crystal continued in a near whisper. “That scares me, but what you’re pushing yourself to do? Trying to be someone you aren’t? That scares me more. I know you want justice, but don’t feel you need to push yourself like you did last night. I hate to say it, but sooner or later, you’ll have the opportunity without creating it. Shit always has a way to find you when you’re on this side of the law.”

Blinking, Ashe felt her stomach drop like a rock as her breathing turned shallow. Her blood pounded in her ears, and her eyes pulsed in time with the beat. Nothing. She’d killed that man for nothing? Life faded from his eyes, from her mom’s eyes, tremors as color bled away. Her vision grew dim at the edges and the room began to spin around her until she found herself looking up at the ceiling.

A blue blur was soon over her, though that didn’t last long, the room spinning again, only briefly, dark wood now filling most of her vision. She screwed her eyes shut, trying to keep the vertigo at bay. She was dimly aware that her ears were ringing, and as annoying as it was, it wasn’t as bad as the pounding in her skull. She coughed, air rushing into her lungs only to be forcefully ejected an instant later.

“Just breathe,” she heard, as though it were from a great distance. She took a deep breath, then another, the coughing coming less frequently with each one. “That’s it. You’re doing great.”

Ashe groaned, curling in on herself. Her body was trembling, and she couldn’t remember why. The only thing grounding her was a soothing voice whispering platitudes from nearby. She wasn’t sure how long she laid there, sounds grew steadily clearer and Ashe recognized the voice now singing gently to her.

“Ich wünsch dir eine gute Nacht,” Crystal sang, softly. “Wir sehen uns, wenn wieder die Sonne lacht…”

She was singing in German.

“Schlaf’ ein?” Ashe asked, her voice strained.

Ashe opened her eyes and tried to roll over. She wasn’t quite successful, but she did manage to see Crystal’s face. She was looking down at Ashe, her face scrunched in thought.

“You understood that?” Crystal asked.

Ashe nodded. She thought about sitting up until she realized her head was resting on Crystal’s lap and thought better of it for the moment. She still wasn’t quite sure what had happened and knew better than to rush to sit up. She felt rather full and would rather not have it come back up if it hadn’t already.

“My mom spoke German,” Ashe said, smiling slightly. “Rather, my birth mother. I took it as an elective in my Freshman and Sophomore years as well, despite the fucking fascists in the class.”

Crystal winced. “Yeah, that checks. My father is directly related to one of the founders, and he takes great pride in his origins. I didn’t have a choice in learning.”

“That song sounded far too fond for you to hate everything about the language,” Ashe said, smiling.

Crystal closed her eyes, seemingly losing herself in a memory. “My mom used to sing it to me, before she died.”

Ashe hummed. “You should sing more. Your voice is very soothing.”

She had to smile as Crystal looked away, but not quickly enough to hide the smile it brought to her. The darkening cheeks were just another indication that she had struck home. Still, her mind was clearing, and she couldn’t put off what had led her to wind up on the floor looking up at the vision of beauty.

“I killed him for nothing,” Ashe whispered through grit teeth.

Crystal’s attention snapped back, and her features were twisted in anger. “Not for nothing. You got answers and tied up a loose end in doing so. You made a plan and carried it out with ruthless efficiency. That was what I took issue with. You aren’t a killer Ashe, please don’t get in a hurry to become one.”

Oh.

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

Crystal was upset that she jumped straight to murder. Ashe had been certain that she would need to prove herself, and maybe she did. To Keiko and Robbie, but not to Crystal. Really, did she even care all that much about the others? Crystal was the one to step into that alley and save her. Hell, Keiko repaid her efforts with fucking molly of all things while Robbie watched like it was the evening’s entertainment.

How would she even put her thought process into words? She’d run mental circles building up to that moment, feeling like a stranger in her own mind as she tossed the packet of fentanyl to the druggie. That whole time, Crystal had been distant, and she didn’t think anything of it. She was such an idiot.

“Okay,” she said. “Idiotic premeditated murder aside, I still intend to go after the traffickers.”

Crystal snorted, despite it being a shitty statement. “Good. They deserve whatever hell we can bring upon them. I’m not telling you to not kill or whatever, I’m just… Stay grounded. Don’t lose who you are to this lifestyle. I’ve seen too many good people become monsters just to get ahead. Alejandro was a sweet kid, if Robbie is to be believed. I don’t want you to end up like him.”

Ashe blinked, the memory of those crazed eyes looking at her as if he wanted her to pull the trigger was still fresh in her mind. He wouldn’t have always been like that, something must have set him down that path. Shit, how close was she to doing the same thing to herself? What would have happened if Crystal just kept her concerns to herself?

“Thank you,” she said. Crystal’s jaw snapped closed as she blinked. Ashe couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re right. I wanted to prove that I had the…whatever…that it took to do what was needed. Maybe Robbie and Keiko were okay with it, but I’m glad you weren’t, because I wasn’t okay with it either.”

Crystal grinned, running a hand through Ashe’s hair. “You’re a good person Ashe, just keep sight of that and you’ll be alright.”

Ashe sighed, relaxing in the moment. She needed to get up, to let her parents know she was awake and okay and that she would be home later, but for now? Well, she was content to enjoy the comfort of the soft and inviting lap for as long as Crystal would indulge her. She was even willing to let Crystal’s quasi-confession wait for another time. She knew how the girl felt, and if Crystal was determined to wait, she would be patient.

----------------------------------------

“We’ve got a few days until the next time they move the girls,” Crystal said, passing Ashe a bottle of tea as they left the convenience store. “What are you thinking we’ll do once we confirm the location?”

Ashe cracked the cap and drained half the bottle. “You’re sure Mercedes can’t spare someone for surveillance?”

Crystal shook her head as they got back to her bike. “She only did as much as she did because I cashed in a favor. I don’t have dozens of those to throw around, and don’t feel like owing her enough to do something stupid for free.”

“Fair enough,” Ashe said with a wince. “I’m not looking forward to having to look my moms in the eye after last night.”

“Just tell them part of the truth,” Crystal said. “We went out, someone slipped something into your drink, you had a bad reaction.”

“They’ll ask why I didn’t go to the doctor,” she answered.

Crystal winced, then put her helmet on. “Good point. Still, something to keep in mind if they ask questions.”

“I could just tell them I kissed you or something and you shot me down.”

“Please don’t,” Crystal whined. “I don’t need another of their little speeches, not so soon at least.”

“They would probably involve shotguns if I did,” Ashe reluctantly agreed. “Alright, we went out, something I ate didn’t agree with me, had a shitty night.”

“Better. Keep it vague as you can so they don’t catch you in a lie later,” she answered, then straddled the bike. “Anything else you need before I drop you back off?”

Ashe shook her head. “I don’t think so. It’s a school night so I probably shouldn’t stay out too much later anyway. I sort of neglected my homework and need to get on with it.”

Crystal snorted. “I am so glad I don’t have to deal with that anymore.”

“Three more months,” Ashe said, hopping on the back of the bike. “Then I’m a free girl.”

“Looking forward to it,” Crystal said. “I missed out on all that fun stuff, and Keiko and I broke up by the time we could have crashed a prom.”

Ashe blinked as the motorcycle roared to life. Crystal missed going to prom? To be fair, it was something Ashe was confident she too would miss out on. The school enforced a strict dress code based on birth certificate, which meant Ashe would have to wear a suit if she went. She wasn’t fond of that idea, even if girls in suits were pretty damn hot, but she had to admit, it might just be worth it if it meant Crystal got to wear a dress.

She fantasized about dresses and dancing the whole way home, happy that those were the intrusive thoughts rather than the alternative. When they arrived at the apartment block, Crystal parked out front and Ashe quickly dismounted, stowing the spare helmet in the cargo compartment.

“You sure you don’t want me to come up?” Crystal asked, her voice carrying over the rumble of the idling engine.

“I’m half expecting party poppers and other festivities celebrating my first time,” Ashe said. Her parents wouldn’t mean it, they knew better than to think she would go back on her word, but they loved to tease. It was why she had a condom in her wallet after all, they wanted her to be prepared. “They both know I have bad bottom dysphoria, but they still tease me so I get the ‘full teenage experience’ or some shit.”

Crystal chuckled. “Count yourself lucky, I never got that either.”

Ashe smiled softly. It was nice in its own way, but that didn’t stop it from being embarrassing or obnoxious. She was lucky to have good parents, faults and all.

“I’ll see you after school tomorrow,” Ashe said. “Take care.”

“You too,” Crystal said, though she sounded hesitant. “Call me if you have nightmares again. I don’t care what time it is, I’ll be available for you to talk them out.”

Her smile turned brittle and all Ashe could do was nod. Crystal revved the bike then, and merged back onto the street and was soon out of sight. She wasn’t sure what she had done to deserve someone like Crystal in her life, but she was thankful she was there. Looking up the side of the building, she knew she was simply delaying the inevitable.

She made her way up to the apartment and stalled for only a moment before taking out her key and unlocking the front door. Sure enough, her moms were standing there waiting. They had a bright pink cake in hand and giant smiles on their faces. The cake simply said ‘congratulations’.

“We didn’t do it,” Ashe said, setting her bag aside before walking up and swiping a bit of icing with her finger. Strawberry cream, not her personal favorite but it was still damn good. “Appreciate the effort, but she’s still insistent on waiting for me to be of age.”

“We figured,” Mom said with a shrug. “You still spent the night with a girl that is interested in you, so that counts for something.”

“I suppose,” Ashe said. “Wasn’t the best night, got sick.”

Her parents winced before her mother spoke up. “Something you ate?”

Ashe shrugged, the lie grounded in truth already forming in her head. “Might have been. We ordered Chinese and tried each other’s stuff. She didn’t get sick though so I might have gotten a sole bad bite, hard to tell.”

“You’re feeling better though?” Mom asked.

Their talk after breakfast had helped, and knowing that Crystal genuinely cared for her did more than Crystal realized. Ashe’s reasons for joining Robbie’s crew were unchanged, but her resolve was reaffirmed. She would bring an end to girls being stolen off the streets, she could worry about what came after in due time.

“Yeah, I am,” she said. “Crystal made an amazing breakfast and you wouldn’t believe how good…”

She told them what she could, and they smiled along. The guilt of hiding what she was doing still hung across her shoulders, doubly so with the weight of a murder on them now. Even so, she’d had her meltdowns. She needed to pick herself back up and move forward, because there were people alive that needed her now.

She could worry about her soul or conscience or some other meta-physical bullshit later.