“Do you think he’s alright?” Emily’s worried voice earned a handful of nods and a worried grimace.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Jack said while helping Steve navigate the trail just under cover of the trees. “This is Eric Orcbane we’re talking about! Did you know that cat single-handedly overthrew Gilton? Proper fucking badass, that one.”

Steve snorted. “I seem to recall that you weren’t always that enthusiastic about him.”

“Yeah, sure, but that was before I actually met him! He’s a pretty decent guy. Not spoiled or stuck up at all. He’s the farthest thing from a Hollywood socialite.”

Richard quirked an eyebrow. “You mean as opposed to being a battle-fiend far happier slaughtering his problems than, say, attending all the bullshit galas we have to put up with as new world socialites?”

Jack laughed. “Sure, he’s a bit bloodthirsty. But honestly, who among us hasn’t put down at least one asshole threatening us or our family?” He smirked at the hard smiles and awkward glances this earned. His smile grew. “This month alone.”

“I haven’t put down any asshole this month,” Emily said with a certain amount of pride, earning a snort from Yuki. “What, I didn’t! Besides, that slime-ball the other day was a total pedo bastard, targeting those kids, so it doesn’t even count.”

Yuki’s grin widened. “I didn’t say a thing, sweety. But we’re definitely a case of ‘innocence lost.’ Nowadays, if we saw some guy robbing a family at gun point, taking cover and calling the cops is the last thing on our minds.”

Emily rolled he eyes. “Implausible scenario. Guns don’t work, remember?”

“They do if they’re using the magical gunpowder favored by orcs!” Eric called out with a smile, having heard them through the foliage separating the forest from the fields just beyond.

He gave them all a friendly wave before gesturing to the veli. “Behold, my friends! Our transportation to the next delve awaits! Not that we really need it, but sure as shit, any goblin or gnoll scent hounds trying to dial us in are going to have a hard as fuck time if we’re floating through the air for the next twenty miles!”

Emily’s eyes lit up with unmistakable joy. “That’s a Veli Bently! With plush beast-leather interiors and Durantium-chrome alloy exterior. Sweet! It seats, six, easy, so let’s hop in!”

“But we’re seven,” Steven noted.

Emily rolled her eyes. “Obviously I’ll be sitting in Richard’s lap, with his arms wrapped around me like a snug throw-rug.”

Ron frowned. “So, we’re going to ignore the blood and spattered brains all over the exterior?”

Yuki grinned. “Of course! Durantium-chrome alloy is combat graded, so it should all just wash right off. Though I do note we seem to have an extra… passenger?” She frowned, giving Eric a look. “And I note that he currently lacks anything like… arms.”

Eric laughed. “That he does! He also lacks a Mark II Arcane Blaster Rifle, holdout blaster, and not one but two poisoned daggers! But you know what? I think he might be useful anyway.” He turned to his glowering passenger. “Say hi, stumpy! Wave to your new friends.”

“Go fuck yourself, Eric Silver! I still want a full goddamned share!”

Richard flinched, turning to give Eric a look.

Eric gave his best innocent shrug. “What? We’re still in the middle of negotiations.” He turned to the goblin. “Half a share, you psychotic, murdering little shit! And if you don’t want to spend eternity running down endless corridors before being devoured by rats, you’ll fucking take it!”

The goblin screamed curses and insults in return.

Eric turned to wink at his friends. “Delicate negotiations like these require a gentle touch.”

Jack laughed, eyes twinkling merrily, for all that he shook his head. “You’re a madman, you know that, Eric?”

Eric tilted his head in thought. “Honestly, you’re probably right. I think that BRONZE TIER PAIN COLLAR! Definitely knocked a few screws loose. And I don’t think I want to sleep again, like, ever. But FUCK IT!” He said, roaring the last in the goblin’s twitching ear before turning to beam at his friends. “These days being a bit crazy isn’t a flaw, it’s a fucking feature! Now come on, who’s up for some more SWEET FIRST CLEAR BONUSES before we make the score of a lifetime?”

Yuki turned to Richard, giving him a long look. “Should we tell him?”

He sighed. “We might as well.”

Eric’s eyebrow tilted curiously, his manic demeanor quickly fading as he stepped away from the vehicle as the others seated themselves. “What’s up?”

Yuki snorted. “Hardly seem like the madman now.”

Eric flashed a smile that made Yuki flinch, though he couldn’t say why. “Sometimes slipping into a role is the only way to make it through the day, you know? Method acting 101. Anyway, what’s up?”

Richard inhaled, as if to speak, before sighing, shaking his head. “I don’t know how to put this, but I’m not quite the upstanding knight Emily credits me as being.”

Eric blinked at this. “Okay… I have no idea where you’re going with this, but let me tell you that the girl straight up loves you and you’d break her fucking heart if you don’t feel the same. As for anything else?” Eric shrugged. “We’re all hardened killers making our way through the world along the path of slaughter. Who the fuck has time for righteous bullshit?”

Yuki snorted, folding her arms. “This you say, after putting on a pain collar for the sake of an old flame and a bunch of kids you don’t even know. Who’s fronting now?”

Eric winced. “Yeah, well, to be fair, it was an awful lot of kids in need of saving, and I’m not a complete psycho, only about 50%. And none of that has shit all to do with our little powwow… so what’s up?”

Yuki pursed her lips, hooded dark eyes staring intently into his own. “Are you serious?”

“I’m serious about a lot of things, and not really serious about anything except getting stronger. So… what exactly is it that we’re asking about?”

She furrowed her pert brow, looking rather adorable as she glared up at him.

“You have pink lip gloss? When did you have time to put on pink lip gloss?”

“When you were busy slaughtering whoever was in the fucking veli. Obviously.”

“Okay, that’s fair.”

She huffed, squeezing his hand. “Are you serious about pulling off a major heist? Or are you just fucking with that goblin assassin for shits and giggles?”

Eric shrugged. “Why can’t it be both?”

Richard furrowed his brow. “Actually, we do have a potential target… but it’s not the federal reserve.”

This instantly got Eric’s attention. “Do tell.”

“Of course. But you must understand, Eric, that if this gets out...” Richard’s earnest gaze became mild disapproval when Eric broke out in laughter.

“Seriously? You’re urging discretion on me? Dude, I’m enemy numero uno! At the tippy top of American Invader’s most wanted! Those fuckers are even trying to lock down my profession. I’ll effectively be declaring war on the entire fucking North East Counsel, including the neutrals, if I go back to doing what I’m best at. So who the fuck would I tell?”

Yuki smirked. “Actually, that’s a fucking good point. You’re not exactly loved in the circles we walk.”

Eric smirked, glancing over at a still glaring stumpy. “You think?”

Richard cleared his throat. “Regardless, we were given a rather tantalizing proposition, but we only have a slim window of opportunity to take advantage of it.”

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Eric raised an eyebrow. “Really. By all means, tell me all about it.” He passed them each a drink.

Yuki chuckled. “Sylvan mead. Shit, but I could get used to this.”

Eric winked. “Good thing I got another dozen casks before you gotta go debasing yourself and joining the Sylvan alliance. So, what’s the scoop?”

Yuki brushed his cheek. “The scoop is that we have someone on the inside who will be directly involved in organizing the upcoming Contender Competition.”

Eric slowly blinked. Staring at them both. “I’m going to pretend that I know what the fuck you’re talking about. So, what does that tidbit have to do with us? Unless you guys actually are...”

Richard adamantly shook his head. “Nope, we’re the farthest thing from evolved monsters like that.”

“You mean like me?”

“Exactly.” He furrowed his brow. “Don’t you guys have like some Contender sense or something?”

Eric snorted. “Not that anyone’s told me about, but the only real Contender I actually know who isn’t a jealous humanoid aping our titles is my sister, and we have Twin-dar, so any other sense is kinda mute and pointless.” He then waved his hand. “Pray continue, fearless leader.”

Richard snorted. “Okay, long story short, the Contender Competition or the Double C, is an opportunity for future potential world leaders to challenge each other in everything from mortal combat to team based battles to group competitions of a more benign sort… even games of strategy, with multiple territories being placed up for grabs. The competition allows power to be consolidated and alliances cemented without the need for horrific bloodbaths, not to mention it gives elite factions a chance to showcase Earth’s rising stars, and perhaps earn them a Bronze tier sponsor or two.”

Eric nodded. “Okay, so this competition no one told me a damned thing about is a big deal. Are you thinking of making a score while everyone who’s anyone is away?”

“Hold up, we didn’t tell you the best part!” Yuki said with a pearly white smile. “The enticements for the Contender’s champions, who will be fighting on their behalf, and for the Contenders themselves. Enticements that include mystic tomes that can grant you access to unique classes or powers, or magical potions that can instill the gift of magic upon those born without the gift, to indestructible swords and shields of Mithril and other exotic alloys.”

Richard nodded. “And if cultivators like yourself become a thing, I’m betting there will be all sorts of cultivation manuals there too.”

Yuki nodded. “All in all, it will be an absolute fortune in priceless heirloom treasures. And that’s where we come in.”

Eric tilted his head, before flashing a grin the equal of theirs. “You’re looking for a Contender to represent you, am I right? A pretext to enter the competition and sweep all the other players off the board?”

Yuki chuckled throatily. “Goddamn, you’re arrogant as fuck, aren’t you?” She chuckled throatily, meeting his eyes with odd intensity. “Then again, considering that you actually managed to beat that… thing, and get us out of that delve alive… I guess you’ve earned a bit of self esteem. But no, Eric, our goal isn’t to win the competition.”

Richard clapped Eric’s shoulder, flashing a maverick grin Eric hadn’t even thought him capable of. “We plan on stealing it. All of it. Profiting in the billions, and getting the fuck off this twisted deathtrap of a planet.”

Eric’s eyes lit with contagious enthusiasm, feeling a serendipitous frisson of excitement, still finding it hard to believe that a single feat, even Epic tier, could actually bend fate such that, at least occasionally, roguish opportunities like this one would come his way.

“Sounds fucking awesome!” he said, before he abruptly sneezed.

Eric froze, turning to gaze at the pair very, very carefully.

It was clear as sin that the pair were being straight up with him.

But something still smelled… off.

“You know, there’s a saying,” he began.

Richard furrowed his brow.

Yuki sighed and cursed. “Fuck, Eric. Please don’t.”

“Oh, but it needs to be said. If something sounds too good to be true...”

Richard furrowed his brow. “I’m willing to give you a lot of credit, and cut you a lot of slack. But that’s a two way street, Eric. Please don’t think we’re all fools, just because we’re not quite at your level.”

Eric clenched his jaw… before easing it into an agreeable nod. “You know what? That’s fair. More than fair, actually. But still, I gotta ask. Who’s your source? If they check out, then you won’t hear any complaints from me.”

Yuki furrowed her brow. “Alright, if you must know… it’s my uncle.”

Eric gave her a flat looks. “Really.”

Her cheeks blazed. “Look, I know how it sounds, but my uncle’s always kept his word. No family head has ever knocked his integrity.”

“You say that, even after everything that’s happened?”

Yuki’s cheeks blazed. “Fuck you, Eric Silver. Your mom’s no better!”

Eric solemnly nodded his head. “I’m not disagreeing with that in the least. My mom maneuvered my piece to ensure an incredible payoff for my sister, and I ended up slated for death by torment. So… yeah. Our supposedly loving families who totally set us up for success and definitely didn’t fuck us up with traumatic bullshit that would give our no longer living therapists absolute field days if we ever came clean… they’re not people I accept things from at face value any more.” He clenched his fist. “No matter how often bitter thorns hold the sweetest smelling roses, sometimes it’s just not worth the pain, or the betrayal.”

Eric quickly raised his hand, deflecting the angry retort he sensed coming. “Okay, I said my piece right there. Let’s say I give your uncle the benefit of the doubt. We still need to know his source, and make sure that he’s not being played for a fool… like my mothe played me.”

Richard gave Eric a pitying look. “I’m sorry, Eric. No one should have to endure that.”

Eric, much to their surprise, chuckled. “I’m not complaining. No, really! The sweet payoffs I got from playing the idealistic fool one final time are fucking priceless! I want to hug her with all my heart, just as much as I want to smack her smirking mother-knows-best face. But all that being said, I don’t ever plan on being played like that again. So it would be a damn shame if I didn’t try to protect my friends from getting shafted as well.”

The pair exchanged glances, before turning to Eric in unison.

“Alright, major trust time,” Richard said.

Eric snorted. “You say that like I didn’t just save your asses and net you all twelve points each, just because I want actual friends who will survive this crazy world,and I’m not a complete self-centered paranoid fuck.”

Yuki glared. “Fuck you for being right. And thanks again. Even if I also want to smack you so hard right now.”

Eric winked. “You’re welcome to any time you like. Just please be gentle, okay? It’s my first time.”

Yuki’s cheeks blazed. “You’re suck a prick.”

“And I plan on running another four dungeons with you. At least. And we’re going to hit that Tier-2 pod and get you all fucking elite classes. Because I want to see you all shine like a fucking starry night sky before we’re through.” He said the last with a solemn intensity that left them both looking away, Eric’s snarky humor replaced by words so profound it was almost an oath.

“Thank you,” Yuki whispered, her gaze lingering upon his features for long moments. A graceful hand reached out to delicately touch the glittering ruby-like essence scars that now appeared as little more than exotic tattoos.

Eric smiled at her touch.

She flushed and looked away.

“My uncle knows someone very high up in the UFN. It seems that there were two shipments of prizes sent for the upcoming competition, not just one.”

She bit her lip, chocolate-brown eyes gazing imploringly into his own. “If that second shipment were to disappear… our contact would make the paperwork disappear as well, and the actual contestants would suffer no loss whatsoever. It truly would be a victimless crime.”

“And the profit could be in the billions!” Richard added. “As long as Yuki’s uncle and his contact get double-shares, we’re all gold.”

Yuki nodded. “And no matter what, each of us will be permitted to bond with one prize. And that’s at the very least. And if it’s the generous shipment that we think was planned for Earth, then we’ll all have an unbeatable edge and be rich as absolute fuck, even before everyone else is fighting for the proper shipment who’s paperwork will be nice and shiny and absolutely beyond reproach.”

Eric frowned. “So, do we have information on its whereabouts? Security? Changes in shift?”

Richard’s eyes positively lit up. “Damn right, we do. We have everything we need for a sweet score. We just need some, well, maybe some specialized help?”

Eric rubbed his chin in thought. “We’ll definitely talk more about this after our run. It just so happens that I know someone who knows someone who might find this right up their alley.”

Yuki and Richard gave curt shakes of their head. “No, Eric. It’s not a good idea to bring anyone else on board. You know all about loose lips and all that shit, I’m sure.”

Eric sighed, gazing at his friends for long moments. “Yuki. You and I both know you’re the only one really specialized for this...”

“And Jack,” Yuki said with a smirk. “He grew up in a tough area. He knows the score but fumbled just once, and that was all it took. Did some baby time, because he had a spotless record before then, got love and got straight and was well on his way to getting married and setting up his own deli. He definitely lived life to the fullest before hitting the ripe old age of twenty. But, well, shit happened. You know the rest.”

Eric smiled. “Fair point. You and Jack. And me. So you got to ask yourself, how the hell did someone like me get a Master Criminal Perk?”

Yuki’s eyes widened. “Holy fuck, you’re serious!?”

Eric nodded. “I am.”

She whistled. “Shit. I know your mother enjoyed her games, but I thought she kept you out of the wetwork and similar shit.”

Eric nodded. “She did. For the most part. But this was for stuff I earned after the fall.”

Yuki furrowed her brow. “Okay, I’ll bite. How the fuck did you earn a master criminal perk?”

Eric grinned. “So, you hear about what happened to the Gilton black book Federal Reserve Bank?”