I barely got up when Slade and William came up to the roof. Slade motioned for Max and me to join them as they went to the parapet facing south. Slade pointed to the jagged hills beneath us.
A countless goblin horde filled the valleys between the foothills. I could see thousands in the dimming light of the setting sun.
“I hope they don’t mean to fight,” I said.
Slade, being Slade, answered, “Okay, that’s a lot of freaking goblins.”
“We slew ten times our worth in the Battle of the Broken Hill,” William said. “But this, I fear, will end us.”
Battle of the Broken Hill? Wait, did he mean the fight we were just in? I did the math in my head quickly. Yeah, it was about ten to one, and we still beat them. But, like he just said, our current situation was not good.
William continued, “We cannot flee. An army of their size will have scouts ahead of them, cutting any avenues of escape for us.”
“We’re not going anywhere,” Slade said. “I said I’d be right here to talk to their king. And right here is where I’ll be.”
Max and I exchanged glances. Once again, Slade locked us into action without any input from the rest of the team.
Slade continued, “William, send a rider out to escort their king in. And find me a chair. I’ll need some throne-like deal to meet with their king.”
And that was it. The pre-meeting meeting was done. Slade and William left to prepare for the goblin king to come to us. I was dubious it would play out that way, but Slade seemed more than convinced.
“You think goblins are smart enough to negotiate?” Max asked while still watching the goblin masses close in on the fort.
“If Slade can, why not goblins?”
“What should I do if the negotiations actually happen?” Max said.
“You’re not going to help advise good King Slade the Slayer?”
“I think you’ve got that covered,” Max replied, “I trust you to keep him on track.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence. So what are you going to do?”
Max thought for a moment, “I’ll prepare an escape plan. If things don’t work out, I’ll rescue you all and have the horses ready.”
I laughed, “And I would totally trust you with that.”
Max turned and held his hand out, “I hope to see you after the negotiations.”
I looked at his hand, then threw both arms around him in a hug, “Bullshit. I will see you after.”
Max stiffened, then relaxed into the hug. When it broke, he left quickly.
When I got down to the main floor, someone had set out a chair to act as Slade’s throne. Slade was sitting on it. Both hands rested on the shaft of the battleaxe, its head on the floor between his feet. I had to admit he looked rather regal. He also looked a bit worried. Was the role weighing on him?
“What’s the plan?” I asked, approaching him in the empty room.
He blinked and scratched his chin, “I have no freaking clue. How do you think I should play this?”
“You did pretty well negotiating with that goblin back on the broken hill.”
“That was just some flunky,” he said. “This is a king.”
“And how is that any different from a flunky?”
“A king is in charge. Flunkies just follow orders.” Slade said.
“So, flunkies are just robots that follow orders without any ambition?”
“Hmm, no.” Slade stroked his chin.
“So, a king really could just be a flunky that graduated to king?” I didn’t want to hold up a mirror to see how Slade became a king by just saying he was one. A few weeks ago, I would have argued that such a thing wasn’t possible. Now, I was wondering, is that how some people got to the top? They just said they were?
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“Maybe,” he seemed to consider it. Then he looked gloomy, “Is that how you see me?”
“What?” I tried to feign surprise. “Slade… Never…”
“Right,” Slade said, perking up, “Thanks for the pep talk, Victoria. Consider it an epic fail.”
“Okay,” I said. “I tried, Slade. Go fuck yourself.”
I turned to storm out. I wasn’t sure who I was more angry at, me for hinting that Slade himself was a charlatan or lunkhead Slade for seeing through it.
Slade called after me. “Hey! Just kidding. I kid!”
William entered the main hall, yelling, “The goblins are here!”
Slade yelled back, “William, escort the king to me. Victoria, I’ll need your help with the negotiations.”
I froze in my tracks. I wasn’t angry at Slade. He was being gracious about the whole thing. I was really upset with myself. I was beginning to realize that maybe I’d misjudged Slade all along. He may have cultivated a stupid jock persona, but I’d failed to see through it. I was mad at myself for being so shallow.
He gave me a huge smile when I turned and walked back to him. I took a spot behind him on the right side and assumed the role of Most-Trusted-Advisor. There was only enough time for one deep breath, and William returned.
Behind him, a massive goblin followed with two larger ones behind the first. The goblin king wore what looked like human-sized plate armor. It was filthy and looked like it had slid down a mountain with the number of dents in it. Adorned around the armor was a long patchwork leather cape. The two guards with him wore chainmail, obviously taken from humans.
I’d seen goblins up close before but never had the time or presence of mind to really look at them. They were hideous, which is precisely what I would think if someone said goblin. Green-skinned, long pointy ears, absurdly long pointed nose, and rows of wicked sharp teeth.
William marched the goblins to the center of the room and held up a hand indicating they should wait. He approached Slade and said, “King Malworth of the Red Fang clan.”
Slade said to the goblin king, “Hey. Glad you could make it. We got things to discuss.”
The goblin king narrowed his yellow eyes in a look that I could only describe as shady. I didn’t trust anything about him.
“Slade the Slayer,” Malworth said in faltering English. “We’ve heard tales of your exploits. You have proven yourself a fierce warrior, and we hope you will be a good friend soon.”
I couldn’t see Slade’s face standing behind and off to the side. I imagined it was pretty smug, though. Watching him, I saw him puff out his chest. Flattery seemed to be working. This conversation was not how I would have started it.
“Thank you,” Slade said. “We hear you have some troubles to the south and need a place to shelter.”
Malworth seemed taken aback. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe Slade had gotten to the point too quickly.
“An unnatural threat rises in the south. Great dark clouds of all-consuming shapes rise up and kill all in their path.” Malworth said.
“Yeah, we’ve seen these things as well. We call them glitches.”
“These ‘glitches’ come from the void. They defile our people with vile whispers. Armies of them invade our lands.”
“Gotcha, I can see why you need to, like, move to another land. We have plenty up north. We’ll find a place for you.” Slade told Malworth.
I leaned forward and whispered, “I don’t know that we can promise that. Don’t you think we should check with Springfield first?”
He turned and whispered back, “I’m not too worried. These guys need a place, and as king, I can offer them that.”
“But you’re not the king.” I reminded him.
“Wait until we get back to Springfield. I’ll be king.” He sounded very assured of himself.
“Slade, how do you think becoming a king works exactly?”
“Don’t worry, we’ll get it sorted. Trial by combat. Or I challenge the old king. Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure we can handle it.”
I was worried. Not only was Slade way overconfident about this, but his understanding of politics was nebulous at best.
A strange thought occurred to me. What if this game wasn’t a puzzle at all? What if the makers just said that, but it was just a machine to unmask people? First, Emma cracked, and now Slade was in the process of doing the same. If Max ended up breaking, I’d be all alone in here. The thought terrified me.
And the thought that this thought terrified me also terrified me. I was as hardcore an introvert as they came. I’d always been content to be alone. Here in this place, though, I was coming to rely on others far, far too much. It was so alien that I wondered if I even knew myself. Maybe I was beginning to crack as well.
I was so unsettled by this chain of thoughts that I missed the entire closing of the parley. When I snapped out of my reverie, the goblins were leaving, and Slade, standing, smacked me on the shoulder.
“Look at that!” he exclaimed. “We just signed a peace treaty.”
“Did we?” I stammered.
“Hell yeah, we did!” He stood with his fists on his hips, very proud of himself.
I could only wonder how the folks in Springfield would feel when they found out strangers from another place had promised their lands to shady-looking monsters. I didn’t look forward to that conversation at all.
When he returned, William slapped Slade on the back, allowing me to leave the keep.
I went to the stables and found that Princess had been moved along with Midnight, Thuderhoof, and Sweetgrass (Emma’s horse whose name I learned on the spot). Max, anticipating we might need to flee suddenly, had moved them all to stalls close to the entry. He was lounging in the building rafters just in case he needed to drop down and stealth kill a goblin or two on our way out.
“I’ll drop down,” he called down to me.
“Naw, I’ll come up,” I said. Glowing yellow spots appeared, showing me exactly how to get up in the eaves with him. “Cozy up here. Nice place to hide from the others.”
“Yup,” Max said. “How’d the negotiations go? Looks like no one got killed.”
I laughed, “There’s always room for that later. Slade promised the goblins a chunk of land as king.”
“Really now?”
“Yeah. There’s going to be an entire goblin army pissed-off when they find out Slade isn’t king. And the thing that bugs me the most about it is that Slade took it all in stride when I attempted to explain that’s not how politics work. He thinks he can be king by challenging the current one.”
“That’s isn’t how it works?” Max said deadpan.
I looked over to ensure I was still talking to Max and saw his grin. “Dick.”
He laughed, “Okay, so Slade has undeveloped ideas on how the world works.”
“It’s worse than that. I think he may be cracking.”