"Give it one more try. See what happens then."
Pale had to resist the urge to let out an irritated huff, even as she shook her head in dismay. "Professor, seriously. I appreciate you trying to help me figure this out, but I really do think we're going to keep coming up empty."
Across from her, Professor Tomas' brow furrowed. Currently, it was after the usual school hours; he'd told Kayla to let Pale know he wanted to see her after classes for the day were done. It hadn't taken much thought for Pale to realize what he wanted – he was intent on trying to unlock her sjel once more, for all the good that would do.
Technically, she was still exempt from classes for another few days, but this was more extracurricular than anything. Especially because nothing had come of the few meetings they'd already had together. Really, at this point, Pale saw these sessions as little more than roundabout ways to burn an hour or two.
"I simply don't understand," Professor Tomas said after a moment of thought. "Everyone has a sjel. It makes no sense that you cannot seem to unlock yours."
"It makes perfect sense to me," Pale emphasized. "For one, I'm not of this world, Professor. Perhaps one of the requirements for unlocking someone's sjel is being born here, or otherwise being exposed to the atmosphere for a certain amount of time, or something along those lines. Even if that isn't the case… I am artificial, as you know. I'm not a real person."
"You are as real as the other students in my class," Tomas retorted. "And I will hear no words to the contrary."
This time, Pale did let out an irritated huff. "Kayla says the exact same things…"
"And she's correct to do so. Why would you even insist that you aren't a person, anyway? That's a terrible thing to say about yourself."
"Yeah, well, it's also true," Pale told him. "I was designed to be a weapon, first and foremost. My creators needed something that could turn the tide of the war they were losing, and that ended up being me."
"And that's enough of a reason for you to continue on as an unthinking, unfeeling machine?" Professor Tomas questioned. He crossed his arms, then shook his head. "If all they wanted was a weapon, then they should have made you incapable of thinking for yourself. But they didn't. That never struck you as odd?"
Pale paused for a moment, considering his words. "...I needed to be able to make decisions for myself," she insisted.
"But at the same time, creating a living creature capable of thinking for itself had to be orders of magnitude more complex than making one that could simply follow orders," Tomas said. "Or am I wrong?"
"No," Pale replied.
"So if all it came down to was creating effective weapons, then why not simply create several people like you, but who were only capable of following orders?" Tomas asked. "After all, a weapon like that doesn't need to think for itself, it simply needs to be pointed at the enemy and commanded to do what it does best. But they deliberately didn't do that. Have you ever wondered why?"
"No," Pale answered.
"Call me crazy, but I think it's because they didn't want a machine that was purely unthinking and unfeeling," Professor Tomas insisted. "If that's what they wanted, then that's what they would have created in the first place. But instead, they created you."
Pale fell silent at that, his words turning around in her head. She wanted to disagree with him, but the more she thought about what he was saying, the more sense it made. She didn't know what, exactly, her creators had in mind when they'd made her, but Tomas was correct in saying that if all they wanted was a machine capable of cold rationality and inflicting the most damage possible, then that was what they would have created. But instead, they deliberately made her capable of rational thought. Sure, they'd tried to dissuade her from feeling her emotions, but perhaps that had been short-sighted of them. She'd been created from the mapping of a human brain, after all, and humans were nothing if not emotional creatures.
Was this all inevitable, then? Had they simply thought she'd have been destroyed before her mind could progress to this point? Or perhaps, on some level, her creators had always imagined this would happen, and had simply tried to delay it for as long as they could? She didn't know.
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At this point, the one thing she was sure of was that Tomas was making sense. And if that was the case, then perhaps he was right.
Maybe there was something inside her, lurking beneath the surface, dormant and simply waiting to be awakened.
Pale blinked, which was enough to snap her out of her thoughts. She turned towards Professor Tomas, newfound curiosity bubbling up to the forefront of her mind.
"...Perhaps we're going about this the wrong way," she realized.
"Oh?" Tomas asked. "Do tell."
Pale bit her lip, uncertain. "...I've mentioned to you before that this body is not my true form, it is merely an avatar for my actual body, which is currently floating in the planet's orbit, several thousand miles up above the surface. So… what if, the issue is that my true form is too far away? After all, if this body is simply a vessel…"
She trailed off, but Tomas seemed to understand what she was saying. His eyes widened in surprise, and he nodded, even as he ran a hand through his beard in thought.
"...It's worth a try," he acknowledged. "Okay. Is it possible for you to move yourself closer to the planet?"
Pale ran a quick diagnostic scan of systems to confirm. Her engines were still heavily damaged, but from what she could see, they could survive a quick burn, so long as she didn't push them too hard. She pushed her HUD away, then looked back to Professor Tomas and gave him a nod.
"...I believe I can," she offered.
"Okay. Go ahead and do that. Let me know when you're ready."
Pale nodded, then sucked in a breath. With a quick thought, she commanded her true body to push energy to the engines. She felt the ship begin to move under its own power for the first time in ages, the quick burn pushing it closer and closer to the planet. It took a few minutes, but eventually, something in her mind seemed to almost click into place. Her eyes flew open when she felt it, a small gasp escaping from her.
"What is it?" Tomas asked, instantly rushing to her side. "Is something wrong?"
"No," Pale insisted. "Just… something has changed. I don't know what it is, but I can feel it. I feel… honestly, it's hard to describe. Energized, maybe? Motivated? Something along those lines…"
"Good," Tomas said with a nod. "That's good. Do you want to try this again?"
Pale nodded. Tomas took a step back, and as he did so, Pale sank back into her seat, a deep exhale escaping from her in the process. She closed her eyes, then did her best to focus as Tomas spoke to her.
"Look within yourself," he urged. "Deep within your mind, beyond any kind of higher thought. You're searching for something primal – that innate drive that all people have; that spark that makes us who we are."
Pale did as he said, her face scrunching up as she tried to follow along with him. In the past, she'd thought this whole exercise to be a complete waste of time, but not anymore.
Now, she could actually feel something. It wasn't much, but it was more than she'd ever had before now. Her eyes almost flew open in shock when a picture entered into her mind – it was of a small light, just barely bright enough to cast light on the darkness a few meters around it. The light seemed to almost pulsate in the darkness; at first, she wasn't sure what to do with it, but then a thought entered into her mind.
Something told her to reach out and take it.
And so she did. Pale pictured herself reaching for the light, her hands tentatively curling around it. It was warm, as expected, but somehow incorporeal at the same time. She was holding something, and at the same time, she wasn't – she could sense its presence, weightless and free of mass in her hands as it was.
"Do you have it?" Tomas asked.
"Yes," Pale said without hesitation. "I have it."
"Good. Now, take it within yourself. Carefully, though – you are dealing with the very essence of yourself, the thing that makes you who you are. Do you understand?"
"I understand."
"Okay. Then do it."
Pale gave him a small nod, then sucked in another breath. The light flickered as she did so, and yet somehow, that didn't unnerve her in the slightest. If anything, it only made her more eager to do this.
Something in her mind told her exactly what she needed to do. Slowly, carefully, methodically, she took the light and held it to her breast, right over her heart. And then, she pushed.
The light instantly melded with her, seeming to disappear into her body. For a moment, nothing happened, but then Pale gasped as a great warmth began to spread through her. It began with her heart, but then started to fan out through every artery. And yet, despite that, nothing about it felt unnatural; rather, it was comforting to her. She let out a small, content sigh as the warmth washed over her.
And then, just a few seconds later, it was over. The warmth began to fade, and she opened her eyes, her hands still held up to her breast.
She stretched her hands out and opened them, and was stunned to see a small light held within.
"Congratulations," Tomas said, causing her to face him. He greeted her with a warm smile. "You seem to have succeeded in unlocking your sjel."
Pale blinked, surprised. "Then… I can use magic now?"
"Not quite," Tomas answered. "We still need to determine your affinity. But for the time being, this is an excellent start."
"How would we determine my affinity?" Pale asked, a small tinge of excitement creeping into her voice.
Tomas held up a hand, stopping her. "Easy," he urged. "You just unlocked your sjel, you're going to need to give it a little time to rest before we delve deeper into it. Most people learn their affinity at the same time it's unlocked, of course, but most people have also spent years practicing very basic mana control before then. You have not. I do not want you to risk exhausting or otherwise hurting yourself. Working with mana is a lot like working out a muscle – overexertion is a very bad thing. Does that make sense?"
Pale reluctantly nodded. "I suppose so," she conceded.
Tomas let out a small exhale, then gave her another warm smile. "Come back tomorrow," he told her. "We will determine your affinity at that time. But until then, you should get some rest… and probably also celebrate, too. After all, this was something you thought to be impossible."
Pale's brow furrowed. "Yes… what do you think changed, by the way? It can't have been so simple as moving closer to the planet."
"Perhaps a combination of that and a change in your mindset," Tomas offered. "Honestly, there are some truths about the sjel that continue to elude even us. Perhaps this is one of those things we may never know the true answer to. Whatever the case, though, this is a joyous occasion for you, and you should celebrate accordingly."
"I will," Pale promised. "Thank you, Professor."
Tomas simply waved her off. "Just doing my job as an educator. What kind of teacher would I be if I didn't pass my experience on to the youth, after all?" He shook his head, then motioned for her to leave. "Go and celebrate, then. I will see you tomorrow."
Pale gave him a nod, then turned and left the room. A new feeling pulsed through her with every step – it didn't take long for her to realize that it was excitement.
She couldn't wait to tell Kayla about this.