I had long since given up and allowed what may be, to happen . . .
If there was more for me at the end of this, then maybe I might have looked forward to a new existence. Hopefully, in such a new life, I would not be a failure. If not, then it would no longer matter as I couldn’t find the strength within me to care anymore. Time and too much waste had stolen that from me.
Endless shadows swept around and past me, ripping away at my sanity. . .
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Then . . . something changed. . .
Something near indistinguishable disrupted the chaotic rhythm leading to my end.
With my consciousness on the verge of dissipation, like a suspension on the verge of an eternal dreamless sleep, I felt something tug on me. I shrugged it off as a wasted concern, adding it to the pile of countless shards of hope which had all failed me before. But then, I felt it again.
It was stronger, more forceful and harder to ignore. . .
Finally, . . . a JOLT within the deepest part of my soul and mind struck me, bringing me back into semi-wakeful awareness! My eyes drifted open, and in bewildered surprise, I saw something new!
A breathtakingly beautiful woman, sheathed in ribbons of light and darkness stood suspended within that vast abyss. Admittedly, nearly anything and anyone at this point would have been beautiful to witness, and yet she put all past sights, sounds, and experiences to shame in her glory.
A blue robe, which resonated with a power I could not comprehend, was girded about her. Something about it touched upon my hazy thoughts as being reminiscent of a healer. All thoughts on that were lost as I met her eyes. Incomparably deep sorrow and loneliness exuded forth from her figure as she gazed down at me with piercing eyes of undefinable color, like swirls of order and chaos. Her expression shown with wisdom beyond time itself, and yet, within her gaze was compassion and a spark of what I believed to be hope.
Despite my current surroundings and sufferings, I wished that I could embrace her if only to offer what little comfort I was able to give. Maybe . . . that all-powerful and all-seeing existence which watched over me, despite my railing against it, was gifting me that single last wish I had, to provide one final good deed before I died.
Something pure and unsullied touched upon my mind, making my already shattered heart sob in grief. I couldn’t perfectly explain my thoughts and reason for my feelings. Yet something intrinsic about, and within her simply called out to me in a way which made my own suffering become muted and fade into the background. As that longing to provide her solace formed within my mind and heart, her figure drew near to mine, and her arms gently wrapped around me in a warming embrace.
The chill around me was chased away, while wonder and surprise flickered through damaged and faulty nerves at the sudden but very welcoming touch. All my surface thoughts and feelings were soon lost within the moment and the intent felt. . .
Seemingly without regard to her own miserable circumstances, she desired to be there for me. I felt such a longing for touch and a connection come from her, along with a yearning to offer me solace, settling into the deepest recesses of my existence.
My own pains, sorrows, regrets, and self-loathing felt like a single drop within the ocean of her suffering, and yet I felt my importance to her in her very eyes and within her warm embrace. My arms tightened around her in a reflexive spasm at the overlaying of painful and wholesome emotions.
Still within her arms, I heard her speak. . .
Amidst the preceding silence, hearing any words would have been a soothing balm to my soul. And yet, calling what she spoke to be words, was woefully inadequate to describe its essence.
Tones and fluctuations of something deeper than mere vibration, sounded forth from her lips. A language that I could never recall having heard before, resounded in my ears and very soul. Despite my inability to replicate her words, I could understand them with a clarity and depth beyond what even the most articulate language on earth could hope to achieve.
A part of me recognized the sounds and sensations, and something deep within whispered that they were of the language of origin. It was the language that every living and non-living existence would hear and understand, were it to be spoken.
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My best, yet vastly inadequate interpretation of what she spoke sounded to me as this. . .
“Precious child, you have suffered so very much. Bear with your current suffering just a little longer, for your solace and reward is on its way.”
Drawing back enough to look deep into my eyes, she continued. “Your continued journey going forward from this moment will be very difficult, and I will aid you as I can.”
Her eyes grew gently pained and she cast her gaze downward as she added. “My aid, however, will be limited more than I would like it to be. I am sorry.”
My jaw shivered at her words and touch as tears streaked down my cheeks. My own suffering felt so very small now amidst the ocean of her own, and despite my weakness, I yearned to bear even a portion of her burden to offer her aid.
“What. . .” I swallowed a knot in my dry throat to then speak with haunted words. “What can I do to help you?”
Her burden, although it being immense beyond all comprehension and scaring me to no end, I still desired to partake and bear what I could of it.
Inexplainable love shone forth from her eyes at my ask. It was like that of a mother’s undying love to her child, yet far deeper and with a history I could not hope to fathom. “Dear child, knowing that you are living on will be blessing enough for me.”
Her eyes then turned slightly pensive and desperate longing flashed through her which quickly disappeared from my senses. I felt that she wanted to say something more, yet she kept her peace. Only the faintest of echoes could be felt, which spoke of pained suffering and a longing for something unobtainable, as it bled through our contact and pressed against my senses with our continued embrace.
She held me there a moment longer before reluctantly releasing me from her hold. My heart throbbed and my previously sluggish thoughts raced. Something alive shifted within the darkness of the abyss around us. Despite the incredible and resounding safety and love I had felt within the arms of this woman, the hairs upon my arms and neck flared up in fresh terror.
Greif filled her eyes as she drew away, likely feeling something similar. “I am sorry. I must go.” Her eyes silently spoke of the horrors she had faced with long suffering stoicism, even as her shoulders braced to take on this latest challenge. Her figure swiftly departed into the darkness leaving a last whisper which reached my ears. “I hope we meet again someday.”
And with that, she was gone. . .
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As I was left alone within the pressing darkness, my thoughts were awhirl with recalling the details of our meeting. Staring off into the abyss where I saw her disappear to, I waited, . . . hoping that she might somehow return.
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The moments that slipped by no longer felt as daunting regardless of my surroundings. Somehow, knowing that I shared this space with such an amazing woman made the distant presence of ancient terror become more bearable.
However, as unmeasurable time and my awareness continued to remain suspended in solitude and endless darkness, I began to feel the slow creepings of cold and despair once again. Replaying my recent heartwarming experience of being held by her over and over again, I was able to slow the degradation of my consciousness. Yet it wasn’t enough to stop it entirely.
The strength obtained from that brief encounter remained with me as I resisted my fears, and yet a small part of me began to wonder if this was all just a figment of my delirious and desperate imagination, including her presence. I attacked that devastating yet growing thought as I resisted the negative forces at play. My core which had become silent and non-reactive within the fracture and transition to this place also pulsed with renewed life and joined me in my endeavors to resist!
Previously hidden traces of energy, reminiscent of that woman flowed through me and appeared to strengthen my connection with it.
At my core’s renewal and pulse, something . . . distant . . . answered.
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A glimmer of light peeked within that eternal darkness. A thread of something also real, like that woman . . . but different.
Infinitesimally small it was, yet its very presence seemed to ground me in reality. Tying me down so that my very life did not continue to erode in the attempt to define or conceive the indefinable.
Growing in size it turned into a ribbon and then a cascade of . . . I couldn’t describe it except to be something beyond beautiful. My cheeks felt wet again, and I reached up to wipe at them.
My core pulsed once again, as if welcoming home the closest and dearest of friends.
And then. . .
The glimmering mass of blue and white light now filling my view . . . rushed into me!?!!
*CRACK!* The sound of shattered space echoed about, and I felt vertigo as my body was thrust backwards!
*Whump!* My back slammed painfully into the ground, stunning my senses!
*Hugh!! * I took my first huge breath of air since my entry into that abyss.
Feeling the unforgiving ground and loose dirt and sand digging into my numb arms and back, I gazed up in dazed relief. Now able to see the edges of the abyss and that nightmare, I watched as it sealed itself shut before me, becoming only a terrifying memory and no longer an active and present plague upon my psyche.
Even as that happened, something else took its place.
Stemming from that heartbreakingly beautiful ribbon of light which rushed into me, I felt warmth and chills inundated with all the elements I had previously consumed sweep throughout me in a chaotic mesh of cleansing euphoria!
A sudden ache stinging my senses was soon lost amidst the maelstrom of sensations!
This . . . This was more than anything I could have ever imagined! It was as if my dream and desire to somehow merge my ability in reality with that of the elemental flavoring present in virtual reality, had become real . . .and something so much more!
With the influx of whatever substance had swept into me, it crashed into my core, shattering it into countless pieces. Elements which had previously been housed within that small space, only to be let out on occasion, now burst forth with chaotic abandon. Filling places they had never before touched upon, they scoured the darkest confines of my soul. The opposing elements of fire and water appeared to burn clean and wash away unseen particulates within me, while air and space stirred things up, allowing earth and time to then resettle them into a more stable balance.
Each element found its place, spreading throughout me before settling into a thin mist flowing ever so slowly in a nebulous cloud in and around me.
Silence reined upon the surroundings and even the thrashing of the two behemoths at the far end of the falls had grown quiet.
Then, with simultaneous roars, I was slammed with the directed killing intent of the two creatures. Magnified energies crashed into my overdrawn psyche, and I was lost to oblivion. . .
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It was unknown if the two creatures previously engaged in battle had been aware of Andrew’s presence in their periphery, when he first arrived. However, upon triggering a taboo of unmeasurable proportions, that young man who was no larger than a metaphorical bug in the eyes of these titans, through his will alone, ripped a hole into a realm which shook the two beasts to their base.
Frozen in fear, they had forgotten their enmity with each other and shrunk away from the pulsing emptiness, echoing forth from that endless abyss. In front of that vast emptiness and the sleeping form within, they felt as specs of dust not even worth being trod underfoot.
Upon the restoration of the realm’s barrier which had been torn asunder, by silent accord they rounded upon this insignificant creature which had dared to break taboos, making them feel such terror.
However, before they could exact their retribution, an aged lady with the shell of a tortoise appeared alone in their midst. Suspended in the air she was, and standing between them and the still body of Andrew.