Sparks of energy shot out from my core seeking to empower my dwindling reserves as I pitted myself against this unfathomable entity. I could never hope to overcome the Kraken on my own with my current strength. However, if I could stand up to the presence it put off now, then there was far greater hope for the future as I continued to grow.

I also sought this growth in capability for more than just this place. I had felt the changes stirring within me too many times to discount as being happenstance as they crossed over to reality. Those changes in the form of feelings, intents, thoughts, and actions reinforced my determination to continue treading this path.

Except it still wasn’t enough. . .

There were figurative krakens and other monsters which I carried the burden of or hid from out of necessity in my daily life on earth. They were certainly not the source of my core problems and difficulties. Yet, if I were empowered enough, then I could greatly limit or alleviate my own fear of their power over me. Maybe eventually, I would become capable and strong enough to challenge those who forced me to keep my power hidden; just as I sought to withstand the mere presence of the kraken with the intent to overpower the creature itself in the far future.

Fear is a governing and riveting force which many media, government, and other groups utilized pre- and post-war. Too many individuals are paralyzed into inaction, justifying their lack of progress on the oppressive overreach of towering figureheads. I was no fool to believe that all or even most of my woes could be laid at their feet. Most of my shortcomings were of my own crafting and that of the laws of the universe, which demanding the sacrifice of cultivated effort and wisdom, in order to rip knowledge from its grasp.

While I sought growth, fulfillment, and absolution in my life, I knew many others also suffered similarly.

As I struggled. A personalized quote of sorts ran faintly through my mind, giving me strength.

‘It is not the chores and responsibilities which we shoulder out of necessity for the sake of living, which stimulate our greatest growth. It is the adversities and metaphorical dragons that we actively seek out and challenge, going above and beyond the bare minimum, that give us our greatest strength. Even in those endeavors which we fail, it is the active strivings and measurable progress which tears at our physical, mental, and spiritual muscle fibers which engender growth. Engaging with more intense pain and suffering than we might have otherwise felt in living a mundane life; such efforts reforge us into something more, something precious.’

A caution though wound itself through my mind. I knew that many individuals and groups have ill-advisedly sought out an enticing dragon outside of their sphere of influence to engage with. When this is done at the negligence of their own responsibilities to themselves and their families, such actions weaken their foundations and condemn them as hypocrites. It additionally renders them ill-suited to the tasks they set for themselves in pursuit of personal value.

Sometimes, the greatest of dragons that we can challenge take the form of becoming an upstanding and supportive parent, compassionate yet wise friend, or reliable and loving partner, among other identities. Only after stabilizing one’s own self and home, should you build upon your foundation and seek for greater things.

Undeniably, every individual has intrinsic value in life, and can accomplish many good things. However, for some, that is not enough.

I would never be satisfied with living a mediocre life, living paycheck to paycheck, and held aloft by the uncertain structure of society as it currently is. However, my goals were not to achieve something earth shattering or to become globally renowned. If such happened, I would not be averse to it as long as I was still allowed to pursue my dreams. Even if I lived forever in obscure solitude, having achieved something great in my own sphere of influence that only I or a select few would ever know about, that would finally be enough for me.

Now here I was. . ., weathering both the living elements of what would qualify in my home state of Missouri as a superstorm, and the active repulsive presence of an eldritch creature of epic proportions.

“Ahhhhhh!!!” I railed against the adversity and screamed to the heavens, stamping down on the burgeoning fear that my cry may draw the attention of such a terrible beast, snuffing out my insignificant life.

I already knew however, that such adversity and stimulus was not going to be enough. Something more had to be done.

I struck myself with recollections of my guilt-ridden shortcomings. Mental images of my sister suffering under the effects of her horrendous disease, recent impressions of the cocktail of poisonous emotions instilled amidst Lynette’s sexual assault and my subsequent impotence; these among other failures I had inevitably surrendered to shook at the bars of my restraining cage. However, the bars held firm, proving that this mental ravaging was not enough.

There was more for which I was guilty of. . . things which I kept hidden from the world out of shame.

It was sad, in that I believe many individuals, if they were to be made aware of such things, they would scoff at me for placing so much weighted importance upon what they personally would consider to be trivial dalliances. Yet to me, these guilts weighed heavily upon my soul, as I knew that they weakened my power and ability to elicit positive change in my own life, as well as hobbling my own gift.

And so, I dug deep into my personal abyss of self-loathing, drawing upon the many days and nights of solitude I had spent in slothful indulgence and vice, seeking a temporary and deceptive escape from my many failures. I believe that too many of my past wishful achievements were weighed down and barred by my lazy indulgences. It was a vicious cycle where weaknesses and self-inflicted imperfections corrupted the man I could become, thus leading me to again seek out those brief moments of poisonous solace to ease my aching heart which could not break free.

In my everyday life, I showed not a trace of this to the public or family. Even at home while alone, I rarely even touched upon the great depths of my corroded soul. An ugly snarl formed on my lips as I brought this acknowledgement to the forefront.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

The level of self-hatred I had for myself was terrifying in its unbridled fury!

My small core of energy, reacting with a fury of its own, spasmodically sent out strikes and torrents of elemental wrath throughout my body as it sought it embody my will. It fell woefully short in its attempt to reflect such, and yet, amid its own tempest of self-immolation, something within it latched onto a faint echo in some distant place.

Tears of rage and regretful impotence stained my cheeks and I felt something begin to give way.

A new connection, impossible yet real, darted into the far unknown, bringing with it a wave of new energies I could not fathom.

THIS . . . apparently was enough. . .

The very air before me began to shiver, just like it did when my master had lightly touched upon taboo knowledge. Narrowing my eyes in fervor and challenge, I cared not for whatever rules I was breaking in order to cause this disturbance before me.

{WARNING!!} Red bolded letters flashed across my vision, momentarily stunning me. {Excessive Mental and Physical Strains Detected} {Initiating Emergency Extraction}

“NO!” I cried out. “Leave Me Be!!”

The connection became strained and my heart surged with denial and demand!

Fear coursed through me that I would not be allowed to continue this desperate gamble. I cared not for the risk I was putting myself at to achieve my most dire and desperate goals in this catalytic moment. All sense of self-preservation fled as I enacted an intent never before fully felt while awake.

{Extraction . . . . Extraction . . . Extraction Failed . . . Contacting System Admin} The red letters began turning to static while everything else around me remained pristine in contrast.

. . . If I shall die . . . even in reality. . . So be it. . . That last thought lingered in the recesses of my mind as I watched the red letters disappear from sight. A sort of peace and conviction filled my heart in that moment, stimulating an incredible outburst of energy from my core.

“I WILL NOT REMAIN WHO I AM!!!” Shouting with the greatest efforts and ripping at whatever distant cage held me bound, I pulled upon the unseen energy which I was intimately familiar with, with an intensity that I had heretofore never before achieved in my life or in my dreams!

*CRACK!!* *CRAAACK!!* *FWOOOOSH!!!*

.

.

.

The sky went PITCH BLACK. . .!

.

.

.

Even to my eyes of heightened vision I could not see a thing.

.

.

.

A yawning abyss opened before me, and I lost touch with my now unseen surroundings. Reflexively, I reached out for the comforting sensation of my core and gift. *Hick! * There was no response to my reaching!

I had just been inundated with the sensations, and yet now its place was void.

Again and again, I forced out a pulse of my intent in order to stimulate even the slightest of signs. Hopeful that I hadn’t irrevocably broken it.

Still, . . . Nothing! . . .

Fearful unease stole over me as I could feel a distinct absence of its presence amid this translocation. Had I not been in the midst of this desperate endeavor to change, and had I not experienced a related situation from when I had first arrived at the falls those months ago, then I would have already logged out to escape such loss.

Pressing my will down hard upon my budding hysteria, I could not allow this setback to prevent me from achieving my desperate gander at changing my life. Too often in the past I had given up on persevering to the end of a profound undertaking. Time after time, lackluster results after a significant amount of time and effort, as well as stalwart adherence to my briefly elevated standards, would leave me crestfallen and demoralized.

Never before in my life had I been able to reach such a point in exacting and stimulating change as I was doing in this moment. I would not end this out of simple fear!

Suspended within the darkness, I desperately sought to find some meaning or salvageable purpose for this outcome. All stimuli felt stripped from me, and I could find neither hints nor manifestations regarding my next step. I reached up to touch my face to feel something, anything. With focused concentration, I thought I felt a muted sense of pressure and feedback. Alarmingly, what dominated that slight sense was an encroaching numbness, reminiscent to that of frostbite. I shuddered at the implications and my thoughts began to run wild. . .

I don’t know how long it took before I regathered my wits enough to try forcing myself to calm down. Hysteria continued to creep about as I sought a salvation I couldn’t see or feel.

Up to this point, despite the many flashes of instinctual warning, I had not allowed myself to overly dwell upon my eerie surroundings. Now that I had given up hope on trying to elicit a response from within myself, I had to face outwards and come to terms with what lay beyond.

Darkness blanketed everything beyond me. There was nothing to grasp onto for reinforcement within this ancient expanse. And now, without the comforting presence of my gift, I was forced to face things that had only been touched upon during my trial of shadow and darkness.

Something . . . Real . . . . however, lurked within THIS darkness.

*Shiver* I couldn’t help but shudder at the ancient and alien presence. This was not something man was meant to see or experience. My psyche and very being screamed in utter rejection of this existence which stretched beyond my visionless sight.

I don’t know how long I stared into the Abyss . . . as IT too, stared back at me. Spots began to form on my vision and dizziness swept over me. Thrashing and grasping around desperately to regain contact with the handrail, I now sought for it in order to have something stable to hold onto amidst this emptiness. Had I been fully pulled into this odd dimension?

The conscious thought terrified me, even as the grave chilling cold continued to spread throughout my body.

I . . . I think I am dying. . .

Fear dug its sharp claws into me and tore at my resolve, rendering it into unsalvageable pieces within this Hellish oblivion. . .

Amidst my dark solitude in this alien place, my faith and hope had finally run out. . .

I didn’t want to admit it, yet I had no recourse.

.

.

.

I hated myself. . . I hated the fact that I could not find the inner strength to persevere in this god forsaken world and bring my trial to a fulfilling conclusion. . .

I hated that despite the extraordinary momentum and fervor with which I had been able to instill within the moments leading up to this point, that I was giving up. . .

And finally, . . . despite my many past misgivings about whatever existence created and watched over my, as well as others’ sufferings on Earth, and having never before cursed or railed against such a being, . . . I now found myself hating whatever cruel existence could allow such an outcome to result from my failed mission, where I had truly given my all.

Bowing my head in resigned failure I screamed. “Log out!!!”

.

.

.

Seconds ticked by in what felt like an eternity as I waited for the countdown timer in the upper left corner of my vision to appear. I hoped and dreaded what it would mean as a one last reminder of that which I was giving up on.

Deep sorrow filled me as I knew, that once I returned home, I would never recover from this. I could almost envision my near future path going forward. . .

My continued existence would be filled with token attempts at finding a cure to my sister’s disease, while the majority of my thoughts and actions would be centered around trying to find an inescapable way to end my life in the active preservation of another. It would have to be something like throwing myself in front of a car or bullet to save another, or jumping into a treacherous whirlpool to save a child’s life. I was not a believer in suicide, and yet after my absolute failure of this venture, I believe I would welcome the likely end to my existence as it provided one last good deed with its closure.

I felt numb to everything around me, and sorrow filled my heart at this lackluster finality to a venture of a lifetime.

I had reached, I had gambled, . . .

And I fell short.

.

.

.

Time continued to pass by without the digital overlay materializing over my vision. The eventual realization that it would never come failed to make me care. Terror had little purchase upon me as I continued to wait for an escape which never came. I let out an unheard sigh. It appears that I was stuck here.

Oddly enough, it was almost a relief that I would not even have the opportunity to struggle on, despite the meager effort that would go into it.

As this realization crystalized in my fading thoughts, I began to wonder. What was this place or creature that stood in my way to change? It was impossible to overcome. . .

My body stilled and I think my eyes had closed at some point, but I couldn’t tell since there was no discernable difference. Time itself appeared to slow as I felt myself becoming less amidst this endlessly daunting realm. I had no ground to stand on, no beacon to look upon, and no hope to cling to.

An eternity seemed to pass where I felt my presence continue to shrink and fade. My thoughts became increasingly scattered and lost to the abyss.

Was this the afterlife? Where all those variations of religions that others believed in, one massive hoax? Was that vision I had when consuming the death stone simply that, a hallucination of a well-made virtual world? I couldn’t fathom the possibility that what I was experiencing now was something of the virtual reality realm. Somehow, I had fallen outside of that and gone elsewhere. My dwindling thoughts screamed this to me.

.

.

.