“Things are going as planned, yes?” A thick voice rattled harshly and monotoned against the ambient noise of TV static hissing in the background.

“As well as they can.” A man’s voice responded, equally monotoned but nasal and unsure.

“If we continue our push like this we should start to see the shift. It will be a lovely confrontation.”

“Interesting, for sure,” the second voice responded. He wavered a moment. The first voice turned their head, pulling the man into their peripheral vision. “There’s an issue.”

“We’ve planned for every contingency,” the first voice said. They turned their view back to the wall in front of their massive, crimson leather chair. Rows of CRT monitors glowered down from their tower, stacked on top of each other. Most of them hissed snowy images of chaotic black and white.

“We did.”

“Then what’s the problem.”

“One of the Others,” the man said, shuffling his feet under him.

“They’re human,” the first voice interrupted contemptuously. “Giving them some vague title like ‘Others’ only grants them power via mystique. Call them what they are.”

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir,” he said quickly. “One of the humans. A hunter…”

“Another title,” they interrupted.

“Sorry, sir,” he said again. “It’s,” he paused, “difficult to identify them. They are humans, of course. But these particular humans are… different.”

“If they are mortal then they are human. I don’t care how different they are,” the first person said, squeezing the arm of the chair, their fingers digging deep into the leather. The chair squeaked as they released. They adjusted, sat up straight, and resumed their forced stately position.

“Of course, sir,” the second voice said. “It’s one of the humans who,” a stumble and a pause, “studied the occult, who pretends to wield power in the mortal realm.”

“Which one?” An affront, not just a question.

“Crixus.”

All the monitors went black in unison and the leather screamed in pain again. “What about him?” they growled through gritted teeth.

“In our haste…”

The person behind the monitors whipped their head around and stared through dark sunglasses. “Haste?” they hissed. The man stumbled two steps backward as though struck in the chest.

He regained his footing and looked at the ground. “Some spirits have been exposing themselves,” he said quickly then added with caution, “Crixus has taken notice.”

“What of the Victorian?” they asked, resuming their forward view. The monitors hummed back to life, random scenes from everyday life peeked through static-charged glass. A park bench stood solemnly in the fore of an lonesome carousel in a park, its yellow handrails chipped and dingy. Another showed the view of a corner of a library, dusty and unvisited. In a third, an old wardrobe stood looming and coffin-like in the corner of what had to be a dying consignment store.

“Our spies say they’ve been convening daily,” the man responded, carefully raising his eyes and standing up as straight as his nerves would allow.

“Then she knows,” the first voice said. They settled back into their chair. The legs sighed under their weight. “It will be a lovely confrontation.”

“Interesting, for sure, sir.” The man blinked several times as sound of the monitors buzzed. His eyes danced sharply around the room like something might jump out at him before he bowed slightly, intoning “sir” as he walked backward and out of the room.

“It will be a lovely confrontation.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Aury’s palms pressed into the cool tile. He lowered his head letting the warm water splash on his sore neck and shoulders. It was going to take more than one night’s restless sleep to fix that tenderness. He took a deep breath letting the thick, wet air fill his lungs. He coughed and spat. Still orange. That was going to be around for a while.

Aury twisted the knob stopping the water, stepped out of the shower, toweled off. He sighed, pulling a fluffy, brown robe on and feeling it caress his still bruised skin as he tied a square knot in front. He leaned over the sink and looked into his own eyes and considered what it took to get him here at this point. Did he enjoy having furniture thrown at him? Was it still exciting? Could he still play the piano?

He left the toothbrush dangling in his teeth and looked at his hands as he flexed them into fists and released..

“Fuck you’re old,” he rasped at the reflection.

He spat, rinsed, and jerked his head sharply.

Aury dropped his weight and tiptoed into the open living area of the studio apartment. Warm early afternoon sunlight shone through the floor-to-ceiling windows along the east wall illuminating specks of dust in the air and glimmering off the wood floors. Aury continued his slow, intentional motion toward the door. He silently pulled open the drawer of a table pressed against the west wall, reached in, and grasped something with both hands. Suddenly the door flung open. He cocked his hands and charged.

“Chris! I picked up Ring Pops, some Funyuns, and practically stole a battery for the Nokia from some eBayer in—holy shit!”

Aury met eyes with Bruce, a chubby, envelope-of-a-man in a button-down, short-sleeved shirt and khaki shorts covered in pockets. His beard looked like it was holding for dear life and he wore white socks under his strapped sandals.

“Jesus, Chris!” Bruce exclaimed, touching his chest and dropping a reusable shopping bag on the ground. The side of the bag had the words “it’s not for sale!” scribbled angrily in sharpie. “You scared the shit out of me, man. Holy shit! What’s that? Were you gonna shoot me?”

Aury closed his fist around the weapon and tossed it gently to Bruce. Bruce caught it and shook his head.

“Well are you at least going to help me?” Bruce said. “You made me drop all this.”

Aury walked over and started picking random pieces of candy and plastic from the spilled bag while Bruce tore open the weapon Aury threw at him, a slightly crumpled envelope of cherry Pop Rocks. He dumped them into his mouth.

“Hey! Why Pop Rocks?” Bruce continued behind the fizzing sound and that stupid, mouth-agape face everyone makes whenever they eat Pop Rocks.

“As gasses go, carbon dioxide is pretty heavy, same as nostalgia,” Aury said, standing with a grunt and rubbing his lower back.

“Jesus fuck, Chris. What happened last night?”

“I told you: gluttony spirit.”

“Looks more like an ass whoopin’ to me. Here.” Bruce dumped the contents of the still-intact bag on the table. “Ring Pops, candy necklaces...”

“Are these ones bullshit too?” Aury interrupted, picking up a pastel colored assortment disks exactly like the one that failed him the night before.

“Rude!” Bruce exclaimed. “You know I don’t dabble in anything but the best.”

“Well the spirit didn’t even flinch.”

“Weird.” Bruce’s brow furrowed.

“How about these?” Aury continued, holding a sleeve of squishy, disposable, white paper cups thinly coated with wax and adorned with overlapping turquoise and purple scribbles. “Are these legit or those knock-offs that have been making a comeback?”

“Please,” Bruce said with an eye roll. “Oh! Check this out.” He reached out and gently exposed a flat, plastic card. He eyed it with a greedy smile before handing it over.

“Blockbuster,” Aury said, turning it over in his hand. “Original too. Nice. That’ll come in handy,” he said, reaching into the inside of the coat dandling on the back of the dining chair, placing it carefully in the hidden pocket, under his Nokia.

“Oh shit,” Bruce exclaimed, snapping his fingers and walking back to the still open door. He reached down and grasped two tall paper cups of coffee, closed the door with his foot and turned back to Aury. Aury furrowed his brow. Bruce rolled his eyes, stacked the cups carefully on top of each other, pinning them in place with his chin. He locked the deadbolt, secured the chain, and locked the door knob, then turned and sat at the table where Aury was already seated, rubbing his forearm while opening and closing his fist. “Here you go.” Aury removed the lid of his cup and grimaced. “My bad,” Bruce said, swapping cups.

“I don’t know how you can start your day with that warm milk shake.”

“First off, it’s damn near noon, Chris. The day’s half gone. Secondly, I can enjoy my coffee however the hell I want. You don’t have to get mad at me ‘cause I’m brave enough to admit I prefer soft and sweet while you’re still trying to muscle past burned and bitter. Stop lying to yourself. Shit’s just for show.”

“Pour over?” Aury said, ignoring Bruce’s rant. He removed the cap and blew gently across the cresting brim. The surface shimmered an inky black sheen and steam swirled in front of his eyes.

“Pour over’s just for people who like to fuck about.” Aury scowled. “Yes, Chris” Bruce goaded. “Pour over; hot and black; just like your soul. Cheers.”

Bruce raised his whipped cream topped coffee-milk treat to Aury who responded in kind. They both sipped, Aury softly pulling air and coffee across his pallet and Bruce practically chewing brown fluff.

“So tell me about last night, man,” Bruce said through the mouth full. Cream dribbled from the corner of his mouth to his chin. Aury pointed at Bruce’s face then wiped his own in a mirror image of the spot on his face. Bruce rubbed his forearm across his mouth and continued, unhindered. “Shit got a little wild, huh?”

“Nothing special,” Aury responded.

“Judging by the way you’re limping around, I’d say it was hella special. What happened? You said a Gluttony spirit did this?”

“It smelled like Cheetos.”

“Nice.”

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Aury grimaced again and continued. “It was a regular call: walked up, walked in, found the couch.”

“Couch?” Bruce interrupted. Aury took the opportunity to have another sip of his coffee.

“Loveseat,” Aury said, sucking his teeth against the bitter bite of his pour over. “Got it at the Goodwill; that and a matching chair.”

“Eating Cheetos on the couch at mom’s house. Sounds like a good time.”

“Probably a teenager,” Aury added.

“What were the symptoms?”

“The guy didn’t say.” Aury set his cup down, crossed his arms and folded a leg over his opposite knee, leaning into the chair back. “If I had to guess he didn’t like the books. Found Cheeto dust all over a book shelf.”

“Damn teenagers,” Bruce said, sucking his coffee to half full. “That’s half the hauntings anyhow, right? Kids?”

“Yeah,” Aury responded, leaning to the edge of his chair and putting his hands on the table. He closed his eyes and considered. “This is different,” he said. “No children, no Victorians. These are our spirits, and every week?” He shook his head lightly. “Something big’s happening.”

“How do you figure?”

“The necklace didn’t do anything to it,” Aury said, peering hard at Bruce. “Like nothing.”

“You counted first?” Bruce finally set his cup down.

“Yup.”

“You didn’t suck on it or anything weird, did you?” Bruce asked. Aury scowled. “What? I don’t know what you do in your free time. You’re always trying to be secretive and shit.”

“I didn’t suck on it, Bruce.” Aury picked his cup up and leaned back against the chair.

“Well how’d you get out of there?”

“Tamagotchi,” Aury stated, taking another sip of his coffee.

“The Tamagotchi, Chris?” Bruce sputtered through what was left of his cup. “Do you have any idea how hard those things are to find? Christ! That one took me months?”

“I’m gonna need another one,” Aury said, setting down his empty cup and standing, tightening his robe.

“Yeah,” Bruce responded, bobbling his head sarcastically. “Get right on that.” He rolled his eyes. “So, where are you headed now?”

“Something’s still up. I can feel it. I need more details.”

“Oh. Yeah. Sure,” Bruce said nodding and gathering the now empty bags. “Go ahead. It’s fine. Go ahead and see the Oral-cle.” he scoffed.

“Her name is Zer0.”

“Tell her I said I hope she stubs her toe.”

“Goodbye, Bruce,” Aury said, following a suddenly very grumpy Bruce to the door.

The door clicked closed behind Bruce. The sound of latches and a chain clinked and slacked behind him, filling the hallway of the refurbished warehouse with sharp echoes. He shook his head. “He needs to get laid,” he mumbled.

Bruce thumped gracelessly down the hall and entered the elevator. He pounded the button pad with his fist and haphazardly stuffed one bag into another, mumbling to himself. He really hated Zer0. He had been friends with Aury for much longer than her. In fact, if it wasn’t for him, Aury and her would never have even met.

“Bros before Zer0s, man. Whatever.”

The elevator dinged, the door creaked open, and Bruce walked into the sunlight. The noon sun shone brightly from directly above warming the streets between shadows of tall buildings.

Bruce scratched his shaggy hair, looked around, and headed north on foot. Some girls skipped rope on the street and the sounds of cars whirred past him. He stopped. He looked behind him. His forehead wrinkled and he shook his head. He went back to thinking about that Tamagotchi. How the hell did Aury think he was going to get another one with the battery tab still intact? Those things were twenty years old at best. It’s not like he could just find them in a RadioShack. Hell! It’s not like he could find a RadioShack anymore either. Nope. Tamagatchis were expensive and rare and not to be used lightly.

“I need another,” he echoed disdainfully. “Fucking Chris.”

He stopped again. He looked behind himself with a furrowed brow. The girls were still there, giggling and skipping and singing poems to the tick-tick rhythm of beaded ropes. He peered long and hard at a shadow underneath a car parallel parked and butted up against the curb. It seemed darker than the others. He shook his head again. Maybe it was a cat. He continued on, muttering.

The shadow breathed a soft sigh, scurried from the car, across the sidewalk, and into a downspout. Bruce stopped and sniffed. He continued on as the shadow followed silently from the rafters above his head.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

An hour later Aury was sitting in his car pinching a wood tip between his teeth. His lighter sparked and the tobacco sizzled under the pressure of a drawn breath. Aury’s head thumped against the head rest and the smell of smoke filled the cabin.

Two months ago, Aury was sitting in the same spot complaining to an empty passenger seat about his boredom. The last assist turned out to be a raccoon living in the attic. He was considering getting a day job for crying out loud! Maybe he could go back to school or pick up some data entry bullshit. He could do that remotely, right? God knows he didn’t want to have to trek into an office every day. Sitting at a cubicle and talking about football games sounded like actual torture.

Maybe he could work for Mr. Karkov. They’d known each other for a decade and he practically bought the old man’s food truck himself. That grizzled old bastard was a dick but he made a mean sandwich.

Flash forward two months and Aurelius isn’t bored anymore. He was exhausted. He was tenderized. He was barely sleeping, living off coffee, hadn’t had a proper meal in weeks and, now, was standing in front of a random brick wall in an unnaturally damp alley that can only be described as “rapey”.

A cat hissed and ran down the path knocking over a trashcan lid as Aury walked toward the only entry way into the building, a knob-less door at the bottom of several steps leading below ground level. The entryway was lit by a bare lightbulb and surrounded by cameras.

Aury looked up with one eyebrow cocked. He smiled a goofy smile, delivering a single wave. Without prompt, a small red light immediately to the right of the entrance flashed, blinked green, and the door clicked.

Once inside, the door closed itself, locked shut with a clunk. Aury walked down steps and into the barely shoulder-wide, concrete walkway looking behind himself every so often silently remarking how it would be a perfect ambush point.

Another door with the same features as the first met him at the end of the hall. This one clicked open upon arrival. He pushed and was almost overcome by the smell of… was that a cheeseburger?

“Mathersburg!” An aggressively cheery, and aggressive squeaky voice echoed from behind a swiveling chair that didn’t swivel. “I knew you’d come to see me soon enough. Come over here and get your ass kicked.” A slender finger, adorned by a silver skull-shaped ring pointed at a lonesome, dust-covered chair in front of a massive screen.

Aury stepped into the moist, smoky air and heard the door clink locked behind him. The floor, covered in a rubber matte of some type, thudded under his feet as he walked along the path illuminated by soft, blue LED strips. Aury dusted the seat and looked up. An ominous hum reverberated from the room-sized speakers around the screen. On the TV, against a pitch-black field, a slightly pixelated, metallic-color logo spun a full rotation before turning into a shimmering, golden letter R and finally, with a force enough to cause Aury to jump, white spots flashed across the plane and the classic theatrical version of the theme to James Bond started.

“Come on. Come on!” the woman next to him pushed, throwing a purple Nintendo 64 controller into his hands as the theme, a classic currently being murdered by the addition of nineties synthesizer overlay, played out. Aury sat and watched a blocky representation of a man wearing a tuxedo stop and appear to shoot the watcher through the view hole.

“I hate this damn game,” Aury muttered, inspecting his controller. It looked like it should have been wielded by a person with a third hand but, because he was a non-alien, normally-shaped human, it was clumsy at best.

“That’s why I invited you to catch this asswhoopin’, not to play a game with me.” Zer0 said. “Just a fiver. Don’t worry. It’ll be quick.” The perky woman in her thirties with violently curly, red hair sat cross-legged and in her gaming chair. She wore a black hoodie, a skirt that covered her thighs and long stripped stockings that covered the rest of her legs. She smiled broadly at her own smart-assed remark. “You know,” she said. “For someone with your reputation you’d think this would be your kind of thing. Golden Eye was kinda formidable in our early years.”

“Never got into first person shooters,” Aury responded, bobbing his head slightly with the motions of his character. “The perspective always gave me a headache.” He winced at the sound of a gunshot from the speakers.

“Everybody’s got an excuse for why they suck,” she announced as Aury’s character groaned and his screen tinted red from top to bottom. Exaggerated blood cascaded down his portion of the screen like a curtain dropping and a message reading “PRESS START” flashed. “You hungry?” Zer0 asked. She tilted her head to the side. Aury looked over. Beef patties sizzled apathetically on a white, rounded clamshell device on the counter that announced itself as the “Lean, Mean Fat-Grilling Machine.”

“No thanks.”

“It knocks out the fat!” Zer0 proclaimed shaking her joypad and pumping a fist. Aury’s screen told him he should press start again.

“I’m not hungry.” Aury’s character revived and a message displayed that he’d died twice. Zer0’s announced a kill count of two.

“Well if you’re not hungry and you didn’t wanna get your ass kicked, why are you here? Yes!” Kill Count: 3. “Did Underpants-Jesus send you?”

“Underpants-Jesus?” Aury responded. He jerked his head to the side as though to dodge a bullet himself, then rolled his eyes.

Kill Count:4. PRESS START

“Yeah,” Zer0 continued. “’Cause anywhere he goes panties just seem to rise up like he resurrected them.”

“I’m not picking sides,” Aury stated. “I need information.”

“Information, eh?” she responded. “Well that’s my specialty. That and this ass whoopin’!”

Kill Count 5

A black screen displayed across the full monitor with statistics of the match. They were not pretty.

“So, what’s up,” she said, setting her controller in her lap and swiveling in Aury’s direction.

“Something’s been going on, Zer0,” Aury said gravely, setting his controller on the ledge of the table in front of him. The purple doohickey stood out among the paper plates and empty cans of cherry-flavored Shasta soda. “I’m not sure what but I can feel it.” He made eye contact. “I’ve been on three solo calls in the past three weeks and all of them were pretty rough.”

“Fuck, man. Three?”

“The last one gave me this.” Aury leaned to the right and lifted the left side of his shirt. His ribs were painted in black and blue splotches that emanated out from the center of his ribcage and all the way down to his waist.

“Holy fuck!” Zer0 exclaimed. “What kind of demon did that you?”

“It wasn’t a demon.” Aury tucked his shirt back into his pants and adjusted in his seat. “It was a gluttony spirit.”

“What?” Zer0 gasped. “How’s that even possible?”

“That’s not the worst of it,” Aury said, reaching into his pants pocket. He pulled out a candy necklace and tossed it to her. She moved sharply, allowing it to plop into her cupped hands and inspected it.

“It’s legit,” she said, thumbing the chalky disks. “What about it?”

“It didn’t affect it.”

“Like at all?” Zer0’s face scrunched under the pressure of the shock.

“Not even so much as a blink,” Aury said.

“You counted?” she said, holding the confection closer to her face and peering hard at the elastic rope underneath.

“Yup.”

“You didn’t… like… suck on it or anything, did you?”

“God dammit, Zer0.” Aury groaned.

“What? I don’t know what you do in your spare time,” she said. “I’m not judging or anything.”

“I didn’t suck on it!” Aury said, turning back toward her. The ominous screen changed to the pause menu and the tune changed to the 007 theme played on a xylophone over smooth, trip-hop tones.

“Well I haven’t heard of anything if that’s what you’re asking me.” Zer0 tossed the necklace back to Aury. He snatched it from the air with one hand, replacing it in his pants pocket.

“I figured,” Aury said with pursed lips. “But…” He trailed off.

“God fuck, Mathersburg. What now?”

“I just need info, Zer0. I need it and you’re the only person I can turn to.”

Zer0’s eyes shifted to the side. She swallowed hard and started shaking her head softly. She caught a glimpse of the George Forman grill, rolled her eyes and reached over. She opened the lid and removed the patties to a pair of buns that were standing at the ready. She pulled the wrapper off a piece of American cheese and slapped it down on one of the still-sizzling patties. “I don’t like going there.”

“I know,” Aury pleaded. “And I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t need it. You know that.”

She pulled the second piece of cheese from the cellophane wrapping, tossing the plastic on the coffee table with the rest of the leavings. She picked up a burger with one hand and took a bite. Juice dripped down the corner of her mouth. She wiped it with the sleeve of her hoodie. “What do you need?” she asked, through the burger with a grimace.

“Just a feeling of what’s going on,” Aury pressed. “Nothing more than that. I don’t want you too far gone. And you can always call me,” he added quickly with a pull in his voice. “I’ll always pick up if it’s you.”

“Any chance I can replace numb-nuts in your phone?” Zer0 goaded. Aury smiled. “Okay,” she said with lament. “I’ll go down there tonight, but only for a quick minute,” she added sharply. “I fuckin hate that place.”

“Thank you,” Aury said in earnest. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a thin, colorful, two-sided disk. “Here,” he said handing it to her. She picked it up and inspected it, flipping it over to read both sides. “It’ll help.” Zer0 tossed the Official X-Men Malcolm Xavier glow-in-the-dark pog slammer in the air like a coin and caught it. “Just make sure it’s in the sunlight for a little bit before you head in.”

“I’m keeping this,” she announced, safely tucking it in her bra.

“After where it’s been I think the only person who’d want it is Bruce.”

“He wishes,” she scoffed.

“Listen,” Aury said, standing and gathering himself. “I have to go. I have some work to do. Please be careful. Remember, I just need a feeling of what’s happening. I don’t need you to be a hero.”

“Please,” Zer0 said through another bite of burger. She unpaused her game and the sounds of gunfire and groans filled the still smoky room. “I’m the fuckin best.”

“Yes, you are.” Aury bent over and kissed the top of her head before letting himself out.

Out in the alley that same cat was still stalking around. The air was warmer than it should have been and Aury wasn’t too happy about the situation in general. Willow Street Elementary School had been abandoned since 1998 and to call it dangerous was an understatement. But he needed to know what the hell was happening and Zer0 was the only medium he could trust. And it didn’t hurt that she was one of the most powerful conduits in the city.

He reached into his pants and exposed the necklace.

“Five, six, seven,” he mouthed as he counted. He held the candy pinched between his forefinger and thumb and shook. The cat hissed and ran away yowling. He narrowed his eyes and gave slight nod before making his way back to the street and into his car.