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Aury and the Whole Bag of Chips
Chapter 10: Alright, Gang. Let’s Split Up.

Chapter 10: Alright, Gang. Let’s Split Up.

One day after the Battle of the Happy Warehouse; evening

Lord Epoch closed the red door and stood quietly in the hall. The buzz of the fixtures seemed to intensify as he gritted. He smashed his fist into the wall behind him over and over, grunting harder on each impact then turned sharply. He marched several doors down, flung open the door, and stomped into the Happy Warehouse.

“Where are your fucking demons?”

“I… They. They stand at the ready, me’lord,” Smog stuttered, adding hasty a bow.

“I don’t want them at the ready, you shit stain. I want them doing something!” He kicked the Hulk Hogan lunch box aside. Shrieks called out as a handful of demons tumbled from the open lid and onto the concrete floor.

“We only await your instruction, Lord Epoch.”

“My instruction? Must I do everything?” Epoch shouted. He took a breath. He readjusted his sunglasses and tugged on the lapel of his black, leather overcoat, straightening the creases with a snap. “Where are those idiots Sepsis and Trench?”

“They’ve just been released back to the mortal realm with charge to wreak general mayhem.”

“General…” Epoch growled, subduing himself. “I don’t want general fucking mayhem. I want you to accomplish something!” He gripped the demon at the base of its head. “And if you don’t, I swear I’ll find someone who can.”

Epoch released Smog, pushing him backward by his face. He turned on his heal, locking eyes with the other demons in the space before adjusting his sunglasses. He touched the wall. A red door appeared and disappeared, taking Lord Epoch with it.

Smog snarled so hard his head shook under the stress of his clenching. He slowly turned to the open room where the other demons immediately cast their eyes downward.

“I want bodies,” he growled through grinding teeth.

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Three days after the Battle of the Happy Warehouse; morning.

Bruce gasped and caught himself on the guard rail next to the road. Cars buzzed by, kicking up dust and exhaust. He coughed.

“Get out of the road, you crack head!”

Bruce flipped off the shouting driver and carried the gesture through at a car blasting its horn, the tone falling as it whizzed past.

He reached down and patted the pocket of his pants, touching the Polly Pocket. He coughed and wiped his mouth, warm blood smearing on his face.

He squinted into the distance, inhaled and exhaled a grunt, then continued on.

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Three days after the Battle of the Happy Warehouse; morning.

Aury inhaled hard. He held it and sighed a long sigh. He lowered his gaze and walked through the double doors of the Things Passed thrift store. He passed the hodgepodge collection of dress clothing, kitchenware, and odd appliances; passed books, shoes, and vinyl records. He opened the door to the back office, closing it behind him, then through another door. Inside the dank storage warehouse, piles of clothing loomed, waiting to be sorted and the buzz of employees beetling in the background matched the flickering lights. Aury walked through another door and padded down the spiral staircase.

He stopped at a doorway barely wide enough for his shoulders and cleared his throat.

“Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho.”

The door clunked and Aury walked in.

He pulled the beaded string that dangled from the ceiling. A bare bulb flickered to life.

Aury, fingered through the volumes on an ancient bookcase. He pulled a dusty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trapper Keeper off the shelf, wiping a path through the thick film.

He opened it, flipping through the pages, reading his great, great grandfather’s notes.

His finger slid up and down the sheets, resting on images of triangles draped with circles and arcane symbols. Cursive handwriting covered each page, neatly tucked in corners with arrows and underlines punctuating sentences.

“Of all the fucking people, why her?”

Aury closed the folio and pressed his lips into a thin line before turning off the light and leaving the dank room.

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Three days after the Battle of the Happy Warehouse; morning.

“What do you say, old man? Fancy a game?” the Duchess cooed, waving an arm at a marble table. Hand carved chess pieces etched in exquisite detail stood nobly, staring at each other from across the checkered field.

“You know I hate this game,” the Regent responded, pulling the chair in front of the lighter colored side and gesturing.

The Duchess stretched a smile across puckered lips and sat, smoothing the seat of her dress as the Regent tucked the chair in behind her. She moved her queen’s pawn forward two squares, setting the piece down with a thump.

“Never the subtle one, were we?”

“I’m an exile, dear,” she cooed. “Subtlety couldn’t keep me from danger. Why shouldn’t I lean in?” She gestured to the chair opposite her.

The Regent exhaled a single chuckle and sat. “Well then,” he said, matching her move with is queen’s pawn.

“There’s a good lad,” she said, moving her bishop’s pawn forward two spaces. “And what of young Crixus?”

“Never the subtle one, were we?” The regent echoed, moving his king’s pawn forward. The Duchess smiled sweetly, taking his king’s pawn with a crack and thump. He raised an eyebrow. “To be terse: I don’t know.” He moved a pawn forward.

“Then it may be time to consider yourself an exile.” Queen’s knight to f3.

“I’ve worked hard to avoid just that, my dear Duchess.” He quietly matched her move with his queen’s knight.

“I side with Crixus.” The felt of her king’s night thumped against the marble.

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t trust your cousin.” The Regent pulled out his bishop, sliding it to check hers.

Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.

The Duchess lifted and dropped her queen’s bishop to block. “You’re not supposed to, love. That’s what makes her dangerous.”

“And why should we trust Aurelius?”

“I don’t.”

“The lady will forgive me if that’s not been my impression,” the Regent responded, lifting her pawn on e3 with and replacing it with his.

“I trust myself,” she said clacking her pawn against his, taking the space. “And I trust others to act in their established pattern. I pay attention. That’s what makes me dangerous.”

“And your take, despite the danger your cousin poses, is to intentionally give her more of a foothold in our realm?”

“My take, despite the obvious, is to actually do something.”

The Regent’s eyes swept the board, flicking to meet the Duchess’s, then back to the pieces. The gold-plated crown of his king piece glittered as it caught the early sunlight. He pulled his knight out, placing it on h6. The Duchess raised a single eyebrow.

“Like an exile?” he said.

She smiled a wicked smile and took his bishop with hers. He responded by taking her queen with his. She took his queen with her king and leaned back in her chair.

“And now we’re even,” she drawled.

“Even only elevates one side if the other is already winning.” He took her bishop with his knight.

“You must be careful, dear Regent. Otherwise, I can have the game in four moves.”

“Only four?” he said, easing his back into the chair. “I’m confident I can drag this out much longer,” he added with a sly smile.

The Duchess locked eyes, tipped her king over, and leaned back with her arms folded.

The Regent’s brow furrowed as he inspected the board before narrowing a confused look at his opponent.

The Duchess stood, smiling, gave a curtsy, and left him at the table.

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Three days after the Battle of the Happy Warehouse; evening.

Zer0’s eyes rolled back and forth under their lids as her face strained and stretched. She winced and pressed her fingers into her abdomen. She shook her head and looked at Alice.

“Nothing,” she said.

“That makes two of us!” Pepper shouted, his voice muffled through the closed cigar case.

“You’re not helping,” Alice said.

“I’m in the bloody box! That’s help enough!”

“You’re sure?” Alice said to Zer0, placidly ignoring the captured bear. Zer0 nodded. “Then I guess we see what this thing does.” She lifted her thrift store lantern, freshly imbued with sigils from two eras, and turned it on the box. She lifted a small, coin-shaped lighter that opened like a clamshell.

“That doohickey ain’t gonna scald me or nothing, right?” Pepper asked.

Alice and Zer0 shared a glance. “It shouldn’t?”

“I’m not encouraged by your tone, there, queen.”

She struck the lighter.

Both the women shut their eyes tightly, turning their heads as a bright beam of heated, green light burst from the lantern. Alice gritted and opened one eye just a slit, finding the wick knob and turning it. The flame cooled to a dull glow. They smiled then smirked, pointing at each other’s teeth, glowing like they were under the black lights of a goth dance hall.

“Your teeth,” Alice giggled.

“Yours too,” Zer0 said with a smirk. “Reminds me of the City Club.”

“The what?”

“Oh, girl. I’ll tell you some stories later.”

“Maybe a lot later, yeah?” Pepper interrupted. “I’m still in here!”

Alice turned the knob again, increasing the intensity of the light a bit and frowned.

“Well? Can ya see me or no?”

“We can,” Zer0 grunted. Pepper giggled and stopped wiggling his butt at them. “You know that’s not as effective when you don’t wear pants.

“Yeah, but you still get the intent.”

Alice extinguished the flame and unlatched the box. Pepper shuffled out, dusting himself off and readjusted his tag.

“This is going to change things for us,” Alice said proudly.

“If we had this at the warehouse…” Zer0 trailed off.

“Best not to think of that right now, love,” Pepper insisted.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but I agree with the bear.”

“Oy!”

“You’re right,” Zer0 said. “This is going to help.”

“And I’ve got an idea for something else,” Alice added.

The ladies whipped their heads toward the massive door of the forge, their eyebrows pursed tightly.

“I heard it too,” Zer0 said.

“Heard what? Oy! Where ya goin’?”

Alice hastily snuffed out the flame before following Zer0 into the main hall.

Pepper grumbled as he scrambled down the leg of the workbench. “Last time I let those locusts toss me in a box, I’ll say that right now. Sneaky urchins,” he added as he rounded the corner of the main hall.

A group had gathered around something and were murmuring. Pepper lowered his gaze, adjusted his beans, and marched into the group, dodging feet and tapping legs.

In the center clearing, Bruce sat, rasping and bloodied, on the floor.

“Pork pie!” he shouted, rushing to Bruce. He inspected his hands and belly area, then reached into his thigh pocked, pulling out a bandana. He carried it to Bruce’s hand. “Woof… Someone gave you a proper rodgering, eh?

“Fuck off, bear,” Bruce sputtered through a chuckle, smiling at the beanie baby.

“Nothing you can’t handle, though I’d wager it would’ve gone better if’n you wasn’t alone. Probably rethinking that bear-in-the-pocket deal I offered ya a while back, eh?”

Bruce chuckled again, finishing in a cough.

“What happened?” Zer0 asked.

“Two demons.” He locked eyes with Zer0. “The same ones.”

“The same ones?” Zer0 gasped.

“But I got something.”

Bruce winced as he reached into the pocket on his other thigh. He shook, grasping the plastic heart with his index and middle finger, fishing it out. He fumbled the case, pressing the front tab with his bloodied thumb. The box fell and a blob monster rolled out, shouting as it rolled away from the box, growing in size.

“Breach!” One of the hunters shouted, reaching into his pocket. The other hunters pulled weapons, aiming them at Sepsis, readying to destroy the demon until Bruce shouted.

“No! Wait! The demon is with me! Its here with me!”

Sepsis cowered slinking back to the far wall, his congealed arms shielding his face.

The crowed gawked.

“Its with me,” Bruce echoed, coughing and sputtering into his arm. “With me.”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘with you,’ Bruce? What did you do?” Zer0 demanded.

“It defected.”

“Demons don’t defect,” another hunter shouted. The group started advancing again.

“I said its with me!” Bruce shouted, grunting as he struggled to stand, limping to the blob creature. “It came to me at my office,” Bruce explained.

“Yeah. I came to him,” Sepsis blubbered, advancing. Bruce waved an arm at the monster from behind his back. Sepsis retreated back against the wall

“I was working and it came to my office. The other demons are planning something and this demon wants nothing to do with it. It has information.”

“We don’t trust demons!” a different hunter called. More grumbles.

“I’m not saying we trust it. I’m saying we see what it knows.”

“Its just gonna lie to us!”

“Why?” Bruce spat. “What does it have to gain? If the other demons find out it was talking to us, even if it was sent, they’d just destroy it. And they know we’d destroy it on sight. You shits just tried!”

Silence fell for a moment.

Zer0 marched up to the blob monster, staring it in its smoldering eye holes.

“You tried to kill me,” she snarled.

“You guys just tried to kill me, so we’re even.”

“So why shouldn’t I finish it myself?” She growled.

“I’m not scared of you, human. I’m dead either way.”

Zer0 reached into her purse and pulled out a pair of all-plastic, safety-scissors. She brandished them at the monster, who cowered instantly.

“What are those?” Pepper whispered.

“Safety scissors,” one of the hunters responded. “They used them in elementary schools in the 90s. They’re terrible and can’t cut anything. Not even paper. The only thing they cut are millennial spirits.”

Zer0 threateningly snipped at the air just in front of Sepsis’s face.

“Good. Then we have some things to talk about.”

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Four days after the Battle of the Happy Warehouse; morning.

“And we’re sure that’ll hold it?”

“The first one held Pepper and there’s a lot more in this one,” Alice responded.

“Pepper’s not a demon,” Zer0 sighed, chewing the skin on her lower lip.

“True,” Alice said. “But we also have the lantern on it and hunters outside ‘round the clock. I think we’ll be okay.”

Zer0 sucked the rest of her lip into her mouth.

“How’s he doing?” Alice breathed.

“Oh he’s fine,” Zer0 said, almost startled. “He’s resting.”

“He looked pretty bad.”

“He was just a little roughed up, luckily. Leave it to that hamster to be stubborn enough to fight off a demon.”

“That was the same one that attacked you, yeah? The bug?” Alice asked, her eyebrows pressed together.

Zer0 nodded. “I’m gonna go check on him.”

“Of course. Of course. I’ll be here for a bit. You come back when you’re ready. Hey,” Alice added in quickly. “What are you gonna do with it?” She pointed at a Polly Pocket covered in symbols and bound with a strand of Fruit String Thing gummy candy.

“We’ll let it sit there for a bit. That’ll soften things up for when I question it.”

Zer0 walked out of the forge and through the main foyer.

She turned down a long hall behind the massive staircase, lit by brazen lamps tacked to stone walls. The sound of fire whipped and breathed in the breeze. She placed her hand on the knob of a door and took a deep breath when she heard a sigh.

With an eyebrow raised, she opened the door a crack. Inside, Bruce lay on a tall bed draped with white blankets. His face contorted slightly as he snorted, adjusted, and relaxed into a soft snore.

And on the table next to him, was a solemn, green beanie baby standing perfectly still, his beaded eyes never leaving Bruce’s face. Zer0 cracked a sad smile, closed the door, and left quietly.