The traveling to the church could have been very entertaining if not for this ubiquitous, and fiercely hated, dirt. A little dried up in the bright spring sun, this dirt became simply unbearably viscous. I've left my leather stockings in it eight times. It was difficult to call this clothes moving off the leg in another way. How strong I just didn’t tie and tighten my shoelaces, always urged on by my granny, who didn’t keep up with the distribution of alms. But the stockings were still slipping out of my already pretty cold hands.

But the galloping riders were an even bigger problem. Not even the riders themselves, not noticing anything on their way, but their horses, or rather hooves, from which semi-dried pieces of fairly heavy, and dense like a stone, dirt flew off. They hit very hard all over the body and face.

Grandma didn't pay much attention to it, but only did what she did to push me to the possibly already ended Mass. I did not even have time to properly admire the river, still seething, although not as terrible as in a dream.

— And how did he, in this vast expanse of water, find me? Yes, here and without a current, in absolute calm, if he dived, then with the ends ... And in the ice drift, even more so.

— Let's go grandson, let's go! Well, what are you staring at? Again, want to swim? You are my restless ... — Grandmother grabbed me with her bony, but strong enough hand, and pulled me away from the edge of the bridge.

And finally, we came to the fortress.

Well, to say that wow, I will not say. Even my skyscraper was twice as high. But still, it was a good example of a medieval castle, if you do not take into account its shabby condition. I have traveled around the world and seen many things. Therefore, nothing particularly surprised me, except for the same unbearable dirt and the stench that noticeably followed it.

Of course, I was struck by the incredible number of people in outfits I had never seen before. Even blacks were here, and not as slaves or servants. Compared to me, they were incomparably better dressed. And all the shops, shopkeepers, barkers and even blacksmiths in the open air, it was just no end to them! And that's just at the entrance...

Granny, seeing how I shoot with my eyes in different directions, grabbed my hand even more strongly and dragged me in the direction of the central square, where this very church was loKotied ...

That's why I didn't want to go here! Near the Romanesque church, with small windows and thick walls, a whole crowd gathered. Or rather, what was left of this crowd. People, like zombies, pulled their crippled limbs to a wooden platform, on which, surrounded by a dense line of guards, there were two figures, noticeably different from the soldiers.

The princess was dressed... Like a princess. Ok, what do you want from me? If you really need it, I can build a sales schedule, followed by a forecast, depending on the global situation. Or I'll tell you how to properly apply an uppercut. Or go for the choke? And about the princess, I can say one thing. She had a crown. But it was very small and inconspicuous. And not even golden! Maybe from iron or silver. I don't know. But the girl was cute. It's true. And for her 13 years, already well—formed. And then, think for yourself what and where it has formed there. And then I, a forty—year—old man, then did not want to pay attention to it at all.

But with the groom, obviously not much different from me now in age, everything was according to the canon. A physically strong guy had a magnificent golden crown, and even the same golden buckle on his belt. On the side hung a sword with a large red sapphire pommel. He proudly and condescendingly looked at the girl's attempts to feed this terrible, living blanket.

— Well, why you can't make a live queue so that everything is according to Feng Shui? Because of the most nimble, two loaves grabbed, and even three! And the rest act as footrests.

Grandmother dragged me to the guards who surrounded this disgrace.

They put out their lances, preventing us from entering this circle of hell. I was incredibly pleased with this turn, turned around, and wanted to leave, but the granny, squeezing my hand even tighter, shouted at the guards.

— Skip it, you bastards!

The same growled in response:

— Not allowed, only for the mutilated.

— Well, so he is, — mutilated! He is dumb! Could you please to moo, my dear grandson?

— Leave me alone, you annoying old woman! I won't go there for a hundred loaves! Yes, at least you’ll be fed for free all your life, I won’t go to this zombieland! — I said everything I wanted to.

— You see? — Satisfied, grandmother smiled at the servants.

— Come on. And you, old woman, wait here. Or, we can help with a pass — gouge out the eyes, or chop off the legs. Or we can cut off your head, you already have it terrible.

— No need! I like my head. — And already shouting over the crowd, granny turned to me. — Bring three loaves! Not less!

— Eh, granny, granny ... — I breathed out and dejectedly trudged towards the insane distribution.

— No, it's crazy! — About a hundred cripples literally fought for a piece of bread.

The prince, smiling maliciously, clearly enjoyed the spectacle. A fight that had just broken out, due to such a trifle as an inadvertently gouged out, only seeing eye, grew into a serious brawl, vaguely reminiscent of a battle on the ice. Only instead of swords and spears, there were stumps and crooked sticks. Although they did no less harm.

The frightened princess moved away from the edge of the platform and wanted to give the command to the guards to separate the fighters. But her fiancé immediately canceled her order with a movement of his hand, ordering to close the outer ring of encirclement and not let anyone out of it.

Grandma started yelling for me to grab some bun and get out of here as quickly as possible! Like, one bun is enough for us today. But, looking at the dense ring of protection, I realized that I would not go anywhere from this hell. I got caught in the net...

Granny, wailing, tried to break up the dense formation of the guards so that I could somehow get out of there. And even kicked the guard under the knee. But he didn't even move.

Well, okay. Why I am here? I'm here to take bread. That’s what I'm going to get.

The fought cripples, having abandoned their prey, were so carried away by their massacre that they did not even notice the boy, who was already throwing the fifth loaf over the guards to his elderly relative. But unfortunately, this freebie did not last long.

Some cunning one-legged grandfather noticed a nimble new enemy and shouting — we are robbed! — rushed at me. I was dumbfounded.

I did not run away, but waited until this one-legged miracle hobbled, and I took a step to the side, trying to hide from his crutch of decent size. Then, with the help of a small undercut of the only healthy leg, I dropped the old man to the ground. I did something similar with the next one-legged attacker.

With the third one-legged attacker (for some reason, only one—legged ones attacked me, probably I privatized their prey) I didn’t even wait, but, raising the crutch from the fallen one, spun it over my head and launched it into this skinned, unfortunate creature.

Did I feel remorse? Probably a little yes. Because gaping, and watching my live skittle fall, I missed a stick flying at me, which, flying nearby, hooked me and broke my eyebrow to blood. A crowd of ten people, leaving the brawl, switched exclusively to me.

One-armed, one-legged, with sticks, they all together represented a rather serious danger. It is important they don’t attack me at the same time...

But they rushed on me, all together.

It was very difficult for me. But oddly enough, my new body was very flexible! I was pretty good at dodging awkward punches, jabs, and trips. Jumping up, I responded with my childish, not very strong, but accurate blows.

Here I am bending down from a punch of a terribly dirty one-armed, not even an old man, and with a precise blow in the groin I send him to rest. I dive another one on the opposite course, and throw the next attacker over myself. The third one gets hit from a child's fist right in the jaw. But even such a quick blow is enough for this skeleton to go to sleep. I also get hit on the back with a stick a couple of times. It was painfully. But the amount of adrenaline that was now in my blood helped me not to attach importance to it.

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With a snapping blow, I again find someone's jaw. I squat while pulling on my lone leg. But there are a lot of such lonely legs here. The cripples even stopped fighting among themselves and all hatched at me. I, leaving behind a dozen and a half lying down, wave to the rest. Come on, why did you stop? They look behind their backs, at the platform. The princess looks at me with a very interested look. The prince shows three fingers and waves forward! A dirty, one—legged old man dupliKoties his team, for which he immediately receives a coin from the nobleman.

And three one-legged, well-fed bumpkins, sharply different from the rest of the brethren walking behind the wind, immediately surround me.

I'm trying to explain to them that I'm their brother. I was hurt by nature too, I can’t speak, that’s all. — But they, after listening to me for a bit and looking again at the prince with the old man, rush to the attack.

They jump on their crutches, trying to beat off my head along the way and trampling on one leg.

I bend down again. Sticks with fists are whistling, these are waving...

If I told someone about everything, no one would ever believe that this is possible! At the temple would have twisted. As it is written in the law — you can not beat children and the disabled, except for their group attack. What if I'm a child myself? Can I hit disabled people?

And then it came to me. I rolled over and concentrated. Okay, mills are one-legged. I ran back a little, and, having waited until they lined up almost in one line, I moved into my last and decisive battle! Having dispersed my body, I bent down, putting out one leg and shouting right in flight, — K—I—YA! — All as I was taught!

Ouch ... Still, the battle cry in this kick was decisive. Otherwise, I do not quite understand why these invalids were not afraid of me and did not fall dead. And stepping aside, they hit me on the forehead with their stick, turning off my consciousness.

True, I definitely knocked down one man! I clearly remembered how I flew into his Adam's apple with my heel. Although he was aiming at the chest ... Apparently, he did not calculate the correction for age and weight!

And then my boy was not so miserable! No, I'm clearly not a fighter against my dad. Yes, he himself would have thrown everyone with one left. I just now began to understand that Martin is still a big guy. And my first impressions didn't quite deceive me. Yes, Grandma is definitely happy now. After all, I got five buns instead of the three ordered today ... And this is almost 70 percent more than the plan, whatever one may say! I should ask for a glass of milk as a bonus... Or not. Then there will definitely be nothing left for the sister ...

When I opened my eyes, I didn't believe it and closed them again. No, this time I definitely did not miss and ended up not in a dirty, smelly Middle Ages, but in paradise.

Otherwise, how can I explain where I am now ... Here I will take it and I will not open my eyes! I do not want!

A warm, incredibly pleasant bliss after the spring slush flowed onto my head ...

— All right, get up. It's time for you already! — I heard a rude female voice from above. Gentlemen don’t like to wait.

— No, what a day! They didn't let me sleep! They didn't let me eat! Neighbor's old man has eaten all the food. And almost killed again! And now I am being kicked out of paradise! For what?!

— What are you mumbling? Don't want to get out? I understand you... I would have hided in and sat. But no way. It is not allowed.

I sighed and opened my eyes. In front of me stood not just an angel, but rather a well—fed angel in a cap and apron. And what is she complaining about? Judging by her shape of body, they feed her here very well.

I sighed again and climbed out of the warm wooden tub. The maid wiped me. And then she started to dress me. But she was dressing me not in my trash, but in pretty decent clothes! And most importantly, it was clean clothes! And she prepared for me, shoes with long socks.

I looked into the small mirror in this room.

— Oh my God! Yes, I'm still a child! — A quite nice, skinny teenager stared at me. — So, I need to urgently increase muscle mass, otherwise this skeleton will soon crumble! True, I was far from those disabled people who lived near the church. Still, my family did not quite starve me. As they say, everything is known in comparison.

— Let's go, handsome. I was ordered to seat you at the table!

We went out into a dark stone corridor, and after going through a couple of equally intriKotie tunnels, we still came to a wooden door. Behind her, a strange composition of rather unpleasant sounds blew and jangled. My tongue didn't turn to call it music.

The woman pushed the heavy doors, and, taking my hand, led me to a huge table. Going inside, I, frankly, a little felt embarrassed.

I saw a huge hall with a p—shaped table, covered with red cloth, behind which they drank and ate, probably 300 people. The table was littered with food! What was not there! And piglets, and ducklings, and even something like dogs. But I'm not entirely sure about this, since all this, to the cracks in the greasy skin, together with the head and legs, was fried and put on the table in its entirety. And only a few dishes were decorated with baked apples.

At the center of this event sat a very stern looking man wearing a crown. His Queen was sitting nearby, and the princess already familiar to me with her fiancé.

Men in leotards were dancing in the middle of the hall and making these very nasty sounds. Even my ears hurt. In general, I noticed that, apparently due to the loss of speech, my hearing was somehow very much aggravated.

— Sit down, drink and eat — whatever your heart desires! — The maid sat me on a bench between two hefty warriors, and she disappeared. A local waiter approached me, put down an iron glass and poured wine into it.

A mustachioed warrior in leather armor, tearing a piece of meat from the side of a whole, hefty, roasted pig with his bare hands, stuffed it into his mouth and washed it down with wine. After wiping his hand greasy from lard on his clothes, he held it out to me.

— Michelson! — The giant introduced himself.

I did not lose my head, and shook his hefty claw, mumbling my current name in response.

— Koti.

— Are you mute? — Guessed the mustachioed warrior. — It happens ... It's worse when you're deaf. Or blind. And mute — it's not scary. There are no mute people here around, but you will never hear anything good from these people ... Eat while they give.

There was no need to invite me twice. And I carefully began to absorb food. Mostly I was eating fish, as it was the easiest to digest, and I washed it all down with wine that never ran out of my goblet because it was constantly poured by little green men in pantyhose darting back and forth.

— What do you think our land is like? — Already pretty drunk Varyag, as he called himself, moved on to higher matters after topics about women, and what is better in battle, a horse or a mare.

— Are you silent? I like that you are silent. It means, you listen to me carefully and do not want to interrupt. Correctly?

I nodded in the affirmative with my mouth full of food.

— Everyone says the same! — He spread his hands in the air, — they say the Earth is flat! They, apparently, did not swim on the drakkar ... And by the way, I built them with my father! But how can the earth be flat? The moon is round, the sun is round! And the earth suddenly, again, is flat! It's like a head. I have a round one, you have a round one, but his head, — he banged on the neighbor's bearded head, — is flat!

Fortunately, the neighbor was not offended, because he was sleeping peacefully drunk in a plate of leftovers.

Suddenly, fanfares or pipes blew. I, slightly drunk, no longer paid much attention to what was happening around. Having stuffed my belly for future use, and having drunk so much that even my eyes were doubled, I now sat and blew slobbering bubbles, looking askance with one eye at what was happening.

Young fist fighters entered the impromptu arena. They were guys my age. They began to beat each other's faces into blood. When there was enough blood, one of the teenagers punched his partner in the side of the liver. His opponent fell.

To be honest, I almost fell asleep. It was looking like kindergarten! But the guests liked it, and they clapped, whistled and stamped their feet, shouting "Troy, Troy". With these shoutings, they instantly brought me out of my half—asleep.

In order not to bypass, Troy climbed right onto the table, and jumping down to the stone floor, raised his hands high. It was an acquaintance of mine, prince. Dressed in a black tight—fitting suit, he approached the winner, bowed a little, and stood up.

— And he's done well, — looking with an experienced look at the movements of the man in black, I stated the obvious. The young man very nicely left the blows of his bloody opponent from the first fight. He used a very strange technique similar to that of a swordsman. I didn't know her very well, but I saw her out of the corner of my eye.

Suddenly, the prince got tired of evading, and he began to pound his opponent with sharp, accurate blows. And it was obvious that he was inferior in this battle. But now the time for games has passed, and the real beating began. This Troy apparently decided to just kill the guy. From each new blow, splashes of blood sKotitered across the neighboring tables, causing new bouts of joy among the prince's fans. In his skill, the prince was clearly two heads taller than his disfigured rival.

— Stop it! — I escaped, jumped the table, and pushed this idiot away from the half—dead guy who looked like one continuous bloody wound.

A dozen huge men armed to the teeth came at me, grabbing my hands and immediately putting me on my knees. At the same time, they put a very sharp knife to my throat.

— Who let this idiot in? — The enraged king shouted at the whole hall!

— It's okay, Your Majesty! — The prince suddenly spoke up. This is my guest. Let him go. Or wait, let him answer, then let him go.

— What is your name? — Troy asked me as he stepped closer. — Oh, I'm sorry. You are mute. Does anyone here know his name? — There was dead silence. — I will give a gold coin to the one who calls his name!

— His name is Koti! Suddenly, one of the waiters spoke up. — This is the son of the shoemaker Martin.

— Ok, Koti. Koti, are you challenging me to a fight? You are a worthy opponent. I saw you fighting near the church. I just need such a duel in my collection of victories.

— Who?! Did he fight? — the waiter neighed, unable to stand it. — Oh, I can't! Local kids are kicking him around the city! Yesterday they even threw him off the bridge into the river! How he is still alive is beyond me! Fools, they're like shit — they don't even sink in water!

The prince abruptly approached the waiter and simply killed him with one blow ... And then he reached into the purse, and taking out a coin from there, threw it on the body twitching in convulsions.

— Thanks. Here is your hard-earned gold coin. Throw it in the river. Let's see if the shit sinks or not.

— So, Koti. Are you challenging me to a fight? Or do you want to go swimming with your friend?

— No, what a day today is! I asked my grandmother in a good way — let me clean out the pigsty! And she — no, no ... There is nothing to eat ... Thank you, grandma, I have had enough today ...