Several months passed by. During this time Kaden continued consuming more mana crystals. The amount was much larger than what he had taken from Northwinds not so long ago. Then he found a limit. Kaden could no longer take in anymore mana no matter how much he tried.

To begin with, before that it had already become exeedingly difficult to absorb any mana even from dense sources such as the crystals he consumed. He actually had to slow down as he had to wait for the mana to settle down somewhere or perhaps wait for what was already in to condense somewhere and release a bit more room.

This even caused problems Kaden had not ran into before. Like Cari, he usually ate the crystals rather than just absorbing the mana. The mana crystal would convert completely into mana inside his body releasing it all in a greater burst. Kaden suddenly found himself coughing and vomiting out pieces of mana crystals and mana bouncing around inside him in an uncontrolled manner. The mana was simply not absorbed. He could not take mana in properly anymore. He was too full.

Kaden even had to keep his mana in check. He was brimming with it and if he let go of it, he expected it to start crystallize again in his flesh. Obviosly not a good idea.

"Very few can do it this way", Kaden thought as he held down his mana to let it settle. "Most will just take years and years and have enough time to slowly get used to it. Still, I don't see there being a problem as long as I ensure all mana is in its place and in my control. As long as I don't leave this place, I don't have to fight so there will not be situation where it would be hard to keep the mana firmly where its supposed to be."

Kaden was pretty sure he would have some control problems, if he fought in his current state. Using mana to attack would require him to let go of his restrains.

All of this was quite theoretical.

Kaden knew exactly what the next step was. The step he would attempt soon after he put the mana he had in order. He was completely full and the only thing left to do would be to step into becoming a True Magus or True Cari, whichever term one feels fits him best. It was a greater step than any of the ones before. To leave behind his physical existence and become a being of mana.

As for what he would experience in that time, Kaden did not know. He had not thought about it much. Considering what he had discovered and what Zeruek had told him, there was little he could do to truly prepare.

Just what exactly was 'Kaden' in terms of concepts? How would it manifest?

Considering Kaden's life and what he had been doing some contents likely could be predicted. Was that the true him? Was perhaps the naive fool before everything the true self?

Kaden snorted. "I doubt that."

The only thing until that step was to balance his mana. Ensure all of it was in his full control.

No protective formations were needed due to his location inside Zeruek's hideout. There would be no external disruptions.

As for the mana of one's 'self'. It wasn't the type of mana that Kaden would have difficulties controlling. It wouldn't even be hard to find. One only had to concentrate deep enough on oneself. It had its uses even before one attempted to become a True Magus. It was more often a supportive type of mana than for direct combat.

Problem for Kaden and those attempting to become True Magi was that they would have to understand and control it enough to make it a body for themselves. What made you 'you'. Things like souls didn't actually seem to care much whether they were in a physical body or not. It would stay there in what counted as your body, as long as it was intact enough. Either physically or conceptually. It could be said to be sum of 'self'. What Kaden needed to gather and put together was the parts of that sum. Know what those parts were.

To do so at least well enough that he could stabilize himself a form from mana. Exactly what that meant was the problem.

"Do you have any last moment advice or words?" Kaden asked Zeruek as he lied down in one of the meditation chambers.

"No", Zeruek said and shook his head. "Should you succeed, you will step into the realm of those whose actions start to matter. It will be harder for you to skulk behind everyone's backs as you have done so far."

Kaden didn't say anything about it. He knew that to be the case and he had plans for it. It would only be harder to work, but every action he was able to take would have far greater effect.

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Besides, every time a new True Magus appears its noted by many. Specially it would be noted when Kaden suddenly appears with no affiliation to anyone. Someone will eventually ask 'who is this person and where did he come from?'.

"Well... its time to start", Kaden muttered to himself. This could be his last action, if he were to fail.

Kaden looked deep into himself. He restricted his senses to only his own body. Each bit of its mana. The said mana was everywhere, merged in every point of his physical body.

He looked through all sorts of mana types there existed on him, but there was one type that was part of everything. It felt like he looked at a mirror when he looked at that mana. Mana containing the concept of self, of Kaden.

Kaden took hold of all of this mana he could find. It was rather easy, in fact. This is no surprise, since it was, essentially, him. It would do what he wanted to by definition.

Now he needed to convert every part of his physical self into mana and contain it within his 'self'. Become mana. Become his True self.

Kaden started to take bit by bit the mana in his body and stuff it into the constrains of what the mana of self had. It wasn't just moving the mana, but taking everything. Everything. Mana that represented the particles that made up his body. It was possible now that each point of his body had been filled with his mana.

Taking all of it and stuffing it elsewhere broke the physical structure of his body. These parts of his body started to disintegrate. It was not painful, but to describe the feeling would be very difficult. He was moving everything, even ability to feel pain, into the container of self. In many ways he wasn't even hurting himself. He was just moving it elsewhere.

Some impurities scattered away like dust as his body continued to disintegrate, but rest of the matter was being converted into mana.

There was no going back now. Sections of his body were still flesh and blood while other parts were already mana. Should Kaden be able to complete the process and understand himself enough to stabilize that 'self' into a permanent form, that mana which used to be his physical flesh and blood body could once again become solid, but made out of mana. A mana body.

There was no need to be afraid. It was a neccessary step. Kaden knew if he did not take it, he would never complete his plans.

By the time Kaden's body was completely converted into mana, he felt certain connection... to everything. He was mana.

All sorts of restrictions were gone. His thoughts were faster. No longer needing the medium of his brain matter. If he tried to touch something, he would instantly do so. No longer there was need for his muscles to flex to produce movements of his limbs. There was only action. Nothing in between.

He still did not do it, even if he would have wanted to. He was containing himself now in a ball of mana. If he reached out of it, he would only waste himself, literally, and whatever time he had to form a mana body. It might be be short time or it might be a long time. Regardless, it was not the time to do pointless actions.

"This is likely how True Magus sees the world", Kaden understood. "Be one with mana."

Understanding this, Kaden returned his concentration back to his work. How does one turn this mana he had into a body? Before all that 'self' was contained in his physical body, set in form following the shape of his body and its functions.

Is that all? Probably not. It was just the shape. Kaden expected to be able to sculpt the mana into any form he wanted... but what was that form? Was it his latest form he acquired after the events in Murika? What after that? He needed more than a shape. A body that was just essentially a statue of mana was useless. No matter how correct the shape was and even that was a question.

Kaden realized he needed understanding.

He looked again into his mana of self. It was now quite different with all that flesh and blood gone. It no longer showed its previous form. Kaden still sensed it contained the correct answer, but when he tried to see it, he saw constantly fluctuating possibilities. Perhaps one of them was the correct one or perhaps none.

"This is the important part", Kaden thought calmly. "I must observe this mana until I can tell what is the correct answer."

Like a guide book with a title 'how to build Kaden'. The mana of self was the book, but the intructions in it were incomprehensible. He would have to decipher that 'book' before too much of him scattered away and result in his death when the ball of mana, that Kaden currently was, no longer could contain his soul and he would pass away. Deciphering it was perhaps an inaccurate term, but rather understanding of self.

Kaden knew the very different experiences potential True Magi experienced during this time, but he sensed none so far.

He did notice immediately that there were two major parts to his self. They were mixed together, but remained in separate parts. It was obvious what these were. His human side and his phoenix side. For some reason Kaden perceived these as different colors, bright golden one, the phoenix side and dark green for the humans side. These parts seemed to mingle together without any disruptions.

"Though, it feels like when the phoenix side moves about, the human side reacts", Kaden noted. Was the golden part more dominant? Was it perhaps stronger somehow?

Kaden looked at the swirling mass of mana that was him. There were more parts to it, but they seemed to be made out of the two main ones. Each part likely represented something about him.

Still, he felt there was something odd that kept pulling his attention. He missed it at first, but then he noted there was a thin layer of mana in between the golden and the green parts. It was like a mixing point of the two sides. He perceived this part as some dull color that he had no word for. It was odd. What did this represent? Deep inside Kaden felt this was important.

"What does it mean? I do share traits of both humans and phoenixes", Kaden thought for a moment. "Physically I have differences."

Kaden wondered whether there was some part of this mixture he did not understand. Perhaps there was once more something special about him that brought in problems as he tried to advance in power. It would be no surprise.

"I should look at it mor...".