His head throbbed, his legs ached, but his mind spinned way faster.

‘Family. Everyone says it’s supposed to be this unbreakable bond, this safe haven…The people who are supposed to have your back, no matter what.’ He clenched his fists, recalling a person who taught him so much despite his young age.

He was seven.

He always kept his distance from other people, always tried to sit alone at school.

He always kept his distance from other people, tried to sit alone in class, at lunch, everywhere. He told himself he liked it that way. But the truth?

He was scared.

Scared that if he let people in, made bonds like he had with Lily, they’d leave too. And losing someone he cared about again was something he couldn’t bear.

It was lunchtime on a cloudy day. Ash sat alone on a bench outside the school, picking at the sandwich his mother had packed for him. The other kids were playing tag, laughing and shouting. He kept his head down, pretending not to care.

“Hey.”

Ash froze, looking up slowly. A teenager stood in front of him, maybe seventeen. He had warm blonde hair and kind brown eyes. His uniform was slightly messy, the tie loosened like he couldn’t be bothered to wear it properly.

“Why’re you sitting here all by yourself?” the boy asked, tilting his head.

Ash shrugged, looking away. “Because I want to.”

The boy didn’t leave. Instead, he sat down on the bench beside Ash. “That’s not a real answer, you know.”

Ash frowned, “I don’t… want to talk about it.”

But the boy just sat there, waiting. “How about we share our names, Yeah? I’m Jamie, and it’s my last year at this school.”

Ash looked at him, and then said, “But that’s a girl’s name.”

Jamie looked confused at first, but then erupted into laughter, “You think so? You know it’s used as a boy’s name too!”

Ash said, “Okay. My name is Asher. And that’s not used as a girl’s name.”

Jamie continued to laugh and then giggled, “Gotcha, Asher! Sooo, what are you doing here all alone? Don’t wanna play?”

“I do, but, I’m… scared,” Ash admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “My sister left.”

The boy’s eyebrows rose slightly, but he stayed quiet, letting Ash continue.

“She was my favorite person in the whole world,” Ash said, his voice trembling. “But she left, and now home doesn’t feel warm anymore. It feels… empty.” He sniffled, tears welling up in his eyes. “What if- what if I care about someone else, and they leave too?”

Before he knew it, the tears started falling, and Ash buried his face in his hands, sobbing softly.

Jamie didn’t respond. He waited until Ash’s cries quieted a little, then placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” the boy said softly. “It’s okay to feel scared and hurt. But you know, family… it’s something you can’t ignore, no matter what.”

Ash sniffled, looking up at him.

“Family is messy, they’re the people you live with. The ones who know all your flaws but don’t leave. They don’t make you feel alone, even when you think they do. They’re human too, Asher.”

Ash blinked.

“They’re going to make mistakes,” the boy said, his gaze far away, as if he were remembering something himself. “But you’ve got to try to forgive them. And… your sister? She’s probably feeling just as alone as you are. So don’t give up on her, okay? Stay close to her. Don’t let her feel like she’s on her own.”

Ash wiped his face with his sleeve, his small hands still shaking. “You really think so?”

“I do,” the boy said, smiling softly. “Because no matter how far apart you feel, family is family. They’re not perfect, but they’re yours. Tell them how you feel, try to stay close to ‘em, and protect them forever!”

“But… Lily doesn’t want to stay. She said she hates us. What if I can’t fix it? What if she doesn’t want me to?”

The boy crouched down to Ash’s level, placing a hand gently on his small shoulder. “Asher, sometimes…people in your family are going through stuff you can’t always see. It’s not that they don’t care about you; it’s that they’re hurting too. And when people hurt, they say or do things they don’t always mean.”

Ash frowned, his tiny brow furrowing. “I…don’t understand.”

The boy nodded. “Yeah? You will at some point.”

Ash looked at him, “Maybe, I can’t protect them?”

Jamie chuckled and then said, “You know, Asher, protecting someone doesn’t always mean being some kind of hero, like in those cartoons you probably watch.” His eyes softened as he leaned in closer. “Have you ever seen a father, or even a stranger, standing in front of someone else, shielding them? Or maybe holding a kid’s hand real tight while crossing the street so they don’t have to feel scared?”

Ash tilted his head, nodding.

Jamie continued, his voice steady. “It’s not about fighting battles or winning something big. Sometimes, it’s just about being there. Being the person someone can lean on when things get rough. It’s making sure they know they’re not alone.”

Ash looked down at his little hands, still trembling. “What if they leave anyway?”

The boy’s smile faded slightly, his expression growing serious. “Sometimes, people do leave. And it hurts. But even if they do leave, think of them in good words. Everyone makes mistakes, eh? Sometimes you gotta accept people the way they are.”

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Ash nodded, and Jamie stood up.

“Besides, she's still your sister. That doesn’t change. If you keep showing her you care, maybe writing her letters, calling her, telling her how much you miss her, she’ll know she has a home with you. She’ll know you’re her family no matter where she is.”

Ash lowered his gaze, hair shadowing his eyes. “But do you think she misses me?”

“I do,” the boy said firmly. “I bet she’s missing you so much that she wants to fly over to you right now!”

“If you say so…” Ash whispered.

The boy grinned. “Of course, I mean it, silly! Anytime you need someone to talk to, just look for me. Deal?”

Ash nodded, his first small smile breaking through the tears. “Deal.”

Ash opened his eyes. He looked at the sky slowly but surely turning dark. Jamie’s voice echoed in his mind, as if the boy were still sitting beside him, ruffling his hair and saying it’d all be okay.

But it wasn’t okay. Not now. Not back then, either.

He closed his eyes again.

Protection. The word made his chest ache.

Jamie had made it sound so simple back then: Just be there. Show them you care. But how could you protect someone when everything felt like it was falling apart? When the people you were supposed to protect didn’t even want you there?

Ash let out a shaky breath. His throat felt tight, his head pounding like a drum. ‘Lucas said he wanted to protect me too… but how? By keeping secrets? By lying to me?’ His fists clenched as the thought lingered in his mind. “Why does everyone think they know what’s best for everyone else?” he muttered.

He thought of Lily- her tears, her anger as she pressed the shard of glass closer to her neck. The way she looked at him, like she didn’t need his protection, like he couldn’t save her even if he tried.

And then there was Noah, crying in their mother’s arms, too small to understand what was happening but still scared. Ash squeezed his eyes tightly.

His head throbbed harder, the pain spreading down in his entire body. ‘I don’t even have time to figure this out. Lily’s falling apart, Mom and Dad are desperate, Noah’s just a kid… and Lucas…’

Lucas. That name alone made his breath hitch. ‘Lucas, who was hiding something so huge it can change everything. How am I supposed to deal with all this?’

Then he remembered.

He was twelve.

It had been years since he’d last seen Jamie, and he hadn’t expected to run into him again. But fate had other plans.

It was a quiet afternoon at the library. Ash was tucked away in a corner, flipping half-heartedly through a book about history- not because he was interested, but because it was something to do.

“Hey, I know you.”

Ash’s head shot up, his heart skipping a beat. Standing there, with a familiar grin and the same warm brown eyes, was Jamie.

“You’re the kid from the school, right? What was your name again… Asher?” Jamie asked, crouching slightly to meet his eye level.

Ash blinked, his mind processing the sudden appearance. “...Jamie?”

Jamie laughed softly. “So, you do remember me.”

“I… Yeah, of course, I do.” Ash set the book aside, sitting up a little straighter. “What are you doing here?”

Jamie leaned against the nearby shelf, crossing his arms casually. “I come here all the time. Nice place to escape, you know? Didn’t think I’d run into an old friend, though.”

“Friend?” Ash repeated, surprised by the word.

“Well, yeah.” Jamie shrugged. “We had a pretty good talk back then, didn’t we?”

Ash hesitated, then gave a small nod. “I guess.”

Jamie tilted his head, studying him for a moment. “You’re taller now.”

“...Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m twelve.” Ash cracked a smirk.

“Oh…yeah? Twelve really is a big age. You’re practically an adult now, Mr. Asher!” Jamie grinned.

Ash rolled his eyes.

Jamie then continued, “Still sitting alone, though, huh?”

Ash’s face heated slightly. “It’s…quiet here.”

“Mm-hmm.” Jamie smirked but didn’t push further. Instead, he gestured to the book Ash had abandoned. “You into nature, or just pretending to be?”

Ash glanced at the book, then shook his head. “Not really. I just picked it up.”

Jamie chuckled. “Fair enough. So, how’ve you been, Asher? You seemed pretty down last time I saw you. Things better now?”

Ash hesitated, his gaze dropping to his hands. “Not really,” he admitted.

Jamie frowned, “What’s going on?”

Ash didn’t look up, unsure if he should say anything. But Jamie’s calm presence felt oddly reassuring, just like it had all those years ago.

“I don’t understand. Sometimes dad and mom fight, they…curse and all that. I mean, they do it in front of Noah. ” Ash said quietly.

Jamie frowned. “Who’s Noah?”

Ash blinked confused, and then said, smiling a bit, “O-Oh? He’s my little brothe-”

Jamie jumped, “Woah! You must love having him around, huh? You know I got a lil bro too! Although he is kind of stubborn, but still! Oh, and he’s your age, too!” Jamie stopped, then looked at Ash, who was staring at him, confused, “Sorry, I rant when I’m excited. Anyway, continue.”

The librarian came by, and glared at them, gesturing them to be silent, and then walked away as Jamie nodded frantically and muttered sorry.

Ash continued. “What’s the point? I can’t do anything. I’m not...”

Jamie leaned forward slightly. “You’re not…what?”

Ash frowned. “I’m not…perfect.”

“Well,” Jamie said thoughtfully, “Of course, you aren’t! No one’s perfect.”

Ash stared at him, “But…Family is supposed to be perfect, right?”

For a moment, they sat in silence.

Then Jamie ruffled his hair, and said, “You know, you’ve grown up a lot. But some things don’t change- you’re still a little too stubborn, aren’t you?”

Ash gave a faint smile. “Maybe.”

Jamie grinned, his voice soft but firm. “Asher, listen to me…”

Ash looked at him, annoyed at him for ruffling his hair, but still totally curious.

“You don’t have to be perfect for them to love you, and they don’t have to be perfect for you to love them.”

Ash blinked, confused, “I…don’t understand.”

Jamie slumped his shoulders, and shedded a fake tear, “Maybe, at some point, you will. But seriously, I doubt that with all my will. Are you sure you have a fully functioning brain?”

Ash smiled, “I don't know myself.”

Ash chuckled on remembering it. The way Jamie had ruffled his hair, the teasing tone masking genuine care- it had stuck with him all these years.

.

.

“You don’t have to be perfect for them to love you, and they don’t have to be perfect for you to love them.”

.

.

Ash let out a shaky breath. ‘Nothing’s simple, is it?’

Everyone always told him he was good at reading people. He thought so too- he could pick apart their words, their actions, their emotions, and make sense of the chaos inside them.

But now? He didn’t understand anything. Not his family. Not himself.

‘I always thought that people were…’

Complicated.

Messy.

Confusing.

Ash ran a hand through his hair, pulling at it slightly as if the dull ache in his scalp could distract him.

He didn’t even know how to feel anymore. Hurt? Angry? Hopeless?

Or just tired. So, so tired.

The voice of the train interrupted the chaos in his mind, he whipped his head to the tracks, startled.

‘It’s just the damn…train.’

He stood up, the exhaustion suffocating, but he pulled himself straight. ‘I guess I’ll…’

But the thought never finished.

Instead, his gaze locked on the train’s lights, cutting through the dim evening, growing brighter and closer with every second. A strange, unfamiliar thought pushed its way into his mind.

‘What if I just…didn’t exist?’