Lucas grabbed him by the collar, his voice trembling with rage. “What the hell were you doing?! Are you insane?!”

Ash’s eyes shot open.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘What-’

Ash’s eyes shoot open as he feels Lucas grabbing his collar and yanking him up.

Lucas’s face was tight with anger, his teeth clenched as he roughly shook him.

“What the hell were you doing?!” Lucas’s voice cracked, louder than he meant it to be, louder than the train had been moments ago.

Ash blinked, his chest heaving as he tried to process where he was. The ground beneath him scraped his hands, and his body ached from the fall. He barely registered Lucas’s words. What had he been doing?

He thought about it, and the memory came rushing back. The train. The tracks. The way his feet had just... moved forward like it was the easiest thing in the world to let go.

He tried to speak but found nothing.

Lucas’s grip on his collar tightened. His face was wild, and Ash could feel the tremor in his hands. “Do you even get it?!” Lucas yelled, shaking him harder. “You were- God, Ash, what if- what were you- you were about… to kill yourself!”

“Back off!” Ash snapped, his breathing labored.

Ash’s voice came out sharper than he expected, and with a sudden burst of strength, he shoved Lucas off him. Lucas staggered back, stumbling.

Lucas sat there for a second, staring up at him like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. Then his jaw tightened, and he scrambled to his feet.

“You think you can just leave after- after that?” Lucas’s voice wasn’t as steady as he wanted it to be.

Ash didn’t answer. He couldn’t. His eyes drifted to the tracks, and something inside him twisted.

The realization hit him all at once. He’d been there. Standing right there. He could still feel the heat of the train as it came close, and could still hear the roar in his ears.

And then, his mind betrayed him. He saw himself on the tracks, blood pooling.

Broken.

Lifeless.

Dead.

The nausea hit him so hard he doubled over.

Lucas stepped forward instinctively. “What-”

“Don’t.”

Ash’s voice was strained, and he threw up a hand to stop Lucas from coming any closer. He couldn’t deal with him. Not right now.

Lucas froze, his own breath caught in his chest. He watched helplessly as Ash staggered a few steps to the side, clutching his stomach.

And then, it happened. Ash threw up, the sound raw and awful in the quiet. His body convulsed, and he dropped to his knees, spitting bile.

Lucas’s hands trembled as he stared.

This is my fault.

The thought wouldn’t stop repeating in his head.

I pushed him too far. I let this happen.

Ash wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his face pale and sickly, his shoulders slumped. He didn’t look at Lucas.

Lucas swallowed hard, his throat dry. He wanted to say something- to apologize, to do anything to make this moment less unbearable. But the words wouldn’t come.

And then…Ash trudged away, walking away from where he doubled over a moment ago, and sat on the ground. His head lowered, eyes closed.

Lucas looked at him.

“Ash…I-”

Ash lifted his head slightly, his face pale, his eyes dull. When he looked at Lucas, it sent a chill down his spine. Those eyes, so dark, so empty, they looked like they’d swallowed every ounce of light in him.

Lucas couldn’t bear it. He glanced away, running a hand through his hair, muttering under his breath.

“God, Ash... you’re disgusting.”

Ash’s voice was raspy, barely more than a whisper. “What the hell are you doing here? Are you...stalking me now?”

Lucas let out a dry chuckle. He shoved his hands into his pockets, staring at the ground as he spoke.

“Guess I don’t have the right to be here after everything... after making you go through all that crap at the warehouse.” His tone wavered slightly, but he laughed again, a bitter sound. “Do I?”

Ash scoffed. He tilted his head back, resting it against the ground.

“No,” he said finally, his voice dry. “You don’t.”

The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

That made Lucas’ feel more guilt.

“Ash…What were you about- What were you thinking?” Lucas asked, his red orbs trembling, while Ash only scoffed.

“Why do you…care?” Ash asked instead, making Lucas sigh.

“You…How can you…What if I wasn’t here?! What if no one would’ve stopped you and tomorrow morning, news spreads of a high-schooler who just took his own life- recklessly coming in front of the train, maybe because he lost his sanity?!” Lucas shouts, and Ash flinches looking away from him.

The thing would have really happened if Lucas hadn’t come. And one way or another, Asher was a bit glad he did, although he would never admit it.

Ash took a deep breath, forgetting whatever happened and focusing on Lucas, “You…don’t get to say that after…everything you’ve done-”

“Maybe not! But…But you were just…about to die, dammit! Be more ashamed about it!” Lucas said, plopping down on the ground a few miles away from him.

Ash looked over to him, his hands were shaking vigorously, and his skin was pale.

“How can you…show up here after everything you’ve done? You should…be more shameful.” Ash says, running a hand through his hair.

“Maybe so, but still! You were just about to take your…own life! I know it might be because I pushed you to this point, but be more considerate, will ya?!” Lucas shouted, then his voice dropped to a whisper, “I- You were going to do this because of…me!”

Ash snorted, “Everything isn’t always about you, dumbhead. Besides, you have no idea why I was doing what I did.”

Lucas looked at him with wide-eyes, all he wanted was to hear Ash curse at him and tell him that everything that happened was his damn fault, but Ash said otherwise.

“I know you- I know you were giving up and…and I know you-” Lucas was cut off.

“When did you start to assume that you know me?” Ash stated, although his tone was low. And threw his hand up, and closed the distance between his thumb and the index finger, and then looked at Lucas, “You don’t even know me this much…So stop wallowing in self-pity that everything’s your fault. That’s…pitiful.”

Why isn’t Ash flipping me off, and asking me to leave, like he always did?

Lucas frowned, then lowered his gaze, “I came here to say so-”

“If you came here to apologize, and make amends, don’t. Because you and I both know I won’t accept your apology unless you tell me the real reason why.”

I knew he would ask for it.

Ash was for once, really curious to know the reason why Lucas joined the group, or why he is the ‘Boss’. He momentarily forgot the storm in his mind and the possibilities of what might be happening in the house.

Lucas lowered his voice, “Ash…I- I don’t want to talk about that right now-”

Ash snapped, his eyes averting to Lucas’ trembling hands, “Then go back…Why in the world did you come here to apologize if you aren’t even ready to tell me the reason?...I won’t buy it. Tell me the reason or else don’t bother.”

Lucas looked down on his feet, as if looking at them would provide him with any comfort and relief. Any good news. He wanted it to be over.

This damn day. I want it to be over so badly.

Lucas continued to look at the ground and then sighed. He didn’t want to say it. He didn’t want to drag this part of himself into the open, where Ash could look at it, pick it apart, and see just how messed up it really was. But Ash wasn’t letting it go.

“It’s a long story. Where do I start?” Lucas asked, chuckling.

Ash was quick to answer, “From the start. And don’t even think of making stuff up. Besides, I’m already pissed off. So, you better give me the truth, or don’t waste my time.”

Lucas swallowed, hesitating for a moment. Ash’s voice was sharp.

Lucas nodded slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked down at his trembling hands, then up at Ash, who was watching him, arms crossed.

“Alright,” Lucas said finally, his voice barely audible. “No lies. I’ll start from the beginning.”

“Sure.” Ash said, slightly tilting his head to the train tracks, but his mind not reeling about what he did before, but every ounce of focus on Lucas sighing and then continuing.

“When I was born, I knew nothing. I saw nothing, I heard nothin-”

“From the start means from when you met Blake and why you did this, you moron. Don’t go on giving me details on how you were born.”

“Aw~ That was the only part of the story I love! The other story’s crap-” Lucas was cut off when he saw Ash glaring at him like a hawk. His black onyx eyes bore into Lucas’ vermillion ones.

Lucas sighed, then with a heavy heart, he began.

“I met Blake when I was thirteen,” his voice steady at first but growing softer. He stared at the ground, his fingers idly twisting the edge of his sleeve.

“I had this...goal in mind, and I was willing to do whatever it took to make it happen.”

Ash gave him a look that was unreadable. “What goal? I don’t know of a meaningful goal that includes fighting and bullying people. If…It wasn’t because you had a superiority complex-”

Lucas let out a dry chuckle, “I didn’t. I have a goal, and it’s lame, but…it’s very meaningful for me.”

“Yeah, what?”

Lucas shrugged, “That part is at the end of the story. Anyways, my brother taught me how to fight,” Lucas explained, his voice hardening slightly. “It was just a hobby.”

Ash raised an eyebrow, “You’re lying.”

Dammit, how can he read me like an open book?!

“That…part is at the end of the story too.” Ash rolled his eyes but Lucas knew Ash wouldn’t let it go. Lucas then continued.

“Then I saw Blake,” Lucas exhaled a long breath. “He was standing outside a high school with a group of guys. I was walking by, but I stopped when I heard them talking about...paying debt.”

Ash’s brows furrowed, but he didn’t interrupt.

“One of the guys was freaking out, saying someone was coming for them. That he’d rip them apart if they didn’t pay up. And Blake didn’t have a clue what to do.”

Ash tilted his head slightly. Lucas caught the look but ignored it, his focus drifting to the memory.

“I hid around the corner and listened to them argue. And then, before I could second-guess myself, I stepped out. Told them I could handle it.” Lucas let out a bitter chuckle. “You should’ve seen their faces. Blake laughed at me, called me a kid. Then he swung at me, out of nowhere.”

Ash blinked, clearly surprised. “And?”

“And I dodged. Countered. He got up, and instead of being pissed, he looked...interested. Like he’d found something useful. He asked me what I wanted, why I’d help them.”

“And…what did you say?”

Lucas averted his eyes from the ground to Ash, who looked deep in thought but curious all the same.

I have to tell him. Now or never.

“I told them about my goal,” And before Ash could interrupt and ask what was it, Lucas continued, throwing his hands in the air, “Which I will tell you about later, and I helped them, beat the debt guy, and beat anyone who would come in our way.”

Ash turned to face him, the dark sky making it hard for them to see, but the light of the moon shone.

“What did you…ask in return?”

“W-What?” Lucas breathed out, taken aback by the question.

“What did you ask in return? Don’t tell me you helped those bastards without anything in return, clearly you’re not that much of an idiot.”

Lucas didn’t respond.

Ash continued, “And why did you ask them to help? If your goal included fighting people, then you should’ve done it alone. Why drag a bunch of drunken bullies into helping you?”

That’s it. There’s no backing away now. I have to tell him.

Lucas’s fingers trembled slightly as he clenched them into fists at his sides. He closed his eyes, already bracing himself for the words he knew he had to say. There was no backing out now, not with Ash staring at him like that- like he was piercing into his soul.

“I have a disease,” Lucas finally admitted, his voice low.

Ash narrowed his eyes, tilting his head slightly. “A disease?” His voice was sharp, skeptical. “What kind of disease?”

Lucas opened his eyes and met Ash’s gaze, the corners of his mouth twitching. “Asthma.”