“Weird guy at 2 o’clock,” warned Rex as they parked at a safe distance from Lotte’s home.
Curiously, Liara looked in the direction Rex pointed at and had a hard time suppressing a chuckle. “That’s not a weirdo. It’s Lotte’s dad.” Then shock overwhelmed Liara, and she began panicking. “Shoot, it’s her dad!”
“That’s her father?” Rex gave it another look and then stared at Lotte for comparison, who tried to make herself as small as a mouse to hide away. “You two look nothing alike! No offence.”
“Hmph,” huffed Lotte. “If I got a cent for every time I heard that line, it would be enough to fund my first year at an American College.”
Lotte peeked over the front seats and spotted her father in the driveway. He looked mad.
He wore a pair of beige jeans and a high-collared shirt with an apron over it that read ‘Kiss the Cook’, which was a few sizes too small. A gag gift Lotte gave him when she was a child—she regretted it ever since.
Her father had fair skin and blonde hair. The only characteristic that suggested he was her father would be their silver-grey eyes.
Dealing with annoying passersby, teachers, or the police was nothing but a chore unless her mother was with them, which wasn’t often the case. She was usually away for work, so it would always be Lotte and her dad. Seeing him so furious hurt Lotte’s heart.
“Is he angry?” asked Liara, having trouble seeing properly with her broken sunglasses—she also had her regular pair, but Liara had sat on them during their trip.
“I had my fair share of battles.” Rex scratched his chin, contemplating a tactic to approach the front. “But dealing with parents is not one I particularly enjoy. Give me a crowd of bigots, and I’ll jump in headfirst. The last time I dealt with an angry parent ended with a black eye.”
“And a lawsuit and ruining my lasting friendship with them.” Rex’s wife complained behind the steering wheel.
“He ain’t that bad.” Liara looked out the window and quickly ducked away when Lotte’s father glanced their way. “Uncle,” Liara gave the pleading adorable niece look, “could you help us out a bit, pleaaaaase?”
“He better not try to start a fight with my father,” Lotte grumbled at Liara. “I’m already in hot waters. And I don’t think pulling anyone else into this is wise.”
“Listen to your girlfriend,” said Rex. “Be a woman and deal with her father yourself.”
“WHAT!?” the two girls exclaimed with faces as red as a strawberry field. They were being laughed at by Rex and his wife. Mordain kept on reading his university journal, ignoring them. “We are- no- it’s-” they fumbled for words.
Rex laughed. “Stop bubbling. You two are too obvious.” Rex moved his hand over Lotte’s head and ruffled Liara’s hair until it was all wild and tangled—more so than usual. “Go, soldier, or I’ll tell your parents their daughter chickened out of a confrontation.”
“Hmmm,” Liara nervously drummed with her fingers against the car handle. She was about to open the door before Lotte stopped her.
“You don’t have to. Let me handle it.”
“No, it’s fine. I brought us into this. Don’t want to have my parents think I was scared.” Liara winked at Lotte and stepped out of the car, waving at Lotte’s father. “Hell–oooo Mr Mae-”
“There you are!”
“Eep!” Liara squeaked like a mouse when Lotte’s father shouted and stomped towards them.
He brushed Liara aside and pried open the car door. Loose strands of blonde hair fell over his face, and he set his eyes on Lotte, who covered her face in Mordain’s journal.
“Miss Charlotte Mae,” he restrained his yelling voice enough to not alarm the neighbours. “You’re in one hell of a mess. We will go home immediately!”
Lotte lowered the journal and reluctantly crawled out of her car. Her eyes fixed on the ground, trying to avoid eye contact with her father and anyone else. Her father grabbed her by the hand and yanked her back home.
“Call me, OK?” Liara called out, but Lotte was already out of sight and inside the house before she could wave back. The door went shut with a bang, and Liara flinched. “Or I will… we’ll figure this out.”
“Wonder when Charlie’s funeral will be,” commented Mordain, who had enough attention capacity to witness the mess. His mother promptly slapped him over his head.
Lotte sat in front of the kitchen table, and her father quietly placed in front of her a pasta dish he had cooked. It was close to noon, and he assumed she hadn’t eaten yet.
Her father was the kind of parent who would first make sure she was properly back home and then berate her for her behaviour or mistakes. She didn’t have the heart to tell him they had eaten burgers with Liara and co at a local Wendy’s.
“I’ll go call your mother to come home early. Wash the dishes and take a shower in the meantime.” Her father took off the apron and left Lotte alone with her meal.
She forced everything down and did as he asked her to, making herself presentable and sitting inside the living in a proper summer dress and jacket, doing nothing at all. Lotte was too afraid to pick up a book, turn on the TV, play on her phone or do anything except breathe and sit still.
Timidly, Lotte straightened herself on the sofa to not slouch, but she couldn’t help but feel nervous. Not because of her father standing in the corner and thinking silently about how to punish his misbehaving daughter.
“I want to call Liara,” thought Lotte, having her priorities straight. It hasn’t been long since she last saw her, but Lotte felt helplessly alone and needed some support to deal with her parents.
What would they ask her? What kind of punishment would she get? Lotte hadn’t considered any of these questions because she was so happy being with Liara, but now she was on edge.
It was a desperate wish where Lotte wanted to jump out of the window and escape this mental torture. Then it dawned on her, “What if they don’t allow me to see Liara from now on?”
This was worse than being confined in her room and having her father look over her shoulder while she was forced to study for the whole day—again.
The front door clicked open, and Lotte’s fears drew closer.
In walked her mother, wearing her beige pantsuit with her midnight blue hair tied into a bun. She spotted her only daughter and smiled at her widely, which unsettled Lotte.
“Why’s she smiling?” thought Lotte, and panicked. She had run away from home for almost a week without telling them anything. She skipped school, exams and all the other curricular activities they signed her up for, but her mother was smiling—why?
“How are you, Charlotte? How was your trip? Did you two have fun? Oh, did you bring back souvenirs?”
Lotte noticed no hint of sarcasm in her mother’s voice. Did some miracle occur and switch out her mother? Lotte couldn’t comprehend why she was in such a good mood. “Was this what they called ‘The calm before the storm’?”
“What are you doing?” Lotte’s father whispered to her mother. “You should be angrier.”
“Yeah, you should!” thought Lotte. “But thank the gods you’re not—whoever you are, Mom Doppelgänger!”
“I don’t get what the fuss is all about. She’s home now, isn’t she?” Her mother shrugged, stunning Lotte and her father with her unexpected nonchalance. “Go to your room, sweety, and don’t worry about homework or school. Just relax for the end of the day.”
“Did I understand you correctly? You didn’t get into trouble?” inquired Liara over the phone.
“Yes, my mother came home and didn’t make a fuss at all. My father was prepared to unleash hell but waited for my mother, who didn’t take his side.”
There was a pause on Liara’s end. “Are you sure she wasn’t replaced by some kind of alien entity?”
“That’s what I thought, too!” Lotte was still very suspicious. Her parents were usually very strict about anything, especially her mother about school and rules, but acted as if nothing wrong happened. “How was it on your end?”
“My parents threatened to send me to a military academy, but my mother is not back from the base, so I’m Gucci… for now. I don’t want to know what she will do to me.”
Lotte chuckled. “She’ll make you run laps around the blocks, like last summer.”
“Ergh, don’t remind me,” Liara groaned over the speaker. “My thighs hurt for over a week. I couldn’t sit during class. It was painful and very uncomfortable. And instead of losing weight, I felt like my legs got bigger, and I couldn’t fit into my favourite pants.”
“At least you won the school marathon,” quipped Lotte, remembering how she made second place herself, right behind Liara. Her parents were unhappy, but she didn’t regret it one bit. “Liara?”
“Hm? What?” Liara responded after a short delay. “Sorry, got distracted for a moment, but speaking of–”
“Charlotte, do you have a minute?” Lotte’s mother knocked on the door.
“Coming!” Lotte picked the phone back up to her ear. “Gotta go. Talk later?”
Another delay on Liara’s end. “Sure, smell you later.”
Lotte stared at her phone, reluctant to put it down. One beep, two beeps and then one long one. The call ended. Lotte took a shaky breath before hiding her phone under the pillows.
She opened the door of her room. “Come in–”
“We have a lot to discuss, young lady.” Her mother rushed inside and past her daughter—she barely changed out of her work attire and looked all business as usual. “I called your school. You’re taking some time off. At least for the next few days.”
“I am wha– you did wha-” Lotte was too perplexed to react. Her parents never let her skip sports and classes. Even when she had a high fever, she still had to attend Saturday classes.
The only time she managed to stay home was when she broke her leg and cried her father’s ears out. It almost didn’t work—her mother almost made him carry her to school on his back.
An embarrassing memory she is glad doesn’t exist—or she repressed it.
“Mom, what’s going on? I ran away from home. I didn’t call or tell you where I went. Why am I suddenly getting time off?”
Her mother crossed her arms and steepled her hands before her. “Would you rather we grounded you until you turn 20?”
“Nope, I am good.” Lotte quickly became docile and turned into a nearby corner to not tempt the fates. Still, she couldn’t let go of the topic. “Why tho? I expected you to be angry—father too, by the way he looked. What changed?”
Lotte’s mother motioned towards the bed, signalling to sit down together, but Lotte didn’t move. She was too cautious of her mother. “Listen, sweetie, I’m not angry, I promise. I understand why you did it.”
Lotte hesitated and moved closer to her corner, away from her mother. “Y-you do?” she was afraid to know what her mother meant by that. Did she know she ran away with Liara on a trip because she loved her?
No, it wouldn’t make sense, especially with her mother. “But oh gods, what if she knew? I don’t want to imagine!”
Lotte still had the haunting anxiety of what would happen when their parents found out their only daughter was not straight, but into Liara, who they thought was her best friend.
“Nonono, no, no, they can never find out!”
“Of course I know.” Her mother said, almost delighted about it, but Lotte winced, fearing the worst. “I believe your father knows as well, but he has a hard time admitting it. After all, you’re a woman. And as your mother, I’m the only one who understands what you are going through.”
“...I don’t like where this is going.”
Lotte’s mother clapped her hands together and rested her chin on the tips, grinning pridefully from ear to ear. “You finally hit your rebellious phase!”
“Nope, I seriously don’t like it.”
—☾—
Lotte followed Geshtinanna.
Close behind her and locking their arms with Lotte were Siduri and Shamhat.
They either did that to make sure to keep Lotte from running away—or to syphon some confidence out of her to endure being close to the deity. After all, Lotte didn’t feel a speck of anxiety.
Not anymore.
Her heart was beating stronger than it did when she first arrived. It was still weak, but she could feel a fire beating. Not a blue flame but a kindling red one.
They stopped right before the ziggurat. The grand step pyramid ascended higher than any other building Lotte had ever seen. The palace, made of dark red clay stone, felt imposing but also awe-inspiring.
Her skin tingled. Lotte sensed how Siduri and Shamhat were shaking to their bones, standing so close to the palace. Of course, it was the palace of the underworld queen; anyone would be afraid, but Lotte couldn’t help but feel composed about it all.
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
She wasn’t afraid.
“We’re here.” Geshtinanna gestured for Lotte, and the two women let go of her. “From here on, you’ll go up alone,” said Geshtinanna and stood aside. “Ascend the stairs of Ganzir and meet our queen where the cedars bloom.”
Unsure of what she was just told, Lotte turned back and saw how Siduri and Shamhat stepped away and encouragingly motioned for Lotte to go up. She didn’t want to, but she bolstered her resolve and took a deep breath before she took the first step.
The staircase immediately enlarged, and Lotte found herself losing balance, but she kept on climbing, though it became harder with every step. She was clambering the staircase with her arms when she reached the first flat area.
Being what felt like over 20 meters in the sky now, Lotte could see a small portion of the underworld section stretching out before her and beyond and witnessed many more similar housing clusters.
Chasms opened up between the city landscapes. Mountains rose to try to reach the star-lit ceiling. In the far distance, stone gates and an enormous staircase led up to the sky with a sea of blue flames emerging from within it—more dead souls, Lotte assumed.
That’s where she had woken up and where Ereshkigal, the queen, picked her up in person. There was still something odd about it. Why did Ereshkigal come for her specifically?
Lotte kept on scrambling up the stairs.
Outside, the landscape barely changed, but she imagined spotting a river between the myriad of buildings. One so pristine and clean, Lotte felt like letting go and plunging into it—to get over everything and be done, but the flame in her heart told otherwise.
Lotte ventured on.
It felt like days, hours, or an entire year for Lotte to reach the next layer, but she shook her head and kept climbing until her calloused hands touched the next layer.
She was exhausted; her limbs felt like lead.
“Why am I doing this?” wondered Lotte as she tried to remember the reason she ended up here and why she kept going.
With barely any memories in her mind, Lotte didn’t know the answer, but she knew it was important—she felt it. As if buried memories of joy fueled her heart and moved her body on her own while pushing anything else away that hindered her.
A hand reached out for Lotte and, tired as she was, reached out for it.
An image flowed before her eyes on how warm, small and familiar this hand was, belonging to the person she desperately wanted to see again, though it was but a dream.
Alone, Lotte stood before the entrance of a large archway. It was not the highest layer of the palace, but she instinctively knew she was in the right place when she heard the rustling of trees.
She stepped forward, and the room expanded with ashen cedar trees rising and looming over her like giants. Brushing her hand over the tree’s surface, Lotte could feel the rough bark against her tired palm. The wind picked up and urged her further inside, where stone columns rose in between the cedars to support the mighty ceiling.
Carvings of animals and unknown characters were edged into the stone, but none she could make out. Like hieroglyphs, they seemed ancient but far older than Egyptian characters. They vibrated with a strange essence that shook Lotte’s body to the core.
Then an animal’s cry echoed between the cedars. A gazelle appeared.
“Hey, you, I know you,” Lotte spoke to the animal that bumped her head gently against Lotte’s shoulder, nuzzled its snout at her and licked her neck. “Stop that. It tickles. What are you doing here?”
The gazelle removed itself from Lotte and stared with its doe-like eyes at her. It then pointed with its head further into the chamber where a woven curtain hung from the ceiling down the floor.
It glittered like the starlit sky.
“Just a bit more, and you’re there,” Lotte imagined a familiar voice calling out.
Venturing through the curtain, Lotte set her eyes on the large pool of water stretching out before her in a depression with a giant goddess lounging at its edges.
Lotte immediately concluded she was Ereshkigal, the Queen of the Underworld and Goddess of the Dead.
Her owl-like feet dipped into the pristine blue waters, and she propped her downcast wings over her head like a sunshade.
The twisted golden crown sat majestically on her head where her long dark hair billowed down her neck and over dark maroon skin. She was like a gloomy star, radiating a source of dignified but dim light around her that drew every soul towards her—like a moth to a flame.
With closed eyes, Ereshkigal turned her head to Lotte and beckoned with her large hands for her to sit down with her in the only clean water Lotte had seen in the entire underworld.
Lotte instinctively obliged.
Bowing her head, Lotte took the first step but was gripped by a sense of vertigo, similar to when she had climbed the palace.
The air left her lungs; the warmth disappeared from her body, and all Lotte saw was the goddess looking at her before her sight turned dark, and she fell down and into the water.
“What just happened?” the words left Lotte’s mouth. She was floating in the pool. The goddess gently cupped her hands underneath Lotte and held her in place.
“Dream, child.” Lotte heard a voice talking inside her head. “Enter a sleepless dream.”
Humming a silent lullaby, Lotte fell asleep by the goddess’s singing and dim light.
—❂—
“Your mother thinks you are in a rebellious phase?”
“Yap.”
“She has no idea about the true reason you ran off?”
“Nope.”
“And she doesn’t know that we are… you know—”
“Gods, no!” Lotte hit Liara with a pillow and buried her own red face in one.
The conversation with her mother was still fresh in her mind. How her mother led the conversation in Lotte’s room and told her she understood every bit of her behaviour. How she must have felt suffocated by school, the extracurricular activities, and finding out her best friend would soon leave. It must have caused her daughter to become a rebel and run off to spend the remaining time they had together.
Her mother fell into a reverie. She shared all about herself and how she did the same thing when she was younger—although it was far from the truth.
“You are my daughter after all, and take after me.” Her mother clapped her hands zestfully and looked at Lotte like one would through a veil of misguided admiration and pride. “My friend and I did the same when we were younger, but sadly, it took a wrong turn. Regardless, I am proud. You made the right decision.
“Even if your dad doesn’t think so. He will come to understand for the day you find your future husband.”
Lotte shuddered at the prospect of marrying a man. Meeting her parents’ expectations was all Lotte ever did, and by running away, she defied them for the first time.
Instinctively, she knew she would have to defy them again, but it wasn’t the time, and there was no way of telling what they would do to her. Especially her mother when she found out her daughter was nothing like her.
“If she knew, she would kill me. She can absolutely never find out!”
“Find out about what?”
“AH!” the girls screamed as Liara’s cousin suddenly appeared behind the couch with a book under his arm and tea in hand. “What are you doing here?” Liara mouthed at Mordain. “You’re not welcome here. Shoo, shoo!”
Mordain took a sip from his tea and ignored how Liara waved her hands before his face. “For your information, I live here, and you shouldn’t talk to me like that, or I’ll demand my room back.”
“Keep dreaming,” Liara smirked at Mordain, who rolled his eyes at her and left with a sip of his tea.
Lotte scooted closer. “Never mind your cousin, but why did we meet at your uncle’s house?”
Liara had called Lotte out of her bed the next day and said to meet up, but all they did was catch up on what Lotte’s mother said and nothing else.
“Oh, right!” Liara realised something important. “I live here now. My mother kicked me out.”
“YOU WHAT!?” Lotte shouted.
Liara scratched her head bashfully. “Embarrassing, right? Last I saw her was when she dropped me off at uncle’s–”
“Is this my fault?” Liara stopped talking when she saw Lotte gripping her chest in tears. “It is, isn’t it? They kicked you out because we ran away. I knew it wasn’t the right decision. It’s all my fault.”
“Whoa, whoa, hold your horses!” Liara kicked herself up and reached out for Lotte’s hand. “What do you mean by ‘It wasn’t the right decision?”
Lotte stifled a cry. Her hands were trembling. “We shouldn’t have done any of that. My mother said I did the right thing, but if she knew the real reason, she would never look me in the eye again. Now your parents kicked you out. I- I’m not sure anymore what’s right or wrong.”
“Stop it!” Liara shook Lotte until she stopped sobbing. “Tell me, do you regret any of that? Do you regret trying something that might not last forever, even if it made you happy?”
Lotte hesitated and stared through Liara’s glasses and into her glittering hazel eyes. She hesitated. “I don’t want to think your parents kicked you out because of me.”
“Then don’t,” Liara wiped the tears away with her fingers, which were so delicate Lotte couldn’t help but lace them with hers. “Trust that all your decisions are a product of your heart.” Liara suddenly kissed Lotte on the forehead but drew back when she realised what she had done. Her face immediately grew red. “Otherwise, this wouldn’t have happened, hehe.”
“Truly.” Lotte chuckled at the sight of Liara fanning her steaming face. “Do you have a tissue?”
Liara smiled at this and pushed the rims of her glasses back up. “In the kitchen, let’s go.”
Standing up from the couch, Liara dragged Lotte with her into the kitchen. Mostly because Lotte wouldn’t let go of her hand, fearing she might be gone the instant she let go.
“Ladies.” Rex raised his teacup in greeting. It did not surprise them to see him munching on a cookie—they felt rather repulsed to see him dip it into his tea. “Or do you prefer partners in crime? Considering you both should be grounded by your parents.”
“Isn’t that why I am here?” asked Liara, and glanced a smile at Rex’s wife as she gave her and Lotte a hot cup of tea. “To make sure we behave? You do a terrible job, by the way.”
“Not my children, not my problems–” The doorbell rang, and Rex groaned as he went on his way to answer it. “Don’t touch my cookie, you hear me, missy?”
Rex growled at Liara, and she growled back at him. Rex’s wife then noticed Lotte’s puffed-up face. “Child, are you alright?”
“Everything is fine,” Liara replied while raiding the kitchen drawers. “Tissues, where–”
“AHHH!!! IMPOSTER!”
They heard Rex’s ungodly cry for help, which was more than alarming considering that the man was serving in the military and faced the other end of the barrel more than he had fingers.
“YOU CAN’T BE HERE! You were in the kitchen just a moment ago!” Rex stumbled back into the living room just as the girls and his wife came out. He shouted, “Don’t open the door while I get my gun!”
Disturbed by the poor display of her husband, Rex’s wife opened the front door with a familiar-looking face in sight. Liara could only laugh at the situation, and Lotte facepalmed herself.
“That’s no imposter. That’s her mother, phaha ha!” Liara held her stomach with one hand and held onto Lotte, who wanted to hide away from the world for good. “Oh, this is too gold. Rex can’t handle your parents.”
If Lotte had a nickel for every time she was called out by Rex for her parentage, she would have two nickels. Which is not a lot, but it was still weird that it happened twice.
“Mom, what are you doing here?”
“Apparently getting death threats and insults thrown at my head—again.” Lotte’s mother scowled at Rex, who did double-checks on the mother-daughter duo. Unable to handle it any further, Rex retreated into the kitchen—right where the cookie jar was. “Liara, I talked with your mother.”
When she heard about her mother, Liara stopped laughing, straightened her back and leaned forward on her tiptoes. Her eyes enlarged behind the glasses, and Lotte thought they were about to plop out of her head. “Y-you did? Ha ha, what did she say?”
It didn’t go unnoticed by Lotte how sweaty Liara’s hand was. She tightened her grip on Lotte’s hand while hiding it behind them.
“What’s wrong?” Lotte whispered.
“What do you think? It’s never a good sign when two mothers decide to have a talk when their children run off, or is it?”
“We had quite a talk,” Lotte's mother announced. “She’s still on the phone. Let me put her on speaker–” Lotte’s mother pulled out her phone and clicked on the display repeatedly, but the phone remained quiet.
Instead, she simply gave the phone to Liara.
Taking the vile instrument into her hands, Liara nervously held it against her ear. Her expressions were a mixture of worry and surprise, which Lotte interpreted as something positive the way Liara quickly blinked her eyes three times in a row.
The call ended, and Liara smacked her lips, processing it silently.
“Liara?”
“Hm? What?” she looked at Lotte, confused. “Oh, yeah, well, seems like the move will be postponed.” Liara reciprocated the squeeze of their hands with her own. “Your decision might have been the right one, after all. My mother said I’ll be staying for a while longer.”
—✧—
Back in the underworld, Lotte awoke from her restless slumber. Small waves rippled in the pond. Ereshkigal peacefully watched over Lotte with her hands cupped underneath her.
Hoisted out of the waters, the goddess placed her down on a set of warm stones. The water evaporated from Lotte’s skin, and her head felt like a fog was clearing from her mind.
“How was it? Refreshing, wouldn’t you agree?”
Lotte turned to the all too familiar sad-eyed deity who had proclaimed to be her judge. She quickly pushed herself away from her spot and closer to the goddess’s knees.
“Not a fan of me anymore, are you?” the deity leaned his fist against his cheek, and Lotte took another cautionary step away. “That’s one way to respond, I guess.”
“That’s– That’s not it…” Lotte didn’t do a good job of sounding convincing as she stepped further away from him until her back touched the goddess’ leg. It was hard to explain why, but she felt safer with her than with him. Lotte consciously rubbed her arm. She didn’t dare to meet the man’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”
Her apology dumbfounded the deity. “Don’t be, I understand, but you have something else to say, don’t you?”
Lotte sat down and laced her fingers on her legs. Biting her lips, she indeed had something else to say. “Those visions I had, those are my memories, aren’t they?” Lotte looked up to the goddess. She silently paid close attention to her but remained silent. “I am dead, a soul who died too early, am I not?”
No reply came from the goddess. No change of expression or anything. The goddess maintained her silent scrutiny with closed eyes—suggesting she could see more than she let on.
“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” the deity replied and leaned against a wall. His dark midnight hair fell over his obsidian eyes, giving Lotte a hint of sympathy. “But you are right, those were all your memories, from a time you were alive. Every moment you spent with that girl was a figment of your past.”
“Then I am truly dead.” Lotte let her head sink and noticed Ereshkigal’s gentle brush of her hand against Lotte’s back.
“I didn’t say that.” His reply confused Lotte.
“Then I am alive?”
The deity shrugged, refusing to give Lotte a straight answer. “This might sound complicated, but your state of being is something for you to decide, not us.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You have to answer it yourself.” The Deity pressed on, crossing his arms. “Are you dead, or are you alive?”
“I am–” Lotte’s mouth constricted, her throat tightened, and she forgot what she wanted to say. Her mind went dark, and just as quickly as it came, everything went back to normal. “What was that? What happened?”
“You’re being given a choice. A final option. Do you decide to be dead and join the realm of our queen mother, or are you alive, and this was nothing but a strange dream?”
“W-what is that idiocy?” Lotte flipped and shook a fist at him. The flaming heart in her chest ignited. “Am I dead or alive? I don’t know why I’m dead or what else I have forgotten. Nothing makes sense. Why are you doing this to me?”
“This isn’t our doing.” The deity answered; his expression hardened the same way Lotte’s father would give her. Lotte fell backwards and felt like she was a child again, shivering from the thought of what the deity might do to her.
To her surprise, Ereshkigal held her in place, holding her from behind.
“This is the realm of the dead,” the deity spoke severely; his dark eyes sharpened. “Our queen mother governs over the dead, and seven of us judge the deceased. The living have no right to stay here, and the dead must remain.”
Lotte’s body shook. She was getting impatient. “I- I don’t understand. Please use simpler words. Why am I here? Am I dead or alive?”
“Child.” The deity came closer, but when he looked up, he stepped back again. Whatever the reason, Ereshkigal was keeping the man at an arm's distance from Lotte—her arm's distance. “You are to make your statement before the queen. You walk a delicate line, but the Queen Mother granted you a choice.”
“Why? I don’t know why I ended up here, and from all that I have seen, I don’t know if my decision-making is the best.”
The memories she had relived lingered freshly in her mind, especially the most recent one where Liara told Lotte her mother kicked her out. Lotte was still blaming herself for this and wondered if what she did was the right decision.
A large part of her said it was all her fault, but another—much smaller—part said it was the right one. Just remembering Liara’s face made her happy, but Lotte couldn’t stop doubting herself. “What if everything I do is the wrong decision? What is the right one?”
“Can’t you judge me instead?” Lotte looked up to Ereshkigal, who shook her head. She then looked at the deity, who repeated the gesture. “Why must it be me? Didn’t you say you were my judge? Who are you anyway?”
“I am your judge because I know your nature best,” the deity replied gingerly; his obsidian eyes remained sombre and heartbroken. “And I believe you know about me already. You read my story and know what I did and what I lost.”
Lotte exhaled sharply. She had her suspicion, but she wasn’t sure, not until now. “T-then you are–”
“Yes, I am an ancient god-king. The vile king who grew wise and loving upon meeting and losing their one true soulmate.” His lips curled into a broken smile. His eyes glinted with lost hope and what he had lost. “I am Gilgamesh, former king of Uruk. I am the one who knows and understands your heartache and the doubts you have about losing a soulmate. By our queen mother’s will, I will execute your verdict when I, your judge, deem fit. Charlotte Mae, your abidance in the Underworld will decide whether you are truly dead or willing to live.”