“Alright so I will explain the rules of this quiz. RR decided that the god should be well versed in the ways of the world in BOTH RR and in real life so all of you will be quizzed on both aspects. For this trial, only one person is needed to represent the faction and you will not have a choice in the matter. The one person has already been fixed. The representative of your faction.” Ash disclosed.

All of us turned and looked at Breadtalk. He was still trying to comprehend the rules.

Soup went over to one of the railings of the enclosure and started banging his head slowly but repeatedly on it. Beat took out his lute and played a tune commonly heard in funeral processions. Everyone begun to say their prayers to settle for last place and I was no different.

WE FUCKEN LOSTTTTTTTTTTTT!

Suddenly, the glowing sphere in the centre of the room started to warp and distort. After a few moments, it suddenly imploded and what took it’s place were 8, pure white podiums each facing outwards towards each faction.

“With that, let us begin the trial! Will the 8 representatives of each faction come up to your respective podium in front of your section and we will begin the games shortly.” Ash announced.

“Well guys, let’s see if we can do this. I have a good feeling about this.” Breadtalk chirped.

All of us gaped in amazement. An idiot who had totally no idea he was an idiot. After spending 10 years of my life in the same classroom as him, I could safely say that this was not going to turn out well.

All the representatives took to their podiums and it was actually quite a sight to behold. From my instincts, the faction with the highest chance to win this should be either Greek or Buddhism. Zeus has always been known to make cruel decisions and you need guts and faith in your own knowledge to do that. Buddha has always been all knowing and all encompassing. Oh well let’s have a look then. I was pretty sure we would come in dead last.

“Alright before we begin this is the rules specific for this trial. Please take note everyone.

1) Once the question has been given, you have a buzzer at your table. Please ring it asap and the first one to do so will be given the chance to answer it.

2) Each question has a maximum of five chances to be answered as if too many chances are given, the possibilities become too narrow and it is too advantageous for those who haven’t answered.

3) You may only answer each question once. If you answer incorrectly, you may not answer again for that question.

4) For this trial, every correct answer is worth one point and every incorrect answer is worth zero.

5) Once the question has been correctly answered, we will move on to the next question.” Ash finished.

Everyone understood the rules and sure enough, here comes the horror we were all unprepared for.

“LET’S BEGIN!” Ash roared as the entire room roared along with them as followers of every faction were excited to be part of the opening event of one of the most epic quests in RR history.

“Question 1 : We have a list of 5 most famous things you can find in Venice. Just name one of them.” Ash started.

A buzzer immediately sounded. One of the podiums lighted up with flashing red and gold lights around the perimeter of it. The worst part was it was the podium directly in front of me.

“Breadtalk!”

“CHICKEN WINGS!” He shouted.

A moment of silence could officially be heard since I entered this room and it lasted for a split second. Nothing could be heard except the sound of Soup still banging his head on the enclosure.

Then, it came.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CHICKEN WING! HE SAID CHICKEN WING WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Every faction was clearly enjoying the prowess of our representative and since it was so like Breadtalk, even our followers were having a good time watching this. They didn’t seem to think winning was important. They just wanted to see more of this shit. Couldn’t blame them though. Even though I was expecting a bad answer chicken wing was just too funny.

“Wrong!”

Another buzzer sounded.

“The Eiffel Tower!” Zeus said.

I gaped in astonishment. The Eiffel fucking tower? In Venice?

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Everyone just couldn’t believe their ears.

“Wrong!”

Jesus pressed his. “People!”

WTF SORT OF ANSWER IS PEOPLE?!

At this stage, the whole hall was getting out of control. Everyone was trying their best to hold in their laughter when it came to their own faction but when it was another, there was just no holding back the laughter at the sheer stupidity of those answers.

“Wrong..”

Buddha pressed his. I was sure he would get it correct.

“Lotus flowers.”

I died.

“Wrong….”

There are Gondolas, the iconic houses alongside the river, one might even call the Venetian Republic itself one of the 5 most famous things about Venice but those answers….

The final chance was answered by Osiris. “Pyramids.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. This was killing me. We had, chicken wings, Eiffel tower, people, lotus flower and pyramids. Pyra fucking mids. It seemed like not all hope was lost. All gods are idiots!

“5 chances are used up. The correct answers were : Gondola, Doge Palace, St Mark’s Basilica, St Mark’s Square and the Grand Canal.” Ash revealed.

Ohhh I was right about the Gondola and sort of for the grand canal. But still those level of answers.. What would be next?!

“Alright next question! What is a five letter word commonly known on the internet as someone who likes to manipulate another person into a state of their preference?” Ash asked. [Correct Answer : Troll]

“Breadtalk should know this he is the master of this art. It’s undoubtedly : Troll.” I muttered to the rest of our faction.

Everyone nodded and it was no surprise. Most of them would know the answer as well.

Again Breadtalk went first. But this time I was confident that even he would be able to give this answer.

“Rapist!” He shouted.

“Wrong!”

“MY GOD HOW DID HE EVEN GET THAT WORD? MANIPULATE INTO PREFERENCE = RAPE?!” I shouted.

“WHAT THE FUCK MAN WHY DO YOU NOT EVEN KNOW THE ONE THING YOU ARE ACTUALLY BEST AT?!” Beat hollered beside me.

“HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN SPELL RAPIST? RAPIS?!?!?!?! IT HAS 6 NOT FUCKING FIVE LETTERS BRO!” Soup finally exploded as he stopped banging his head on the enclosure.

Everyone else were just too busy on the floor, rolling around, clutching their stomachs. Breadtalk literally just K.O.ed half of the entire audience. I bet if this was shown all over RR everyone would be dying too.

Jesus quickly buzzed in his own answer.

“Satan!”

“HEY NOT COOL MAN.” The real Satan quickly said.

That answer was so apt and hilarious though that I immediately forgot Breadtalk’s answer and joined the maniacal laughing crowd.

“Wrong!”

“Jesus!” Satan shouted.

“Wrong!”

By now I was squirming so hard that my laughter couldn’t even be heard. It was laughing so hard that you couldn’t even make a single sound you know that feeling? It’s the best sort of laughter.

“Douche!” Vishna tried.

HOW MANY FUCKING GODS FAILED THEIR SPELLING TESTS?!

“Wrong!!” Ash announced, clearly exasperated by the level of answers. I was amazed though at his ability to keep a straight face. Every single answer so far could have drawn laughter from even the most demanding crowds but he was just.. Doing his job well I guess.

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“Pork!” Allah declared.

“WRONG!” Ash shouted.

It was official.. Every god had tried once. It proved one, clear thing. ALL the representatives were idiots. Regardless of whichever faction wins, the god would undoubtedly be a total idiot.

Ash just moved on to the next question quickly.

“In the Geography of both the Earth and RR, Certain things move under the earth such that when they collide into each other, earthquakes happen. What are these things called?” Ash said. [Correct Answer : Plates]

JESUS CHRIST WE JUST LEARNT THIS IN CLASS 5 MONTHS BEFORE WE GRADUATED. PLEASE DON’T GIVE THE ANSWER YOU GAVE IN CLASS PLEASE DON’T GIVE THE ANSWER YOU GAVE IN CLASS PLEASE DON’T GIVE THE ANSWER YOU GAVE IN CLASS.

Breadtalk was either fast as hell on the buzzer or the other gods just weren’t even trying.

“EARTHWORMS!” He shouted full of confidence.

“And he just had to give that answer which caused our teacher to give up trying to teach us plate tectonics…” Beat muttered beside me.

Well, to give him credit, earthworms did indeed exist and move under the earth. BUT WHEN THEY COLLIDE THEY DON’T FUCKING CAUSE EARTHQUAKES HOLY SHITTTTTTTT.

The worst part was that the other gods which seemingly had no clue up till now thought Breadtalk’s answer was genius and it gave them ideas of their own.

The resulting answers given would be as follows : Armadillo, Anteater, Millipede and Earth Dragon. Earth dragon. In RR maybe but you find one in real life and I would give you my balls.

Everyone in the room was basically so tired they couldn’t even laugh properly and I guess by now everyone here would have a 6 packs after laughing continuously for 10 minutes. Laughing continuously for 1 minute can already cause pain so you multiply that by ten and you get a hell of a work out.

I expected many things when this quest was first given. Would we be doing sports? A battle royale? A competition to finish a quest?

I definitely did not expect a quiz. And the best part was EVERY single faction having an idiot for a representative.

“Let’s try two more questions. If no one still scores ANY points at all for these two questions I don’t see the point of dragging this any longer.” Ash said.

“Fourth question! Name one religion which is not involved in this quest.” [Correct answers : Catholics, Babism, Taoism, Judaism etc.]

For once, Breadtalk wasn’t the first one to answer. Jesus took it first.

Oh my god Christians and Catholics are very close. I’m sure he would know the answer..

“Cats!” He shouted, full of certainty.

“Cats?.. Do you wanna expand on that?” Ash prompted him, urging for any possibility of a right answer.

“Huh? No? I know the answer is cats!” he insisted.

“Wrong..” Ash sighed.

The Catholics must have asked him to call them Cats as a short form to make it easier for them..

Breadtalk buzzed in next.

Oh no what now..

“Dogs!”

Everyone in our faction did a facepalm at the same time! Surprisingly Ash joined us. It was quite a sight to behold and we definitely were prepared to get zero points from this trial.

“Wrong!”

“Turban!” Satan shouted.

“TURBAN IS NOT A RELIGION!” Ash finally roared.

At this point in time however all of us laughed our asses off because we could tell how long Ash was trying to hold it in.

“Hercules!” Zeus tried.

“DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF RELIGION?!” Ash threw his question sheet down onto the floor in his fury and Zeus quickly looked down sheepishly.

I know it just seems mean but when someone is genuinely angry at the stupidest of reasons it was so, SO fun to see them rage.

“Indians.” Osiris calmly answered.

“INDIANS ARE A RACE! FURTHERMORE THE RELIGION MOST OF THEM ARE FROM ARE ALREADY HERE LOOK AT KRISHNA LOOOOOOOOK!” Ash grabbed Osiris’ head and turned him to face Krishna.

I totally lost it by then and just prayed that Ash would be so frustrated he would leave it as it is and moved on to the next trial. However, it seemed like he was a man of his word.

“LAST QUESTION! IF ALL YOU PRICKS STILL GET THIS WRONG ALL OF YOU WILL FACE HELL FOR THE LATER TRIALS! LISTEN CAREFULLY! What is my name?” [Correct answer : Ash]

Breadtalk buzzed the buzzer.

Please get this right please get this right it’s impossible to get this one wrong please please please

“Brock!”

“BROCK YOUR ASS! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THAT NAME?!” He shouted, spraying saliva into Breadtalk’s face.

“I remember your name was something along the lines of a pokemon trainer or something. Sorry I’m bad at names so I just labelled you as pokemon trainer. So I had to guess a random pokemon trainer’s name!” Breadtalk explained.

I can’t even begin to comprehend that train of thought by which Breadtalk functioned but at least he was not entirely wrong.

Ash seemed to calm down abit since he saw the weird twisted form of logic in that as well.

“Alright you’re partially correct but there will still be no points.”

Someone is bound to remember his nam-

“JAMES!” Buddha cried out.

“I AM NOT FROM TEAM ROCKET! WRONG!” Ash shouted.

“Jessie!” Osiris tried.

“DIDN’T YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID YOU IMBECILE??! I AM ALSO NOT A GIRL!”

“Misty!” Zeus tried to redeem himself.

“OPEN YOUR EARS ALL OF YOU MORONS. I AM NOT FROM TEAM ROCKET. I AM ALSO NOT A WOMAN! LAST CHANCE WHO WANTS TO GRAB IT?”

“Pikachu!” Krishna finally said.

“DO I LOOK LIKE A YELLOW FUCKING MOUSE TO YOU?!”

Ash gave up. It looks like gods have so many things more important to do than remembering the emcee’s name. Well credit to Krishna, his answer did fit the two categories Ash said he wasn’t in.

“My name. Is Ash. The fucking main trainer from pokemon. Please try to remember that. It is official. After the first trial, the total score for all the religions are : ZERO.” He announced.

Everyone around us cheered and I don’t even know why they were cheering now but this was just ridiculous from start to finish. If Ash was the one planning the trials I was sure he would make the next trial extremely hard and have nothing to do with wits or brains or anything that needed thinking.

“The next trial will start tomorrow at 12 noon. Portals will appear wherever you are at that point in time. If you are not online, we will just start the trial without you. Please get ready for hell tomorrow.” Ash said before he vanished into thin air as the podiums transformed into the glowing sphere again.

The factions began to took their leave by walking into the glowing sphere.

Sure enough, we found ourselves back at our location. The meeting room.

“So. How did I do guys?” Asked Breadtalk with a huge grin on his face.

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