Our trek through Antinomy space has been far from smooth. The further we venture, the greater the effects of the gravimetric distortion, and between the elevated particle density, increasing levels of radiation, and irregular instrument readings, it’s all we can do to keep Chrysanthemum’s systems functioning. I don’t know how much closer we can afford to get.
Jahdra knows by now that the signal we’ve been following is coming from Chrysanthemum. Well, a Chrysanthemum. She knows that whatever’s going on can’t be explained away.
She sits in the command chair, staring out through the glass out into the hollow expanse stretching out in front of us.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask.
“Chrysanthemum is out there somewhere,” she says somberly, “and somehow we’re the best shot she’s got—the only ones stupid enough to risk our necks coming out here.”
I offer her a weak smile. I’m not sure what to say.
“I kinda hate to admit it,” she says, dropping her gaze, “but there’s a part of me that wants to turn around. Just forget we ever came here and go back to Pajorat and find C-CIL and Shae and—” She stops.
“Just say the word and we’ll go,” I’ll say, secretly wishing for nothing more.
But Jahdra is nothing if not determined, and she’s smarter than I give her credit for. I knew she’d figured out the signal was coming from Chrysanthemum sooner or later, I just wished I’d be able to come up with a solution before she did.
But not every problem has a solution, I remind myself. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, pull the trigger, and hope for the best.
I look at the display screen in front of me. One of the more interesting side effects of being in Antinomy space is the radar readings. Vessels keep showing up on the radar only to disappear moments later. At this point, there have been hundreds of radar pings, but no actual ships. I can’t help but wonder if each one is another Chrysanthemum. Another life. Another failed attempt to set things right. Will we end up just another ping on the radar? I wonder.
Suddenly, I notice something on the radar, something different.
“Captain,” I say, my beginning to tighten. “I think you should take a look at this.”
Jahdra steps behind me to look at the display screen over my shoulder.
“There’s a vessel on the radar,” I say, “but it’s not like the others.”
“It’s…real,” Jahdra finishes, the surprise in her voice evident.
It is real, or at least it seems to be. But who? Who would be out here? My heart begins to race as I think of the possibilities. Maybe it is Kiv. Or C-CIL. Or even Lotus.
“Look, I don’t know who that is, but I think we should—,” Jahdra starts, but Chrys cuts her off.
“Incoming hail from unknown vessel.”
I hold my breath as we silently wait.
“Hey, MASSA-50, you look a little lost,” the voice comes over the speaker. It’s familiar, but I can’t quite place it. I turn and look at Jahdra.
“Kash?” she says incredulously. “What—how—”
“Hey, now, watch it with that ‘Kash’ stuff,” the voice answers lightly. “I’m on duty. Call me Omen.”
All the color drains from Jahdra’s face. If anyone was going to show up, I didn’t think it would be him. He’s not the first I was hoping to see and probably the last person Jahdra was hoping to see.
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“What are you doing out here anyway?” Kash asks, his tone casual. “I thought you’d be headed in the other direction.”
“I, uh—well, we—there was—there was a signal, and—” Jahdra stutters.
My mind begins to race. I’m trying to remember, to think, to come up with something, anything to get us out of this.
It doesn’t have to be a good plan, I remind myself, it just has to be something I haven’t tried before.
“Look, there’s a station just outside the perimeter,” I hear Kash say. “I’ll send you some coordinates, and we can get the hell out of here. Whaddya say? Send me your ship ID and I’ll set up a radar tag.”
“Give him Remus’s ID,” I say. “Stall him long enough for me to get out of the docking bay.”
“What?” Jahdra asks, looking at me with bewilderment.
“I’ll distract him. You go,” I say.
“Like hell!” she retorts. “I appreciate the thought, but Remus is no match for Omen. Whatever your distraction plan is, it’s not gonna work.”
“I’ll say I’m lost, ask for help,” I say, starting toward the door. “I’ll keep him busy enough for you to get a head start, and if he comes after me, I’ll drop some chaff, confuse his sensors.”
“Look, you may think you know Kash, but you don’t know Omen. He’s little more than a glorified bounty hunter, and he’ll have zero moral qualms about destroying your ship if you piss him off.”
“I’ll be fine,” I say. “Remus is tough.”
“You know he has a Blackout on that ship, right?” Jahdra says as we near the lift.
“He fires that thing, and—”
“I know,” I say. “But he’s not gonna risk it, not with all the radiation out there. It could refract the pulse, and if that thing backfires, he could fry his own electrical systems. He’d lose everything—comms, navigation, all of it.” But even as the words leave my mouth, I realize just how wrong I am.
I stand there frozen. That’s the last piece of the puzzle. That’s why I woke up in the middle of nowhere with Ramy standing over me. That’s why I keep failing. That’s why Chrysanthemum is so powerless to fight back against the gravimetric pull of whatever’s out there.
He will fire the Blackout, I realize. He’ll fire the Blackout, and the rest of us will lose everything. Am I really going to let this jerk on a power trip get away with us again?
I step onto the lift and look at Jahdra who’s staring back at me.
“Hey,” she says before the doors can close. “You’re coming back, right?”
“I’ll always come back,” I say. And it’s true. I don’t care how many lifetimes it takes. I don’t care how many times I have to start over. I’ll keep coming back, again and again, until I’ve found a way out of this—until I’ve found a way to save her.
The lift door slides shut and reopens on Deck 4. If I really want to end this, I have to do something I’ve never done before, I remind myself. That means I can’t do something logical or practical or smart. I have to do something so stupid, so reckless and so unlikely to work that I’d normally even attempt it. And I know what that is.
I step through the door of Remus and sigh. If by some miracle this does work and we all live to tell the tale, Jahdra is going to kill me.
It doesn’t take me long to find what I’m looking for. All the information I need, Remus already has. I say a silent thank you to Hiro and head back to the lift.
I stand quietly in the doorway of the bridge watching Jahdra. I’m going to fix things, I want to tell her. I’m going to find the other Chrysanthemum and disable the signal and end this once and for all. My heart aches in my chest as I try to swallow down the feelings welling inside of me. But before I do that, I have to make sure you can’t stop me, and I know you’ll never forgive me, but if it means saving you, I’m okay with that.
I step over the threshold of the bridge, and Jahdra turns to face me in surprise.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, her brow furrowed in concern as I walk up to her.
I don’t say anything, I just grab her and pull her close to me, wrapping her tightly in my arms. To my surprise, she doesn’t pull away. Instead, she leans into me, her face pressed against my shoulder. I hold her for a long minute before dropping my arms and slowly stepping away.
Jahdra looks at me curiously, reaching around to pull the instrument from her back pocket. She looks down at in confusion and then up at me. But before she can say anything, I hit the button on the RTT-110, and just like that’s, she’s gone.
Omen may be Jahdra’s enemy, but Kash wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. That’s something I’m sure of. He may be callous when he’s hiding behind his ship, but he’s just a man, after all. And though it may not be the ideal scenario, I’m happy knowing that Jahdra is somewhere she can’t get herself into any more trouble.
I take a seat at the nav controls and lock in a new set of coordinates, setting Chrys’s systems to auto-pilot.
“Goodbye, old friend,” I say as I leave the bridge for the last time and head back down to Remus.
With a lock on the signal and a course plotted, I slowly steer Remus out of the docking bay. There’s a strange twisting feeling inside of me as I pull away, like I’m leaving home knowing I’ll never come back. I look back at Chrysanthemum one last time, suddenly feeling lonelier than ever.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes and tell myself everything’s going to be okay.