Wilderness life was not what I trained for. there was no river near by, so I had no fish , no fruits or barriers to pick I could find. my plan for winter was always prepare for it in autumn. it was not recommended to run In winter. the only food I had was acorns, crows and squirrels. I had to wear my maid clothes on top of my normal clothes. I'm still cold. I cleaned and dried the squirrel fur and bird feathers stuffing them and tying them to my legs and I was still cold. until I figured how to use mana to heat my body, nothing I know says it should work, but it did. my mana spread to my whole body and it was doing something to heat the temperature. I found out later that it somehow stole heat from something else, like fire and directly gave some of it to me. it made things better but it was still hard to stay out side long.

on the the fifth day I caught a lucky break and found a small cave with young bear inside sleeping. I murdered him, one hit to the brain with a trusty pebble . my knife had to be re sharpened a couple of times before I was done skinning it. I tried not cut the stomach or bowls, but I didn't have a rope to hang the bear and it was to draining to lift up , I did not mange even a centimetre of the ground before I was empty of mana.

I still kept pieces of the meet and the whole fur, taking two trips and laying it in the empty cavern on clean rocks I washed when I got back. I washed the meat too and slowly dried it with fire at least a meter away before leaving it to cure. I don't know how it works , but I hope it doesn't go bad and what I did helped.

I buried the rest and hoped it wont get animals to follow me, there was so much blood and everything smelt like shit. but I did it. if I ate slowly the shoulder and leg I took and the back meat could last with rationing and the occasional bird ,acorn or squirrel to winter's end. I had gathered plenty of wood and was using the other room more than the hot spring these days, it was stuffy there. I'd already felled at least four trees to make a make shift bed, the floor was hard., two doors or planks to keep heat in and steam away. and lots of fire wood. using a sharp shaped rock as an axe , but I was not always accurate and the process was tedious. I had to stand a bit away because I was scared it would fall on me, or splinters would hit me and break my skin.

On day thirteen my hideaway was finished. so far I had trained my magic. I kept my gate wide open always and tried to get more mana out but my mana left my body and just disappeared if it had nothing to do. so I played with water and earth making shapes of fish flying over head, sand castles made of dirt I shaped better pebble's to , styled like bullets and arrow heads, some hollow for maximum damage some as soft ball of dirt as warnings only. I made so many that the filled to baskets on there own. I tried with rock but it didn't work , I could bark pebbles shaping them a little bit , but none like dirt. so I did that too , I shaped as rocks as I could and filled two baskets.

I barley wasted a couple of days doing that , I was bored so that sent me on another mission. I made a bed out of dirt and used the bear hide as cover at night and cloak by day. I covered the entrance with a wall of mud and rocks leaving only enough space for me to squeeze by. I tried making a door using sharp thin rocks as nails but the wood always split. so I left it as planks stock together with wooden nails that moved every time. I even made a dresser the same way. a desk and small wooden planks if I wanted to write with coal I made burning the tips of stick just enough for them to blacken it didn't work well but it was enough to mark days. and I had no idea how they are made. I made a kitchen , sort of with a fire place I could use to warm the room or cook on. it was rocks dirt and a large stone with a place for fire underneath.

And today is day 19 . I got up added a line marking day 19 then took a bath. ate some acorns and jerky for breakfast. I would have to hunt some more today even if I didn't need to, the bear-jerky meat was just awful and I would not eat it unless I had nothing else.

so I headed out the opposite side of the mountain ,I found more acorns , a squirrel and then I even found a stream and I realized it was where the hot spring in the cave led too today was a good day I figured . so I sat there for a while watching steam rising in the air as the water came out , until I caught sight of a herd of deer coming to drink on the other side of the bank.

I snuck closer as slowly as I could using the trees for cover until I was close enough to shoot, I aimed at one of the deer at the back using my new bullets and fired , I missed two but the third hit and the rest of dear scattered.

I ran up to my catch as a lone wolf came close to it, I hadn't seen him , so I fired another pebble and it backed away as it hit near it. I saw o need for it to die, it would take too long for a round trip. I had hit the deer two times apparently but one was in the shoulder the other is what did it , straight throw through the eye. I would go about this better than the bear, I had planned for my next catch. I didn't know it was today but I still brought a basket. I used magic to bring the ground up , it was a lot harder with the dear on top but I managed. I felt wrung out but I would preserve. the first thing I did was use my knife to get rid of nick letting all the blood flow out on to the slightly slanted table. and draining down to hole. I sealed that up and made another for the stomach , bowls and all the organs. I kept the liver only. I buried that too. my cloak was bloodied but I can wash it later.

I carefully skinned , learning from my previous experience making fewer holes . I cut it the peace's as small as I could. the shoulders and legs staying whole. the wolf came by , I took petty on it and fed the kidney and brain I had left. it took them and went away. as I was done. I tried lifting the basket I made and I couldn't budge. I had 30 kilos of meat and no way to bring it home. I made balls of dirt , about a doyen and a bed of dirt on top I tried to make it clean as I can and spread the hide on it. I spread the meat on top until about ten kilos that I could left and started moving. the ground was on even and I had to stop and readjust , the bed of dirt even broke once and I remade it. the balls would rotate until the plank left and then head to the front to carry the wight again until they where at the back again. it took along time to get home. I was starving cold and had to rest a lot. but I couldn't figure out a better way to bring everything home.

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I got home and drank until I burst. then I started taking the meat inside and packing in dirt I had cleaned with water and burned with fire to dry , I hoped that would kill anything it had already. I covered all the meat pieces that I would save in it , and stacked them at the cold side of the room near the entrance. I soaked the dear hide at the end of the stream so that it wouldn't ruin my drinking and bathing water, it was Effy enough and I had no put or a good shaped rock to boil in , I should add that to the list.

I started cooking dinner , ribs today and couldn't help imagine eating bread for once. or potatoes , I miss them ill eat them boiled I don't care but I want them. I had a plan to make a garden come spring if I could sneak into the city. it would be a multi day trip , but I would get as many vegetables I could plant, and ask for advice on how to grow them. I would get winter clothes and good leather boots.. a better knife , rope .. lot of rope. a pot for boiling water and cooking soup. I cant keep grilling everything.

I flipped the ribs with a bit of magic. and they sizzled checked the fire and added more wood.

I would have to be careful, but I don't think anyone will now me. enough time would have passed, I could get a book maybe if spare the coin , how much are books?

the first row finished cooking .. probably . I was too hungry to wait so I took one of the heat , tried taking a bite but it was still too hot. so I zipped it across the room cooling it for a few seconds and then took a bite. it was not salted nor seasoned yet tasted heavenly.

".... hallo … is anyone living here ? "

a voice freaked me out as I was on my second bite. and I froze, I hadn't heard a voice in almost twenty days the last was .. bullets were already floating near me but I pulled them back to the poach I tied to my waste, all but one, always kept one. I stood up and moved the plank as silently as I could … the opening on the wall was to small for anyone not of size but you could see through it and there stood a man looking like a hunter. he was about forty years old. had a bow and arrow and everything. shit he probably tracked me down from the lake, but who hunts in winter-

"there you are … I saw your tracks and couldn't help get curios. they didn't look like anything I've seen before . you okey you look a bit ... are you living alone out here ? "

I don't know what to do , do I kill him ? he didn't do anything wrong, would he tell on me ? where does he live that he could reach here just to -

"hello... "

right, I should say something, make something up

"I'm here ... I'm .. okey ... yeah "

well done , fantastic job .. fuck .. cant lie for shit ... couldn't come with a story or anything good ... still cant damn

"look young lady I don't know what your story is ... but you could come with me and id get you to town, we have a chapel and they would take care of you until you get things sorted no questions asked , my wife was a sister and she know people there. its getting colder and you cant be safe out here I've seen wolf tracks today"

yeah well I saw the wolves , not what I'm afraid of ....

ah fuck .. lets go for broke

"look sir ? what do I call you.. "

"Eric, I'm Eric" he stretched his hand , I ignored it mine had a weapon in it ready to fire if he crossed any line.

"Eric , I'm .. , yeah , so I'm fine here okey. I have food and wood and a place to sleep , I could use some the vegetables if you have any , a book would be nice but otherwise I'm fine. …. I have a thing really .. so I cant go to towns , yeah ? I would be really happy if you just went about your day, forget you saw me and all. don't tell anyone if you can help it. you seem nice so just trust me ...please ? I know how to take care of myself"

Joan , Joan would have a good fake name , why am I so out of it today

"why not just kill me ?"

suddenly , Eric was no more. or what he was waring disappeared. he wore a black robe now. just a robe. his gruff face and hair changed and was now smooth and clean. his look screamed mage, if I saw any. he was smiling , and I had no idea why .

I just let the pebble go. and it bounced off before it even reached him.

my heart rate spiked even higher and my pouch was empty in a second he jumped pack and dodged but bullets followed homing at him , even though they never did before. I was consumed by fear. I heard nothing saw only him , and all my power was doing was bringing every bullet I made from my room to me. I even destroyed the wall I made to the cave sending everything chasing him. my bullets were getting faster and faster that they started burning mid air , the woods was filled with sounds of running animals from the loud snapping voices my shots made.

the fucker was still smiling. he dodged and treaded hands behind his back. I started sending three bullets at a time but he just sped up. soon everything ran out. every rock I could carry near me was fired. every bullet I made was shot. I had nothing , and if rock didn't do it, hastily shaped dirt wouldn't either, and he could reach me before I did anything. if he wanted to. he was playing with me I realized mid through and I could do nothing..

plan Z it is …

I pushed my gate as far as I could enduring the pain, and pushed wider more . all the mana that left my body sank to the ground and spread it would then catch fire , I would burn everything and everyone and by the end I hope id be dead , I hope not to chicken out. I doubt it would kill him , but I hope it does me, I don't know what they do to noble killers. maybe I should just shoot a pebble through my head and be done with it.

my gate felt like it was breaking when he spoke right behind me..

"ah … I cant let you do that"

I snapped my eyes open , wha.... I was in the cave again the voice was coming from behind me , and a hand was resting on the top of my head.

"Sleep"

I did.