She couldn't find her voice. The gap between what she'd been thinking about and what was happening now was just too vast. Finn's arms were around her, and he was bending down to kiss her. She'd been uncertain about his body language in the past, and she knew she'd ignored signals, but this time there was no mistaking anything. Even as time slowed down, Sarah couldn't get her mouth open, couldn't force air past her throat. Her heart was pounding, hammering measures of music in her ears with an impossibly slow beat, and Finn was just so close.

She felt Cuddles squeeze tightly on her wrist, he constricted hard enough and fast enough to send a lance of pain up her arm as he dug his nubs into her skin. Sarah finally managed to duck her head. She felt her neck bend at a glacial pace, looking down and away from Finn's approaching face, and she felt his face pressing down on the top of her head.

She could feel him freeze like that. His hands had been moving along with the rest of him, wrapping around to pull her in close. But now he stopped. They stood like that, Sarah's hands clasped up against her chest, Finn's hands on her back, his head leaned down over hers. Sarah closed her eyes, and she instinctively found herself thinking about the space around her - she could hear a car passing outside, the air conditioner clicking off on its cycle, Finn's breathing, her breathing. She could feel the hard cement floor under her feet, Cuddles still gripping her wrist, and Finn's warm hands with just a thin shirt between him and her skin. She could smell... No. She shook her head, breaking off her train of thought.

"No," she said. Sarah opened her hands, turning them out to press on Finn's chest, and she gently pushed against him.

"I'm sorry," said Finn, "I just..."

"No." Sarah cut him off, taking a step back as he let go. "You didn't..."

Sarah took a deep breath, and she smiled at Finn. Cuddles loosened up again too, hanging on her wrist like a simple bracelet. She looked up and looked into Finn's eyes. They weren't actually brown like she'd always thought. There were flecks of gold in his eyes, and in the harsh white light, she thought they almost looked like they were ringed with yellow. She left one hand on his chest and used her other to lift his hands off, one by one. Finn didn't say anything, his face was simply frozen and impassive, although she could hear him swallow once when she lifted his hand away from her lower back.

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"We talked, right? I told you I didn't want to date," she said.

Finn didn't say anything.

"I guess it looked like that changed," she said, dropping her hand off his chest.

Finn still didn't say anything.

"You're a friend, Finn, really, you are. It's not just this stuff," she said. She held a finger up, flashing a bright ball of blue light before dropping it into one of the teeth on the table. "That's part of it, of course, but that's not all. You're smart and nice, and I love that you've always been willing to help. And I've seen you be willing to help lots of people, so I know it's not just because you like me.

"You're in my life, and I'm in yours," she went on. "But as friends. Maybe as siblings even. But, really, I don't want more. I'm not sure if I want more from anyone, and maybe I'm being mean but I do know I don't want more from you."

She smiled at him a bit wider, "Really, I'm tempted to play along, it would probably make the first few weeks of school easier, to come in dating the quarterback and all. But it wouldn't be honest, and it would probably be worse than if I just told you right now."

"Right," he said, blowing out his cheeks as he let his breath out. "I guess I'll go."

"You don't have to," said Sarah. "Come eat lunch. I'm pretty sure there's roast beef left, and my mom made sourdough yesterday, so we can make some sandwiches."

"No. It's fine. But I should go." He turned away, paused, and pointed at her little notebook, "Can I take this?"

"Of course," said Sarah. "You don't have to, I can call everyone, it's fine."

Finn finally let some expression back onto her face as he smiled a little, even if it didn't reach his eyes. "I said I would, and it's a good idea. I'll get things set up. Let Alexa and you know once I start hearing from people."

Sarah nodded and walked Finn out the door. There was a brief moment where he almost hugged her goodbye, but he just gave a brief smile again and said, "Goodbye. I'll text you."

"See you later," she said, and then she closed the door behind him.

Sarah's mind was blank as she climbed the stairs to her room. She laid down on her pillow, closed her eyes, and felt the old hospital blanket wrap around her arms. Her face was even, her breathing steady and her heartbeat slow and steady. She smiled to herself and considered calling Alexa to talk about what happened. But she shook her head again, she was all right. Maybe she'd read.

Instead, she just lay on her bed, smiling to herself and feeling tears slide down the sides of her face.