Adrian

I didn’t show it but sitting next to the one person that matters to me that I haven’t seen in years while driving through a city that I vaguely remember was the most surreal thing I’ve experienced since I left it. I haven’t seen city lights in what feels like a lifetime, and staring out the window soaking it in made me feel like I was a dazzled child driving at night for the first time.

Despite all my memories of my old life, nothing was familiar. It all looked the same, but it had existed for so long in my head that seeing it in real life felt… wrong. Even Percy was completely unfamiliar to me. The image I had of her faded a long time ago, and seeing her now was like pretending to be friends with somebody I had only just met. And now I’m driving home with her to be reintroduced to everyone else who I remember even less.

The drive itself was quiet, but I preferred it that way, and I think Percy knew that. She’d ask me questions at random intervals about whether I was comfortable or if I enjoyed the view, but other than that, our communication remained implicit.

There was also something about gazing around the city that made me feel in a somewhat conflicting way. I partially felt alive, like I had just been reborn and my life was finally getting back to normal. But I also felt hollow. Something felt… missing. Maybe it was a part of me. Maybe it was something about the city. Maybe I’m just irrationally emotional about returning to my old home. Whatever it was, I didn’t feel right. I just can’t figure out why.

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I can’t figure out anything.

I could barely remember what Percy looked like while on the bus, but seeing her now… I know a lot has changed. Everyone else has to have changed too. I only knew Skyler for a few weeks before I left, and I never really talked to Graham that much, but…

Is it them? Do I just miss them?

Fuck.

Still… I wonder how much things have changed. What the house looks like, what Graham and Skyler look like, what the rest of the city looks like… it was Parma we lived in, right? Yeah… wait, no. Percy said they moved to Lakewood a while back.

Hell, what does it matter how they’ve changed? I can’t even remember what they were like before. All I remember is that Skyler was tall and had… blackish hair, I think… and… Graham was a ginger. Or… was he…

I wish I could see it. I wish I could see what changed. I wish I could see what it was like before.

How they’ve changed, how they’ve… evolved.

What... changed…

If only I could see it…

if I could just… turn back time, I could see it.

if i could turn back time… i could…

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