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8 Morning after - Mark

Jenny and Mark went back to the hotel after completing their matrimonial flight. It was still early so they didn't need to hurry back.

They met the excited Joline in their room. She was that happy to have them back safe and sound she wouldn't even notice the awkward silence that had spread between her mother and her soon to be stepfather. She was excited to the point of being a solo-entertainer telling Mark all the things that were forbidden for her to tell before because he had been a human.

Mark was relieved not to be obligated to contribute more than a few words and gestures. A silence that would not easily relieved had occupied his innermost. He was caught in an inner battle between his human ego and the usurper the phoenix. Mark felt like he had been betrayed by the love his life pushed into a direction he would have never chosen if he had had the choice. He despised not being in control so he strictly refrained from any form of drugs including alcohol. This night and morning he had been taken over by some force now residing in his very body. Still influencing his very thoughts right now. Even if his human part wanted to leave Jennifer now, he knew he couldn't because phoenixes bound themselves for life. If he left, he would always feel drawn to his mate’s side whether he consciously wanted it or not.

Mark felt caged like a bird – a bitter irony – thinking about him being a f... g bird now. Unwilling to hurt Joline by voicing his feelings he reined in his wrath. She wanted him to be the father she never had. He still loved her though he wasn't sure about her mother any more. His feelings and the binding intermingled. Unsure where one ended and the other began.

Jennifer watched her beloved with sad eyes. He hadn't talked to her since changing back. His movements were stiff and uncertain as if he didn't trust himself and much less her. The Phoenix had accepted the binding but the man seemed to shy away. His gaze was cold and restrained whenever he met hers. Luckily, he seemed to feel different about Joline who was momentarily talking about her first flight. He smiled at her without restrain, only his eyes showed a trace of sadness that hadn't been there the day before. Jenny sighed and asked herself if it had been right what she had done. Her fear of Mark denying her request to become one of her own. It was this fear of failure that had spurred her to take action without asking, to precede hurriedly without proper preparations.

She knew his love was true but his trust in her had been broken. The binding did what it could to keep their love's foundation stable but... well a binding was a force of its own not necessarily linked to love. Jenny hoped with all her heart he would let her mend their relationship. He could be stubborn and wilful. That was what she loved most and feared most at the same time. It would have been much easier if he was a man that could be easily manipulated. But here she was with her love of her life a proud man. He fought for his ideals.

Mark still didn't feel like talking when they arrived at their breakfast table. But he had come to an agreement that was exactable for both parts of his personality. He would stay. Keeping his promise to marry the woman he had deemed the love his life. His Phoenix-side was bound to her anyway so had to grin and bear it anyway. It, too, would be rather opportune to know more about his current state. These instincts kicking in... the transformation itself... his own body that didn't felt now... his entire being had changed... a change he desperately longed to understand... to cope with it... He knew there was no way to turn somebody back. Even though he felt betrayed he knew she loved him and so did Joline. After a while a friend of Joline’s arrived and they went to the beach. Leaving the two of them alone.

He pulled himself together and spoke the first few words in his new human form. He asked Jenny softly: 'Why didn't you tell me?' Her face showed a rapid display of different emotions. Relief, guilt, fear, love and hope. 'I thought you wouldn't bother talking to me. I know you are angry and that you feel betrayed. But you have to believe me... it's just I love from the bottom of my heart and couldn't stand to lose you.' she told him in a childlike voice displaying the same emotions her face had shown. He sighed and shook his head ' funny way of showing your affection. I feel more like I've been roped in into some shady clan-busyness, like a pawn, though the phoenix-side tries to convince me otherwise. That's another fact that creeps me out... I feel like I caught myself multiple-personality-disorder somewhere on the way. Is it normal to be inter-fighting with one’s phoenix-side?' he asked. The changes in his body where hard enough for him to accept, but that other being in his mind so full of emotions and instincts was the real horror.

To his surprise Jenny smiled genuinely and answered 'you still need to merge. Right now, I just planted the seed of your phoenix into your DNA. There've been quite a few changes to you already but you are far from being completely changed into a phoenix. Your mind will merge with your phoenix-sides character traits, emotions, which are simplified both your own but amplified and of course your powers. You can't stay sane being too separate halves of a whole. It will be a slow progress that will help you get used to it. Also, your body will change ones again when your powers are completely awoken. Your eyes for example will become gradually more and more like those of a bird of prey. Well, it's only naturally since it's what you are now. What we are...' she explained as if offering him a big and wonderful present, but Mark felt more nauseous with every word she said.

A nightmare comes true. His mind and body would be forged until there was nothing left of his human-side but a shell giving birth to his new being. And worst of all he wouldn't even know how much he had changed since it was a gradual process of merging no sudden event.

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Grin and bear. That was all he could do now. 'I want to go to work. My stepmother Lisa will be there she always is. I want to talk to her.' he claimed and stood up.

'well, I think it's a good idea but you shouldn't be driving right now. I'll take you there.' she said and smiled at him.

'I'll get there alone. I am neither drunk nor unwell.' he stated though he wasn't entirely sure about the last. Mark wanted to be alone undisturbed to think about what he'd become and what to make of this situation. And though he didn't want to some more hypocrite part of his personality had already begun to hate and despise her for what she had done. He left the table and went out of the hotels front-entrance. Jenny followed him hurriedly.

He went to his car. His luggage was already stored in the cars back as he had done so before breakfast. 'You really shouldn't drive alone right now.' She said worriedly. 'I am up to the task.’ he stated and went into the car. It felt a little smaller as if it had shrunken but he told himself it could've only been him who had gotten bigger. His body still felt foreign but he would not back of right now. He adjusted his seat to his new stature and drove away.

The road was empty and all went well. He was slightly relieved. Nothing strange had occurred. Nothing until he wanted to drive into the underground parking area and found he couldn't bring himself to do it. His inner Phoenix protested in such a panicked manner that he simply wasn't able to ignore it. This bird in his brain was afraid of going underground. Interesting but not really helpful right now. He sighed and gave in as he felt his body tense by the mere thought of having eternal darkness surrounding him. It was one of the phoenixes greatest weaknesses their dependence on natural light. Locking a fire bird far away from natural light sources you can watch it wither away. That was what his clan-memories told him. Inherited memories were creepy since you felt them like they were your own.

Finally, after a bit of searching Mark found a parking place in the back of the complex. He entered through the nearest entrance, the western entrance he had never used before and tried to orientate himself when a beautiful woman approached him and asked 'Are you Detective Mark Stern?'

'I am. Is there anything I can help you with?' he asked politely and wondered how she had known he would end up here at the western entrance instead of the eastern as usual.

'The commissioner wants to meet you. My name is Lynn. I am his secretary. Please come with me I'll show you the way. Don't worry it's a rather pleasant matter I guess regarding his mood ' she answered happily and navigated through the inner labyrinth of the complex. He followed at her feet wondering why the commissioner could've possibly called him.

After a while they reached an area that could only be described as representative. Nothing pompous but elegant modern furniture and huge windows. The incoming light soothed his inner phoenix immediately. It felt like life-essence. Lynn told him to sit down in front of the corner offices door. A sign said commissioner. Yesterday he would have been highly agitated and nervous but today he felt like all his adrenaline had been used up for a while.

After a few minutes of waiting a person, he hadn't expected appeared. His stepmother Lisa came and hugged him the moment she arrived. He wanted to enjoy her hug but his phoenix-side ruffled its feathers. She smelled of wet dog. Werewolf his memories told him. Lesser clan not fit to touch a phoenix like this much less a white phoenix like him. His human-side on the other hand was shocked by the realization that his stepmother had been a clan-member all along. Another sting to his heart. She hadn't told him. 'Hello Lisa.' he said shyly averting her gaze unsure what to do.

'So, you realized already... I am so glad that I am able to talk to you about all the things I was forbidden to talk about. I am so ashamed I was forced to deceive you... I would've loved to tell you everything but if I had done so you would've been taken early. I didn't want to lose you' she explained apologetically. And shook her head in a sad manner.

'You know want I am now, don't you?' he asked silently. He didn't feel angry or sad about her lying to him since he perfectly knew how much harder it had been on Lisa. If anything, he felt sorry for her. She had been between stone and a hard place. He felt comfort in her being here.

'Of course, boy. I know all too well. But don't worry so much... it is not as hard living the life of a clan-member...or being an animal as well as a human... even so I guess your phoenix-side wouldn't agree being an animal, am I right?' she asked and smiled reassuringly. Lisa had dived directly into the very heart of his problem, as usual. He smiled back and said 'certainly not. He is much too prideful to admit anything like this. But I guess it's a trait of mine- amplified as Jenny said- I am proud too, or at least I was. Right now, I am more of in between everything and unsure about myself.' his gaze carried a sadness that tore Lisa's heart. He loved him like her own child. Seeing him like this without hope made her angry. What did that wench do to her son’s heart? Shouldn't he be euphoric? She did it all wrong or so it seemed. Maybe her brother and her, Lisa, could get the sparkle back into those eyes of his. Her wolf growled inwardly, angry at his betrothed that made her pup sad.

'You are right those are your own feelings. May I be straightforward as usual?' she asked. He nodded so she continued and asked though she dreaded the answer. ' Did she ask you?'

'No, she didn't. I can't help but feel betrayed.' he confirmed her fears. She cursed and reached out to touch him gently. This time his phoenix-side agreed and he could hug her too. It helped a lot.

'I don't want to be mean, but I too consider this a bitch move. No wonder you are this upset. But don't worry not all phoenixes are this selfish. Your new clan is one of the nicest and mightiest by far. They will help you cope and be happy again... so will your betrothed... you are not alone. And if everything falls apart, I am always here for you. No matter what you are a human boy or a scary powerful phoenix.' she told him patting his shoulder. He smiled at her and felt a big load taken off his mind. The young phoenix took a deep breath and felt was much less torn than before. The friction in his innermost had been eased by Lisa in a huge margin. He smiled.