It was the morning of Christmas, and my family was up early, sharing the presents we had stored under the tree. Most of our gifts were clothing or little things like gift cards. The moment was short because my family had a planned day ahead. My parents went into the city to see a play while my sister and her friends scheduled a sleepover. I was the only one who had nothing to do on Christmas until Yosefin planned an impromptu sleepover of her own. Her parents were also seeing the same play my parents left to see and weren’t coming him to later the next day. I knew I was independent enough to leave the house and explain later where I’d been. She would fall under the “safety standard” my mother expected me to follow. So, I packed some clothes into a backpack to stay overnight.

When I got to Yosefin’s street, her parent’s SUV pulled out of the driveway and headed my way. I didn’t know if she had told her parents I was coming, so I looked off to my right, looking at someone’s house as they passed me to avoid being spotted. I watched them in my rearview mirror until they turned off down another street. My heart was racing as some butterflies grew in my stomach. Even though I turned nineteen a week ago, I felt like a teenage rebel sneaking behind my parents’ backs to be with someone they were not fully aware of.

I parked near the house’s curb but sat in the car to take in the moment. This was my first time coming to Yosefin’s house to be alone with her. The time I shut my door and took four steps up the walkway, Yosefin cracked open the door and poked her head out.

“Josh!” Yosefin shouted with a joyous smile as she ran to me. She had on a festive grey sweater with snowmen stitched on it. Her pants were festive leggings with snowflakes, and she wasn’t wearing shoes or socks to combat the chilling weather.

“Merry Christmas.” I caught her in my arms for a long hug.

“Merry Christmas to you too!” My nose was consumed with a perfume that smelled like cinnamon. It smelled so good on her that I didn’t want to let go immediately. “Fuck, it’s freezing out here. Come inside.” She pulled me by my arm with one hand holding my hand as we jogged up the walkway. Once I got out of the way for her to close the door, our fingers perfectly interlaced. Her hand was warm, soft, and small inside my hand. It didn’t seem like she knew we were holding hands like this. She was busy locking the door locks.

“Hey,” I said, putting my other hand on hers.

“Yes?” She looked up at me with a brow raised, with her hand still stuck to mine. I had to open my fingers for her to become aware. “Oh!”

“Yeah,” I laughed.

“Sorry. My hand was cold,” she said, resting her face on my chest for a quick moment. She remained close to me with her hands crossed over her heart. I felt compelled to hug again, so I did. “Another hug? What did I do to deserve that?”

“I just felt like it.”

“I’ll accept that answer, even though it was a lame excuse.”

“Maybe it’s because you smell good.”

“Oh, Josh,” she said, slowly slithering out of my grasp. “You can sniff me later. I got some hot cocoa to make for us. Make yourself comfortable or become my big helper.” She twirled around in her heels to head into the kitchen. I dropped my backpack near the door without looking where to place it and followed after her. “Okay, sous chef. Start by giving me the milk in the fridge.”

“Yes, chef!” She coached me through the whole process of how to make cocoa. It was a homemade recipe she partly knew. We had to refer to her mother’s cooking book to find the finer details. Once we had everything we wanted, she poured the mixture into the pot and started lightly dancing.

“Do you mind if I put a song on while we wait for this to warm up?” I found it amusing in a cute way that she asked me if she could put music on in her own house.

“This is your house, Yosefin. Do what you like. I’m here for a good time.”

“Good time, eh? Is that what you’re here for?” She made it sound like I said something wrong.

“Yes?” The wireless speaker behind me turned on a catchy pop song I’d heard on the radio before. I turned around to face it; she shimmied her shoulder on my arm as she danced to the beat.

“We can do better than having a good time.”

“All right then,” I said, watching her dance around the kitchen while singing the lyrics.

“Dance with me, Josh.” I didn’t want to because I was so fixated on what she was doing. It amused me how hyper she moved. I wasn’t a dancer but watching made me jiggle on the beat.

“I don’t know how to.”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re one of those guys.” She took me by my hands and swung them to the song’s rhythm. Once I got the jig of everything, her hands left me. I took them back to keep the moment going. It made her gasp with the biggest grin I had ever seen from her. From the corner of my right eye, I saw the pot of cocoa steaming.

“Is it hot enough?”

“Hot?” She looked at me with a slightly open mouth. I think she took what I said as something off-topic, so I pointed at the pot with my eyes.

“Cocoa.” Our hands let go while hers rested on my chest. For a moment, she looked over her shoulder, then turned back to me. Her hands came off, but the sensation of where they lingered stayed.

“It’s ready. I got marshmallows in the pantry behind you. Get them for me, please.”

“Sure.”

We sat in front of a fireplace on a couch, drinking our hot cocoa while watching a Christmas movie from the nineteen nineties. It was a classic from our childhood. Halfway into the film, we sat in silence. Our cups were empty, and my mind was focused on what I was watching. I was so immersed in the plot that when Yosefin leaned on my arm, I jumped.

“Oh,” I jerked. “You scared me.”

“Whoa, there, horsey. It’s just me,” Yosefin said.

“Sorry. I was getting into the movie.”

“I can see that. How many times have you watched this? You should already know what happens.”

“Countless.” Her attention went off somewhere rather than to the movie. At first, I thought she was bored or had a short attention span. It wasn’t till she clutched my arm into her body to snuggle more on me I got an idea she truly lost interest. I was a bit annoyed she wasn’t paying attention, but I had to tell myself she wasn’t me when it came to watching videos.

“Hey, Josh. I gotta ask you a serious question.”

“Here we go again,” I said in my head, rolling my eyes. “What?” I said out loud.

“Would you cuddle with me if I asked you to?” My focus went from the movie to her in an instant.

“Uh... why are you asking me a question like that?”

“Because,” she blushed, looking at her lap while digging her hands in and out between her thighs. “I just wanna know if you would.” When I imagined us cuddling, I pictured how Kat held me but swapped in Yosefin. It was grossed out. There was no way in hell I would touch her intimately.

“No. I don’t want to touch you like that.”

“Like what?” She asked, looking at me. I was scared to describe what I would do, so I tried to beat around the bush, hoping she’d figure it out with less context.

“Y’know... I don’t wanna touch... you.”

“What do you mean by that?” She turned half her body to face me. Both of her legs came on the couch and she had her left arm over the back the rest.

“Y’know,” I said, nervous as hell to look her in the eyes. “I don’t wanna do dirty things as I did with Kat,” I said, putting my eyes on the rug below my feet.

“You think it’ll turn like that?” She chuckled.

“Yes.”

“I’ll be right back.”

She left to head to her room to grab a thick white book. The second thing I noticed was the colorful bookmark tabs sticking out the top of the pages. Each label was marked in black ink. I couldn’t read the one she opened to because her hand was covering it.

“What am I looking at?” I said.

“This one,” Yosefin said. She pointed at a bold-headed paragraph on the second that briefly described uses for cuddling. I read words like comfort, peace, security, and warmth. They were catered to comforting purposes.

“I never thought it could be like that,” I said, scratching my head.

“Good,” she said, slapping the book shut, “thing you have me to show you what’s right.” She put the book on the coffee table. I got to read the title of the book and the author before she snuggled on my arm again.

“Passion and Etiquette by Konishi Sanako,” I said.

“It’s such an eye-opener. I’ll let you borrow it.”

“No thanks.”

“Josh,” she whined, snuggling her face in my arm while holding it firmly. She gave me an anxiety level that was arousing in a what should I do kind of manner. The feeling of her face constantly rubbing my arm alongside her hold gave me a fuzzy feeling. “Do wanna try cuddling the correct way?”

“Uh,” I hummed.

“Just say no if you don’t.” Her grip loosened a bit. “It’s okay. If you want to continue watching the movie, we’ll continue. I was just curious.”

When she let go of me and sat upright, I thought I was about to lose my chance to feel what that was like. She seemed passionate about cuddling in the way her book stated. I was curious to feel what that was like, but there were second thoughts when I recalled what she was without her girly facade. That image scared and sickened me. It didn’t feel right thinking I could comfortably let her hold me so close and not make it awkward between us. Ultimately, curiosity decided I should man the fuck up and at least give it a shot instead of imagining it.

“Yes,” I blurted out. She squinted when I said that.

“Yes? You wanna keep watching this?”

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

“No. Yes, to the cuddle, you idiot.” She let out the loudest, exaggerated gasp I had heard, then shrieked into a hypnotized giggle.

“Don’t you,” she paused to throw me on my back, so she could carefully lay on top of me, “ever call me an idiot.”

My whole body was clutched under her cradle. The first thing I immediately felt was her tits press into my chest. I didn’t know where to put my hands. Before I booted Kat out of my life, when we cuddled, we kissed and touched each other sexually. But with Yosefin, I didn’t know what to do. I had my hands far away from her. Plus, I worried she would feel or notice my slowly growing erection, so I tried my best to keep my mind occupied with random things.

“Das ist schön (This is nice),” she said.

“What?”

“Why aren’t you holding me?”

“I don’t know where to put them.”

“Anywhere you can reach. My back, legs, or ass if you feel bold enough.”

“Your ass?” I said in a shaky voice.

“Just choose something,” she snapped at me in a playful voice. “This only works when we’re both involved.”

It was still hard for me to choose where I could hold her. I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable since she wasn’t like Kat. Kat, right off the bat, loved being touched in all sorts of places. With Yosefin, I worried about offending her in any way. The last thing I wanted was to make her angry for misreading the situation. She had to take charge to show me the proper way of doing things with a close friend like her.

“Can you decide one for me, please? I don’t wanna mess up,” I said.

“Josh,” she whispered, making a chill crawl down my neck. “How are you going to mess up?” Her voice remained gentle. “I showed you what the book said. Just grab something, dude.”

“I recently got out of a bad relationship with Kat. I want you to show me how this should go.”

“Fine. Let’s do this.” Out of all the three options, she picked the safest spot for my hands to go. She put my arms around her lower back. “Hold me like you are glad to see me but afraid to let me go.” That thought was deep. In my mind, words like gentle, happiness, enjoyment, and sadness came to me.

“Wow, this feels good.”

“I’ve been wanting to try this with someone. I read it can be very therapeutic.” When she repositioned, the top of her head moved up to my right cheek, and I froze. This was the closest we’d ever been. She lifted her head to look at me. Our eyes locked on each other, but she closed them after a second.

It felt amazing to hold her close to me, but I began to question my actions. I wanted to get her off of me, but I didn’t dare to tell her or move. She looked comfortable and at peace laying on top of me. I was too nervous to disturb that.

“Josh,” she said as she looked at my chest. “Your heart is beating hard and fast.”

“A lot is going through my mind.”

“Like what?” She said, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

“Promise you won’t get mad at me.”

“They’re about me, aren’t they?” She correctly guessed when she suddenly got off of me. “What are they?” She said, looking at the rug with her arms crossed. “Unfiltered.” When she said not to hold back, I hesitated and tried to think of ways to water down my issues. I couldn’t get a word out my life depended on it. “Okay, stop,” she chuckled. “Clearly you’re afraid to speak your mind.” Her arms were uncrossed when she sat crisscrossed. She turned her whole body to face me and then told me upfront I didn’t want to hold her anymore because she wasn’t a girl.

“Yosefin...”

“Don’t Yosefin me,” she giggled. “I know you,” she pointed. “You’re probably thinking why the hell am I hugging this dude? This is gross.” There was nothing I could say other than nod. Those were the unfortunate thoughts that began riddling my mind. They tore down all the happy things I was picturing and feeling, then left me feeling revolted. “Don’t look so sad. I totally get it. You’re not that kind of guy.”

“I’m not,” I quietly mumbled. “But, I felt the things I read.”

“Yeah?” She softly smiled, nearly blushing. “Are you saying that to be nice?” I shook my head, no. “Okay,” she said after momentarily biting the corner of her lip. When she glanced at the TV screen, my awareness of its existence came into my ears. I was so focused on everything we’d done that the world around me was muted. “Hey, do you still care for that, or do you wanna do something else?”

“Do something else.”

“Cool!” She hopped off the couch to turn the TV off with the remote. “Wanna finally see my girl cave for the first time?”

“Girl cave?”

“My room, duh,” she said, pointing down a hallway behind her. “It’s time to see my rad PC setup that’ll make you eyegasm at its glory.” I followed her into her room. The computer was to my right, but the size of her bed took my attention. It was big and messy. The blankets were hanging off the corner of the bed. Her sheets were wrinkly but clean. She had five pillows sprawled through the bed. Two were comforters while the rest were regular-sized. Her bed was the only thing messed up when I skimmed the rest of the room. “Hey,” she said, snapping her fingers. “Check it out.” Her RGB colorful PC radiated like a vibrant rainbow when she turned it on.

“Damn!” I gasped. “How much did this cost you?”

“I don’t fucking know, bro. A couple of seasonal jobs here and there to get some parts. Also, my parents bought some parts, so here we are.”

“Jesus. My setup is not as flashy as yours.” The whole setup screamed to be used. “I wanna play with it.”

“I figured,” she said, smiling.

We stayed on the computer for an hour as we did random things on it. The sun was down, and the room showed how dark it got. I turned on her light switch to turn on the fanlight. She had it set to pink rather than the typical orange or blue light.

“Is everything in your room not normal?” I asked.

“This place isn’t supposed to be normal,” she said, changing the light colors to a proper color with a white remote with black buttons. “We can let loose any abnormalities in this space.”

“What a word.”

“Shut up, Josh.” Even though she said it with sharpness and a quick voice, it was followed by a giggle. She fell on her bed face first, then sat crisscrossed facing me. “So, what do you wanna do now?”

“Um,” I said with a noticeable nervous voice, taking a seat on the bed a good distance from her. “I don’t know. What do you wanna do?”

“Ugh,” she sighed, trying to pull me close by my arm without looking at me. “Why are you so far away?”

“You want me close?”

“Yes,” she said with a smile. I had a feeling she was itching for another cuddle or wanted to snuggle. When she saw I was watching her, she quickly looked away. It made her smile grow into a grin that she tried to hide by covering it with her hand.

“What was that about?”

“Nothing. I had a stupid bizarre thought.”

“This is the place for that, right? Something like that to be freely expressed.” She rolled her eyes when I reminded her of her motto.

“Correct.”

“So?” I said after taking a deep breath to calm my nerves. “What was that bizarre thought?”

“Remember what I would let you do when we were in that private room?”

“I do,” I said with a voice crack. “Are you seriously about to do that?”

“Yeah.” She took off her sweater alongside her shirt. The shirt snagged on her bra, making her tits bounce once they separated. My eyes were firmly glued to the jiggle, even after they stopped. “Pervert! They’re not even off and you’re staring at me!”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, covering my eyes.

“Just kidding!” She laughed so hard she snorted like a pig. I tried to refrain from laughing but let some of it slip out. “Yo,” she said softly. I heard a faint pop from the latch of her bra. Her tits drooped slightly from being held up. She held her bra with one arm crossed over her chest. “You ready?”

“I’m ready.” The first thing I noticed was that each nipple was pierced by a thin black bar. The nipples were darker in color than the rest of her body. They were pink, perfectly round, and pointy. At first, I thought they were like that because the room was a bit cold. But it wasn’t.

“Hey,” she said.

“Yeah?” I said, looking her in the eyes.

“Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.” Nothing looked abnormal about them. There was no form of scars anywhere I looked. They were as best I could describe them, natural looking and big.

“They seem... normal to me.”

“That’s one myth debunked,” she said smiling after letting out a nervous, shaky chuckle. “Go ahead and touch them.”

“Are you sure about that?” She nodded to give me consent. I grabbed a handful of the right one. I caressed, squeezed, lifted, bounced, and then did the same with the other. They were both soft and warm to the touch, and I felt both nipples slightly enlarged in my hand. “They feel... normal.”

“Told you. They’re the real deal.”

“You’re right. Your mutations gave you some nice tits.”

“Nice?” She shouted. My unintended remark made her fall back on the bed with her, screaming in laughter. After ten seconds passed, she calmed down. She was red in the face with some veins bulging on the side of her forehead. “I appreciate the compliment. I developed these bad boys when I hit fifteen.” For some reason, when she referred to her boobs as bad boys, I busted out laughing.

“Your boys?”

“Yeah!” She raised her voice and shoved me to my side as I continued laughing. Her laugh came out when I couldn’t control myself. “Okay, I got to admit. I could’ve given them a better name.”

“You could have said boobs, tits, or nothing at all.”

“Whatever.” I was laughing so hard that my stomach was cramping. The pain eventually stopped me from continuing and left me in tears of joy. “Are you done?” She slipped the sweater back on, minus the shirt and bra.

“Yeah, I’m done.”

“Great, ’cause I wanna cuddle now. After that kind of exposure, I deserve it.” Then she added after a momentary pause, “If you don’t mind,” she stuttered and nervously chuckled afterward. “Forget I asked.”

“Okay,” I said, opening my arms. “Come here.”

“Wait... you’re serious? You won’t be weirded out or anything?” I nodded no.

“I think it was first-time anxiety,” I said in hopes it would erase the weirdness I felt. Instead of what we did before, she laid on her back next to me in the middle of the bed with two pillows propping her up. “What are you doing now?”

“Can we try this? You get on me this time,” she said, twiddling her thumbs.

“Uh...”

“The book says this is normal too. It’s just a position swap. You’ll get the same feelings.”

“If you say so,” I said, steadily coming closer to her. I somewhat laid on top of her. I hovered a few inches to not let my full weight come down on her.

“It’s okay. You can lay on me.” She tugged on my shirt to make me come closer. “Come here,” she playfully whined. I let all my weight come down as if I was lying down. The air blew out of her nose when she pulled me closer.

“I’m I too heavy?”

“Not at all,” she answered when she tucked my head between her shoulder and neck. “It’s comfortable.” Her beating heart pounded in my ear when I turned my head to the left to put it between her tits. They acted like pillows. They were cozy against my face and like lemon perfume. Her breathing started to become slow and long-winded as if she was beginning to settle down and relax. She got a little bit too comfortable with me when her feet anchored over my calves, somewhat locking me in place. I felt like I was adhered in place.

Her hold on me felt arousing in all the wrong ways. All of those feelings she showed me I would feel from that book, I felt, but there were a few others I couldn’t believe lured me. The way I was on her reminded me of the time I laid on Kat in the same position. We were somewhat naked, kissing until our mouths were wet with saliva. I pictured doing the same with Yosefin, minus being naked and wildly kissing. One kiss seemed okay given the fact of how close we were physically, mentally, and friendship-wise. If I did we would probably find the moment comical, yet the idea became frightening the more I thought about it. What if she interpreted the kiss as an advancement? She could think I wanted her as more than a friend.

To add to these possibilities, Yosefin’s standout attractiveness and character captivated me within the first few days of talking. Those were what I knew daily. But the truth of what she truly was put a brick wall between us any time I got too comfortable.

“Your heart is racing again,” she said.

“Yeah?” I lifted myself enough that I could touch my chest. “It is.”

“You okay?” She said, touching my chest where my heart was. Her fingers gently wrapped the side of my chest where my ribcage was. My nipple was between her middle and index fingers while her thumb was caressing my sternum. “It seems to be slowing down.” Her small hand tickled in not a laughing sort of way. It didn’t make me smile nor did I want her to stop touching me. “You okay, Josh?” Her gentle voice brought my attention back to what I wasn’t comfortable with. “Do you want to stop?”

“I don’t know,” I said, lifting myself to look at her face. “I’m getting mixed signals from this.” I crawled off to sit on the bed with my back facing her. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Okay,” she said, sitting up with her legs curled to the side.

“I hope you’re not frustrated with me.”

“Not at all.” I was relieved and sad to hear her say that. “Let’s just not try that anymore, ja?”

“All right,” I said, quietly.

“Hey,” she said quietly as well, scooting over to sit next to me. “Is it the same issue as before, isn’t it?” I nodded, tucking my eyes into my hand. “No,” she softly said several times, moving my hand off my eyes. “I understand. Don’t be sad about it. There are just some things we can’t do together.”

We sat without talking to each other for a good minute. Then she rested her head on my shoulder while messing with her hands. I clutched her closer by pulling on her waist. Her light giggle made me chuckle and made me embrace her closer.

“Why am I fine doing this?” I asked, hoping she could figure me out better than I could. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“I think you know why,” she said then began playfully rocking me. “We’ve done this many times before. You know.”

“It must be what I tolerate.” She chuckles out her nose. I don’t know if it was a validation type of laugh or the opposite.

“Hey... Josh,” she quietly said.

“What’s up?”

“I... uh,” she stuttered while putting parts of her hair behind her right ear. “I planned for us to go ice skating tonight.”

“You’re kidding?”

“I’m not,” she giggled. “Do you want to come with me?” I had no experience doing that, but I didn’t care. If I went along with it, it would reset the mood into something exciting. “Or, would you prefer to do something else? I’m down to do whatever you want.”

“Sounds good. Let’s go skate.”

“Wait,” she said five times. “Just like that?” I told her yes, but she wouldn’t believe me. “Where’s the whining? The groaning? Where is the introvert boy complaining about going anywhere?”

“You put me in a good mood. You better take it before it goes away.” She immediately rushed to her wardrobe to pull out several jackets and beanies.

“Okay! Let’s go!” I had to bring her back into the room the second she left it to remind her to wear shoes. “Fuck!” Her voice echoed down the hallway. She came in, put on black boots then yelled at me to get my ass out of bed. While she ran to the front door, I walked.

“Slow down.”

“No! This is like a once-in-a-lifetime moment. You never want to go anywhere,” she said with frantic excitement.

“It seems like you’ve changed me.”

“I did?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” she said, locking the door and putting both of her arms around my right arm. “I hope it’s for the best.”