The weekend after the momentary pause I created with Yosefin, the tremors of her cries haunted me. I made it a promise to myself not to make her worry like that ever again. We continued to talk like it had never happened.

On a Friday morning, she texted asking if I wanted to hang out in a park to chill. It surprised me because it came out of the blue when I was asleep. My alarm went off three seconds later. I didn’t care why she wanted to or where she wanted to go until I got out of the shower.

“Yosefin,” I said over the phone.

“Mhmm?” She hummed in what sounded like she was holding in some laughter. “What’s up, dude?”

“Where are we going exactly?”

“Maple Gardens. Do you know where that is?”

“I do.”

“Sweet! I’ll see you there." She ended the phone call before I could comprehend everything that went down. The conversation lasted ten seconds, and I was still waking up from being awoken suddenly.

I got to Maple Gardens within five minutes of leaving my house. It was an empty skate park next to a busy highway. I didn’t see her, so I waited in the car, snacking on some peanuts I brought. Roughly three minutes later, a white heavy-duty diesel pickup drove past me from behind and stopped on my left side. Yosefin came out the passenger side and then hopped in the bed to pick up a longboard and a skateboard. Once she got down, the truck sped off.

“Nice truck,” I said as I came out of my car.

“It’s my vater’s (father).”

“Are you into trucks?”

“No. I’m a simple girl.” She put the boards on the ground so she could knock her index knuckle on the hood of my car. “I like cars like this. Small, comfortable, and I don’t have to step up into them.” Something about that straightforward statement made me euphoric to know someone had an interest in buffy full-size sedans. Those brown eyes of hers were dancing all around to view the inside of my car. “Good to see you keep it clean in there. I hate when my dad leaves trash in the truck.” I took pride in keeping my car clean. I was still in my honeymoon phase of keeping it clean. Anything small like a piece of ripped paper wouldn’t be left in my car for more than a few days. “If it’s alright with you, do you mind taking me home when we’re done?”

“Sure,” I said with pride.

“Thanks,” she smiled. While she examined the inside of my car, I got a good peek at her interesting outfit choice. She had a black beanie on her head, a tucked-in long-sleeve shirt, black high-thigh shorts, and pristine white flat shoes. The weather was quite cool and windy that day, so what she wore made no sense. Also, her nails were polished and painted in a sky-blue color. It looked smooth to the touch. I wanted to see if it was, but her hand went towards her pocket before I could ask to feel them. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, but her lips had lip balm.

“Oh,” she said, moving away from the window. “Sorry. Where are my manners?” She hugged me and pinned me against the back left passenger door before checking out my car again. “Hiya!” Her soft yet warm cheek touched my cheek when we held each other.

“Hi.”

“I’m going through my driver’s classes online, so I’ve been searching for used cars all over the place.”

“I suggest you focus on your class. Searching for a car can be tiresome.”

“Wow? Really? I will take your advice on that.” She gave me a quick squeeze-like hug before sitting on top of her longboard. “I brought you one of my boards to play with.”

“I can see that,” I said, picking it up. It was a new skateboard. The wheels were smooth as if they were unused. The artwork under it had a flaming green skull under it. “How did you know I can skateboard?”

“I did my homework,” she winked. I assumed she must have checked my profile page on my social media before coming here. We followed each other last night on social media.

“I see.” I popped a kickflip to test the sturdiness of the board. It was nice and robust, plus it gripped my shoes perfectly. “Nice board, Yosefin. Dumb question, but do you skate?” She smiled as she told me to hand over the board by curling her finger. I rolled it over to her then she performed a laser flip. “Holy shit, that was beautiful!” She continued doing various styles of kickflips until it tired her out.

“Here. I wanna see what you can do.” The first attempt on a laser flip ended with me falling on my ass.

“Fuck!”

“Shit! Are you okay?” She sat next to me to examine my ass, but I told her I was fine. I pulled it off on the second try, road in the pit for a time, pulled off mild tricks, and then came out without any incidents. “Dude, that was awesome! How often do you often skate?”

“A lot. I haven’t done it much in a few weeks, mainly because I got a car now. What about you?”

“Every other day around my neighborhood. I do it as an aid to work out.” I glanced at her round legs when she sat down over the pit to gauge how fat she was. They were a fine size for my preference.

“Trying to get rid of some jiggles?” I said, sitting next to her. “Do you want this gone?” I poked the thickest part of her upper thigh.

“Yup, and here.” She untucked her shirt to show me the lower part of her belly. “Josh, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” I said, looking into the pit.

“What is your preferred shape of a woman?” The question caught me off guard. My heart sank into my stomach, skipped a beat or two, then my lips felt like they shriveled.

“Huh?!” I shouted, cracking my voice. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Because you stare at me a lot.”

“No, I don’t,” I denied as tried to keep a straight face.

“Okay,” she scoffed with a giggle. My face started warming up longer she stared at me in silence.

“What?” I snapped because I broke into a smile I couldn’t hold back.

“Jeez dude, you’re blushing red. I’m not asking for your favorite sex position or anything too revealing. Settle down.”

“It kinda feels,” I chuckled.

“How about this,” she said, sitting closer to me. “I’ll tell you what I like if you tell me what you like. Does that sound fair?” I took a moment to calm my heart down before my easily corruptible mind agreed to entertain her proposition.

“What are we starting with? Face, body, personality, interests?”

“The juicy shit,” she snickered, rubbing hands together evil-like. “You into thick girls, Josh?”

“Uh,” I nervously laughed.

“You can tell me anything.” She leaned into my shoulder and quietly said, “I won’t tell a soul. Plus, you can ask me anything.” Her openness scared me. It sounded like a trap. I never met someone say I could ask them any question I wanted. What if I asked something that would make her mad or asked her too many questions? I wasn’t taking any risky chances, so I kept it simple.

“I’m not picky about sizes,” I said.

“Explain.”

“Not boney or filled with so much fat it looks like there might be a health concern.” She burst out laughing, quoting the health concern part. I felt embarrassed exposing a detail like that.

“Sorry. I don’t know why I found that so funny.” It took her a moment to settle down, and then she said, “Where do I fall in that range?” A knot formed in the divot of my throat. My heart began racing again.

“Tell me straight, Josh.” She stood up with her hands on her hips to pose for me. “Are you an honest man?”

“Y-Yea... I am.”

“Good. Where am I?” I examined her entire body before giving a detailed characterization.

“You’re not thin,” I said as I stood on my feet. “I am aware of your wanting to lose some weight. You do have some fat on you, but you’re not chubby. You’re below the middle on my scale.”

“Shit,” she said, crossing her arms against her stomach while smiling. “Did you just call me somwhat fat?”

“No,” I said ten thousand times. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re... plump.”

“Plump?” She shrieked. I couldn’t get a single word out of my mouth. I was panicking and couldn’t form anything coherent. “Relax, bro!” She put her on my shoulders until I made myself relax. Even after I did, she waited a few more seconds, looking me in the eyes. “Has any girl ever told you that you look cute when you blush?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Well, now you got one on the record.” The back of her hand gently pressed against my right cheek. It made me jerk, but I quickly got used to her soft touch. “You’re warm... So much red in that pale skin. You should get out more.” I looked at her red cheeks to think of something funny to say to take the attention off me.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

“Have you seen yourself? We’re both pale.” My words made her smile. Her hand switched to my other cheek, but her touch didn’t last as long.

“Hmm,” she hummed, then grinned. “Do you have any burning questions you want to ask me? Like something personal?”

“No,” I said without thinking if I did.

“Nothing?”

“Well...” I mumbled, looking up to the sky. There were a few burning questions I had that came up when I tried to search for what type of person she was online. She told me she could be whatever I wanted to see her as, but I was curious to understand what she thought about herself. “Nah,” I said, feeling scared to ask.

“Oh, please,” she begged with praying hands. “I know you got something for me.”

“I do, but it isn’t necessary.”

“Necessary? What the fuck does that mean?” Her tone got serious. Her smiles and playful voice went away in a snap of a finger. “Josh, it’s best to get whatever is off your chest. I’m literally asking you to hit me with any question.”

“Okay. Calm down.”

“I am calm,” she giggled. “So!”

“Do you consider yourself... tra—”

“No,” she said, stretching out the word while crossing her arms over and over. I tried to think of a different question but couldn’t form one in my head. So I chose to focus back on what I asked.

“You don’t?”

“Okay. Pay attention. Do I sound off to you?”

“You sound normal to me.” She took my hand to grip her throat firmly. “What are you doing, Yosefin?”

“Do you feel my adam’s apple?” I caressed my thumb where it would be and found it was small.

“This is bizarre.”

“My boobs are real like I’ve stated before. You’re not gonna find any form of scars anywhere on them or abnormal implants.” The images I saw online made me internally cringe. There were so many things I wished I never saw. “No injections,” she said, pretending to inject herself on the left butt cheek. “None of that crazy shit,” she mumbled and laughed out her nose. “Are you following me?”

“I think so.”

She rolled her sweater to make her bra more visible as she jiggled her boobs one by one out of the blue, then told me, “Real D’s as it gets.”

“How did you get like this, Yosefin?” I asked, stumbling on my words.

“I don’t know the science of it, dude,” she sighed while smiling. “I’m one of a kind.”

“So.” I stopped to carefully think about what I was going to ask her. “It sounds like you are turning into a girl.”

“I thought so, too,” she said after gasping. “But I’ve been like this for years without any significant changes. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“Wow...”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “I didn’t do this to myself. I grew up like this.” She sat closer to put into making her leg touch mine. “Got any more questions for me? You’re on a hot streak.”

“Are you into girls?”

“I’m not a lesbian,” she laughed after rolling her eyes. “I’m into guys.” I puckered my lips as I shook my head up and down, trying to comprehend who she was. Her answer sounded contradictory given the fact of what she was. She should favor girls, yet she was dead serious. “You don’t believe me.”

“I do!”

“Mhmm,” she giggled, then gave me a tender shoulder nudge. “You think I should be gay since I have a—”

“I’m not thinking that at all, Yosefin,” I lied through a nervous chuckle.

“You don’t have to lie to me because of what I am.”

“Yosefin, I believe you.”

“Stop lying,” she slowly said as she crept close to my face. I recoiled from looking into her eyes. “I thought you were an honest man?” She turned my face with her index finger to make me look at her. “Seien Sie ehrlich. (Be honest.) Come on, Josh.”

“Okay.” The softness of her finger, her smile, and her direct gaze made me give in. “I don’t believe you.”

“Thanks for being honest.” She hugged me from my right side, nearly tipping me over then held on. “Y’know, there was a moment in my life where I had to really think what I was going to be interested in.”

“So you chose guys?”

“It made sense. I mean, look at me. Dudes love hot bitches.” We both chuckled nearly simultaneously, but she suddenly stopped after two seconds. “I see myself as a girl but I know I'm not if that helps you.”

“But,” I paused to think on preciously how I would word my question. “Why did you give me a choice to choose what I see you as.”

“Because,” she pointed at my chest. “You’re special.” I pointed at myself and she nodded.

“Why me?” I didn’t get a verbal response, but she seemed happy. There was a tight smile that formed before it became a big grin. She didn’t look at me throughout the entire moment until the grinning died down.

“Let’s continue skating.”

We spent a few more minutes at the park; then, she decided she wanted to have lunch with me. She wanted to eat at a restaurant. I wasn’t keen on going since I wasn’t the type to go out anywhere to eat. Anything I ate, I ordered for pick up, sent to my house, or ate what my parents cooked. She kind of pressured me into taking us to a restaurant with her promises of great food. Plus, she said she’d pay for everything.

We went into an all-you-can-eat buffet called Twilight Castle. She picked a seat and gave us a window that peered out to my parked car. I didn’t know if that was intentional or random, but I was glad nonetheless. She stuffed herself with so much food that I questioned if she even cared about her weight loss. The food she ate was, fried rice, steak, and soft rolled bread, and she topped it off with strawberry ice cream. I didn’t want to remind her of her diet plan because she genuinely enjoyed herself.

“Are you full yet?” I asked, eating my ice cream.

“Ich bin im moment so satt (I am so stuffed right now),” she said after she let out a long burp.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Even though that was not planned for the day, I somewhat enjoyed it. Once I finished my ice cream, we headed back to the park. A few blocks from the skatepark, I looked to my right mirror to merge. I caught her gazing at me with her fingers under her eye. She immediately looked away, using her hand to hide behind. Just to make herself not smile, she bit down on her index knuckle. I didn’t think it necessary to ask her what she was doing, so I continued into the park. “So,” I said, putting my car in park. “What do you wanna do now?”

“I don’t know.” She flipped down her mirror to fix her messy hair when she took off her beanie. “I’m thinking about dying my hair red. Should I do it?” Her black highlights were perfect in my eyes. Any color other than black wouldn’t fit right on her.

“Keep what you have or dye it black.”

“Do you like the way I got it?” The question made me blush. The cat got my tongue, so I nodded to tell her yes. “Mind if you tell me what you like about it?”

“Why?” I said, not trying to smile. “Why are you putting me in the spotlight like this?”

“Josh,” she giggled. She leaned over the center console to get closer to me. “I’m doing no such thing. It’s just a simple question.”

“I don’t wanna sound like I’m flirting.”

“It’s not flirting if it’s just a compliment. So please, share with me your urges.”

“Urges?” The word made me laugh. Her word choices for things never ceased to amaze me. “Fine. I like the colors picked.”

I grabbed a lock of her hair with three of my fingers to feel the texture of it. It was cold from the blowing AC vent hitting her face and silky soft. I was amazed at how it felt, so I combed more of it with my fingers. The sensation of her soft hair felt oddly good. She pulled more of her hair forward for me to touch. When I looked her in the eyes, I froze. I was embarrassed that I was admiring her hair so much that I couldn’t look at her for a good minute. Judging by her laughter through her nose, she seemed to find the whole moment funny.

“Have you ever admired a girl before?” She asked.

“Of course I have.”

“Have you ever done it to one this close to you?” She asked in a gentle voice. “You constantly blush.”

“So do you,” I said, a tiny bit aggravated.

“But you seem shyer about it.” Suddenly, she moved over to the center console to get right in my face. I could feel the heat emitting off her face and heard the air flowing into her nose. “Do I make you uncomfortable, Josh?” She asked me with the faintest of a whisper. Her presence and calm voice intimidated the hell out of me. My heart pumped so hard against my chest that it felt like I was running a one-hundred-yard dash. I couldn’t look away from her deep gaze. “I got to know anything you dislike about me.”

“Why is that?”

“Don’t be stupid.” She gave me a gentle bump on my cheek with the top of her head. “Would you wanna be with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable?”

“No... I wouldn’t.”

“So, do you mind answering my question? Is there something about me that doesn’t sit well?”

“No. There’s nothing.”

“You’re lying, again,” she said with a smirk. “I make you so uncomfortable.”

“Can it be a good uncomfortable?” That question made her think for a moment. She looked up for a long moment, then nodded as she agreed.

“Tell me in the back of the car.”

“Back of the what?” She got out to sit in the back seat. “Why?”

“Get over here.” I sat in the back, and then she crossed her right leg over to the left, leaning on me with hands gripping my arm. “Does this make you feel uncomfortable?” She gave me an erection by the way she was on me.

“No,” I sort of lied.

“What if I do this?” Her hold got close, damn near intimate.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Why are you letting me do it, hmm?” I couldn’t think of a good response. “Okay, I’ll stop.” She moved so far away from me that I couldn’t reach at arm’s length. “Sorry,” she said, looking out her window and then whispering in German while shaking her head. When she stopped talking, she got out of the car and wandered off to the skate park with her head down.

“Yosefin,” I said, getting out of the car. She stopped the moment I got behind her. “Why did you all of a sudden leave? Is everything okay?”

“Wanna go watch a movie?”

“What...?”

“I’ll pay. Ticket, food, drinks. I’ll cover us both.” Before I could ask her why she suddenly wanted to go to the movies, she walked away to get in my car. Her behavior started to confuse me. Once I sat in the car, she kept her eyes fixated out her window. I watched in silence until she looked my way. Roughly ten seconds passed when she almost broke her gaze to see what I was doing. “Why aren’t you driving?”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she said while looking at me indirectly. “Let’s go watch something.”

“No. I don’t want to go see a movie. You’re acting strange right now.” She looked at me with a smirk, but it quickly turned into a frown, like she was about to cry. Her face turned pink. Then she fanned her eyes as some tears came out.

“Verdammt noch mal, Yosefin. Du denkst schon wieder zu viel (Damn it, Yosefin. You’re thinking too much again).”

“Yosefin, what are you saying?”

“It’s nothing, Josh.” She used the sleeve of her forearm to wipe her eyes. “I’m overthinking stuff. Scaring myself in the process.”

“About what?”

“Have I ever told you that you are the only friend I see IRL (In real life)?”

“Yes. You mentioned that.”

“Oh, good. I thought I bombed our hangout today by acting too forward.” I scratched my head over the last two words. It took me a second to understand what she meant when I realized how intrigued and close she was to me.

“No, you’re fine.” I touched her shoulder to show her she was fine. She held it to snuggle her cheek on top of it, then moved away abruptly.

“Fuck! I didn’t mean to do that,” she said, putting her hands over her mouth. “I’m so sorry, Josh.”

“It’s all right, Yosefin.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I answered, keeping my hand where it was. She came back to it to resume snuggling. Some of her warm tears rubbed on my hand. “Does this make you happy?”

“Can I tell you something honestly?”

“Mhmm.”

“I like being close to you. It makes me feel empowered in a way. Not in a dominant sense, but in a sense where I’m comfortable expressing myself emotionally. Does that make sense?”

“It does.”

“I didn’t have a normal time growing up, so interactions with people were limited to family, family of friends, or online through gaming and whatnot.” She stopped touching me to clear off the rest of her tears with her arms. “Now I got an awesome friend like you; I wanna explore experiences and feelings I never got to try when I was younger.”

I felt so bad for her. Her life sounded lonely and boring. Compared to mine, I wasn’t much of an outgoing person nor sheltered, but I had friends to talk to. I went through public school, and I wasn’t frowned upon, bullied, or seen as a weirdo for my looks. But when I pictured what she might’ve gone through, I sympathized.

I got out of my car to hug her to express my sentiments. She came out of her seat to hold me tight.

“Your life sounded awful,” I said.

“I know,” she giggled. “But there was some good that came out of it.” She rolled her sleeves to expose her arms. “I found an interest in tattoos, boarding, drawing, gaming, and other shit.” The other shit piqued my interest.

“What’s the other stuff you like to do? I bet it’s something we can do together.” Her eyes pointed up to see me before her head came up. I got a type of stare that suggested what she was about to say wouldn’t fit me. It was so obvious. “Oh, come on. I’m pretty sure it’s something I’ll like.”

“Have you ever been to a concert?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“I’m an introvert. You’re the only one that has been making me move around.”

“Oh?” She said with a growing sinister grin. “Guess who’s coming with me to a rave concert in a month.”

“Oh, god. What’s a rave?”