Emiran was deeply disturbed by what Jareth had said about Traevin caring for her. She was sure she knew what he meant. But the thought of him loving her was a bit terrifying. She had no idea who he even was. She was very sure of how he made her feel though. It was curious that he knew that Traevin loved her. She wondered why that was something he would spread around to other people. She also wondered what kind of person would claim they loved someone and make them kill a version of themselves. That’s not the kind of thing she thought of as loving, especially since he’d said that doing so would help her understand what the darkness within meant. But as far as she was concerned, she still didn’t fully understand what he meant. And surely there was an easier and less messed up way to explain it.
Emiran continued trying to piece together the woman’s life as she drove, hoping if she could figure out her life then she would understand. Maybe she just hadn’t processed everything yet, but it felt like she was missing some key pieces of the woman’s life that would make it possible to understand what he meant. She started to wonder if he had intentionally kept these pieces from her. But then why make her go through the process of killing her and experiencing her life to explain something if he was going to intentionally keep pieces from her that would help her understand? That seemed like it kind of defeated the purpose.
She suspected he was keeping the pieces from her because he wanted her to find those particular answers in a different way. Or he just didn’t want her to know those things. As she thought about the way the woman had suddenly changed, it occurred to her that maybe Traevin meant to show her that no matter which version of her they were talking about, she had darkness within herself. But the same could be said of anybody couldn’t it? Why did it matter? What kind of darkness could he mean? She had just killed someone. Maybe that’s the kind of darkness he meant. Perhaps he expected her to be able to kill people the way he did, and be ok with it.
Did he honestly expect her to go through and kill all of the head honcho’s at COLO to take them down? The thought of that mystified her. He was crazy. Better yet, he still hadn’t told her why he needed her. The way he made it sound, he wanted to take down all of humanity and create a new utopia with himself as king and her as law enforcement? It didn’t make sense to her. She had to be missing something huge, and it was making her crazy. She felt way in over her head.
She drove on through the night and most of the next day without stopping unless she had to get gas. Tariah kept calling her but she didn’t pick up. She simply texted her ‘I’m driving’ and kept on. That clearly wasn’t enough for her though because she just kept ringing. After the 15th call Emiran finally stopped and picked up the phone in pure exasperation. “My god Tariah what is it that can’t wait until I get home? I told you we could talk then! How do you expect me to drive home if I’m on the phone with you?”
Tariah was whispering on the other end and Emiran had trouble making out what she was saying. “Will you speak up please? I can’t hear you.” She was glad Tariah wasn’t there to see how hard she was rolling her eyes at her. A harsh, but much clearer, whisper came from Tariah and she said “What the hell have you gotten yourself into? Sector 5 is at your house and has it locked down. There are people there waiting for you!” Emiran cursed inwardly. What was sector 5 doing at her house? How did she manage to get their attention so quickly?
“Can you meet me at that address in sector 15 where you stayed? The one from the card you saw. I’m going to need you to bring a few things from my house if you can” she finally said after a long pause. “Wait until they’re no longer investigating my place so you don’t get yourself in trouble. And call me when you’ve gotten it.” She gave Tariah a list of the things she wanted and where to find them and hung up the phone.
She pounded the steering wheel and yelled something unsavory. As she continued back to Cherity’s address she couldn’t help but remember the rumors she’d heard growing up. Maybe she believed in the conspiracy theories more than she liked to admit. Growing up she’d heard the people around the city whisper about sector 5 being responsible for all the people that went missing or ended up dead. They were the ones who did the dirty work for the justice system. But they only targeted people who were different. People like her. Who could do things they considered unnatural.
That’s why she hadn’t been particularly excited to find out she was different. Despite what her mother and sister wanted. And it’s why she’d done her best to deny what she could do instead of embracing it. After the last few days, with everything that had happened and with sector 5 now watching her house she knew it had to be true though. In all the years she’d worked for COLO she’d never managed to get into sector 5. Or have a chance to work with them, to confirm whether or not that rumor was true. But she could think of no other reason they’d now be at her house. So they had to have been watching her. What had she done to tip them off that she was different?
She’d always hidden it well. At least being psychic was pretty easy to hide, and her family’s mark was easily hidden too. So why were they watching her now? She knew just from working there that they had eyes all over the city. They kept the inner city and the richer parts of the different cities under pretty tight wraps. That’s why there was less heavy crime like murder in the city center. Clearly though their information network and enforcement was less focused on the farthest quadrants where it was probably needed more.
Growing up in the inner city area, she’d never actually known anyone who was different, at least as far as she knew. She had never known anyone personally who went missing or ended up dead, except for her sister. So she’d always held on to the belief that the rumors weren’t true. That it was just people being paranoid because they didn’t like COLO. She guessed she couldn’t really blame people for not liking them. They ran the justice system like it was a business.
There were no distinct police departments, no separation between federal, state, and local departments. They truly were a conglomeration, only defined by different sectors. You either obeyed what they said and the laws they laid down, or you accepted the punishment. There was no distinction between the healthcare system and the justice system. All of the hospitals in the cities reported directly to COLO. That was why her mom hadn’t trusted them. She had never really explained to her though how the hospitals would know she was different if she never said anything. Not with their particular power at least.
Then a thought hit her that was like a sucker punch to the gut and her stomach dropped to the floor. If the rumors were true, had COLO started investigating her family when she started working there? Had she gotten Elanore killed? She flashed back to all the fights she’d had with her about working there. She’d been so convinced that she could keep them from learning the truth about her and by extension her mom and sister. But Elanore had never directly come out and say that COLO was watching her. So Emiran had just chalked the fights up to the paranoia that was rampant throughout the inner cities.
She slammed on her brakes and pulled over quickly. A panic was building inside her and she had to get out of the car. She’d chosen to work for COLO because she wanted to have the money to get her mom to go to the hospital. She had turned her back on everything that made her different including, in the end, Elanore. She had never done anything that she knew of that would make COLO want to start watching her or suspect that she was different. But Elanore had openly embraced her power and her spiritual journey. If they had started investigating her family because she was working there, then she was directly responsible for Elanore’s death.
A horrible guilt took hold of her and she stood there in the middle of the street and screamed as loud as she could. Her choice to work for them ultimately hadn’t saved her mom. So if they really were responsible for Elanore ending up dead then she may as well have killed her with her own hands. She knew that even though she openly embraced her abilities, Elanore wasn’t stupid. And she had practiced for long enough that she knew how to avoid detection. So she couldn’t have drawn attention to herself. So the only way COLO could have known she really was different and not just one of the loons, who for some reason thought it was fun to pretend they were different, was if they had started watching her closer and more directly than normal people because of Emiran’s choice to work there.
Before she could stop it, anger so intense she could easily have called it hate, washed over her and she yelled again. The anger was directed at herself though. Rage, and hate for herself, for turning her back on her sister when she should have listened to her. There was no way she would ever forgive herself if COLO really had killed Elanore. She had to find out the truth now, no matter what consequences it meant for her. She got back in the car and sped the rest of the way to Cherity’s place. It would still take her several hours to get there and she was impatient to get some answers. She called Tariah back to add a few things to the list she’d given her.
She didn’t answer the first call so Emiran took a page from her book and rang her incessantly, until finally, on the 7th try, Tariah answered her. But after a simple hello she said nothing else, and something in her gut told her that there was something wrong. “I need you to get a few more things for me and I need you to get there as quickly as possible” Emiran said, trying to push down the feeling that her gut was giving her. When Tariah still said nothing she knew she had to ask “What is it? Are you in trouble now because of me?”
She held her breath, praying she was wrong and that Tariah was just upset with her because of the situation. After a pause so long that she had to look at her phone to make sure she hadn’t gotten disconnected, Tariah finally spoke up. “No, I’m not in trouble, yet at least. But you are. I haven’t been able to get in your place yet. They’re still watching it. I will let you know as soon as I do get in. Right now I’m concerned they may be watching me. I was your partner after all.” Emiran sighed and hit the steering wheel again, partially in irritation, partially in confusion. “What do you mean you think they’re watching you?”
Tariah made a sound that made Emiran believe she was scoffing at her. “I’ve been hearing things around the office since you left, whispers about you not being human. You know they’re going to want to question me about it. Is it true? Why didn’t you tell me?” She went silent again and Emiran was equally silent for a good 3 minutes before she finally found her voice. “I didn’t tell you for one very good reason. I didn’t want to put you at risk if the rumors were true, and they did find out. Yes you’re my friend, and yes I trust you to a point. I have to trust you as my partner to have my back. Of course I trust you.” She said sighing quietly, “But you work for COLO just like I do. This isn’t something I advertise to anyone, let alone someone who works for them.”
When Tariah still said nothing, she continued “I’m sorry. It’s not like I didn’t want to confide in you over the years. I couldn’t though. Look can we discuss this later, when you meet me please? It’s not like I’m some alien from another planet.” She couldn’t blame Tariah for being upset with her, but surely she could understand why she’d never said anything. She was the one who did believe in all the conspiracy theories. “Look, I’ll bring your stuff to the address and drop it off. But I don’t think you should meet me there.” Her voice dropped to a whisper again before she continued “I know this stuff is important or you wouldn’t be asking. I will find a way to get it done."
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“I’d wait until I’m gone and try and get your stuff though. They’re probably going to follow me there in the hopes that I’m meeting with you. I haven’t been questioned yet but you know I will be. I’ll be under suspicion for awhile, even though I didn’t know.” Emiran knew she was right. That’s just the kind of thing COLO would do. She’d done it herself a few times trying to find certain informants. She bit her lip in frustration and said, “You’re right. I’m sorry. You have every right to be upset with me. You’re a wonderful friend for still watching my back even though you know the truth now. I’m sorry I never told you. I really hope I get a chance to see you soon and apologize properly.”
“I understand. I really hope you find a way out of this. If you need my help again, I’ll do my best to do whatever I can.” She said, and hung up without actually saying that she was forgiven. Emiran threw her phone in the passenger seat and stopped the car. She was still on the outskirts of sector 14 and she knew that if she kept going she’d run into the farthest outlying buildings of COLO. She yelled every curse word she could think of and leaned her head against the steering wheel. She couldn’t go back home now. She couldn’t go back to work. She was a fugitive now and she knew it. She yelled out for Traevin and waited to see if he would show up.
After waiting for an hour and getting nothing from him, she picked up her phone and began searching for a number for the building Cherity was in. There were several numbers listed for different parts of the building, so she picked one at random and dialed it. The first two numbers she dialed she got no answer, even after calling several times. The third number a man answered. He had a deep husky voice and she had trouble understanding what he was saying. She asked him politely if he knew who Cherity was and if he could get ahold of her. “There’s no one here by that name. You should check your number and be sure you have it right next time” he said in an irritated voice and hung up before Emiran could say anything else.
Emiran sighed and put her hands to her head. If ever there was a time to use her new gift, it was now. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on Cherity’s face. She didn’t know how else to reach out to someone from a distance and make sure she was reaching the right mind. She sat there picturing her face for several minutes, but couldn’t hear anything but her own thoughts. Calling out her name didn’t seem to do any good either. She was trying to calm herself down, thinking that if she were relaxed it would be easier to concentrate, breathing deeply. She was almost relaxed enough when her phone rang and snapped her out of her almost Zen state.
She jumped and snapped it up out of the seat. It wasn’t a number she recognized. “Hello, who is this?” she said, when there was nothing but silence from the other end. She waited impatiently, irritated at the interruption. Finally a woman’s voice came through “This is Cherity. You were calling to me. I tried to reach out to you, but I couldn’t get anything through. So I finally just had to call you.” It was Emiran’s turn to be silent. She was rather confused and tried again to reach out with her mind. “You’re calling to me again. I can hear you clear as day. What is it that you need from me?” Cherity asked clearly just as confused by the inability to get through to her. Then it hit her that she hadn’t gotten a handle on either power yet, so she was probably blocking her without meaning to.
She shook her head in frustration and explained to Cherity what was happening. “I’m sorry to ask more of you, but I really need you to meet me somewhere in sector 14. I need these things but I can’t come to you to get them. At least I can’t come to your place. I can meet you anywhere else you like though.” She said after she had explained the problem to her. There was a very long pause on the other end of the line and her gut again told her that shit was about to hit the fan. “You’re telling me that you brought COLO down on my place of residence? What were you thinking? You could have met your friend anywhere. Why would you lead them to me? And to my daughter?” there was a clear venom in Cherity’s voice.
Emiran really didn’t know what to say. She’d thought since it was a place of residence for multiple families that she was keeping her safe by not coming there, instead making her bring the things to her. “I didn’t know COLO was after me when I originally told her to meet me there. I honestly wasn’t trying to put you or Meru in danger. That’s why I called instead of just showing up. I’m sorry. You don’t have to meet with Tariah directly. She’s leaving the stuff there and then leaving.”
She had to chalk the anger up to a mother trying to protect her child. Meru was young enough that she might slip up and show the wrong person that she was different because COLO was now watching her address more closely, waiting for Emiran to show up. She really couldn’t apologize enough. No amount of I’m sorry could make up for that. When Cherity still was silent, Emiran said “You’re right, I wasn’t thinking. Never mind it, I will tell Tariah to leave the things somewhere else and I’ll figure out something else. I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but I am sorry. I’ll make sure COLO has no cause to watch your place more closely.”
She didn’t wait for any kind of answer she just hung up the phone, so that she could call Tariah before she got to her place. Again it took several tries to get her to answer the call. When she finally answered, she was very short with Emiran. She started to wonder why she was actually bringing the stuff to her if she was that upset with her deception. Regardless she listed off a new address to her, of a small church that was long since abandoned, in the neighborhood where she grew up. Tariah agreed to the change and hung up the phone without another word. This kind of thing was exactly why Emiran had never told her, or anyone else for that matter, about what she could do.
Normal people like Tariah tended to view people like her as if they were an entirely different species. Even if she’d never caught the attention of COLO until now, she was different. And difference was frowned upon and hated. True she’d never thought the rumors about COLO were true, but even as a child she could see that normal people didn’t like the difference. Perhaps they were jealous they couldn’t do things like her. Or perhaps they really were mindless drones who believed that the differences made them less than human. Either way, she hadn’t wanted to be an outcast and a fugitive, constantly watching her back. Besides being psychic wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Knowing things that would happen, but being unable to change them, was a hard pill to swallow. It was far easier to just suppress the difference and pretend she was normal. Even at the expense of her relationship with Elanore. Maybe because of her gift, she learned to grow up a little too fast.
She felt awful doing so, but since she didn’t have any close ties with anyone but Tariah, she called Cherity back and asked if she could send someone to get the things for her and bring them to the address of the tiny little motel she had stopped at. It took a bit of persuading, but Cherity finally acquiesced when Emiran suggested she send someone that would be very difficult to trace back to her. After she hung up, Emiran could do nothing but wait. If she hadn’t received her stuff within two days she would just have to risk it and go there to get it. She lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling, exhausted but unable to fall asleep. Her mind was a wasteland of turmoil and fear. She again called out to Traevin. He had the answers she was looking for, whether she was terrified by him or not, hardly mattered anymore.
As she slowly drifted into a restless sleep she could periodically hear the people in the other rooms. Clearly she would have to put in the effort to keep up the blocking even when asleep. But that was a problem for another day. Still it was a problem trying to get to sleep through the invading thoughts of those around her. What sleep she did manage was light and disturbed.
Then something made her sit straight up in bed, instantly alert and awake. She couldn’t place exactly what had made her wake up so quickly, but she felt a cold sense of dread that made her believe Traevin was near. It didn’t take long to prove her theory correct. After searching her room and finding nothing she went outside. There leaning against the hood of her car was Traevin. He had a peculiar half smile on his face that made him look as if he were trying not to laugh or cry and just smile instead. She instinctively stopped where she was. Swallowing her fear down, she said “Alright I’m ready for some answers. Tell me what I need to do. You’ve already made me a fugitive, homeless, and jobless. What is it you want of me?”
His smile faded slowly and he took a moment before he answered “I want you. You have a job to do. Granted you won’t be paid for it. But there are much more important things in life than money.” She sighed inwardly and pushed on “What is this job you expect me to do? Why choose me? Surely you could have chosen someone better for whatever it is you want. You clearly know more about me than you’re letting on. And I don’t yet understand what you mean by the darkness within, despite what you made me do. So please enlighten me.”
Traevin stood up now and approached her slowly. She tried not to recoil, wondering why she felt such a cold dread from him. He grabbed her left hand and held it in his, covering it with his other hand. This time when she looked in his eyes, she could see a glimmer of something that resembled desire or love. He was quiet for a long time, just standing there with her hand in his. Finally he spoke again and said, “Yes, I know much about you. I know many things that you have forgotten, lessons from lifetimes ago. Starting a new lifetime always makes you forget. And I always have to make you remember.”
“I’ve been doing this a long time. So long now that you wouldn't believe when in first began. To me the lifetimes all blur together eventually.” He went silent again and let her hand go, turning away from her now. She suspected he didn’t want her to see the look on his face. “What do you mean starting a new lifetime? What have you been doing for so long now you’ve forgotten when it started? You’re making me more confused, not less.” She said, trying to fill the uncomfortable void of silence, where she could again feel nothing but a hollow empty feeling coming from him.
“I’ve already said too much. You’re not ready to remember yet.” He said finally “I can’t tell you everything you want to know. Not yet. I’ve already learned from that mistake.” He turned to face her again and placed his hand on her face. “I will tell you, that you’re meant for great things. Whether you believe in yourself or not doesn’t change what you have to do.” Emiran was still very confused. Whenever he touched her the hollow empty feeling disappeared. It didn’t replace the fear he evoked, but it made the emptiness go away. She lifted her hand and touched his. She tried to pry into his mind, the way she had with the woman from the diner. But all she could get from him was darkness and silence. If they were so connected then why couldn’t she reach into his mind the way he could hers?
Traevin chuckled now, still holding her face. “I know what you want; my sweet Emiran, but you will get nothing from me. I’ve had a very long time to master the art of keeping people out.” He let go of her now and turned to walk away. He looked at her over his shoulder and said “You’ll learn how too. You must before we embark on your journey together. I’m sorry to say, you’ve got a lot to learn still. And unfortunately this time around I have no choice but to make you learn quickly.”
With that he turned and walked off, around the corner of the motel. Emiran ran after him not yet ready to end the conversation. But when she turned the corner Traevin was nowhere to be found. She shook her head. One of these days she was going to have to ask him how he was able to disappear so fast. He couldn’t have been around the corner more than a few seconds before Emiran was there.
She went back to her room, still wide awake. She sat on the edge of her bed and sighed. She was antsy to get her stuff. It was hard to wait for someone to show up with it. Since she knew there was no way she was getting back to sleep right now, she went into the bathroom and jumped in the shower. Standing there under the super heated water, she tried to organize the other woman’s life. Maybe if she could figure out the order of her life she would find some answers. The other woman had no siblings; she’d been an only child. Besides her occupation, the differences were many. But she still felt a deep connection to this woman. She suspected it wasn’t just because she looked almost exactly like her. She felt like she was a part of her, like she was missing pieces of herself quite literally. And this woman’s life, once inside her, had awakened a part of her that she never knew she was missing.
She couldn’t deny that she had felt something more than cold dread when Traevin was around. But she couldn’t place what the feeling was. This other woman had clearly loved him though. She could see that clearly from the memories she sifted through. She seemed to have met Traevin around the same age as Emiran was. And followed him around like a puppy dog. She had abandoned everything and everyone in her life to be by his side. Emiran started to wonder if perhaps it was this other woman’s feelings she was experiencing for Traevin. There were still pieces missing though. She couldn’t see her life like a movie, where she could rewind it and see everything.
It had all happened so fast when she absorbed her life, that placing things she remembered of it in exact order was proving difficult. It made her wonder why Traevin had wanted her dead. If she loved him and he loved Emiran, then why have her kill the girl? Perhaps it was some twisted love triangle she didn’t know she was involved in. She jumped out of the shower and made a beeline for the bed. The hot water had relaxed her body enough that she wanted to try to sleep. Perhaps in dreaming she could piece together this woman’s life in a more ordered way.
Anything was better than just sitting here waiting for her stuff. Emiran was not really a patient woman. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep, clearly more exhausted than she wanted to admit. But no answers came to her in her dreams, and she woke up hours later frustrated at having to wait for answers. She felt rested though and ate some quick brunch trying to distract herself from the wait.