She impatiently stared at her phone periodically, hoping that Tariah would call her soon. She really didn’t want her friend to be in trouble. But there was nothing she could do now. They were going to question her either way, and it was probably safer for her that she didn’t really know anything. She was eager to get her things though. Emiran tried to pass the time by sitting in the middle of her floor and working on trying to get into the other residents minds for short stints before she’d practice blocking their mind out. Jareth had said she would need to practice to get a handle on them.
A part of her wondered if these people could feel her poking into their mind. But being able to hear their thoughts, she heard no such suspicions. Still she imagined some people would more easily figure out something was amiss and treaded carefully. After several hours of practicing these two new powers, she was starting to get a headache so she called it quits and got up from the floor. She hoped with more practice the headache part of this would cease, because her head was pounding and she didn’t really feel like living with a constant migraine.
When her cup of coffee was ready she drank it slowly, wishing she was at home to have her chai tea instead. She had never been a huge coffee person, but she needed the energy boost. All the practice was both physically and mentally draining. A small lunch with her coffee had her feeling mostly back to normal and she decided it was time to try and call Tariah. She was having a very difficult time sitting still and doing nothing. It took her three tries but she finally managed to get her on the phone.
“Hey Tariah, I’m sorry to keep bothering you. I feel terrible I’ve put you in this position. It’s incredibly important that I get this stuff though, and I was actually hoping to add a few items to the list. Have you managed to get into my apartment yet?” Emiran dove right in without even waiting for a hello. “I was going to call you in a little while from a different phone. In case they’re listening in on my phone calls. But I’ve already been to your apartment. I’m not going to go back for more things. Not for awhile at least, until things have calmed down.” She replied.
“I went early this morning. They had people at your house until about 5 am. I watched your house all night after I got off work and waited until they left, and then waited another hour for good measure. I’ve dropped off the stuff at the place you told me. I’m still on my way home actually. I went there in a pretty roundabout way to try and keep anyone from following me. Hopefully it was enough.” Emiran closed her eyes and shook her head. The other stuff wasn’t as important. So she could get that at another time hopefully. She was glad at least the important stuff had been dropped off, and ideally within the next day or two she’d have it.
“I understand. I don’t know how to thank you. You’ve put yourself at risk when you didn’t have to. For your safety I don’t want to tell you anything else or ask you for anymore help. Please call me though if you get in serious trouble over this. I’d never forgive myself if they did something to you because of me. Will you promise me that?” Tariah gave a sort of grunt as a reply before she finally said “Ok, I will call you, but only if my life is in danger. I promise. I hope you make it home soon. I miss you. Be careful please.” With that she hung up the phone without giving Emiran a chance to say anymore.
Emiran closed the phone and sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands. She would be careful, but she had a sneaking suspicion that she would never again see her home. So she questioned whether or not she’d ever get a chance to see Tariah again. She felt bad about it, but she also had bigger things to worry about right now. She prayed silently though that Tariah would be safe because of her ignorance of what Emiran really was. She was human, so even if she was under suspicion for awhile, surely COLO wouldn’t do anything to her.
She lay backwards, letting her legs remain dangling off the edge of the bed, and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before she closed her eyes. Without even meaning to she fell into a light slumber. When she opened her eyes again the clock on the wall told her that it was almost 7pm. She got up and was just about to leave to go for a walk in an attempt to sooth her mind when a light knock on the door sounded in her ears. Emiran swung the door open, not really expecting anyone for another day at the least. On the doorstep was a man with a huge jagged scar down his right cheek. She looked at him quietly for a minute, waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t she finally said, “who are you?”
The man still said nothing but instead held out a small box to her. She looked at him curiously now and tried to pry into his mind, since he refused to say anything. She got fleeting images of the man in the church where she had told Tariah to leave her stuff, then of him driving a motorcycle at speeds that made even her balk. That would explain how he had gotten there so quickly. Still, now she was peering over his shoulder to make sure no one was with him. She would definitely need to practice this on random pedestrians as she went along. Perhaps with practice she would able to piece the other woman’s life together better.
She thanked him and closed the door as he seemed anxious to leave. She couldn’t really blame him. Emiran sat on the edge of the bed and opened the box. Everything she had asked for was there. The five books she’d found in her sisters things, and her diary. She pulled everything out of the box and set the books to the side. She was most interested in Elanore’s diary at the moment. She took a deep breath and opened it, searching the pages for the dates she wanted. When she found the correct date, she was guessing a few months before Elanore died was a good place to start, she began reading.
“Today I met a man who agreed to help me learn how to be a powerful enough healer to cure my mother. He scared me, but I’m focused on my goal. I won’t let fear destroy me. I seemed to recognize him somehow though I had a hard time placing from where. He taught me a few folk remedies he knew and gave me some books he insisted I read before we could continue our training.”
Emiran paused and thought about how she’d been so focused on helping her mother that she’d never considered Elanore might be trying to do the same. She had been so angry with her for leaving her there alone to take care of their mother that she had never thought to ask why Elanore was so intent on following her spiritual journey. She opened the book back up and continued reading.
“I have started reading the books he gave me. They make no sense to me. Almost as if I was reading an entirely different language. I get the feeling that these books were not meant for me. Regardless I keep trying. I have made it through most of one of the books though I still don’t really understand them. At night when I sleep, I see the man in my dreams. It’s almost like he’s haunting me.”
That last sentence had her interest peaked, because she knew of only one person who had the ability to get inside people’s dreams. She had to be talking about Traevin. What had he been doing with Elanore? She would be sure to ask him the next time they met if Elanore’s diary didn’t provide the answer.
“When I see the man in my dreams I try to explain to him that I can’t understand the books he’s given me. But he just insists that if I get through them all that I’ll understand everything. Since I have no way of finding him I have to push on and keep trying. I want him to just teach me quickly before my mother gets so bad that no amount of healing will help.”
The next entry in her diary was several days later. It was one of the days Emiran remembered well. It had been the day she came over for a visit, the day they had taken the last picture with their mother she’d found in the box while she was searching for the photo album. She set down the diary for a minute to get up and make some more coffee. Eventually she would have to find a way to get the rest of her important things from her house. Assuming of course that she lived through whatever this job was that Traevin had in mind.
She was still intent on searching the photo album for the picture she could only vaguely recall, hoping against hope now that there was a date on the back of it. She knew for now though that could wait. Maybe if she waited an extensive enough time COLO would give up watching her place and she could get her stuff without someone else’s assistance. Emiran was a pretty self reliant person, so the situation made her feel pretty helpless and desperate. But since a picture would only give her so much in the way of information she did her best to push aside the feelings.
Grabbing her new coffee from the machine she took a sip and frowned at it. She would absolutely have preferred some chai tea instead, but she would have to make do. She added way more sweetener than was probably necessary in an attempt to cover up the awful taste of it. It was a tiny motel after all, how much better could she really expect? She picked up the diary and paced around the room, sipping on the somewhat better tasting coffee, as she continued to read. She felt in a way that she was invading Elanore’s privacy by reading it. But she needed answers, and her sister was long since gone.
“Today I went to see my mother. She’s not doing well. I fear that she doesn’t have long left. I tried everything I’ve learned over the last few years; thinking maybe a combination of healing remedies would work to help to stabilize her. I talked with her for several hours. What she had to say to me didn’t make me feel any better. Emiran avoided me most of the time I was talking with mom. I’m kind of glad she wasn’t around to hear what she said to me. Though I wish she wasn’t so angry with me. If she had just embraced what she was then we could have traveled this road together, and maybe could have found a cure in time.”
Emiran paused her reading now, swept up in her own memories of that day. She had been very angry with Elanore. She didn’t want to embrace what she was though. She wanted desperately to be normal. Life was hard enough without constantly being wary of the law because of something she had no control of. She didn’t know how Elanore could stand to live like that. She supposed she was going to find out now, whether she liked it or not.
Maybe she was right though. If she had focused on becoming a healer like Elanore then perhaps together they could have pooled their power and saved their mother. She shook her head to clear away the thoughts. It was too late now anyways, she didn’t need to live with the regret that the path she had chosen was the wrong one. She was curious now to know what their mother had said. She hoped Elanore’s diary would provide the answer so she continued reading.
“Mother told me that my hopes were in vain. Traevin could not teach me the way to heal her. The only thing he could teach me was death. She knew who the man haunting my dreams was. When I asked her how she knew him she told me a fantastic story that pierced my heart like a knife. She told me that the man had come to her when she was young, before either of us had been born. She had seen him many times over the years at family gatherings, talking with her mother. But she had never talked to him before that day. When he came to her he wanted to tell her something important. He told her to take his hand so he could show her something. When she did she got a psychic vision of her future. She saw everything from that moment to even past her death and into mine and Emiran’s futures. She saw terrible things that haunted her from that moment until she was gone.”
Emiran stopped now to absorb what she’d read so far. It seemed that Traevin had been haunting her family for a long time. He definitely didn’t show his age. He looked like a man of maybe 45 years old. Clearly he had more than just the power to kill you with just a touch. It made her wonder why he had more than just the one ability and if everyone in the Esmiri clan had multiple powers. From what she had gathered from the teachings of her mother and sister and from what she’d gathered from the information so far, each family had one ability only. So why did he have multiple abilities?
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That was definitely a question for the next time they crossed paths, assuming of course that he would give her a direct answer. He had a lot to answer for and she was getting tired of the cryptic and confusing answers. She was a very direct person. She set the diary down on the bed face down to keep her page. Continuing to pace around the room, holding her coffee with both hands to steady her hands, she considered the reasons why their mother would tell Elanore these things and not her.
Emiran took a large swig of the mediocre coffee and set it down on the dresser. She pulled the still moist gauze off her arm to see what state her arm was in. It didn’t stick this time thankfully and she peeled it off easily. The edges of the cut seemed to be attempting to close now, and her arm was no longer different shades of purple. It was still red and pink though so she pulled the salve out of the bedside table where she’d stashed it the night before. She really wished she had her box of herbs so that she could apply both the salve and the paste she had originally used. But that wasn’t one of the things she had asked Tariah for the first time around.
She returned to the bathroom and washed her arm as best she could before she put more of Cherity’s salve on it. It had a soothing effect rather than an intense burn like her paste did. She went to her car to grab more gauze from the bag she’d left there from the apothecary’s shop and smoothly applied it to her arm. Having taken care of the rapidly healing cut Traevin had given her, she returned to her coffee and picked the diary back up. She still paced around the room while she read; it helped her to focus on what she was reading and attempt to ignore the ping in her brain, coming from the thoughts of the few people around her.
“She told me that I couldn’t save her. That no one could. She had already seen her death and wouldn’t change it for fear of changing Emiran’s future. I asked her why she wouldn’t let me save her. What could be so important about Emiran’s future that she was willing to die for it? I almost wish I’d never asked that question. Her answer to me was strange and heartbreaking. She told me that Emiran was not who she appeared to be. She was a long awaited child of light that Traevin had been searching for, for generations. He knew it was our family that she would be born into. At first he had assumed it was me. But when I didn’t show the signs at a young age, he knew it was Emiran. When I asked her why that meant she had to die, she told me that I too would die before Emiran would fulfill her destiny. She said it was necessary for both of us to be gone before she could take her journey to put the world back into balance. I asked her if she had seen my death too and she only nodded at me. She refused to tell me how I would die, for fear I would try and change it. She said I needed to keep things the way she had foreseen if Emiran was to save the world and all ancient magical bloodlines.”
Again Emiran paused her reading, frustrated now at why her mother had never told her any of this. Wouldn’t it have been better to tell her once she showed she had inherited the psychic gift of their family? It could have helped prepare her for the future and stop her from taking the wrong path. If Elanore knew these things too why had she not said anything to her when they were fighting about her choice to work for COLO? Perhaps in her own way Elanore had been trying to warn her without risking too much change by continuing to fight with her about her choice even after their mother was gone, and Emiran had been too stubborn to listen, too consumed by her anger.
Now another question entered her mind. One she suspected Elanore’s diary couldn’t answer. If Traevin had been able to show their mother the future, why couldn’t he see it? Why had he mistaken Elanore for her? It would seem to her that he’d somehow been able to acquire different powers other than his own over the time he’d been searching for her, so why not theirs? She began to fear, like everything else, that Elanore’s diary would provide more questions than answers, but she couldn’t stop now. She flipped through the next few pages surprised to find that the entry for this date was several pages long. Clearly Elanore had much to say. She turned back to where she’d been and pressed on.
“I can’t say she wasn’t right not to tell me how I would die. Just the mere mention of my death was enough to make me want to stop Emiran from the path she was taking. Perhaps that’s selfish of me. I love Emiran, but who wants to die? I couldn’t believe our mother was so willing to die for the sake of her supposed destiny. How could she be so sure that what she had seen was the truth and not just something this man wanted her to see?”
Emiran smiled to herself as she continued reading; having had the same question herself, she was glad Elanore had thought to ask it.
“She told me that what she had seen had been so terrible that she too questioned that. What kind of child could possibly comprehend what she had seen? She had asked Traevin if he had manipulated the vision, suspicious herself. He had told her manipulating her power was something beyond even his abilities. He was simply the messenger. Still she hadn’t really truly believed what she saw until I was born. The alignment of her life up till that point was too great to ignore. And once I was born she was all too sure that it was nothing but the truth. She waited several years until after Emiran was born to come clean to our father. He either didn’t believe her, or couldn’t handle the truth and chose to leave.”
“She had known what the inevitable result would be. But she couldn’t risk coming clean before Emiran was born. She didn’t want to deprive me of our father, or Emiran for that matter. But she knew it had to be. So when he’d left she took me under her wing to try and make up for the future she couldn’t change. I asked her why she hadn’t told me any of this before now. Why wait until it was almost too late to confide in me? She said that even she wasn’t powerful enough to see every minute of the future and she refused to change things. She couldn’t account for what my actions might be if I learned the truth too early.”
Emiran set the diary back down and swallowed down the rest of the coffee so she could make some more. It was understandable in some way that she hadn’t confided in Elanore until then. But she couldn’t understand why it was so important that she never confided in her in all the time they had alone. She could only guess as to what their mother saw that meant she had to follow the exact path of her vision. But then it sparked an idea that she hadn’t thought of before. In examining this other woman’s life she could see only one true connection besides her mother and the way she looked. And that connection was COLO.
To Emiran it seemed unlikely that in a parallel reality or a previous lifetime or an alternate reality that the world would develop the same system of justice. After all, that kind of went against the rules of alternate realities as she understood it. The only other connection was Traevin. How was it that Traevin was able to move through different realities or lifetimes? Since she really wasn’t sure which of the two it was yet. Not that it truly mattered. Either way he had an ability that she didn’t understand. And why he couldn’t gain her ability, seemingly, disturbed her.
He clearly knew something about her future and COLO, something he was unwilling to reveal yet, even if he couldn’t see the future himself. Maybe her mother had told him what she saw. Maybe that’s what she’d walked into that day she’d walked in on their hushed conversation. Some pieces were starting to fall in place. But some were still missing and she needed to find them all.
“When I asked her how Emiran was supposed to save the world and all the ancient magical bloodlines she wouldn’t tell me. She would only say that I had to let her take the path she’d chosen, even if it meant putting her in danger of being killed. She believed that despite the danger Emiran would prevail without her, or my, interference. The only thing we could do to help guide her was to teach her the history of our family and hope that enough sunk in before our deaths to guide her once we were gone. She said that if we failed in our task, that Emiran would fail in hers.”
“ She also said that this was Emiran’s final chance to stop what was to come, for if she failed then every ancient bloodline would be wiped out, including ours, and there would no longer be any hope of saving the balance of the world. She asked me if saving my own life now was really more important than saving our entire family, and everyone else for that matter. I told her no, I guess it wasn’t. But I can’t deny to myself that I still have my doubts. I don’t want to die. And when she told me that I wouldn’t live much longer than she would, it terrified me even more. I feel like a coward, and I hate that there’s so much distance between me and Emiran as there is. I wish I could find a way to make her understand.”
“The only time I got to spend with Emiran on this visit was short and full of fighting. She hates me. I guess I can’t really blame her. She feels I placed an unfair burden on her shoulders. If only she understood that it’s not my burden she bears. She’s made a decision that I think is a very bad idea, even not knowing everything our mother does. I tried to convince her not to make the choice to work for the people who persecute our very family. But she told me rather unkindly that I didn’t get to choose her path for her because I left. I really don’t think she understands my point of view here. Having turned her back on our family’s traditions I really wonder whether or not she can achieve whatever destiny it is our mother saw.”
Emiran set the diary down again and let out a short cry of pain. It was a knife in the heart to her at this point to hear Elanore’s point of view on this day. She was right after all. She was angry with her for the burden she had placed on her shoulders. She had never hated her though, and it hurt to think that she died thinking she did. She had never truly processed her grief at losing her mother. So after she was gone she had transferred the grief and anger to Elanore and never could get past it. Not in time to listen. But if what their mother had said was true, she was never meant to listen. Still it was painful to know that Elanore truly believed that she hated her.
Emiran sipped thoughtfully on her new cup of coffee, deciding whether to continue reading at this point or to switch focus for awhile. She still had to look at the books. Presumably they were the books Traevin had given Elanore. She had to question why though Traevin would give them to her if they weren’t meant for her. How could he still have been confused that late in the game? Unless he was following her mother’s vision and doing whatever it was she told him he did.
It almost felt like one giant conspiracy to her and that really put her in an awkward state of mind. She had never been one to believe in conspiracy theories; at least she’d been very skeptical, until now that was. But to think she was at the center of one was a bit too much. She started to pace faster, trying to quell the anxiety that was building in her chest. She was dumbfounded and hurt. Even without reading the rest of Elanore’s diary she already felt responsible for her death.
Now she felt guilty over both their deaths. Even if she didn’t know what they did and wasn’t truly responsible, she couldn’t find a way to suppress the guilt she now felt over it. She hastily set the cup she held on the dresser, placing it too close to the edge in her rush. She could see it falling from the corner of her eye but didn’t try and catch it. It was more important to get out the door than to save the coffee cup. She ran from the room, inhaling the fresh air deeply as she locked the door and walked away. The fresh air made her feel slightly better. It had taken away the sudden claustrophobic feeling that had enveloped her.
She called to Traevin again, not entirely sure why since he seemed unwilling to give her answers. But something about him seemed almost irresistible and she was convinced that she could find a way to make him give her the answers she needed. She didn’t really expect him to show up, but it was worth a try at least. She walked off in the direction where he had disappeared and continued walking through the woods that sat behind the motel. She had always loved being in nature. Unfortunately living in the city center didn’t provide very much of it. The only time she really got true nature was when they had visited her grandmother.
Her pulse started to slow and the anxiety flooded out of her. She knew she had to let go of the guilt she felt. It was way too late to change the course of events and save either of them. If she continued to hold on to the guilt she would only fail in whatever she was supposed to do. After an hour of walking and no sign of him, feeling somewhat better she returned to her room. She wanted to finish reading Elanore’s entry for that day at least, then get on the road and find the next destination she was supposed to have gone to according to the card. Jareth had said it was important after all. She picked up the shattered pieces of cup carefully so she didn’t cut herself and placed them in the trash. In some way thankful that she couldn’t drink anymore of the terrible coffee even if she wanted to. Sitting on the edge of her bed she picked up the diary and took one more deep breath before she finished reading the last page and a half of the entry.
“After me and Emiran fought, before I left I asked our mother if she had any doubt whatsoever about her future. She was adamant that she didn’t. She had done everything in her power to make sure her vision came to its fulfillment. Now it was up to me. She told me to keep the picture we had taken today once she was gone. She pre warned me that I would never see her alive again. Walking back out that door was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. She and I hugged for a good half an hour solid and I couldn’t help but cry into her shoulder. She was the one dying and I should have been comforting her. But here she was comforting me, in the way only a mother could. She had made her peace with her death, and she knew I hadn’t. She knew she was placing a lot on my shoulders. But she was confident in my ability to handle it.”
“When I got home, I forced myself to remain calm so that I could sleep. Now that I knew the man’s name I was going to call for him in my dreams. What better place to make him show me whatever he’d shown my mother? After all I’d always had more psychic dreams than visions. And I just couldn’t let go of what my mother had said. I wanted to know just what was so important that both of us had to die for it. But I didn’t have to wait for sleep for him to show up today. He showed up at my door in person while I was still trying to fall asleep. He told me that he knew what I wanted, but that he couldn’t reveal to me what I wanted to know. The risk of me changing things by learning the truth now was too great. He said he would show me when it was too late to stop what had already been set in motion. Death is a necessary part of life and I had to accept that my death was the sacrifice I had to make to save the world.”
“I sit here writing this in the dead of night, when I should be sleeping. But now I fear what my dreams will bring me. I know that death is a necessary part of life, but I don’t want to die. Not yet, there’s so much that I want to accomplish, like having children of my own. Maybe being a mother myself would give me the courage that our mother has. I feel like a coward but I will not fail my mother no matter how scared I am. It was her dying wish to me after all. As bad as I want to tell Emiran I won’t reveal what I know. But I will still try to convince her to change her course in life before it’s too late. If that makes me wrong then so be it. I will do my best to change the future just enough so that I don’t have to sacrifice my life for something I never chose to be a part of. I want to live, especially if our mother won’t. Emiran would be all alone then and I don’t want that to happen. I want to be as close to her as we were before she developed her gift. Why is it so important that she go through this journey alone?”
“I drift off to sleep unwillingly as I write this… but I can only pray that my dreams will provide me with a way to stop this from being true. This is too much for me to handle and every shadow and bump terrifies me now. Please god, show me a way out of this…”
Emiran closed the book, unwilling to read anymore right now. Elanore had been unable to change things, and Traevin and her mother had been unwilling to. It felt like a sort of betrayal by Traevin. He could have stopped it, knowing what the message was but he didn’t. Now she just had to find the answers that her mother had been willing to die for. So without another thought she packed up the few belongings she had with her and put them in her car. She settled her bill, too consumed by her own whirling thoughts to be bothered by the managers. They were faint and distant, and to her hardly mattered right now.