Lil’s version of a bedtime story is to narrate what already happened by reading from the log in my head, starting with when I had awoken. The entire time that Lil narrates my logs aloud to me, I relive them as if in a dream. I even hear an otherworldly voice chime aloud the word logstart as Lil begins,

Logstart

“I awaken in a forest, perhaps more of a jungle. My head throbs, but I’m uncertain why or how I came to be where I am. Or who I am for that matter. Oh dear. Looking down, I appear to be a young individual quite in need of protection. As I wander about, my vision gets slightly fuzzy everytime I eye an object with interest, curiosity, or desire to acquire it. My brain tingles slightly in response to the fuzziness. Eventually, I’ve gathered several sharp twigs, thin vines, and large leathery leaves.

I sit down to poke holes into the leather leaves. They’re surprisingly resilient, and it takes me far longer than it probably should. When it’s done, I string them together as a rudimentary loincloth and shirt. How do I know the word rudimentary? How do I know any words? What are words and how do I even have thoughts that contain them? Thinking about thinking apparently gives me a headache. Between the time spent collecting material, making clothing, and thinking, the light in the sky has grown brighter then dimmer. Not a sun, mind, simply a sort of brightness that reduces like some sort of slider in a graphics setting. Wait, a what in a what? Ow, my head. My stomach rumbles with hunger. I have no idea how to get food where I am. I’m not sure why I’m thinking that way, since I also have no idea where I am.

I wander around the forest, hoping beyond hope that something will just call out to me as edible. I’d prefer if I don’t have to try gnawing on tree bark or roots or vines of questionable nutritional value. Seriously, why do I know these words, or have the ability to think of my needs?

Suddenly, a spherical creature leaps out at me, fury in its stark red, pupil-less eyes. The sphere opens the front of its face and clamps onto my arm, turning its smile into jagged edges. It rends into me, tearing six lines of jagged flesh above and below my left forearm. If I didn’t know better, I’d say a rectangular shape appeared in the air above the creature as it bit into me.”

Logstop

The voice seems to announce when Lil begins and ends reading my logs. Lil pauses for a moment so that I can catch my breath, the traumatic flashback subsides over time, though I’m due for several more before we finish the logs. Lil wraps their tail around my waist comfortingly. “You okay with me doing this Reggie?”

I respond as calmly as I’m able, “Sure Lil, it’s worth it so you can understand me. I might understand myself better too.”

Lil then continues to read,

Logstart

“Panic consumes me as its tearing motion frees me from its grasp. I flee with all the haste my little legs can muster. The sphere seems to move by hopping around. It can leap fairly far in a single bound. Thankfully it does seem to need to bunch itself up before springing forward, which appears to tire it out. Each pounce takes longer and longer as I race further and further away. Crying in pain, I seek any sort of hollow to hide in. Noticing a tree trunk that’s concave I scoop dirt out to create a ditch. Seriously though, how do I know words like concave?

I move several feet of soil away from the concave side of the tree, and quickly grab another massive leathery leaf. This leaf is bigger than my entire body, large enough to be used for a blanket or a bedroll. I use it to cover my little hideaway.

In my miniature warren, I break down. I rock back and forth, holding my knees to my face and sobbing. It’s not long until I realize I’m still bleeding, and hungry, and thirsty. I take off my top and tie it tightly around my left forearm, hoping that will do. Now, I sit in the darkness in silence, trying to still my breath. I grip my pointy stick tightly in both hands and just huddle in the dark. It feels like hours before I’m slowly drifting off into a fitful sleep. I’m plagued by nightmares of everything around me growing faces that open to reveal sharpened fangs, or worse, open into maws that are jagged and sharp on their own with no need of teeth, every round rock and tree.”

Logstop

The mention of the nightmares causes another bout of panic to strike me. My pulse pounds all the way up into my ears which then ring with tinnitus. My vision narrows, tunneling to the size of a pin prick. I hyperventilate, then make an ‘urp’ sound as I nearly throw up from the fear. After some time, my breathing slowly calms down. Lil gives me a curious look, still worried for me, but I nod, and they continue.

Lil tries to narrate in a slightly comedic voice, or perhaps font, likely intending to keep the mood light,

Logstart

“I awaken to my stomach once again grumbling in hunger. Carefully, I peek out from beneath my little leaf-door. I thank whatever source of luck kept me safe while I rested. In fact, I thank my luck again, because as I check my left forearm, the bleeding has stopped. The flesh is already starting to knit itself together nicely, though I think it will leave scars. How long was I out?

I tie my plant-leather tight around my forearm again to keep it protected whilst it finishes healing. Whilst? I’ve got the body of a, well, I don’t know, some level of a youth if I’m human. I could possibly be some kind of human-goblin-pixie hybrid. How do I know these words, why do I know, or at least believe, that a body this size shouldn’t know vocabulary like this?

I decide I’ve got to be even better protected, so I’ll have to make some bulkier leaf and bark clothing, armor of sorts. After taste-testing some sticky sap from some of the trees, the sap doesn’t seem edible.

I swear I see more things now, like static on a television screen? Why do I know what that word is? What is a television screen? I’m tiny, and appear at least somewhat young. How do I even know words, and how did I get the idea to make armor? It’s a good thing I decided to test this sap though, aside from the possible hallucinations. The sap actually becomes incredibly durable as an adhesive after a short while when exposed to the light from the sky. I create some slightly thicker leaf clothing, and coat it in a layer of sap.

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Then I take the heartiest strips of bark that I can peel from the trees, and layer those on top of that sap-coated clothing. It was honestly extremely difficult to pull the bark off! These trees are made of sterner stuff, let me tell you! Sterner than what? I don’t really know to be honest.

I wonder if all the people of whatever race I am narrate their internal monologue in a way that talks to themselves. I think humans probably wouldn’t admit doing so. Would we? Would I if I am one? I don’t know, you tell me. Hah, good one, me. Hm, nope, that felt unnerving and unnatural, let’s not do that again. Otherwise I might think I’ve gone crazy.”

Logstop

Lil pauses for a moment to chuckle at my internal narration, and my own question of my own sanity when I began talking to myself. “Sounds like a rough early start, huh buddy?” I nod, half a smile playing across my face as I chuckle along as well.

Lil picks back up the narration where they left off. Lil narrates,

Logstart

“Scouring the ground a bit for anything that might be edible or useful, I find a fallen branch that’s a currently too large to be a walking stick for me at my current size. It’s almost double my height. It’ll be the right size if I grow and age. Unless I’m already fully grown while being this short. For now it’s like some sort of greatclub. Is that a type of weapon? Why do I know weapon types? What others do I know? Guisarme, poleaxe, glaive, halberd, naginata, katana, sword, tanto, wakizashi, bow, crossbow, spiked-shield, warhammer, mace, flail, sickle, and more and more and more words flood into my mind as I think about weapons. The ones that pop into my mind most are apparently types of polearms and spears, perhaps I could fashion one someday with a bit more material.”

Logstop

Lil takes a moment to giggle at the randomness of my trains of thought before continuing. Lil reads,

Logstart

“Armed with what I’ve scavenged and crafted, I begin to try to just listen to the surrounding area. I mostly hope that I hear water nearby. Orienting myself in the direction I ran from, I’ll just call that North, I guess, I try to focus on listening. Moments turn into seconds, seconds into minutes as I try to focus my hearing. Closing my eyes, I see more of those static-laden shapes trying to fill my vision. I think that I must be delirious from hunger and thirst, but I hear a rushing sound.

Either the television screen visuals in my head are now causing auditory hallucinations, or there’s water off to my left somewhere! Also seriously, auditory hallucinations? How do I even have the remotely faintest concept of what that could be? Still, water! I think. I let my hopes soar, yet try to carefully jog in the direction of the sound. I’m hoping that I will be too quick to be caught by surprise again, but my legs are so short.

At a point where I’m nearing the water, I hear the rushing grow louder. I realize it’s a good thing I was jogging, as once again I am accosted by a spherical leaping creature. The attack comes this time from my right. Since that’s probably North, the direction I originally came from, it might be the same creature. It looks identical to the one from before.

Since I’m mid-stride as this beast leaps out at me, I have some inertia on my side. I brace my walking stick towards the creature with both hands. When it opens its smiling maw, it clamps down on my staff, instead of my right arm. My feet touch down and I spring towards the nearest tree with all my might. With the creature’s own weight adding to the force of my motion it gets slammed against the tree. I can virtually hear it split near where its jaw must be, as it sounds like a sickening crack. It struggles against the staff that’s now trapping it against the tree. I use my torso, and right hand, to hold the staff holding the creature in place. Reaching my left hand back to grab my pointy stick from my makeshift sheathe, I find that I don’t have the heart to stab something. Instead, I smack it left handed, repeatedly. It finally stops trying to spring at my face as it begins to slump into unconsciousness.”

Logstop

Lil waits for me to once again ride out a wave of panic. Lil looks extremely mortified to be causing me this many episodes, like they’re ready to beg forgiveness, but I just stroke their tail. When I’ve calmed down, I close my eyes contentedly.

Happy to continue now, Lil carries on,

Logstart

“One of those shapes begins to fuzz into my vision, a rectangle, like some sort of popup in a heads-up-display, whatever that is, with two choices. I can’t read the words, but I feel like the option on the left means something along the lines of mercy, or sparing. The option on the right seems to mean something like skin, or kill, or loot. I try to swing my hands around at the rectangle to no avail, it’s really just in my vision. Eventually I attempt to just think decisively about choosing mercy, and the box seems to accept this. The left side flashes briefly, before the box disappears altogether.

Feeling accomplished and merciful, I walk away from the creature, heading towards the rushing water. Once I spot the river, I can somehow tell that a few miles in the direction I originally came from, or rather northerly upstream, upriver rather, there’s a waterfall. I can vaguely spot a rise in the distance that looks like cliffs. The river seems to wend its way all the way to that cliff. I kneel down along the rocky bank to cup some water from the edge of the river, it’s clear and quick-flowing. I can see rocks and pebbles at the bottom of it when I’m not temporarily blinded by its spray. My left arm throbs slightly, using my injured arm to beat up a creature made it ache severely. Now it’s barely working at all, hanging somewhat limply at my side.

I drink my fill, then sit down while trying not to cry. Yeah I fail miserably, as I’m still outrageously hungry. My bout of sadness doesn’t last long, because the creature from earlier leaps onto my back and chomps into my right shoulder. Now I cry out for a different reason, more pain. My walking stick is on the ground to my right, and I can’t reach for it with the creature’s maw covering my entire right shoulder and bicep. I am, after all, quite tiny.

I do the only thing I can think of to get away. I rush for the river and leap into it, hoping the river will jostle the creature free of me. I also hope that my pointy stick stays in the little vine loops I made for it in my leaf sheath. We both bounce into several rocks as we’re carried dozens of feet away. Eventually the jostling separates us. I flail to the opposite shore, where I draw my pointy stick and face the river.

I grip my tiny weapon with both hands, though my right arm, now similarly to my left, is barely functioning, I raise the stick just in time as the sphere-creature lunges at me once again, only to impale itself. Unlike me, there’s no blood seeping from a wound, it just sits there at the end of my stick for several moments. While it sits, I swear I hear a tinkling, cracking noise.

Just as I’m about to move, the creature suddenly shatters into a million pieces, accompanied by a sound similar to glass shattering or chains shearing, or the two at once. It ends up looking, for all intents and purposes, like basic polygons are ripped away from its very being. The beast’s core being seems to be a red wire-frame, and a beating crystalline heart. After a moment even those break apart and dissipate until there’s nothing left but a small leather pouch on the ground. I hunch down to the ground and cradle my knees to my face and just cry, sobbing until my throat is hoarse.”

Logstop

During that entire episode, I rode a wave of panic, Lil somehow knew they’d have to push through til the end for me to overcome it. Once I regain my senses, Lil comforts me, pausing for a long while. We hug as best we can until Lil continues again.