“Ah – Ah – Ah—Oh! Haru! – Yes!! Yes!! Awww!! Yes!!! AHHH!!”
Heh, that’s right, I, the amazing protagonist, Haru Speargin, am making sure to fully enjoy my life as the summoned hero in this kingdom! While I may have died an unfortunate death at the young age of 22 from one of my ex’s stabbing me while I was on another date, I was thrilled to know that my future was going to be fucking amazing!
Somehow, I was summoned to this other world as I lay dying on the restaurant’s floor coughing up blood.
As I was transported in a blinding ball of light, all of my wounds had miraculously healed by the time I arrived on the castle floor. Three other bozos were also with me, but that didn’t matter. For I, Haru, had survived! And, as a reward for all of my hard work being the hero, I decided to enjoy myself by fucking all of the concubines the palace could afford for me! Oh, what an amazing time I was going to have in this world!
I’d seen many shows about the isekai genera while I was on Earth, and always thought them to be lame. Lots of the shows had weak characters and heroes, surrounded by a harem of women, and what did they do with all these women?
NOT
FUCK
ANY OF THEM!!
UGHHH!!! It was such a fucking stupid trope in all of these Isekai shows! The protagonist would be super powerful with beautiful babes swarming all over them, many with giant tits, bursting at the seams, begging to be violently fondled by the so-called hero of the series! Yet the “hero” would be all “Ahhh! I’m sooo sorry for accidently touching you harem chan 1! Please don’t be mad at me!”
---
Disgusting.
Seriously, you had all the power in the world, yet you didn’t have the balls to fuck ANY of the women in your party? Pathetic, absolutely worthless were these characters. And it wasn’t just me thinking this, lots of comments on the various anime streaming webpages were FILLED with guys crying about how worthless the main character was and how they never took advantage of their party members.
So, I decided that if I ever managed to isekai myself, I would do everything I could to take advantage of my situation. And finally, IT HAPPENED!
---
Oh...
... I finished.
Fuck, I was too busy thinking about all those stupid other heroes from stories, I completely forgot to enjoy the moment! I wasn’t even paying attention to the attendant’s screams! FUCK!!!
---
Pfft, well, there was going to be plenty of moments like this... No sense getting angry the first day. Thinking this, I pushed the attendant off of me. Completely exhausted, she landed on the soft, silken bed, shaking the entire frame. Yeah, if this was going to be each and everyday, I was really going to enjoy this world.
Finally, life was giving me everything I deserved! Nothing was going to be left on the table. If this was my second chance at life, I was going to enjoy every, fucking, moment of it!
---
Eventually I had to call it a night. After enjoying some more rounds with different attendants, I eventually woke up to my first actual day in the Kingdom of Solara or whatever the fuck it was called.
If I remembered correctly, we were suppose to go into a labyrinth or something to get stronger, and the palace guards were to protect us while we leveled up. Not an entirely uncommon event for an isekai plot. Honestly, I didn’t really care too much. My body already felt amazing! I had even attempted some practice with a spear in my room when I woke up, and found executing abilities surprisingly easy!
I mean, seriously. I had no combat or military experience in my previous life, yet I could effortlessly maneuver a spear like it was second nature! Stabs and combo attacks were done exactly as I imagined them! Geez, this was scary. It was almost as if I was in a video game or something.
Regardless, clearly this is what it meant to be a hero! It was natural for us to be overpowered and for everything to come easily! After all, we needed to do important stuff like kill demons or some shit like that.
Finally, after getting dressed in the armor provided by the kingdom, I left my chambers to see one of the attendants from last night. She was diligently standing outside my room waiting for me to bask the royal palace in my amazing presence!
“Oh! Haru! I hope you had a wonderful time last night! All of the other heroes are already at the banquet hall for breakfast! Please, follow me so you can join them as well! Then after breakfast, the royal guard wi—”
“Yes, yes, I know, we’ll go into the labyrinth to become stronger. Lead the way miss—“
“Margarette! My name’s Margarette!”
“Sure, just take me there.”
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Huh, so that was the name of the energetic one. Oh well, at least today was going to be easy. All the other npc heroes and I would go to the labyrinth, show off how amazing and powerful we all were, then we’d come back to the castle so I could fuck some more attendants. A pretty good daily schedule, I think.
Walking closely behind Margarette, she led me to a large set of fancy wooden doors. Pushing the doors open, I entered into a large banquet hall-like room. Over by the fancy ass table in the middle, were the other heroes, most of which already eating with their respective attendants. Looking over towards near the king, was that stupid bitch of a guardswoman standing by the princess. Tch, I’d have to find some way to punish her for embarrassing me in front of everyone last night! Seriously, the nerve of that women to assault a hero!
Several attendants motioned me towards an open chair which I promptly sat at. The plate was already filled with steaks, eggs, breads, and other weird cuts of meat I didn’t exactly recognize. Not wanting to waste the opportunity, I began digging into the lavish meal! Making myself comfortable, I put both of my legs up onto the table so I could lean back in my chair easier to eat.
Eventually, the king started to speak or whatever. Well, I guess I should at least attempt to listen to what he’s talking about.
“Greetings heroes. I would like to take this opportunity again to welcome you all to the Kingdom of Solara! Please, do make sure to enjoy everything the palace can offer you. As heroes of our nation, it is our duty to accommodate you to the best of our capabilities.”
Heh, oh, you guys will be accommodating me all right!
“Now, as I’m sure you’re aware from my speech last night, but today marks the first time you will venture into the labyrinth beneath the city capital to raise your levels and grow in power! Currently, our best guards and adventurers in Solara have only managed to reach the 12th floor. We have no idea how dangerous the dungeon gets, but know that reaching the end is vital to preserving the safety of the kingdom!
On your expedition, you will be led by the Commander of the Royal Guard, Raya. Some of our elite healers and military force will also be joining you to further guarantee your safety. While the labyrinth is normally open to the public, I have specially requested access be limited to only the heroes. Please use this time to grow in power and clear the dungeon!
Now, please turn your attention towards Raya, as she will explain the goals and expectations from each of you during the expedition.”
Seriously now miss stuck-up bitch gets to talk!
...
“Thank you, your majesty. Now, heroes—”
Pfft, laaaaaammmme, let the king talk some more, he was actually somewhat interesting to listen to... Oh? That advisor guy approached the king and whispered something to him, then they left the room together. Oh well, he’s probably needed to do king shit, or whatever it is he does around here.
Wait, is that bitch seriously glaring at ME while giving her boring ass speech!?? The nerve of this cunt. I’m definitely going to find a way to punish her...
“And that summarizes the battle plan for floor 1. Any questions?”
Hah, like anyone would have questions about the first floor of th—
“I have a question, Commander Raya!”
Oh... Seriously man? This is like, the tutorial stages of a video game! Whatever bow hero npc, ask away!
“Yes Kyle, what is your question?”
“Well, you see, if there are only goblins on the first floor, and they are considered the weakest monster, why do we need all of this assistance? Wouldn’t it be better for the escort to stand in the back and observe us? I have a feeling experience rates would be lowered if all of them surrounded us like you suggested. Also, they’re just goblins, they shouldn’t pose a threat to us heroes.”
Hah! The look on her face! Alright Kyle, I take back my comment about you asking a question. That look was absolutely priceless!
“Fair comments Kyle, however, I would like to observe your actual combat capabilities first in a safe environment. This is the first time summoning magic has been used in the Kingdom, so it is unclear if skills still need to be learned through practice, or are granted by the magic’s effects.”
“Thank you, Commander Raya.”
“Now, since we will only be looking at the first floor today, don’t put too much stress on yourselves. I can’t imagine any of you have ever received any formal military training in your world, so I’m not expecting miracles or anything. Take the time to get comfortable with your weapons and focus on reaching at least level 2.
This concludes my labyrinth introduction session. Heroes, please follow me towards the entranceway so we can get started.”
When the bitch finished her super boring speech, we all had to follow her towards the labyrinth entrance... While I was looking forward to finally getting to murder some stupid goblins, I was more annoyed that I hadn’t even finished my breakfast yet!!! Seriously??? You force us into this fancy ass dinning hall, then don’t even let us finish eating!??! Uggghh, whatever.
Angerly, I stood up and began following the others out of the dining hall. While we were walking, a guardsman ran up to Raya in a panic and whispered something in her ear. I couldn’t tell what they were talking about, but eventually the cunt spoke to us again in her annoying commanding voice.
“Champions, we will be making a short detour before beginning the expedition, please follow me to the palace’s reception hall.”
Seriously? A delay? I guess this kingdom was more unorganized than I thought! Whatever, as long as it doesn’t take too long, I’m already itching to stab some goblin’s brains out!
After following Raya through several long corridors filled with fancy carpets and drapes covering massive glass windows, we eventually found ourselves on the 2nd floor of the palace’s entranceway. At the other end of the balcony, was the king and his stupid advisor or something. They appeared to be talking to some guy carrying a strange sword and shield...
Wait a minute, is that guy wearing a dress shirt and pants from my world???? Is... Are— Were they also summoned?!?!? Just how many heroes did this stupid kingdom intend on having??? Clearly, I was more than enough to kill this demon lord or whatever, but five of us?? Now I’m really starting to get pissed off.
---
Heh, now that I think about it, this would be a perfect opportunity to show off in front of the others just how amazing I am! The king and that advisor dude don’t look too happy talking to the person down there, so I’ll just take the initiative and eliminate them! This poor bastard probably doesn’t even know how to use his weapons since his clothing is all torn and messed up!
Resolving myself, I readied my mythic quality spear and began envisioning my attack. I would jump, high into the air, then direct all my force into the unsuspecting “loser” with a cool looking “Diving Spiral Attack!”.
I gathered power in my legs, wind began to coalesce around me. The stupid bitch looked at me and started running over to intervene. Ha! But I wouldn’t let her make it in time!
Propelling myself into the air, I leapt high into the clearing above the staircase and began spinning while forcing energy towards my target below. The advisor, king, Raya, other npc heroes, and my target, all looked up in shock as I created a piercing, spiral of light! Then, I shouted with all my might in confidence:
“DIE YOU BASTARD!”
And hurled myself towards him using my diving spiral attack! This was going to be sick!